Chapter 92
Chapter 92 - Enemy at the Gate(3)
"..."
A suffocating silence fell after the two people disappeared.
Now Seolbaek will wait alone in the Promise Plains, and Zenon will evacuate Jena to the safe zone.
And after the explosion, just in case, Zenon will take Lucy to find where Seolbaek is, then bring both of them back to where I am.
'Originally there was a plan including Cessna too...'
Not only that, I had prepared plans for the Kern Performance Society and in case Jeokrang joined.
But it's all useless. In the end, I couldn't recruit any of the three. The battle became my sole responsibility.
'... Think positive thoughts. Think positive thoughts.'
I was preoccupied with overcoming the anxiety and fear that kept creeping up in my chest.
There's no fighting against numbers. Especially for me, whose specialty is ambush, it's even more so due to my job characteristics.
This life will fail to survive.
It was becoming almost certain.
—Then what about the next life?
Let's recruit the Kern Performance Society.
Let's make a plan where Seolbaek can definitely bring in Cessna.
Let's find a way to locate Jeokrang.
Then. Then surely. Next time definitely...
—How could it work out so well? In just one day?
.......
I couldn't readily answer the dark voice that kept questioning in a corner of my mind.
Honestly, no matter how much I think about it, I don't know. Whether I can survive.
Can I... do better than this?
—For that to happen, how many more 'todays' will you need?
I always did my best.
This time too. Because I consistently wanted to live intensely.
When this is the result of struggling with all my might. You're saying to do even better than this?
If I try again in the next life... where is the law that says it will yield better results than this?
—How long... Can I hold out?
This life, I recruited Zenon.
But what if... in the next life, I fail to recruit even Zenon?
What if this is the first and last chance that came to me?
'I'm scared.'
That's when I first realized it.
Beyond the fear of myself who treats death lightly, what's weighing me down even more is...
No matter how I think about it, there's no room for me to try harder than this life.
"I'm fucking scared... really..."
If even after 10 times. 50 times. 100 times... if no opportunity as good as this comes...
Then... Can I, handle that reality?
Such thoughts were chasing each other, leaving me frozen in place.
"What's so scary? Are you chicken, hero?"
As always, that sharp, mocking soprano voice woke me from my thoughts.
When I turned my head, there was Lucy, looking this way with wine-red eyes.
Seeing my hardened expression, she sneered as if amused, then said:
"Tell me, hero. When you wake up in your next life, are you confident you can do better than this time?"
Did this girl learn mind reading in the meantime?
I was startled.
* * *
"Speak up, hero. I want to hear your honest thoughts."
Lucy stood firmly before me and asked like that.
Her eyes were unusually sparkling. Beyond simple interest, they held a persistent attention.
"... What do you mean?"
What do you mean? You of all people shouldn't ask such questions.
You who've watched me desperately struggle 35 times from start to finish... you know better than me.
"... I don't know."
I shook my head painfully.
Maybe it could work out. I could persuade the Kern Performance Society. Miraculously find Cessna. Discover Jeokrang's location and make contact.
'But what if it doesn't?'
But like when I was unexpectedly beaten by Zenon. There's a possibility it could head towards the worst outcome without recruiting anyone. I'm already... someone who has directly witnessed that worst result.
As I stood there making a bitter expression and hesitating, the Demon King who had been staring at me let out a high "Kahah" laugh.
"You've become such a coward in the meantime. Did you sell that shameless face that used me to hunt Eldritch at the market?"
"That time and now... the situation has changed."
I barely managed to say one line as if making an excuse.
At that, the Demon King's expression completely changed. She crossed her arms tightly.
A gaze full of mockery poured down.
"What changed wasn't the situation, but you."
"... Me?"
"Let's make this clear. Are you afraid of dying because the plan failed? Or are you afraid of yourself?"
I swallowed at those words, and fell into thought for a moment.
Consciousness sinks into a dizzy silence. Only then did I first face the dark emotion I'm feeling now.
The Demon King speaks in a chilling voice right on cue.
"What makes you so anxious?"
Anxiety. Yes. Anxiety. I am anxious now.
What's causing this inexplicable fear was none other than anxiety and obsession.
I opened my mouth stupidly.
"I'm not particularly anxious..."
"Are you afraid of being consumed by the Xiongma?"
"..."
I stared at the Demon King with wide eyes.
The Demon King took one step closer to me, then pressed her finger firmly against my forehead.
"What if you keep repeating deaths countless times and get consumed by the Xiongma? Is that what you're worried about? You can't die recklessly anymore. While death starts feeling trivial, each life feels precious at the same time."
"How did you..."
"How do I know? I must have told you at the beginning. As much as the Xiongma accumulates in your body, it accumulates in mine too. Lies about resurrection won't work in front of me."
That was true. Only after the Demon King said it did I realize I was in such a state.
She understood my current condition more accurately than I did myself.
And BAM! The Demon King bent her finger that was poking my forehead and flicked it.
"You pathetic fool!"
The Demon King's face was filled with rage.
Not satisfied with just a forehead flick, she started kicking my shins repeatedly like she always did.
Of course, there was no pain at all. But her anger was clearly conveyed.
"Hero! Do you even know why I helped you hunt the Eldritch?"
Lucy's wide red eyes came right up to my face. She grabbed my collar. Her snow-white silver hair fluttered and dominated my vision.
She continued speaking while maintaining direct eye contact with me.
"I need to have what I want. That's why I'm trying to conquer the world!"
"What's with this suddenly..."
"I knew from the moment you made that crazy request. You're the same as me!"
Me, being the same as this crazy woman? If I had to pick the top 3 most unpleasant things to hear, this would be among them.
When I sent her a disgusted look without saying anything, Lucy got angry.
"What's with that face! Even now you're like that!"
GRAB. Lucy grabbed my cheeks and stretched them. She looked like she was trying to get revenge for all the times before.
She raised the corners of her mouth precariously, as if deliberately trying to provoke me.
"You honestly know too, don't you? The simplest way to escape this situation."
"......"
"Abandon that black-haired girl and run away. You don't really care about the lives of other humans in this city anyway, right? That's the safest, surest, and fastest way. As the old saying goes, black-haired beasts aren't meant to be kept..."
"Shut your nonsense for two weeks, you bastard."
I firmly cut off Lucy's words. I was feeling disgusted to a degree that surprised even myself.
For some reason... Minerva's face overlapped with Lucy's as she spoke those words.
As if I had heard such words from Minerva before. Even though that never happened.
"Ha."
Lucy held a sinister smile, unconcerned. It was as if she had expected my reaction.
"Right. I knew it. That's the biggest proof that you're the same as me."
Those eyes staring up at me intently. As I stared back at her, I realized.
This woman understood me... more thoroughly than I thought. Unlike me who knew nothing about her.
"That's your unnecessary stubbornness. Don't try to make excuses about attachment now. Hero Park Jeong-yong. Everyone knows you're a twisted person who doesn't easily get attached to others."
She was right.
I don't care about world peace, and honestly, I couldn't care less whether the residents of Kern live or die.
But if I let the residents of Kern be massacred, the ritual will be completed and Seolbaek will die. That can't happen.
I have no ambition, but I do have the greed to protect what's in my hands right now.
Honestly, that greed alone is more excessive than anyone else's.
I'm sick of losing people around me due to my lack of ability. I refuse to live like that even after being reincarnated in another world.
'... Am I wrong?'
Should I make a cold judgment here and do what they call 'giving what needs to be given'?
Is my current struggle just useless stubbornness that only fools would show?
Would someone watching my behavior sigh and say 'Please, just give it up already!'?
BOOM! The sound of Lucy stomping her foot broke my pathetic thoughts.
"But I liked you for that and lent you my power! I didn't want to see you acting so pathetically like this!"
Her shout echoed at the same time. I was startled out of my thoughts and looked at her.
And immediately widened my eyes as if they would pop out.
"Hey... you, that appearance..."
Lucy had changed.
The old robe she used to hide her identity was thrown off. Under her white silver hair, ominous red light was dispersed.
The cute horns that were hidden by her circlet now stood tall like a demon's, and the black wings that were covered by her shawl had grown enormous enough to completely block my view.
"Since when did your magic... return?"
The biggest change was the overwhelming black magical storm swirling around her.
She was not the Lucy I knew. She was the immortal Demon King, Rustica Asmodeus.