Chapter 55: Nightmare (2)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 55: Nightmare (2)
I repeated to myself.
This is a dream.
I used to have dreams like this often in the past.
Though today, it feels like it's digging up a page of my past that I kept particularly well hidden...
Enough had happened to warrant it. My body was worn out, so my mind must have pushed past its limit too.
Slap!
My head snapped back from a hand as big as a pot lid. I tasted iron in my mouth. The inside of my cheek had torn open.
"Geomma? Is this bastard crazy? What, were you dreaming or something?"
I shifted my drooping gaze toward the window. Rain was falling in dreary sheets.
Rumble.
Lightning didn't strike yet; only its harbinger made its presence known beyond the dark clouds.
Master always told me. Everyone carries the seeds of good and evil in their heart. Love is the fertilizer for good, while abuse is the fertilizer for evil.
Slap!
It was fine.
Even if I feel the pain.
Even if this drunken mess of a house feels vividly real...
This is a dream.
The me of the past endured childhood by hypnotizing myself like this.
"...I have."
I have family who loves me.
Slap!
I will not give in.
Episode: Nightmare
"Wh-Wh-Why, you...! You son of a bitch! How dare you hit your father?!"
I ran out of the house.
"Honey, don't stop me! Fine, today either you die or I die!"
His voice stung as it jabbed into my spine. Turning my back on those disgusting bastards, I sliced through the rain and wind.
"Dammit."
As I spat out the curse, rainwater invaded my mouth. The tears of the sky weren't salty. Only a stinging, metallic stench lingered.
'This dream is particularly nasty.'
Fearing I’d be beaten to death, I had kneed my father right in his vital spot—his crotch. Unfortunately, since it was a dream, I didn't have a sashimi knife in hand, nor did I have the strength to stab. Judging by the size of my palms and soles, I was probably around the age of just entering middle school. Considering there were fewer scars on my forearms, that sounded about right.
"Haa, haa..."
I ducked into a suitable alleyway. A green awning allowed me to shelter from the rain for a moment.
Water spewed from a drainpipe, pouring beneath an iron-grated sewer.
Staring blankly at it, a dry chuckle escaped my lips before I knew it.
"...What a fucking mess."
A picture-perfect portrait of misery. The sad truth was that my past really was this stained. A textbook portrait of a family living in the shadows.
'That's who I was.'
I tilted my head back against the wall. The chill of the bricks felt like it was cooling my brain down a bit.
"How long do I have to keep having dreams like this?"
White breath bloomed as I muttered.
Combining my present life and my past life, this was something from more than forty years ago.
Yet at the slightest provocation, it reared its head to disrupt the absolute peace of my mind and body. It was laughable when I thought about it. Becoming the God of Sword, only to have dreams—and nightmares at that.
...By the way, it feels like it's been years since I last had a dream at all. Something Saintess Yoo Se-in had offhandedly mentioned suddenly crossed my mind.
'Those under the influence of the Counterforce rarely dream.'
So this was clearly an abnormal phenomenon. And the reason was not hard to figure out.
It was likely the ripple effect of slicing through Ragnarok, the Apostle of the Counterforce, two days ago. I guess I really look like a possessed person now.
"Ugh..."
Stumbling, I pushed myself up.
Whenever I had this nightmare, there was a place I used to go. Not Boss's raw fish restaurant. From what I heard back then, the time when Boss extorted... err, inherited the shop from the previous owner was around early the year after next.
"Even if I go now, a complete stranger will just scold me and kick me out."
I started walking.
Limp, limp.
How long had I been moving? A copper plaque greeted me. Five characters written in an awe-inspiring, formal calligraphic font:
G a r a m M i d d l e S c h o o l
The school I used to attend. To be precise, I dropped out in my second year.
Ah, don't misunderstand.
It was definitely not because of 'that incurable illness.' Absolutely not.
I stepped forward for the first time in a long while.
Squelch, squelch.
I crossed the playground, which had turned into complete mud from the rain, and headed for the main building. It seemed to be a holiday, as no people were in sight.
"Isn't this way too stark a contrast with Joaquin Academy?"
The saying that home and school are miniature versions of society was already accepted as fact. And it was true.
A child abandoned at home is abandoned at school too. Teachers would say, "Bring your parents," at the slightest thing, but for me, the fundamental premise was wrong from the start. I couldn't even bring myself to address my parents with respect.
On top of that, my family situation had secretly become gossip fodder for the staff. Father was a gangster, Mother worked night shifts. It would've been weirder if people didn't talk.
That was why. Even when I was falsely accused of trouble I hadn't caused, the teachers scolded me. Because there was no voice to advocate for me. Naturally, kids who treated me like dirt sprang up like weeds.
At first, I endured it.
But I couldn't hold back more than three times.
I decided to show everyone what they expected of me. In other words, I gave back as good as I got. Don't misunderstand this either.
This was before I learned how to handle a blade. Frail as I was back then, I clawed my way out of situations purely through raw ferocity.
'Y-You! How could you do this to our child?!'
'I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Hey, Kim■■—! What are you doing! Hurry up and apologize!'
'Ha, so you're that kid? The one whose father is a gangster and mother sells her body? Teacher Huh. Is Garam Middle School an orphanage? Why are you taking in a kid like this, huh?! No matter how bad the school district is, a school should have a basic level of dignity...'
There was a good reason I was able to suppress my temper and live quietly at Joaquin Academy. It was because I had built up thick calluses.
Either way, I slammed my fist into that parent's face and stormed out of the school. Before an expulsion notice could hit me, I beat them to it and dropped out. Garam Middle School processed my withdrawal as if they had been waiting for it.
That was how it was. I was a student the school was itching to kick out.
And yet, in this dream, I had walked back into that very school on my own two feet.
Looking back, it was all because I was young, hahaha. Getting lukewarm thoughts like this... No, wait.
If I see them again, I intend to shove a sashimi knife in their faces.
"...That place changed me a lot..."
The biggest reason the concept of a 'school' in my mind turned into a place of mental refuge was, of course, Joaquin Academy. My home, my sanctuary, the place where my family was. Because Garam Middle School was the facility most similar in nature to Joaquin, I came here whenever I had nightmares.
Screeech.
I opened the worn-out door and stepped inside. The interior was an unremarkable, ordinary school landscape like any other.
Nameplates were neatly arranged, and right in front of the main entrance were the stairs and landing leading to the upper floors...
"...You."
"..."
Why are you standing there?
"So this is your hell."
Chae Lina said, looking around.
"...Did you do this?"
"No."
Chae Lina replied in a firm tone.
"Just as you are Fenrir, my attribute is Hela. The moment we perceive the Counterforce, that single fact alone binds us in a bond."
"..."
"Is it really that strange for me to appear when you're trapped in hell?"
She descended step by step with graceful, restrained movements. Her ebony hair swayed with a glossy sheen.
"It's a strange situation because you are a strange person."
"Wow, hurtful."
"...At least try to sound sincere."
"Is that your kink?"
Frowning, I took a step back. Chae Lina had moved right up in front of my nose. She was slightly taller than me as a first-year middle school student.
"If you know how to get in, you must know how to get out. Get me out of here. I'm sick and tired of this."
"I don't know either."
"I absolutely detest liars. I hate lies so much that I'd give you a nice, painful knife-stabbing when I wake up."
"Threatening me won't work. Because I really don't know."
"..."
"..."
Silence.
Looking into her deep, profound eyes, I could tell Chae Lina wasn't a compulsive liar.
"...Then is this one of those things? Like, overcoming my trauma to break free..."
"Well. Maybe, maybe not."
"I deeply regret that I don't have a sashimi knife in my hand."
"A blade alone cannot stitch everything back together."
Chae Lina turned her back. Putting her hands behind her, she took the lead and glanced back slightly.
"Let's walk a bit."
"..."
Not like I had any decent choices.
Clack, clack.
After going up the stairs, we walked through the empty hallway. The classrooms stretched out up to Class 11. It was different from Joaquin, which was divided into only four classes: Tiger, Wolf, Dragon, and Star (Heaven had long since died out).
"Do you see what changed?"
Chae Lina asked.
"...Not particularly..."
...Come to think of it, the window in every classroom was positioned right at our height. Usually, windows were closer to the ceiling; they weren't placed this low.
Noticing that I caught on, Chae Lina resumed walking. I shuffled along behind her, keeping my eyes on the windows.
[1-1]
My eyes widened.
"...!"
Inside the classroom where desks should have been lined up, red smoke was rising. It wasn't moving, frozen in place like a three-dimensional exhibit of ancient life in a museum.
"It's Joaquin Academy."
Chae Lina dropped the words nonchalantly and kept walking.
[1-2]
The disaster unfolded like a series of paintings. It was a scene of Ryozo and Abel, their faces smudged with soot, evacuating people.
[1-3]
Abel lying with her head resting on Ryozo's lap. Her eyes were closed, her lips turning pale as life drained from her. Stroking Abel's eyelids closed, Ryozo bit down hard on her bottom lip to suppress her welling tears.
Grab.
As I tried to reach out, Chae Lina grabbed my arm.
"Fenrir, are you human?"
"..."
"You are a god. No one can predict the ripple effect a single gesture of yours might bring."
Grit.
I clenched my teeth tightly.
[1-4]
Only Ryozo was visible. She was standing against something alongside her classmates and the Old Seven Stars. The red filter draped over the background grew even deeper.
[1-5]
The scenery beyond showed through Speed Weapon's back. Until the moment he died, he used his last breath to grant buffs to those around him. Even if it meant his life ended...
[1-6]
Rachel de Myura fell in battle. Her body, barely propped up by her Sky-Piercing Halberd, eventually slid down.
[1-7]
Leon von Reinhardt, fallen in battle. Metatron held his shredded-winged body and roared.
[1-8]
All Seven Star Heroes, fallen in battle.
[1-9]
Hero Agency and Association, annihilated.
[1-10]
An unprecedented crisis where even the Demons joined forces. Yet far from turning the tide, Gehenna's combat forces were completely wiped out. Including the Dragon Clan.
"Gasp"
I couldn't breathe. As it went on, the red filter overlaying the world grew thicker... I knew it too. It was just my own eyes growing bloodshot.
At some point, Chae Lina was walking side by side with me. She didn't make a pitying expression. I didn't want one either. Given my temper, if she showed such cheap sympathy, I would have grabbed her by the collar.
Halt.
Leaning against the wall as I walked, I couldn't help but hesitate. I slightly raised my eyes.
[1-11]
It was the end of the line.
The damage wasn't severe just because it was the last one. It was the accumulation of all the damage up to this point. I was on the verge of exploding.
I spoke through bleeding lips.
"...These are clues."
"Yes."
"Clues I need to know in order to overcome this."
Chae Lina inclined her head slightly.
"...Even if you can't overcome it, you must face it..."
"Yeah... In the end, it all turned out like this because of my choices. I shouldn't look away..."
Fumbling along the wall, I pressed forward. Opening my tightly shut eyes, I stared into the window.
There stood Ryozo and Choi Seol-ah. Both were weeping. Except one of them was shedding tears of blood.
"Ryo... zo..."
Did my voice reach her?
Beyond the window, Ryozo barely half-opened her eyes. Then, looking at me, she mouthed the words.
"Save... me."
With that single phrase, Ryozo's eyelids closed. My upper body lurched forward.
Chae Lina's hand stopped me once more, just as I was about to burst through.
"Originally, I intended to submit to the Counterforce. That the apocalypse was unavoidable, and that this world would ultimately reach its period."
"..."
"But the snake playing Saintess said it. That Fenrir—no, Kang Geomma, you are the singularity of every worldline in this world. And through this incident, I've decided to acknowledge you. Because of you, this world can reach a happy ending for everyone without breaking probability—not the hell beyond this point."
Chae Lina whispered.
"All you have to do is accept the evil within you."
Ding, dong, ding.
At the same time the school bell rang—
Crackle.
Inside my mindscape, a black sprout squeezed out through the mound of dirt. And then, it unfurled itself.