12. Karelai Academy
12. Karelai Academy
"Ugh, ughh..."
"What's wrong?"
"I don't think I can hold it anymore..."
"Bathroom?"
"Yes...! Wh-what do I do?"
"What do you mean, what do you do? Just go. Just tell me what you want to eat before you leave."
"Oh. Th-then, is it okay if I do?"
"Yeah. Go ahead."
After finishing our enrollment applications and stopping by the dorm to unpack, we headed straight for the restaurant where Eurasia had been singing.
And now, standing in front of that restaurant, Eurasia was crossing her legs and trembling.
"But um... you can order, right... my lady?"
"Am I an idiot—no. I'm not an idiot, so why couldn't I order?"
"W-well... of course, right? And Sara's with you too. Then, I'm sorry, but as soon as we get inside, I'll just quickly run to the bathroom!"
"Yeah."
Despite looking like she was in a massive hurry, Eurasia didn't pass ahead of me.
Even while crossing her legs and panting, she stayed behind me.
She could just go. I don't get why she's worrying about that even in this situation.
Tsk. I clicked my tongue and moved my short legs a little more briskly.
And so, in front of the restaurant we'd arrived at, I pushed the door.
I pushed the door.
No, I pulled the door.
What the hell? It's not push or pull... it slides sideways?
Why is this so inconvenient without even a handle?
I pressed my palm against the transparent glass door and pushed sideways.
Sideways...
...It won't open?
"Are they closed today?"
I turned away from the door that wouldn't open and looked at Eurasia.
Eurasia, who'd been behind me, stared at me with a blank expression for a moment, then quickly smiled as if troubled.
"Th-that, um... uh... how do I explain... this?"
"No, if they're closed, what's there to explain—"
"Eek! Sorry, my lady!"
Cutting me off mid-sentence, Eurasia hurried past me and reached for the door.
Opened it? No—the door opened automatically.
"I-I really can't hold it anymore, I'll be right back! The menu is carbonara, fettuccine noodles! Egg yolk on the side, and pepper freshly ground, please! Thank you! Sorry!!"
"Fe... fe, what? No, first the door—"
As I followed Eurasia inside, I turned back to close the door, and at that moment.
"Huh? It closes by itself?"
The door closed on its own.
Wondering what was going on, I looked at Sara.
"What is this? It definitely wouldn't open. Do you have to put Magic Power into a footplate or something to open it? And why does it close by itself?"
Why did they make opening a single door such a hassle?
"...That's not it."
"Then what is it?"
Sara, who normally wore the same blank expression, whispered with an unusually flustered look.
"Lady Eli. This is called an automatic door. When a person stands in front of it, a device up there recognizes the person and the door opens automatically..."
Where Sara pointed, a rectangular pitch-black machine was attached above the door.
Wow, they made something like that?
But.
"Why didn't it open when I was standing there?"
"...Lady Eli, your height is, a little... sm—no, adorable, so..."
"What? What do you mean my height is adorable... Oh."
Fuck.
It didn't recognize me because I'm short?
That machine's got some goddamn nerve.
"No, then. People around my height can't even get in here?"
"That's... well, Lady Eli, this is just a general observation, so please hear me out and then, if you would, refrain from getting angry."
What is she trying to say now with that kind of preamble?
"Say it."
"Usually, people around Lady Eli's height... well, they move around accompanied by a guardian... yes. So it's not a problem."
Ah.
"Ha, haha... I see. Right. Of course."
Grind, grind—my teeth ground together.
Tremble, tremble—my hands shook and heat rushed to my face.
And I made a vow.
That I would somehow tear apart and kill the motherfucker who reincarnated me into this body.
"Fine. First, let's order... let's just order."
I let out a heated breath and looked ahead.
There.
Some weird machine was standing there.
...What the hell is this now?
As I got closer, I could see the writing on the machine.
[Touch the screen to select your menu!]
It even talked in a bright, cheerful voice.
...Touch? Does that mean press?
I stretched my arm up and pressed the screen—hard.
And then, whoosh! The screen changed.
[Dine-In] [Takeout]
Then the cheerful voice came again.
[Will you be dining in? Or taking out?]
That's when I realized.
This machine was for ordering food.
Now machines take orders instead of people.
Back in my day, you just looked at the owner.
'Your best-selling menu, with extra meat.'
You spat out that one line and everything came out, starting with drinks and all kinds of food.
Then if you threw a fit saying it tasted bad, freebies came pouring out too. Huh?
What is this? No warmth, no heart.
Wow... the world's gotten harsh, I thought, and was about to answer the machine's voice.
"Dine-in—"
I stopped talking.
Just now I pressed the screen, so shouldn't I press it this time too?
It asked, so I was about to answer naturally, but realizing something was off, I immediately shut my mouth and pressed the spot that said [Dine-In]—hard.
That was the right answer.
Whoosh! The screen changed.
And.
"...Why are there so many?"
More than a dozen dishes appeared in a long list.
Do I just press the same way?
"Car... carbonara. Ah, there it is."
I found the carbonara Eurasia wanted to eat.
It was in the featured menu section at the very top.
To press it, I stretched my arm, my arm...
I went up on tiptoes and pressed it—hard.
[Please select your noodles!]
Then this time, pictures of curly noodles spread out with countless options.
What did Eurasia say earlier?
Fe, fe... Fersian?
"Fettuccine, my lady."
Ah, right, fettuccine.
"Spaghettoni, spaghettini, fedelini, capellini... bu, bucatini... what the hell."
There's no fettuccine?
"...It's in the flat noodle category."
Flat noodle?
I looked around the screen diligently and found another button that said flat noodle.
Hah, seriously. Why'd they make this so complicated?
I'm gonna starve to death trying to order.
Grumbling curses internally, I pressed flat noodle—hard, and then pressed the fettu-whatever inside it—hard.
Then, another screen spread out and it's a whole damn circus.
Egg yolk and pepper.
And a voice telling me to choose the sauce amount.
The voice being so cheerful makes it even more infuriating.
"Fucking obnoxious."
"...My lady, I can do it for you."
"No, wait. I'll do it."
My pride kicked in.
I feel like I'm losing to a goddamn machine.
Press—press—I pressed one by one just as Eurasia had said, and it went into a little box called the cart.
Did it work?
"It's been added properly, just as Eurasia said. Very cleanly done."
"Oh..."
I succeeded.
I'm a little proud.
Then, next.
"Sara, what are you going to eat?"
"I... I'll just have the same thing as Eurasia."
"Got it."
Just like before, I pressed carbonara—hard, and pressed fettuccine—
"Ah, shit. I pressed the wrong thing?"
I was supposed to press fettuccine, but I pressed the thing next to it called tagliatelle.
How do I cancel?
"...Cancel, cancel. Ugh, shit. Where's cancel?"
"It's fine. I prefer tagliatelle."
"...Really?"
"Yes. It's actually better."
"Then, sure."
It left a slightly bitter aftertaste, but I nodded and pressed the screen—hard, hard—just like I'd done before.
Then, plop—it went into the cart just like before.
Now it was my turn to order my own food.
"What did Eurasia tell me to eat earlier? She said something was really good."
"Ah! Lasagna!"
Eurasia, who'd returned from the bathroom at some point, answered.
"Oh? There was no one in line, but your order took quite a while?"
"Ah, yeah. Using this thing is complicated."
"Hmm? The kiosk is complicated?"
"What? Ki, kio... what?"
"Hmm...?"
Eurasia made a questioning nasal sound and tilted her head a few times.
"Then, I'll do it for you!"
"No, I'll—"
And she pressed the screen—tap-tap-tap-tap—skillfully.
Then she finished the order at a speed completely unlike mine.
...Why is she so good at this?
Are kids these days all used to this kind of thing?
She didn't even press hard like I did; she tapped it lightly, as if stroking an animal's fur.
No, then what are people like me supposed to do?
I can't even get in by myself, and I can't even order?
As I stared blankly at Eurasia with those thoughts, she casually rummaged through her bosom.
"Done. I'll pay, so just go grab a seat."
"Oh, really? Hehe, thank you for the meal!"
Watching Eurasia saunter off, I also rummaged through my bosom.
And pulled out crinkled pa... paper bills?
I pulled them out.
Pulled them out... ugh, this is stressful.
Where the hell do I put this?
"My lady. I believe you'll need to pay by card at this restaurant."
"Ah, it's card here too? You can only use that?"
I stuffed the bills I'd taken out back into my bosom and pulled out a rectangular leather wallet.
Wallet. Wallet.
Calling it a wallet is ridiculous.
A proper wallet should have the sturdiness and size to hold a ton of gold coins, but this one fits exactly one card and that's it.
And apparently people don't even use heavy gold coins much these days.
They use paper bills that fly away in the wind and tear—rip—when they get wet.
What are you supposed to do if you carry this stuff around and lose it?
Good grief.
I wiggled my fingers and pulled out the pitch-black card wedged in the middle of the wallet.
This card thing is also ridiculous.
They say this tiny piece of metal has a ton of money in it.
It doesn't use a Mana Stone, and it doesn't seem to be an Artifact, so it's genuinely amazing.
On top of that, just carrying this card supposedly verifies my identity.
I'm still too young to be issued an ID, but with this card alone, I can confirm my identity anywhere.
Keeping up with the changed world is too hard. Seriously.
Maybe I should've gone outside the house a bit more.
"Sigh..."
I let out a sigh and held the card up to the screen.
After 1 second. 2 seconds. 3 seconds, Sara spoke.
"...My lady."
"Yeah?"
"Not there, here. You insert it here. The direction, not that way, yes. Flip it over. Oh, that's right. You can insert it slowly like that."
"...Thanks."
"Not at all. And there's no need to be too disappointed. Among first-time users, you were the fastest and most accurate, my lady."
"Is that so."
"Yes. So there's absolutely no need to be embarrassed. You may hold your head high anytime, anywhere. After all, you are the Spring of the Empire, the cherry blossom of Eustetia, Lady Eliarnes Eustetia, daughter of the ducal house."
"...Right."
She's not making fun of me right now, is she?
She's genuinely complimenting me, right?
I nodded vaguely and pulled out the card I'd inserted, following the cheerful voice's instructions.
After that, just as I was about to lead Sara to the seat Eurasia had secured.
Stretching out in a long line behind me...
I made eye contact with countless people waiting there, their faces saying they were pissed as hell but couldn't complain because the bastard holding them up was a noble.
"Sara."
"Yes, my lady."
"...Buy the people who were waiting, you know, a drink or something each. And this time... please."
"Indeed, admirable."
Sara politely accepted the card I handed over and approached the people lined up.
After that, the faces of the people who looked back and forth between the black card Sara held and me relaxed, and the atmosphere turned warm and friendly.
One day, I'm definitely smashing that goddamn machine.
*****
The pasta and lasagna were every bit as good as Eurasia had said.
Except.
It would've been even better if not for the head chef who came over mid-meal, showered us with flattery and fuss, and then wept loudly at a single word of praise.
My mood cooled before I could even fully enjoy it.
If I'm going to wander around outside, I should wear a hood or something.
If I changed my hair color, Father would cry rivers of tears.
Anyway.
After finishing our meal, we ate the desserts the head chef had given us and got up from our seats.
Sara had coffee, Eurasia a brownie.
I had banana milk and a peppermint candy.
And then, the long-awaited automatic door.
In front of the glass door still bearing my tiny palm print, before the insolent machine that still didn't recognize me, I jumped—boing, boing.
It didn't open.
Again, boing—boing—I jumped higher, but it still didn't open.
"Huh... my lady?"
Eurasia, watching me with puzzled eyes, had a faint, satisfied smile on her lips.
Fine.
Let's smash it.
Just smash it.
And pay for the damages.
Double. No, triple.
I can't take it anymore.
I raised my trembling fist.
Sara, who witnessed my fist now wreathed in pink Mana, hurried over and whispered in my ear.
"...When exiting, you just press the button here on the side."
"Then it's not a fucking automatic door, is it!"
No. But. Why didn't she tell me?
It would've been nice if she'd just told me from the start.
Because I didn't ask?
No, no.
If it were Sara, Sara who's been with me for a long time, she would've noticed and told me.
...No way.
"Sara. Don't tell me you didn't tell me on purpose?"
"I did not."
A reflexive answer.
But I saw it clearly.
Sara being startled by my question.
"Haa... No, how could you... to me... Fine. I'm disappointed."
I let out the harsh words rising from my gut as a sigh.
Still, there's no need to curse on such a nice day.
I'll hold it in today.
"Ah! Peppermint smell! My lady, you smell like my grandma!"
"What the fuck?"