115. Traces
115. Traces
"Why the hell would I cry?"
I narrowed my brow and snapped at Stella.
As I did, I wiped my face.
"And when did you even take the key out? That's theft, you know. No matter how broke you are... what the hell."
Moisture came off on my hand.
What the hell is this?
There's no way I'd... no fucking way I'd cry over what those bastards are doing.
...Is it because of my period?
Probably... that's it.
No matter how I look at it, there's no other explanation.
"...I yawned. Because I'm sleepy."
Stella, her mouth corners dragged all the way down, stepped closer with a stern look and stared down at me.
Standing this close... pressed right up against each other, the height difference is pretty noticeable.
"Don't lie."
"It's true. And even if I were lying, what are you gonna do about it?"
"You're still sick too. You're hurting."
"You think I'd cry just because I'm hurting?"
"Well... that's true. But still! There's something wrong with you!"
"Don't yell, it's ringing in my skull."
"Hup... s-sorry. Ahem! Anyway. It's obvious you're still not well. So... yeah. The reason I'm sleeping with you tonight is to take care of you. I don't have any other intentions."
Having said that, Stella plopped the pillow she was holding in one hand onto the bed.
...Is this girl out of her mind?
"What the hell are you suddenly on about? Why would you sleep in my room? No. Get lost."
"I don't like it either. I'm not leaving. Eurasia isn't here, so I have to take care of you. First, eat this."
"Take care of me, my ass."
"Speak nicely, will you! Hup... sorry..."
Screech— Stella, who had yelled again and then flinched and covered her mouth, blinked a few times before grabbing my shoulders.
"Eek... sit down and eat before it gets cold."
I don't understand what this situation is or why this girl is suddenly acting like this, but... for now, I followed Stella's touch and sat in the chair.
Smelling the food, I was hungry.
"What's this? Did you make it?"
What Stella had brought was the same menu I'd fed her yesterday.
Seaweed soup.
"No? How would I make something like this?"
"Then you bought it?"
"Yeah."
"Where would you get the money to buy something like this? And why is it in lunchboxes?"
"Huh? That's... um..."
Stella's lips twitched, and she hung her head low.
"...I-If you bring your own lunchbox, they give you a discount."
At that, a laugh escaped me before I knew it.
"A discount? How much of a discount?"
"...F-Five hundred sel."
Stella, who had muttered it barely audibly, fumbled around and pulled something from her pocket and handed it to me.
"What's this now?"
"...Utensils."
"Why are you carrying these around in your pocket?"
"O-One costs two hundred sel. Disposable spoons. So... I carry my own utensils."
"...And you keep them in your pocket?"
"Th-This is! I just... didn't have a free hand to carry them. I normally keep them in a bag, okay?"
Whether in her academy uniform or casual clothes, Stella always wore a small bag at her waist. I'd wondered what that was about—apparently it was a bag for carrying utensils.
"So the bag you carry around every day has nothing but your personal utensils in it? I thought you were carrying a dagger for self-defense or something."
"U-Ugh... stop! Quit talking nonsense and eat already!"
She said she wouldn't yell, and yet she's yelling again. The sight was so ridiculous that I couldn't help but snicker.
"What's that now?"
"Th-This is what I'm going to eat."
"What is it?"
"...Whole wheat bread and butter."
"Why are you scarfing down that crap?"
"Scarfing down! I... I actually like this."
Having said that, Stella casually tore open the brown wrapper, rip by rip. She must have eaten a lot of these, because the way she opened the wrapper was practiced.
"What are you staring at? Eat."
"Fine... yeah. Thanks for the food."
I picked up my spoon too.
Stella's spoon was... how should I put it.
It was a spoon with a lot of wear on it.
It's not like she's doing this on purpose to look pitiful and get sympathy. How is she this pitiful down to her bones?
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"How am I looking at you?"
"...Your eyes are creeping me out."
"You feel that way because you hate me."
"Y-Yeah. I... hate you."
"I hate you too."
Giggling, I took a spoonful of the seaweed soup.
It's good. It's good, but mine is still better.
Still, since Stella—broke Stella—bought it for me, I'll eat it happily.
Nom nom nom— as I worked my spoon diligently, I felt an intense gaze from across the table.
As if that weren't enough, I even heard the sound of her swallowing her saliva.
"Hey. You eat too."
"No? You eat it all. This is enough for me."
"Stop being dramatic and eat. I can't finish all of this by myself."
"...R-Really? It would be a waste to leave it... yeah. Then... I guess I have no choice but to eat it. Heh..."
Smack smack— Stella, who had been smacking her lips with a slightly flushed face, immediately dropped her head with a deflated expression.
"Now that I think about it... I don't have a spoon..."
"Open the drawer next to you. There are disposable spoons."
"Haht."
Stella was quick. The moment she heard me, she pulled out a disposable spoon and tore off the wrapper.
"C-Can I eat?"
"Yeah."
"Can I really eat?"
"Oh, for fuck's sake."
Only when I glared at her did Stella's spoon finally move.
After eating a spoonful, then another, alternating between rice and seaweed soup, Stella tilted her head.
"...What? It tastes different?"
"What does."
"It tastes different from the seaweed soup you bought me."
"Of course it's different."
"Of course?"
Stella's gaze, which had been fixed on the seaweed soup, turned to me. Whether she looked or not, I kept eating.
"Why is it obviously different?"
"Because the one you ate was something I made myself."
"...Huh?"
"Which one's better?"
I giggled as I watched Stella make a dumb face.
"Mine's better, right?"
"Ah, uh..."
Stella's face flushed so red it looked about to burst.
After that, until I finished eating, Stella couldn't move her spoon anymore.
*****
"Eliarnes. Are you sleeping?"
"Yeah. Sleeping."
We didn't have dessert.
After finishing the meal and doing the dishes, I lay down right away. There was nothing to digest. Digestion had finished during the process of eating.
Of course, I brushed my teeth.
"Are you really okay?"
...Stella ended up deciding to sleep in my room too.
Instead, Stella is sleeping on the floor.
It's not like I kicked her to the floor.
The bed is wide, so I told her to come up, and just asked her not to piss on the bed, but she screamed "Gwaaaaah!" and lay down on the floor.
Anyway, I didn't kick her out.
"I said I'm fine."
"...You're not dying, right?"
"I said no."
And I briefly explained why I had... sprayed blood from my whole body like that.
What was surprising was that Stella had her own guesses too.
"...I'm sorry."
But the problem is, she's now under the delusion that it happened because I was trying to save her.
"What are you sorry... no. I told you it wasn't because of you, so why do you keep making a fuss?"
"I-If only I had been a little stronger..."
"A little stronger, my ass. Stop talking nonsense and go to sleep."
It happened to save Stella and Pina.
In a way, that's not wrong, but the bigger reason was... I just wanted to kill Samaella.
And I wanted to retrieve the things Arisa left behind as soon as possible.
Killing Samaella would save Stella and Pina, so it's not wrong.
It really isn't. I just wanted to go on a treasure hunt.
"Eliarnes."
"Oh, for fuck's sake—"
"You heard it too, right? About... Akasha."
I thought she was going to say something useless again, but she didn't.
"Yeah."
"Did you hear all of it?"
"I heard from the part about you being created because of Akasha."
"So you heard almost everything..."
I heard a sniff— Stella wiping her nose.
"What is Akasha...?"
What should I do?
I know what Akasha is, roughly, even if not precisely. And I also roughly know what the Demons are trying to do using that Akasha.
Should I tell her? What should I do?
"Am I... not human?"
"What kind of fresh bullshit is that?"
"I wasn't born... I was made. Not in my mother's womb, but in a tank."
"So what, are you a beast?"
"No...! That's not what I'm saying..."
"In the first place, it's weird to fully trust what that bitch said. She's a Black Wizard. Didn't you see the corpses of the Imperial Knight Order behind her?"
I heard a rustle. And behind my back, I felt Stella's gaze.
"That's... true, but... it still bothers me..."
"Yeah. It would bother you. But I'm saying don't get too hung up on it. If you're not human, so what? You've got eyes, a nose, a mouth. You've got arms and legs. If you think, talk, eat, and piss, aren't you human?"
"I don't piss!!"
"You don't piss? Then you're not human, are you?"
"...Eek! You... I heard all that stuff, and you want to tease me in this kind of mood?! I... hnk... you were... hurting so much, and I was so worried... hic... you... hnnng..."
Rustle rustle— I heard Stella sit up. Then I heard the pathetic sound of her hiccuping.
I turned around to look at Stella.
In the moonlight, Stella's eyelids were red, and a glistening droplet hung under her nose. I couldn't tell if it was snot or tears.
Probably snot.
"Are you crying?"
"Yeah! I'm crying! So what!"
"You're human, all right."
"...Hnk?"
"Crying, laughing, and getting angry while talking to a human—only another human does that. Demons and beasts can't do that. Even if they understand human speech, they don't cry like a pathetic loser like you. So you're human."
It's hard to see clearly in the darkness, but her expression looks like she can't tell whether this is a compliment or an insult.
"...What if, what if I'm not human?"
"Then I'll just kill everyone who says so."
"...Huh?"
"Kill them and shut them up. Dead bastards don't talk."
"What if the person saying that... is human?"
"From the moment they say you're not human, that bastard isn't human. And even if they are human, why couldn't I kill them?"
Stella's mouth opened and closed for a moment before she hung her head low to hide her expression.
"...You're too violent. How can you say something like that so casually? You're insane."
"Why are you bitching when I'm taking your side?"
"...Your way of talking is awful too. And you've got a filthy temper."
After catching her breath for a while, Stella got up from her spot. Then she crept over to the bed and perched on the edge.
"I'm sleeping here."
"No."
"What...? You said I could earlier!"
"I changed my mind."
"Hmph. So what. I don't care, I'm sleeping here."
Muttering in a sulky voice, Stella lay down on the bed.
Her face is way too close. Stella's breath touches my face.
But Stella looks completely unfazed. Or is she? Stella has her back to the moonlight, so I can't see her expression.
...Do all girls have this little sense of personal space?
I quietly turned my back. The breath that had been touching my face now tickles the nape of my neck.
"Eliarnes."
"What."
"...What if... people in the world say I'm not human and... ostracize me?"
"Come to me in secret and tell me."
"...In secret?"
"If you come openly, I'll get ostracized too."
"Wh-What?! You...! Really... to the very end..."
Stella, who had been listless like a sick chick until just now with no impact, returned to her usual self.
I giggled, enjoying that reaction.
"Make sure you come in secret. Come in secret and tell me."
"...What changes if I tell you? Are you going to say you can do more than me again?"
"That's right. I can do more than you. Because I'm the next head of House Eustetia. If Eustetia gets attached to the end of your name, at least they won't insult you openly."
The breath that had been endlessly tickling my nape paused for a moment. Then I heard a very, very small murmur.
"...Stella Eustetia? Heh... that's weird."
"If you don't like it, just kill all the bastards who say that."
"Ugh... you're insane. Completely and utterly insane."
I didn't bother arguing with that.
Insane. I know it too. I, we, were all insane. We'd been through too much and seen too much to live with sound minds.
Not just Demons—we had no hesitation about killing fellow humans.
Even if that human was a comrade we'd spent years with, we wouldn't hesitate.
We couldn't survive otherwise.
Even if it meant surviving like insects, we had to kill the Demon King.
And so we couldn't live with sound minds.
Is that why? Did we go completely insane and get sealed together with the Demon King?
Luna and Paulo's faces won't leave my head. I can't even begin to fathom what they were thinking when they made such a stupid fucking choice.
"...Eliarnes."
"What."
"Is the reason the Demons... want to take me... because of Akasha?"
"Yeah."
"So you... did know."
I turned to look at Stella. Her eyes were soaked with moisture. Her lips were pressed firmly shut, and the hand gripping the blanket was trembling slightly.
"Using Akasha to break the Demon King's Seal. That's the Demons' plan."
"...What the hell is Akasha? Then... did my mom... lie to me?"
"Who knows. I don't know about that either. As for your mo— ahem. You'll have to meet her and ask about your mother."
"Then... what should I... what should I do...?"
"About what?"
"If I stay alive and get kidnapped by the Demons... Akasha will be completed and the Demon King's Seal will break. So then... if I just... die, then everything..."
"Hey, you crazy bitch."
I put Mana into my finger and flicked Stella on the forehead.
Thwack—!
"Aaaah! Y-You hit me?! With your fist?!"
"Hey, even if you were born for that reason, is completing Akasha a sure thing? From what I can see, no. A bed-wetter like you couldn't pull it off. No matter how I look at it, the Demons are wasting their time."
"B-Bed... eek! Hey! I'm not a bed-wetter! And what do you know! When it counts, I can—"
"Even if."
I reached out and gently stroked Stella's forehead, which must have been red and swollen.
"Even if you really do get kidnapped. I'll come find you."
"...Huh, yeah...? Why...?"
"To collect the money I lent you, you little shit. Money aside, your life debt alone is two times over. I've got to collect that, don't I? Do you know how much I suffered to save your life?"
Giggling, I turned my back again.
"So stop thinking useless thoughts about dying or whatever, and just go to sleep."
"...Life debt. Yeah... right. I have... a lot to repay. I can't even run away now. Heh..."
"Yeah. As long as you know."
"Yeah... good night. Have... good dreams."
After that, our conversation ended.
The night was deep.
Sleep still doesn't come.
House Verheigen, shrouded in veils.
Luna and Paulo, sealed together with the Demon King.
Arisa, who keeps leaving things behind.
All of it—the traces of 400 years ago—seems to be leading me to one place.
The Demon King Subjugation.
That is so fucking presumptuous.
Who the hell do they think they're dealing with, treating me like a child?
Even without them egging me on, even without them telling me.
I, we, will kill the Demon King.
That's a goal that hasn't changed in the past and won't change in the future.
"...Dumbasses."
Still, they're alive, so I guess that's... a relief.
In emotions where I couldn't tell whether to laugh, get angry, or cry, the scent of cherry blossoms riding the moonlight settled over my eyelids.
That night, I was able to sleep very warmly.
Was it thanks to Stella's breathing, the scent of cherry blossoms, or knowing those bastards were alive?
Who knows. I'm not sure, but probably because I was tired.
Because I'd been through a lot, I thought.
Two days later.
My mother came to the academy.