117. Mother
117. Mother
"...Mom."
"Why do you call for me?"
"...Are you done being mad?"
"What do you mean? Mom has never once been mad."
Liar...
Of course, I didn't say it out loud.
"Come to think of it, it's been a long time since we've been like this. Hasn't it?"
"Yes..."
Mother's gentle hand swept over my head.
"When you were little, you couldn't sit still like this. Before I knew it, you'd shot up, sleeping alone, bathing alone. I wonder if you take after me?"
...That's right.
Right now, I am... sitting on Mother's lap.
And not even in the drawing room.
We're in my room.
...The process was nothing special.
Mother took out the pure-white mask, stood up at once, and lifted me like a handbag.
Then she said the drawing room wasn't the place for this conversation, and strolled right into my room.
And so, carried in Mother's arms on the way to the dormitory... I ran into a great many students.
The door? I don't know how she opened it.
Mother just turned the doorknob, and the door opened.
Smoothly, as if there had never been a lock.
Once we were inside, I saw that the lock was dripping bright-red blood.
Locking the door was similar.
She closed the door and turned the doorknob, and it locked.
The door looked a little crumpled, though.
After seeing... that sight, I kept my mouth firmly shut.
After that, was it two hours? Three hours?
Anyway, I got scolded enormously.
Actually, it wasn't a scolding tone.
She spoke softly, gently, exactly as usual.
But that was scarier.
If she had gotten angry... it might have been better.
...Then again, looking at the door, maybe not.
"Were you very surprised?"
"If I said I wasn't... that would be a lie."
"Just as you were surprised, Eli, Mom was also terribly surprised."
"Ugh... I'm sorry."
"No. I'm sorry too, for hiding it."
Mother, who had been stroking my head, hugged me tightly.
"Honestly, I agonized over whether to reveal it or not. But... I thought it would be best to tell you, Eli, so I did. It was too sudden, wasn't it?"
"...Yeah, a bit much? When you took out the mask, Mom, my heart nearly stopped."
I wasn't exaggerating; I now knew exactly what it felt like to have your heart drop into your stomach.
Those leather gloves. The brooch symbolizing Nameless.
The pure-white mask. Mother's smile.
When I saw all of it, I truly... felt dizzy.
All the things I had done, said, the expressions... the cursing... in front of Shadowless... everything... flashed by like a life review...
Ugh.
"I could see how demure our Eli was around Mom and Dad, so it was rather fun for me. Actually, I considered teasing you a little more... but I held back a bit, afraid you might get angry at Mom?"
"...Please don't play scary pranks like that."
When I trembled—shiver—Mother giggled—heh heh.
"Actually, Mom was also terribly jealous. You call me Mother, but you call Turius Dad. Back then, really, if there hadn't been other friends around you, Eli, I might have taken off the mask."
"...S-sorry..."
"Mm. No. Rather, I'm the one who's more sorry. Because I was testing you, Eli. Even after doing something like that, just the fact that you don't hate Mom is enough for me."
"Ugh..."
There it is again.
Again, that strange sensation—my heart going soft, my whole body feeling ticklish, my lips pursing on their own.
Whenever I'm held in Mother's arms... and listening to her gentle voice, I always feel this way.
Mumbling—I wiggled my lips, then shook my head hard once and changed the subject.
"...So, Mom, how in the world... can you hide your identity that completely? Your build, your aura..."
"Pulse, bone structure, muscle shape, Mana flow, scent, gaze. All of it—Mom and Shadowless are completely different, right?"
"...Yes. Right now, you're... just an ordinary... Mom. But Shadowless, at a glance, looks like a warrior... a Martial Artist."
"If you're curious, I could tell you right away, but Mom's wish is to tell you when you're a little older, Eli."
"Mm... Okay. I understand. Tell me later, when you want to, Mom."
"Thank you."
Mother's ticklish breath touched the crown of my head.
Silence settled over the room. It was a fairly long silence, but... it wasn't uncomfortable. Rather, it was comfortable.
"Eli, you were... much stronger than Mom expected."
Then, Mother's hand slowly swept down my left arm.
"Right? I may look soft like this, but I'm still—"
"You mustn't use something that puts that much strain on your body."
Goosebumps rose all over my body.
"...Huh? Eep?!"
Mother's hands slipped under my armpits. At the same time—whoosh—she lifted me and spun me around to sit me down.
In an instant, I was face-to-face with Mother.
"Did you think Mom wouldn't know?"
"Uh, uhh..."
"Your left hand."
Mother's slender hand snatched my left wrist. I had no chance to dodge. The movement was extraordinary. The Seizing-and-Locking Art? She used that just to grab her daughter's wrist?
"It must be a finger. Five of them. Among them... the thumb."
Then, tap-tap—Mother unfolded my fingers one by one, and among them, she squeezed—tight—the thumb and looked at me. The smell of blood spread thickly.
"This is too dangerous."
Her voice was heavy. The gentle smiling eyes were gone too, and only cold, icy red eyes stared at me.
"...H-how did you... know?"
Until now, I had never once been caught.
Not by Demons, not by the World Tree, not by spirits.
Not even by the elves and dwarves who are gone now.
No being had recognized what was bound to my finger.
No, there had been two.
The emperor from 400 years ago, Malframis Hermann.
And.
The Demon King.
Aside from those two bastards, no being had recognized it.
But how in the world...?
Did she see that my finger had been broken inside the Labyrinth? No, even if she saw that...
In the first place, at that time, I had even written that I seemed to have gotten healthier...
-I can also see that Miss Eliarnes's soul is weaker than usual, you know?
Adelia had recognized that I had weakened.
She had seen the shape of my soul and been certain of it.
Then, did Mother also... guess from the shape of my soul?
"Mom, did you also... see the shape of my soul—"
"That's not what matters, is it?"
Mother gently laced her fingers with my left hand and pressed her forehead against mine.
"Promise Mom."
"...Uh..."
"The other four... if necessary, I think it can't be helped. But not this thumb. Absolutely not."
"Th-that's..."
"Please, Eli."
Mother's voice trembled.
The voice that had always been gentle and steady trembled enough that even I could feel it.
"This is... too, too dangerous. It's not something our daughter can handle. Honestly, if I had my way, I'd rip the finger out right now. But I know that because the preparations are already complete, forcibly pulling it out would make it more dangerous. So, promise me."
Moisture welled in Mother's red eyes.
"My beloved daughter. No matter what happens, Eli must not die before Mom."
"...Yes."
Mother, who had been holding my hand, looking into my eyes, sharing my pulse, feeling my breath, smiled brightly a moment later.
"Thank you."
That smile was a smile that seemed to know I had lied.
And.
It was also a smile of thanks for answering that I understood anyway.
"...Mom, you're... strange."
"Oh my? Strange?"
"How... do you know me so well?"
Mother—Mom—folded away her flustered expression and smiled brightly, as if happy.
"Because I'm Mom. Because I'm Eli's mom. A mother can always tell what her child is thinking."
"...Dad couldn't, though."
"You came from Mom's belly, didn't you, Eli? You spent nearly a year with Mom, so I can tell. And... heh. Eli's dad is also oblivious."
"Heh... Yeah. Dad is oblivious."
"Just look at how he gives you birthday presents."
"Still, the... the doll Dad made for me by hand... I like it. I always keep it by my bedside when I sleep."
I pointed at the Eli doll that I always kept by my bedside. Seeing it, Mom giggled—heh heh.
"The arms and legs are all torn."
"...Yes. I repaired it myself."
The sight of a doll that looked like me having its limbs torn off... wasn't exactly pleasant.
"Then Mom will have to secretly give a hint. That this year's birthday present should be a more delicately made doll."
I... didn't answer, and just smiled bitterly.
Mom, in contrast to me, wore a sweet smile.
After a moment, Mom stopped smiling and stroked the back of my neck as she asked,
"Is there anything else you're hiding now?"
What? If I'm hiding something else, is she going to rip my neck off?
I set that thought aside.
Ever since I was little, I had liked it when Mom stroked the back of my neck. The reason? I don't know. I just liked it. I don't know whether the one who liked it was Ronan or Eliarnes.
"If anything is hard, you can always talk to Mom or Dad about it."
I closed my eyes for a moment and enjoyed Mom's touch.
A pulse similar to mine, a scent, were comforting.
And as I did, I thought.
Should I say it? Should I say that in my Past Life I was Ronan Luzarak? If I said it... how would she react?
I opened my closed eyes.
Mom had returned to her usual expression.
I don't know. I still can't read Mom's true feelings.
Dad, Uncle, Silina, Fabiana, the Emperor, Eurasia, Silina, Pina.
I was used to reading the true feelings of everyone I knew. I had lived so that it became a habit, so that doing so became a callus ground into me.
But I can't read Mom's true feelings.
As Mom said, I lived in her belly for nearly a year, so why does only Mom know, and not me?
In a way, I'm... older than Mom. Older than Julie Eustetia. So why?
Who knows.
"...Mom."
"Mm."
"So, um..."
Avoiding Mom's gaze, I slowly wiggled my lips. I rolled my tongue and tried to make a sound.
The words that had flowed so smoothly when I told Pina wouldn't come out now, as if blocked.
"...Actually, I—"
At that moment, Mom's slender index finger stopped my lips.
"Mmph?"
"My daughter."
"Mmph...?"
"Eliarnes Eustetia. My lovely daughter."
What those words meant right now.
I couldn't understand.
"Eli is Eli."
But Mom smiled brightly.
"And Mom is also Eli's mom."
Mom, smiling with the sunset behind her, looked happier than anyone in the world at this moment.
"So, it's okay."
"...What in the world is oka—"
"Our Eli has never changed. Mom knows that. You've been the same from the beginning until now. So, it's okay. Don't worry. Mom and Dad will never deny you, Eli. Never."
The index finger that had been stopping my lips lightly pressed my nose.
"Even if the whole world becomes Eli's enemy, Mom and Dad will always be on Eli's side, so don't be afraid."
Since when? Since I first recovered my memories?
As time passed? The sparring? The Labyrinth?
Does she know who I am, who I was in the past? Is it a guess? I don't know. I can't know.
My vision blurred.
My nose clogged, and my throat tightened.
"Anywhere, anytime, I love you more today than yesterday. My daughter."
Because of the sunset, because she pressed my nose, because I'm young, because I'm tired, damn periods, hormones, emotions, illusions, cherry blossoms.
I don't know anything. My head went stupid.
My heart itches like crazy.
Emotion ran two steps ahead of reason.
"...Me too."
For the first time.
I thought that feeling wasn't so bad.
*****
When my emotions settled and I saw that Mom's collar was soaked through... I seriously contemplated suicide.
Calling her Mom and Dad really is dangerous in many ways. Truly.
"All done crying?"
"I didn't... hic, I didn't cry..."
Mom giggled—heh heh—and was still stroking the back of my neck.
"I missed the timing to say it, so I couldn't, but Mom also has something to tell you, Eli."
"Sniff... What is it?"
"I'm sorry to you, Eli, but it seems I'll have to go far away for a while."
At the absurd words that suddenly popped out, I raised my head.
I smelled blood. A blood smell thicker than ever before. It rose up intensely.
"Where to?"
"Ge Vihenum."
"The Demon World? Is it Nameless business?"
"Mm, if I had to say, this is Mom's personal business. But, Mom is Shadowless, right? So, yes. You can consider it Nameless business. Nameless is Mom's, after all."
"Well... that's true. What are you going for?"
A fiendish light rose in her red eyes.
"I'm going to go punish the bad person who touched our daughter."