46. Touch Little Eli and You're Fucked
46. Touch Little Eli and You're Fucked
Blink, blink.
I rubbed my bleary eyes and looked around.
A ceiling trimmed with gold. Fancy wallpaper. Soft lighting.
A cozy blanket wrapped around my whole body, and a plush bed supporting it.
"Nngh..."
I rolled my stiff body over onto my side.
And then.
"...Crazy animal bastard. Son of a bitch—no, son of a lion."
The moment yesterday came back to me, I poured out a whole bowl of curses at Leona.
Leona. That Beastkin was definitely insane.
But even if she was my teacher, did that mean she got to jab my Acupoint and knock me out?
And a vice dean doing that to a student?
Grind, grind—I clenched my teeth.
Of course, her control was so absurdly precise that the spot where she'd struck my acupoint had completely recovered.
My legs moved fine too.
The body that had been aching from getting beaten wasn't sore anymore either.
And Mana.
I didn't know if it was because of the Elixir or because whatever enlightenment I'd gained yesterday had affected my Tier, but controlling my Mana had become much easier.
My Mana Veins felt wider and a bit more elastic.
My Mana had also become easier to circulate.
At this rate, it was obvious it wouldn't even take three months to reach the next Tier.
"Heh, heh heh..."
Son of a bitch. Animal bastard. Lion bastard. Bastard worse than a beast. Stinking Beastkin. I'd spat out every insult and racially discriminatory remark I could think of, but after feeling the state of my body, all my anger at Leona had completely dissolved.
I'd been worried because I hadn't had an opponent worth gaining enlightenment from, but this worked out perfectly.
If one moment of humiliation gets me results like this—
No, no. I still don't want to be humiliated.
I had been Ronan Luzarak, and now I was Eliarnes Eustetia. Even if this body was soft, deep down I was still one rough man.
If something like that happened again, I'd crawl back somehow.
I would never suffer that kind of humiliation again.
"Hoo..."
Still, to have my mood lift all at once like this.
Was I always this simple of a person?
Well, I mean, uh—I wasn't a petty person.
I couldn't exactly call myself magnanimous either. Lately, though... maybe it was because of this body, or because I'd grown up in a peaceful household, but my personality had gotten a lot softer.
Anyway.
So, did Eurasia carry me here?
I rubbed my stiff but somehow refreshed body against the blanket.
Soft and smooth.
Not sticky. Gentle.
...?
Why is my body so soft and dry?
I lay back down properly and ran my hands all over.
Armpits, neck, back, stomach, groin.
Even the places that usually sweat a lot were soft and smooth.
"...What the?"
My clothes had been changed into something else too.
Pajamas with a big pink rabbit drawn on them.
The pajamas I'd insisted through gritted teeth I wouldn't bring, but that Sara had shoved in anyway.
Underwear? The top was off, and the bottom was properly on.
"Eurasia?"
Did Eurasia wash me and change my clothes?
"...N-no way."
There's no way Eurasia would have done that.
Then how do I explain my current state?
My hazy mind cleared in an instant.
The desire to lie down a little longer vanished too.
I sat up immediately and looked around.
The room I'd left messy from washing up in a hurry yesterday was now spotless.
And I spotted a note by my pillow.
[Good morning, my lady! How is your body feeling? You're not hurt anywhere, right? The vice dean said you'd be all better by morning, but I'm still worried... Oh, right! I changed your clothes! I did it with my eyes closed somehow, so don't worry! And for the bath, I felt a bit awkward doing it myself, so I used a Cleanse Scroll! I put a sandwich and milk in the fridge for breakfast, so make sure to chew thoroughly!]
"Heh."
A laugh escaped me as I looked at the small note packed with tiny, neat handwriting.
Right. There's no way Eurasia would have bathed me.
Even if it was supposedly fine, letting someone see me was one thing, but having them directly, well... do that was a bit much, I thought.
"Heh heh."
After reading Eurasia's note several times, I carefully placed it on the desk and opened the fridge.
Just as Eurasia said, there was a pork cutlet sandwich and milk.
And there was a note stuck there too.
[It'll be cold, so heat it up before you eat! You can't eat something cold right after pushing yourself so hard yesterday! Definitely! Heat it up!]
"That's so precious."
I grinned; the smile wouldn't leave my lips.
Should I give her a present later?
Hmm, rather than a present, it would be better to check on her training progress. She hadn't had proper training for a while.
She had definitely hit a wall somewhere.
I'd gained a lot thanks to Leona, so maybe I'd look after Eurasia for a while.
"Heh heh."
I peeled the note off the sandwich, placed it neatly on the desk, and immediately tore open the plastic.
Precious or not, I had no intention of listening.
"Nom."
Om nom nom.
*****
After finishing the sandwich, soaking my body in warm water, and changing out of the ridiculous rabbit one-piece pajamas into comfortable training clothes.
After stuffing my sandbags full too.
I went outside.
Except, I was alone again today.
I knocked on Eurasia's door, but there was no answer—either she was asleep or not in—so I had no choice but to head out alone.
I could tap my Device and try calling her, but I wasn't used to it and didn't really need to find her, so I left it alone.
Maybe she went to the training hall first.
Probably.
Eurasia wasn't the type to oversleep.
"Hoo."
Stretch, stretch—I did some exercises in the refreshing breeze, then gathered my hair and tied it up.
It was 9, so I'd work up a sweat with bodyweight training until 11, grab a quick meal, then head to the training hall.
Eurasia would probably be there.
Then I'd spar all day, check on Eurasia's swordsmanship, and review what I'd realized yesterday, and it'd be about evening before I knew it.
It was always the same pattern, but it was an excellent plan.
I zipped up all the way so nothing would slip down, and started jogging.
The route started at the dormitory building, passed Signia Hall, then Hurnt Hall, the fountain, the lake, and the library, in that order.
It wasn't a route I'd made up.
It just looked like a path meant for jogging, so I followed it.
One lap like this took about thirty minutes.
If I used Mana while running, I'd be much faster, but pulling tricks like that with my pathetic body would be pointless.
A short body with little muscle strength.
Even my stamina was weak.
The only things I had going for me were elasticity and flexibility.
And Mana Sensitivity, more or less.
So bodyweight training without using Mana, like this, was arguably the most important part of my day.
In combat, I never knew when or how my Mana might run dry, so building basic stamina was essential.
Especially for a body like mine, even more so.
Hmm, then starting tomorrow, it might be good to drag Stella out and run together.
Wizards these days just hole up in their rooms and sit at their desks. Absolutely rotten.
Back in my day, Wizards had excellent basic stamina too.
If your Mana runs out and you can't use magic, you should at least be able to run away, shouldn't you?
If a magic slinger can't sling magic, they're no different from a piss-pants.
Yeah. Starting tomorrow, I'm definitely dragging Stella out to exercise.
While I'm at it, I'll drag Pina out and make her do it too.
"Heh."
At the thought of working—no, making those two frail things run, the corners of my mouth were already twitching.
Even Eurasia had dry-heaved several times every morning in the early days.
Those two would have it harder than Eurasia did.
I should stock up on Potions.
Heh heh—I let out a laugh I couldn't hold in and stopped at my usual resting spot.
It was the place where I'd met Pina yesterday.
As always, I threw myself onto the bench and retied my hair, which had come loose.
"Hoo..."
It was almost 11.
I'd done all four laps.
I had about ten minutes left, so I was going to cool down and try circulating my Mana, which felt different from before.
If only a girl hadn't been approaching me from afar.
Sharp eyes. Platinum-colored irises, almost white.
Firmly pressed lips. Flowing platinum hair.
"Eliarnes."
A tone that was different from Stella's—genuinely rude.
Silina de Hermann approached.
"Why are you here?"
"Why the sudden bullshit? Am I not allowed to be here?"
"Bullshit...?"
Silina's eyes twitched.
Then she thought hard for a moment.
"You're a Eustetia, so I suppose that's possible."
She said, and plopped down next to me.
Uncomfortable, I scooted about two butt-widths away.
"So, you must be free?"
"No, I'm busy."
"You look free."
"I'm going to eat, then go to the training hall to spar."
At the word "spar," Silina's eyebrows went up.
"Spar? With whom?"
"Eurasia."
"Eurasia—your knight?"
"Yeah. You remember?"
"Of course I remember. We were in the illusion together."
I hadn't expected her to remember.
She had the kind of face that would say, "Why would I bother remembering the name of some swordsman like that?"
"Anyway, you're going to the training hall to spar, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then spar with me too."
"With you?"
"Why? Don't want to? Scared?"
"Why would I be scared of you?"
"If you're not scared, why ask back like that?"
"Well, I mean."
Because you're so fucking weak you'd be no help at all.
I almost answered with the truth without thinking.
"I need to look after Eurasia's sword for a while."
"Sword?"
Pfft—Silina snorted.
"Eliarnes. You're a Martial Artist. So what's this about looking after someone's sword?"
"I'm good with a sword too."
"Are you going to say you learned it from a book again?"
"Yeah. I learned from books, and from the knight order too."
Silina's eyes narrowed.
"You said last time you were good with an axe, then swung your knees and fists."
"You're still hung up on that. You're a really persistent friend, huh?"
"Why would I be your friend?"
"It's just a figure of speech. You can't let a single word go, can you, you little brat."
"What did you just say...? Brat?"
"Yeah. What, are you a farmhand?"
"Ha."
Silina, who had been glaring at me like she genuinely couldn't believe it, sighed and leaned back against the bench.
"Watch your mouth."
"Yes, Your Highness."
"I'm not joking."
Then she turned her head slightly and looked at me.
"I let it slide, but if it had been Ferando or Fabiana, they wouldn't have."
A dark, sunken gaze.
It was always sunken, but now that gaze held hatred and disgust.
Ferando de Hermann.
Fabiana de Hermann.
They were third-year students at Karelai Academy—the Second Prince and First Princess.
"Siblings don't get along, I take it."
"That's none of your concern."
"True."
I shrugged and got up.
"Let's go eat."
A wrinkle formed between Silina's brows.
"Me? With you? Why?"
"You said you wanted to spar."
"Forget it. Message me later when you're ready."
"I didn't bring my Device."
"...You didn't bring it?"
"Yeah. And I don't know your number."
"Haa..."
Silina, who had been lost in thought again, let out a small sigh and stood up.
"I'll go with you, but I'm not eating."
"Then watch me eat."
"Eliarnes. That mouth of yours is going to get you killed young."
"I hear that a lot."
Silina's fist clenched, but I pretended not to see and headed toward the dining hall.
*****
Under the stares of every student gathered in the dining hall and Silina's sharp glare, I finished my meal.
I ate noodles as planned yesterday, but the taste was oddly different.
The noodles from the faculty-only dining hall that Leona bought were a bit tastier and chewier.
Do professors get served better food?
Or was I just hungry and imagined it?
Anyway, after finishing my meal, Silina and I headed straight for the training hall.
But today, oddly, there were no students around.
More precisely, no first-years.
Normally at lunchtime, they'd all swarm in to eat, wouldn't they?
But there wasn't a single one in the dining hall.
They were all second-years or third-years.
Sleeping in because it's the weekend?
The whole first-year class is rotten.
Tsk tsk.
"Eliarnes."
As I clicked my tongue and headed for the training hall, Silina spoke in a sharp voice.
"When you spar with me, do it barehanded."
"Why?"
"Because I'm curious about your skill."
"Weren't you trying to learn a thing or two from me?"
"How do you say such obnoxious things so naturally? Did you learn that from a book too?"
"Geniuses are naturally obnoxious."
"Ha."
Silina's scoff.
That was the last of it, and we arrived at the training hall without another word.
Then I opened the door.
Clunk.
"Huh?"
Clunk—clunk—
The door wasn't locked, but it wouldn't open.
It felt like someone was blocking it.
"Hmm..."
Is something going on inside?
Something worth blocking the door to keep people out...
A brawl?
So they're blocking the door to keep other students or professors out?
Hiss... Now I'm a little curious.
"What are you doing?"
"Wait."
I lightly shook out my wrist and wrapped it in Mana.
And then.
Crrrrrack—!
I forced the door open.
What I saw in front of me was a huge male student.
He looked about two meters tall, with a body massive enough to cover the entire doorway.
His face was full of bewilderment.
He probably never expected the door he was holding shut with his own strength to open.
"Wh-what the."
The male student, who had been staring at his own grip and at me for a while, widened his eyes.
"Eustetia...? And, Your Highness?"
Ignoring him, I immediately tried to enter the training hall.
But.
"...Y-you can't go in right now."
The male student blocked me.
"Come back in three hours."
"Why?"
"Why, why? Ahem. I'm a second-year."
"Ah, yes. Why can't I?"
"...You don't need to know."
"Hmm..."
Scratching my cheek, I took in the scene of the training hall visible behind the male student.
About a dozen students standing awkwardly.
First-years.
And six second-years standing in front of them.
Punishment drills?
I looked back at Silina.
"Hey, looks like punishment drills."
"Seems like it."
"Looks like they didn't call just us. Isn't that weird?"
"So, right now... you want to go over there together?"
"Yeah."
"Are you insane?"
"If we're first-years, shouldn't we obviously do it too? Don't tell me you think you should skip out because you're an imperial princess."
Silina's eyebrows twitched violently.
"...You really don't seem right in the head. No matter how much this is an academy, how dare you say that to me—"
"Ugh, whatever, let's just go. If you don't come in now, I'll never spar with you."
"What? What kind of childish nonsense is that?"
"That's how it's gonna be, so do what you want."
Grinning, I moved. At the same time, the second-year's bulk tried to block me, but I swung my Mana-wrapped arm and swept it aside.
"Wh-what the?!"
How's a guy this frail supposed to be useful?
Tsk tsk, I clicked my tongue and walked on.
"Wow, it's really been a while since punishment drills."
Having entered the training hall like that, I looked at the first-years sweating buckets and lying face-down, and smiled happily.
Sure enough, in a group full of people who prided themselves on being geniuses, establishing discipline like this was important.
Especially with nobles, commoners, and even foreign royalty all mixed together at the academy, it was better to knock the arrogance out of them before they started getting uppity.
In my Past Life, I'd been in charge of punishment drills for the bastards who came to volunteer for the front lines.
-Ronan, what are you doing right now?
-Etiquette training.
-Can you really call such barbaric acts education?
-If I don't do this, these bastards will die early.
-Hmm, that would be quite sad. In that case, I'll help you.
-You said you wouldn't because it's annoying.
-Still, I can't leave such hard work to you alone. We're comrades, after all.
-Bullshit. You just think beating these guys up looks fun.
-Good heavens. This Ronan bastard shits out of his mouth. I'm a Saintess. There's no way a Saintess would enjoy such cruel acts.
-That Yurphia bastard has shitty eyes.
-Stop saying things that'll get you smote and move aside.
-I'm enough on my own. Just fuck off.
-No. Let's do it together. We can repent together afterward.
-Don't go crippling another kid like last time, okay? That guy still drools and says he's happy as long as you feed him. Holy Power isn't all-powerful, you know?
-That person was mentally ill from the start. He shoved a sword at you out of nowhere.
-You do that to me too.
-Ronan. Are you mentally ill too, by any chance?
-You take that one. I'll take this one.
"Ahaha..."
To think that culture had survived to this day.
Still, they didn't make people slam their heads onto bottle caps anymore. Back then, they always made you slam your head onto a bottle cap.
Heh heh—laughing, I arrived at the center of the training hall.
When I got there, the scene of the punishment drills came into full view.
The moment I saw it, I couldn't laugh anymore.
Stella, pinned down and forced to her knees by a huge pig of a woman uglier than an orc.
And next to her.
"Oh my. Is that Eliarnes?"
The branch-family bitch I'd met in the library.
She was trampling on Eurasia's back as Eurasia lay face-down in push-up position.