Chapter 114: A Dysfunctional Mess (1)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 114: A Dysfunctional Mess (1)
A reddish dusk glow swayed lazily over the Han River.
As the concept of terminal lucidity suggests—the brief flare of brightness before the end—the sun right before evening felt at its most dazzling. The citizens nearby and the Sword Emperor surely felt the same.
After all, had not an apocalypse just swept through? They thought to themselves. The arrival of night seemed to signal that the crisis was finally entering a lull. But right in the middle of it all, an unexpected turn of events occurred.
Choi Seol-ah suddenly leaped from a helicopter and confessed her love to Kang Geomma.
“Ha, haha.”
Balor Joaquin let out a dry laugh at the sheer absurdity of it. It seemed his disciple was quite the alpha male back in Balor's home world.
‘Even in his past life, his face was decent enough, but with a personality like that, he was a solo-since-birth virgin.’
Although the scene felt heavily staged, it drew all eyes to Kang Geomma—which was precisely Balor Joaquin's original plan.
Kali Yuga had sought to stand at the center of humanity, planning to entice humans with "Magic" and enslave all of mankind. Not long ago, while killing time in the Demon Realm, Balor Joaquin had occasionally heard news of the world from Lycan and his squad of squirrels. Thus, he had a general idea—such as how many people harbored resentment toward Kang Geomma's recent actions.
It wasn't particularly surprising news. Things had been similar back when Balor Joaquin was active himself. The ruling politicians had picked fights with him at every turn.
Whenever he tried to teach them a lesson, they'd spread rumors far and wide, shouting, “Oh my goodness, the Hero of the Origin is beating up innocent people!” Parasites like that were everywhere, regardless of the era—Earth included.
In any case, due to those reasons, Kang Geomma's approval rating had been on a downward trend lately.
If Balor Joaquin made an entrance now, literally transcending time and space—and on top of that, publicly declared Kang Geomma as his legitimate successor? It would be the perfect chance for an image rebound.
And yet.
“That purple-haired brat took my spot.”
He had wondered where she disappeared to, but it turned out she was disguised as a reporter. She was annoying with her cheeky attitude, but her antics were too cute to hate completely.
Well, thanks to her, the dramatic reunion between master and disciple had gone up in smoke.
“Doesn't matter, I suppose.”
Kali Yuga was dealt with, and that was what mattered. Balor Joaquin let out a sigh of relief.
‘Hmm.’
However, a sense of dissonance gnawed at him. From deep inside his chest—and from the noise surrounding them. He looked around.
Murmur, murmur.
Citizens covered their mouths with their hands and whispered. If they were going to gossip, they should just do it out loud.
‘Look at these busybodies.’
Just as he clicked his tongue and went to look away, the Sword Emperor caught Balor Joaquin's eye. The profile of his face was bathed in the sunset glow, and for some reason, he looked terribly pale.
“…What's wrong with you? Did you get hurt somewhere?”
“A-Ah, no. I am… fine.”
His expression said otherwise.
The Sword Emperor's complexion flushed red and turned pale by turns, looking ready to collapse from high blood pressure at any second.
“Spill it. What is it?”
The Sword Emperor bit his lower lip with his upper teeth. But given that the Hero of the Origin himself was asking, he had no choice but to confess the 'truth.'
“Well…”
The Sword Emperor began his story. Balor Joaquin, who had been listening with interest, gradually developed a hardened look in his eyes.
“Ha.”
A dry chuckle escaped his lips. The temperature of his laugh was night and day compared to before. It was chilling.
“Is that true?”
“In whose august presence would I dare utter a lie?”
In short, it was an explanation of his disciple's family structure.
For Balor Joaquin, who had only just returned from Earth, the news was utterly shocking.
“That brat of a disciple has two wives?”
“…Yes. Including my granddaughter, and the daughter of my former comrade-in-arms, the Archery Saint. And… the Heavenly Sword is my disciple, but…”
“No, what the hell happened to the world while I was gone? Two wives at the same time? What is he, King Uija with his harem? And that's my disciple?!”
“The Heavenly Sword is my disciple, but…”
“……”
“Even if he's a grandson-in-law like that… he's still my disciple. Sob.”
What was this guy rambling about?
Episode. A Dysfunctional Mess
“My Loooord…!”
Choi Seol-ah rushed toward me as I collapsed to the ground. Stretching out both arms, she tried to hug me. She must have lost her mind.
“Every step closer is one strike.”
With my Sashimi, of course.
“……!”
Choi Seol-ah, who had sharp hearing, froze on the spot like a tumbler toy. Just when I thought she was stepping back, no way—she started crab-walking, biding her time to figure out how to get close to me.
What came over her? I was already exhausted to death. If she was just teasing me for no good reason, I was personally going to put a hole through her head.
“What is it? Did you get into debt somewhere?”
“What?”
“Earlier, when you jumped out of the helicopter, you said you liked me. How much debt are you in to sell me out on live broadcasting like that?”
“…Huh?”
“It makes zero sense otherwise, which is why I'm asking. I'm the one who should have questions here, so why are you questioning me?”
“…Wow. My Lord, you really are clueless…”
A dark impulse to gouge out those eyes looking at me like I was a lunatic surged up to the roof of my mouth.
Meanwhile, the scenery was unnecessarily beautiful. The harmony of a half-devastated Seoul and the purple sunset glow felt like the word dusk captured in a landscape painting.
After spouting exclamations like “Wow” and “This isn't easy” for a while, Choi Seol-ah asked again.
“No, I mean—it's not what you think. It's, well, a much simpler meaning. Don't you really get it?”
“I guess hanging out at grad school gave you a bad habit of speaking in riddles.”
“Ugh…”
Choi Seol-ah pressed her fingers against her temples. Debris on the ground shifted slightly from her deep sigh. Just as she opened her lips to speak again—
“Huh?!”
An exclamation broke from her lips instead of words. Her eyes were fixed not on me, but past me. I don't sense anyone, though?
Prompted by Choi Seol-ah, I casually turned my head back.
“…B—”
I couldn't finish the word.
For a second, I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or awake. The surrounding scenery was surreal enough as it was, and my body and mind were utterly exhausted. It wouldn't have been strange if I had fainted and was dreaming right now.
“Yo.”
The figure of a man burned into my retina. Black-haired, he waved a hand at me.
“Long time no see. You look prosperous.”
“……”
How many years had it been?
Assuming that event right before the final battle against the False Gods wasn't a dream—ten years.
Sharing the same air in reality like this was roughly fifteen years. In my past life, wandering across the eight provinces, our paths had never crossed.
“B… o… ss.”
“Don't say it so dramatically. It's cringey.”
Him.
Boss Ho Ak-hyeon.
Balor Joaquin, the Hero of the Origin, sheepishly scratched his chin with his thumb. Then, neither more nor less, he opened his mouth to say briefly:
“Have you been doing well?”
The sun set. The dim evening glow shivered on the glass windows of the 63 Building. Though it resembled Earth's, the brilliant, glittering stars reminded me:
This was the world of Miracle Blessing M.
The legacy my foster father had left me.
I strained my vision so hard dimples formed at my cheekbones. If I relaxed the tension in my eyes even a little, a hot liquid felt ready to spill over.
“Yes.”
I swallowed back the lump of fire that had risen to the back of my front teeth and answered.
“Thanks to you.”
My father offered a smile.
“Is that so?”
For a while, we quietly gazed at each other. Before I knew it, the Sword Emperor had joined us as well. Seeing the dust on his clothes, he must have arrived after evacuating the civilians.
“Heavenly Sword.”
Just as the Sword Emperor was about to speak, a commotion sounded from the sky. Everyone raised their eyes.
“(Push harder, squeak!)”
“(Squeeze out every last drop of acorn power, squeak!)”
“(Damn it! That we, the Corps Commander's Undefeated Legion, must suffer such humiliation… How maddening, squeak!)”
It was Lycan's elite unit (?). They were streaking across the sky like beams of light, each carrying my companions.
“Geomma!”
It was Rachel who shouted.
“(This woman is heavy, squeak!)”
“(Breathe! Breathe, squeak!)”
“(We're not squirrel tow trucks, what kind of bullshit ordeal is this, squeak!)”
Naturally, a single squirrel lacked the strength, so several of them dragged a single person by their arms and legs.
Rachel, Leon, Medea, and Weapon were approaching in the same pathetic state. By the way, isn't Leon a Nephilim with wings? Why is he being carried?
Awoo-o-o-o-o!
Just as I was feeling dumbfounded, a low howl echoed. It was a beast's roar that fit the dusk perfectly.
Wolves.
Skoll and Hati moved their four legs briskly as if chasing after the squirrels. On their backs rode Ryozo and Abel, respectively.
The party flying at the lead landed first. The squirrel swarm scampered over without even taking a breath.
“(Save us, Lord Geomma.)”
“(Those wolves have been drooling at us for a while now! I'm not even worth a bite, squeak!)”
Using my heels as a shield, they hid behind me and tattled.
Taking advantage of the moment, Rachel threw up both arms and attempted to tackle-hug me. I felt like I'd get crushed like a tin can. Gathering core pressure, I twisted my body. Missed by my dodge, Rachel faceplanted onto the asphalt, her momentum carrying her headfirst into the pavement.
“Gwek!”
Too slow.
“You're so mean, Geomma-kun.”
Rachel squeezed out a tear and rubbed the bump on her forehead.
“Now is not the time for this.”
“Love knows no timing! Back in our twenties, huh? We were like, boom!”
Hm?
Grumbling, Rachel tilted her head. She had noticed the black-haired middle-aged man. Black hair was significant. No matter where you searched the world, Geomma-kun was supposed to be the only one with black hair.
Rachel's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. She possessed the ability to see people's secrets as fog—an intuition bordering on supernatural. That power whispered into its master Rachel's ear: That middle-aged man is Geomma-kun's...
“This maiden…”
Rachel knelt down demurely. Modestly folding her hands together, she gave the middle-aged man a deep, respectful bow.
“I am Rachel de Myura, daughter of the Spear Saint Family. The Spear Saint Richard de Myura is my uncle, and…”
“R-Rachel. What are you doing? Get up.”
Kang Geomma grabbed Rachel's shoulders. He felt a bad premonition. And no wonder: Demure, modest. She was behaving in ways completely out of character—or rather, ways she shouldn't be behaving.
‘Iron Body.’
But Rachel flexed her trapezius muscles and brushed his hands off. Kang Geomma absentmindedly fidgeted with his hands, dazed.
“I offer my greetings to the Heavenly Sword's father.”
Ryozo and Abel dismounted as well. Unaware of what was happening, they paused in a moment of awkward silence. Taking in the scene, Balor Joaquin was dumbfounded.
“Right. And what is your relationship with him?”
“I am his girlfriend.”
“……?”
Since when?
Kang Geomma tried to step in, but Balor Joaquin beat him to the punch.
“That guy is already married and has two wives.”
“It is said that heroes are naturally fond of beauty. A grand hero harboring ambitious aspirations shakes not a single reed, but the entire field of reeds. Therefore, isn't it only natural for me to sway like one of the reeds among them?”
Rachel replied in an exquisitely composed tone.
“Though I am the successor to the Spear Saint Family, as a woman, I have come to admire the Heavenly Sword, Kang Geomma.”
Smooth as silk.
“……”
Kang Geomma's eyes darted stiffly. He had become the target receiving the piercing glares of his two wives.
‘Save me.’
Driving me insane.
I barely managed to deal with the apocalypse, only to face the apocalypse of my household.
Rachel remained motionless in her bowing posture. With a throbbing vein pop on his temple, Balor Joaquin turned to Kang Geomma.
“Disciple.”
Boss smiled.
I offered a spotless, pure smile back.
“Yes.”
“I believe I mentioned something to you when you descended the mountain.”
“This foolish disciple seems to have forgotten in the meantime.”
“The three things a man must be careful of.”
Boss held up three fingers.
“Watching you earlier, you sure speak well.”
“Could my three-inch tongue ever compare to yours, Boss?”
“Yeah. From way back, you had a talent for driving customers up the wall. You lacked eloquence only because of your evasive personality. Anyway, your tongue-wagging skills have upgraded.”
“I am flattered.”
The tip of the tongue.
He folded his ring finger.
“And you use a blade damn well, too. Even I was impressed.”
“W-Well, I am still lacking. I can't even hold a candle to Boss…”
“Shut up and listen.”
“Yes.”
The tip of the hand.
He folded his index finger.
The order of folding his fingers was strange.
“…But the first two are nothing compared to the last one.”
Because only the middle finger was left sticking up.
Boss waggled that middle finger right at me.
“You brat, what the hell have you been doing?”
“Um.”
“Two wives?”
Boss snapped his gaze toward Ryozo and Abel. They flinched for a second, then immediately competed to cling to my arms. It had been a while since I saw them fighting over the spots at my side.
“Hello, Father-in-law.”
Ryozo usually held her tongue unless she was certain. So this was a surprisingly bold move for her. Without definitive proof that he was my father, she showed Balor Joaquin utter politeness.
“I am Geomma's first wife, and…”
Abel cut right in, shoving Ryozo back with her cheek.
“Hello. I am the daughter of the Nibelung Family and the granddaughter of the Sword Emperor… Gack!”
“Oh, Abel dear. Self-introductions are first-come, first-served, you know?”
“My, my. Was there such a rule? How strange, this is my first time hearing of it.”
“…It seems Kali Yuga hasn't been subjugated yet. A beloved family member is still trapped in an illusion, I see?”
A full-blown catfight erupted right on the Han River Bridge. While Balor Joaquin and I watched the scene in utter stunned silence, Medea stealthily slipped up next to us.
“Hello.”
Balor Joaquin glanced sideways at her.
“Right. And what's your relationship with him? If you're a girlfriend, go stand next to that blonde over there. She beat you to it.”
“Yes. Understood.”
Medea trotted over to Rachel. And so, it became a private moment between just Boss and me.
“Disciple.”
“Yes, Boss.”
Zen riddles were exchanged beneath the starlit night sky.
“Did you have a sad dream?”
“No.”
“Then why do you weep so bitterly?”
Another star glittered at the corner of the disciple's eye.
“Because I was overwhelmed with joy at the thought of being able to talk with Master more… that's all.”
“I feel the same.”
Master folded his middle finger.
Ta-da, it turned into a rock.
“Let's have a talk, shall we?”
Boss's favorite means of conversation was always the fist of love.