Return to the Academy
Having formed a provisional contract with Marga, I returned to the village clutching my newly acquired spoils of war.
Thanks to my Battōjutsu blowing half the forest away, I didn't have to worry about getting lost in the woods again.
"Urgh…!"
By the time I reached the village entrance, the orange sunlight on the horizon made my eyes squint.
"Haaah~!"
The fatigue from my battle with Robo hadn't fully worn off yet, and a yawn slipped out amid the lingering drowsiness.
I'd love to crash at an inn for a full day and head out tomorrow, but I had way too much to do right now.
'Gotta get back quick and go for revenge first.'
I needed to rush back to the academy and challenge that politics-knight Peter van Fortress—who gave zero shits about knightly honor—to a rematch, pronto.
Rumors only get juicier with time, twisting into something even worse than the original.
With word spreading in that Battōjutsu-hating cesspool that I'd lost, I could only imagine the monstrous bullshit it'd morphed into by now. Just thinking about it had my hand drifting to my sword hilt on instinct.
'That hammer-swinging barbarian fucker… I'll Battō him when I get back.'
Peter would make a perfect test dummy for the new katana I'd forge from Robo's remains, right?
The thought flickered through my mind, but even so, a real edged katana with my full-powered Battōjutsu would kill anyone, no exceptions.
Plus, I'd mastered leyline power and leveled up my Battōjutsu to boot.
If I unleashed that on a squishy hammer-jock like him, Peter's body would split clean in two, no doubt.
'Just how insane will this new katana turn out…!'
Imagining slashing Peter with it naturally led to thoughts of the new blade from Robo's parts.
My latest masterpiece: a katana forged lavishly from the claws of Robo—the beast rivaling a young dragon—and the rapier and staff of the legendary Sage Pier von Pier.
As a swordsman, picturing the brilliance it would unleash had my mouth watering like I'd just thought of a mouthwatering feast.
Couldn't use it on Peter since killing him was off-limits, but if a duel or war kicked off with the Pier family? Slaughter away.
The idea of going full Battōjutsu on them brought a grin to my face.
Didn't even need to wait for the new katana to finish—I hoped they'd show up soon for a slicing.
"Hehihihi…!"
As I walked, chuckling over future Battōjutsu with the new blade, a voice called out from afar.
"C-Customer!!!"
The guy yelling was the souvenir shop owner who'd fed me all that intel before.
He came running with a rusty wooden hoe clutched in his hands—like he hadn't touched it in ages—and panted out his words.
"Wh-What the hell happened?!"
"Huh?"
I asked casually, but he yelled back with a mix of terror and outrage.
"What do you mean 'huh'?! Ever since you went into the forest, there was a fire, then an earthquake out of nowhere! We thought Robo was marching on the village!!"
Behind him stood a bunch of guys his age, gripping ancient farming tools with scared-shitless faces.
Foolish to think those junkyard scraps could stop Robo, but credit where due—they had the guts to show up.
"You're worrying over nothing. How's a dead thing gonna come here?"
"Dead?! You found it already dead?! Well, after 200 years…"
"Nah, it was alive, so I killed it."
Saying that, I pulled one of Robo's fangs from the pouch in my bosom and showed it to him.
"This is Robo's fang."
With the demonization undone in death, it was just twice the size of a normal wolf's canine. He eyed it skeptically.
But with last night's battle scars right behind us, he had no choice but to buy it, evidence or not.
"You really took down Robo?!"
"How else would I be standing here? Now make way. Gotta roll out."
I'd played along at first, but drowsiness was hitting hard, pissing me off for no reason.
Shoving past the guy and his buddies, I headed straight for the stable where Silence was resting.
Seeing her munch contentedly on the inn's morning feed made me even sleepier.
I dragged out Silence—who'd half-finished her grub—and as we passed the village center with Pier von Pier's statue on our way out, it happened.
"Th-That's him!"
A bald elder with a bushy beard—the village chief, by the look—pointed at me and shouted.
A crowd had gathered near the statue.
Over fifty, kids included—most of the village, by the looks. Not just the entrance boys; everyone had sleepy faces, like they'd just woken or pulled an all-nighter.
As they rubbed their eyes, the bald chief started making a fuss alone, so I cut in first.
"Save it—no epic tales or cheers. Too sleepy for that shit."
"Huh? Oh, then our village's finest inn right away…"
"Passing through. Move."
"Wait!!"
As I tried to blow past, the chief grabbed my sleeve.
I shot him a sharp glare, incredulous, and he broke into a cold sweat.
"…D-Did you, by chance, find the tomb too?"
"What?"
His face was half terror, half greedy hope. I could guess his game without asking.
With Robo dead, they'd turn that tomb into another tourist trap, just like always.
The others eyed us expectantly too, faces split between hope and us, chief and me.
'Pongpong City…'
Well, village, so Pongpong Village maybe.
Pier von Pier, who'd been an ATM for his mistress and her daughter in life, was now an ATM for these greedy fucks in death.
Thinking of him washing dishes for bloodless opportunists even after death bummed me out.
Not their fault they didn't know the truth of his death, but cashing in on it? Same story.
Realizing that, I'd already slipped Silence's reins and stepped toward the bald chief.
"S-Sir?"
"They say loving money makes you bald…"
With that, I smacked the chief's bald dome.
The crisp, satisfying slap echoed through the dawn-lit village.
"Wha—?!"
Chief and crowd alike froze in shock as I roared at them.
"Earn your damn money working, you fucks!! Quit making a corpse do your dishes!!"
"Huh?! Wha—? Dishes? What the…?!"
To the baffled chief and villagers, I raised Pier von Pier's hidden rapier and staff.
"Just like you greedy shits think!! I found Pier von Pier's tomb!! And these are his rapier and staff, stuck right there!!"
"Ooooh!!"
The chief's slap vanished from minds instantly as cheers erupted.
To make sure everyone saw, I hopped on Silence and brandished them high.
"But I'm not returning these to the Pier family! Why?! To display 'em here for every demon swordsman to gawk at?"
Gasp!—eyes brimmed with eager hope fixed on me. Betraying it utterly, I declared:
"Hell no, you thick-skulled idiots!! I'm keeping 'em for myself!! On Pier Pong's death anniversary, tell every demon swordsman who visits: Some baronet punk named Ian Bar Tow took the rapier and staff!!"
"Huh?! Wha—?!"
"This pathetic rapier and staff, not born as katanas, will be melted down and reborn as one!! Spread that word too!! Got it?!"
"Wh-What are you saying?! Do that, and the Pier family—hell, every demon swordsman—won't let it slide!"
Surprisingly, it wasn't the chief but the souvenir shop guy—who'd taken my cash—stepping up.
Bathed in stares, he pressed on undaunted.
"Plenty of renowned demon swordsmen pilgrimage here! Piss 'em all off, and it won't end pretty!"
"If it doesn't end pretty, bring it!! Half-assed gay-ass mages who ain't even proper swordsmen!! If they're mad, come find me!!"
With that, I dismounted Silence, shoved through the crowd, and approached Pier von Pier's statue.
And…
"Taking this too."
I ripped off the staff from the statue's hand and the rapier at its waist, claiming them outright.
The chief, watching furious, bellowed:
"What the hell are you doing?! Do you know how much that statue cost?!"
"No clue, don't care. And just in case you don't spread my words, I'll engrave it."
The pedestal below bore Pier von Pier's name and deeds. I carved new text with the rapier.
[Ray Pong Pier's rapier and staff have been requisitioned by me, Ian Bar Tow. Want them back? Come to the Academy.]
Bonus: Changed every "von" to "Pong" too.
Strapping the statue-looted staff and rapier to Silence's back, I gave my parting words before leaving the village.
"Tell 'em exactly what I said!! If they want the rapier and staff back, come find Ian Bar Tow at the academy!!"