When Men Get Together, There's Only One Topic
When men get together, there's only one thing they talk about.
There's a saying that time flies once you enter Legandia Academy. It was meant as encouragement — the years of learning are short, so work hard while you have the chance — but the cadets found it to be literally true. Between the training, the exams, and the lectures, they would look up and realize that time had slipped away, even though it felt like they hadn't done much of anything.
The academy ran two semesters a year, with long breaks in summer and winter. In part, this was because the academy could hardly involve itself in the kind of things one didn't share with others — family martial arts, dojo techniques, private magical secrets — and so the breaks were a time to focus on one's own training.
Plenty of cadets went home for the break, while others stayed behind to assist instructors with their research or to train on their own. Those who did go home didn't necessarily leave the moment the rest period started; they followed their own schedules, which meant the academy remained full of students even through the holidays.
Just as the old sages — and the seniors who'd already graduated — had always said, the first semester vanished in a blink, and the cadets found themselves caught in a swirl of emotions. They hadn't accomplished a thing, and already the term was over. One-eighth of their four years at the academy was already gone.
The ones who felt that emptiness huddled together in a corner of the garden, sitting close, regarding one another with grave faces.
"Why don't I have a girlfriend yet?"
That was the truth of it. No matter how elite they were, when a crowd of hot-blooded young cadets got together, the number one topic of interest was always the opposite sex. A whole semester had come and gone, and they still had nobody at their side. Cadets nursing that particular regret had gathered to have a very serious discussion about it.
Talk like this about the opposite sex was generally something you only did among your own gender, so the all-male group sat looking at each other with deadly serious expressions.
"Wouldn't a look in the mirror tell you?"
"I'm asking because looking doesn't help. I'm not that bad, am I?"
"Then your eyes are broken. Go to a temple and get them treated."
Two cadets grabbed each other by the collar and started brawling, but it was such a regular occurrence that nobody else paid it any mind.
"Can't you just be friendly and get close to them?"
Shut up, Seiban!!
Every guy there, including the two who'd been fighting, shouted at him in unison. The cadets sitting in a ring around Seiban, who'd tossed the comment out so lightly, opened their mouths with bloodshot eyes.
"You're good-looking, so you don't get how we feel!"
"That's the hard part! How do you even start a friendly conversation? How do you actually do it?!"
"Whenever I try to ask them anything, they give me this rotting smile. How am I supposed to sit through that?"
"You guys... really do live some hard lives..."
Seiban averted his eyes, overwhelmed by the intensity of the other cadets.
A lot of guys had gathered here. Cadets from every class had come together — Aslan and his friends Seiban and Delen were there, and Zeroa had somehow ended up in the mix too. Even Sozeta, who was called a genius, was sitting among them, making for a rather glittering lineup.
Seiban was one thing, but with Sozeta — who was plenty popular at the academy — sitting there, Aslan looked at him strangely.
"Why are you even here? You could go pick anyone you wanted."
"I only want one person. I'm not like you."
"For someone so different, you're sitting here pretty comfortably."
When Aslan sneered, Sozeta — who'd been keeping his mouth shut — shot to his feet. Another cadet, curious about this one person he wanted, grabbed him by the pant leg and clung on, getting dragged several meters before they finally managed to plant him back in his seat.
"I... Lady Emilia..."
When Sozeta — the very picture of a taciturn, strong, solid man — flushed red and looked away, every cadet watching him had the exact same thought.
I think I'm going to throw up.
It couldn't be helped. Who knew how a woman would have reacted to that expression, but from a fellow man's perspective, Sozeta's bashful look was unbearable. No matter how bright his future was, Princess Emilia was a wall far too high. The cadets who'd heard him each patted his shoulder, told him to hang in there, and went back to their seats.
While Sozeta sat there at a loss over the unsolicited consolation, Zeroa spoke up with a good-natured smile.
"Still, everyone enjoyed academy life, didn't they?"
Zeroa had been trying to lighten the mood, but when the other cadets' eyes changed, he started reading the room nervously.
"Yeah, you had fun, didn't you. Talking so much with the Goddess and all."
"Come to think of it, this bastard's a lucky son of a bitch, isn't he? Are we unlucky because of this guy?"
"That's it — it was Zeroa's fault. If he weren't here, I'd have been in that spot."
"Go grab a shovel. Anyone know a nice secluded spot?"
Watching the cadets plot his burial with menacing faces, Zeroa was darting his eyes around with an awkward laugh when someone cut into their conversation.
"I know a good spot. Want to go there?"
"Ah, shit, you scared me!"
Everyone clamped their mouths shut and went on guard at the sight of Rai, who'd appeared out of nowhere behind Aslan. No matter how close Rai was with the students, he was still an instructor, so he wasn't exactly the kind of person you wanted in on a conversation like this.
But Rai had apparently already heard everything, because he slung his arms around the cadets' shoulders and spoke as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"You can't leave me out of a conversation about girls, friends."
"...Should an instructor really be saying that?"
"Is an instructor not a man? And you're all adults, so why are you being so shy. Speak with confidence. With confidence. Karen wants to have sex!! He wants to have sex so badly!!"
AAAAAAAHHH!!
Karen, whose name had been called, let out a scream and tried to block out whatever Rai was going to say next. Finding it hilarious, Rai brought up the word "sex" again, and Karen screamed once more before collapsing, panting with exhaustion.
"Hah... hah... please... spare me..."
After glancing around the garden to make sure nobody else was nearby, Karen apologized with a haggard face. Rai, who'd forgiven him for a crime he hadn't even committed, looked over the gathered cadets with a face full of mischief.
"You guys have no game. No game at all. Back when I was your age..."
The old-timer's signature move was starting with back in my day, but when the topic was women, nobody complained. The cadets listened to Rai with more focus than they ever showed in lectures.
His stories were stimulating for cadets with no experience, and their eyes widened in surprise. Even Aslan and Sozeta, pretending they weren't interested, were listening closely. After sharing a few episodes, Rai addressed the cadets who were still hanging on every word.
"So the point of what I'm saying is: be confident. Be confident."
"That's the hard part. The moment I actually work up the nerve to approach someone, my mind goes blank and I can't think of anything to say."
When someone said that, the inexperienced cadets nodded vigorously in agreement.
"The best thing is to just do it once. The ones who've had experience are better at it. It changes the way you see the world. Look at Seiban — the way he latches onto girls, you can't tell if he's an academy cadet or a gigolo."
"Thank you for the compliment~"
Seiban replied with a slick, easygoing air. The other cadets looked gloomy at the sight of the two of them.
"A filthy world where those who have just keep getting more."
"If they only want people with experience, where are the newbies supposed to get any?"
While Rai watched with amusement as the cadets wailed and beat the ground, one of them asked the group.
"So besides Seiban and Instructor Rai, has nobody here had any experience?"
At the question of whether they had experience, the cadets all started glancing at each other.
"I-I... have..."
"With who? A classmate?"
"Uh— y-yeah. Yeah. You know, the blonde sexy one... which class was she in..."
"Yeah, you keep that virginity nice and safe."
The cadet who'd bluffed on male instinct without even meaning to received his consolation and hung his head with a sad expression.
"Anyone here with experience?"
When Rai raised his hand and asked, Seiban, who was sitting so reclined he was almost lying down, raised his hand as if it were nothing. The cadets looking at the two of them with envy widened their eyes when Delen, sitting next to Seiban, also raised his hand.
Even Aslan and Seiban seemed not to have known, because they stared at him in shock. It was a bit rude to say about Delen, but he wasn't the popular type. He didn't just talk little — he talked so little you might wonder if he was mute. He got along with people well enough, but some found it strange that he'd just sit there silently listening to conversations, and it wasn't as if he was particularly handsome either.
"With who?"
When Rai asked, Delen answered quietly.
"A maid."
At that short reply, every cadet let out a gasp. To some, a maid was just another employee. To others, it was a word that stirred something hungry. Among those from households with servants, half had a memory of their heart racing as a child for a maid who'd been kind to them, and the other half had let their imaginations wander somewhere considerably less innocent.
Even Rai seemed not to have expected the word "maid," because he spoke again in a flustered voice.
"R-right. That can happen. Okay, then — anyone who's been with two or more?"
Seiban still had his hand up, and Rai, who also had his hand up, looked at Delen. His hand was still raised.
"A maid?"
"Yes."
At Delen's answer, the cadets stared at him with wide eyes. When someone asked about three or more, his hand was still up, and this time Rai didn't bother asking if it was a maid.
"Brute King..."
"The very picture of a wicked noble. How unjust, and how enviable."
Delen protested that he wasn't making it up, but the cadets didn't believe him and whispered among themselves.
"It's true. I was still young then. My body wasn't even this big yet."
"Y-young? When did you first... do it?"
Now that the nickname Brute King had stuck, a cadet asked the question with newfound politeness and caution. Delen rolled his eyes upward, thought for a moment, then said,
"Thirteen? Twelve? Around then, I think."
The cadets huddled together again, murmuring that it was a crime.
"It's a crime. A crime."
"So the maid made the first move?"
"Why would she do that? Was he brainwashed?"
As the cadets whispered among themselves, a mix of shock, envy, and jealousy, Rai jabbed Delen in the ribs with his elbow.
"Hey, you're actually fun when you talk. You should speak up more often."
"Okay."
Leaving Delen and his short reply behind, Rai looked at the cadets who were still going on about their maid fantasies. Being young, they'd crammed every fantasy they had into the image of a maid, transforming her into someone with looks on par with Aria, attending to their every need. Rai scoffed at the feminine ideal the cadets had constructed in their delusional state.
"You guys don't know because you don't have any experience yet. A type with a little meat on her bones is better than someone too skinny."
At Rai's words, the cadets who'd been chattering in chaos fell into a reverent hush and listened attentively. If they'd shown this much passion during lectures, Rai thought, they'd have claimed a post in the military by now. He launched into the kind of stories he knew they'd be interested in, and the cadets hung on every word, determined not to miss a single one.
"So you get what I'm saying, right?"
After hearing all the stories, the cadets' expressions had gone stiff.
"No. I don't get it at all."
"I understand Instructor's preferences well enough, but why are you talking about that here?"
"We were making plans for the break and mapping out a wholesome future. I have no idea why you'd bring up something like that."
Watching the cadets answer with perfectly straight faces, Rai seemed to sense the ominous presence behind him. He let out a small sigh and turned around.
There stood a large group of female cadets, with Emilia at the front. Diana, Philia, Cesset, and others — mixed across different classes, just like the male group gathered here.
When Rai put on a smile that looked like he'd assembled it by hand, Emilia returned an awkward one of her own.
"Gentlemen's... tastes do tend to vary, after all."
After Emilia passed by, Diana leaned down toward Rai, who was still sitting.
"Raikkang, you like girls with some meat on them? I'm not too skinny, am I?"
Diana lifted her top slightly to show her waist, didn't wait for Rai's answer, and walked on. Cesset approached next.
"Raikkang, if you burn too bright you'll wear your bones down. You need to be sturdy."
Cesset giggled as she sailed past, and this time Philia walked by Rai, looking down at him. She didn't say a word, but her eyes were full of contempt. Rai's head, frozen in a smile, slowly drooped.
Once all the female cadets had passed, the guys approached Rai — who was still staring at the ground — patted his shoulder, and left one by one.
"Ah, I should go plan out that wholesome future."
"Time to start another fulfilling day."
"Alright, I heard Soltein's shop has a new menu item. Want to go eat that?"
"The ladies would like that. Excellent idea. Let's have an in-depth discussion of tactics there."
The diligent cadets departed, dreaming of their futures, leaving only the Class B students looking at Rai, who still hadn't moved. A man in the depths of defeat is a hard thing to look at. Even Aslan patted his shoulder with sad eyes and said,
"Want to go grab a drink?"
"What the hell is that lunatic saying at the academy."
When Philia got angry, Cesset sidled up next to her with a sly look.
"Phili-Phili, didn't you say Raikkang was pretty decent earlier?"
"W-when did I!! I just said he had skill, I never said anything like that!!"
Philia shouted in shock at Cesset's words.
That's right. It bears repeating: when people of the same gender gather, the topic of the opposite sex comes up naturally. That was just as true for the women's group that included a princess, and they'd already finished that subject and were on their way to eat dessert at the academy shopping district.
When Rai had come up during a conversation about decent guys, Philia had offered the opinion that his personality was terrible but his skills were outstanding, and Cesset had seized on that to tease her.
"Still, that personality is part of Raikkang's charm."
"So Cesset's fallen for Raikkang too?"
"Hmm~ well, he's fun to hang around with, but as a partner? Not really~"
When Diana asked, Cesset shook her head. Most of the female cadets present nodded in agreement.
Unlike other men, he was honest and overflowing with confidence, but he was too flippant, and so good with people that a woman could never feel at ease. Even if you dated him, you'd be lucky if he didn't go out and cause some incident — and you'd never stop worrying that some other woman would get tangled up with him.
Ordinarily, being the subject of a conversation like this was a sure way to rise in popularity. Hearing about good qualities, past incidents, and sides of a person you hadn't known tends to build affection. Especially when, like this time, they'd been at the center of major events — saving a princess, defeating assassins — even better stories came out.
Philia had similarly found herself thinking, so he had that side to him, and it had been a chance to reconsider Rai — but after overhearing that vulgar conversation just now, she'd gone right back to despising him.
It had been a day when Rai, who might well have become the object of many people's admiration, kicked his own good fortune away with both feet.