Yeah, That's How Shitty Games Are
5-stars are just stronger lol
Eight years in development. Average concurrent users: two million. A true god-tier game.
Ah—more precisely, a porn'game'.
That distinction is extremely important.
You could call it the kind of game that got made because people kept asking why the adult title wouldn't just bare the tits already. The kind where the developers simply threw in everything they wanted to do and everything they thought the players would like.
Mix those ingredients wrong and it would have been called the mint-chocolate-mara-Dr-Pepper-dog-meat game, yet somehow the systems clicked so well that me and a whole army of gaming addicts were left completely blindsided.
Most of all, you come in thinking it's just a porn game, and before you can even free up a hand the thing forces you to raise your characters. In short, the structure of the game makes it impossible not to end up with a favorite.
"The Lisette boom is coming..."
So the one I raised was Lisette. A 1-star scrub, no less.
Why? Simple: the character was hot.
Besides, 5-stars never dropped for me, and this was a game where you could obtain every character without ever spending money.
Honestly, I just firmly believed that a succubus would deliver high-level sex scenes.
...Or so I thought.
Jesus fucking Christ. I raised her way too strong.
Corrupted Orc's Semen (4)
Corrupted Orc's Ragged Clothes (2)
Magic Stones (4500)
Ugh, fuck. I didn't come here to look at orc dick pillars.
Early on I deliberately sent Lisette into danger without any equipment, just so I could see the sex scenes. It wasn't because I wanted to strip her myself. Absolutely not.
Anyway, normally in a situation like that—being a porn game and all—you'd expect a gangbang scene or some "monster seed storage" treatment to pop up.
Bullshit. Just a straight game over.
Stubbornness kicked in. I killed one, lost the next fight... kept repeating that until finally a cutscene played where Lisette's clothes tore.
But then someone came and saved her. Fuck. Absolute fucking fuck.
When I opened the party window, a character I'd never seen before was standing there.
No acquisition animation.
No system message either.
She was simply standing next to Lisette as if she'd been in my party from the start. I just thought, so you can get a 5-star this easily too?
Anyway, if she'd been a male character I would have kicked her out immediately... but she was female, so I left her. She was a 5-star, after all.
Leave her in and if I lose, the sex scenes double. Double.
...That's what I thought.
...
Oh. So this exists too. Win with no hits taken and you get—wait, no. Fuck.
Why the hell are the battles going so well?!
These warning-like alerts were clear proof the synergy was absolute garbage, so why were we still winning the fights?
...Hmm. Let's see if we can still win like this.
Damn, we actually won. Though Luciana soloed the entire fight. One-turn kill, at that.
By the way...
...She clearly didn't take a single hit?
That's why it was a complete victory. No hits taken. I saw it with my own two eyes.
After the battle I carefully scanned the field, then shifted the camera from the collapsed Lisette over to Luciana, who was just standing there stock-still.
Luciana looked around, then approached Lisette with a faint, crooked smile. I thought it might have been my imagination, so I zoomed in. She really was smiling.
So they actually implemented this kind of thing. Kind of amazing.
I left the controls alone and simply watched. The atmosphere felt like a cutscene was about to trigger any second.
But then...
"What the fuck."
The moment she slipped her shoulder straps free, Luciana's clothes slid straight to the ground with a soft rustle.
...No bra.
Well, the design of the outfit never really left room for underwear anyway.
But that wasn't the point. What the hell was this.
Naked Luciana climbed on top of the collapsed Lisette. The tip of her pure-white index finger jabbed without the slightest hesitation at Lisette's lower belly.
Like a snake climbing a tree, it traced up past the navel and arrived between the two breasts at the exact same moment...
"......"
The thing I had wanted to see so badly, the thing I had repeated so many defeats to achieve, was accomplished by a single motion of Luciana's hand.
Lisette's plump breasts were bared to the world.
"......Bring the popcorn, fuck."
Ah. Luciana. As of today, you are my god.
"Is this black demonkin your sex slave?"
"No, it is not."
"Then this white one... what even is this? Anyway, is this one your sex slave?"
"What the fuck kind of question is that."
"...Anyway, take them both."
Haaah——
I exhaled a deep breath and woke from sleep.
What the hell was that not-even-a-nightmare nightmare?
I must have thrashed around quite a bit while sleeping; the phone alarm was ringing from somewhere far away.
...Might as well play the game. Seeing how it was chasing me even into my dreams, there must have been some kind of event overnight. I'll just check real quick and then head out for a workout.
I brushed my messy hair upward and dropped into the computer chair the way I always did.
"Wonder if they fixed the bug..."
Ever since Luciana joined the party—maybe because the method hadn't been normal progression—my party was broken.
Literally broken.
Luciana's level stayed stuck at 1. Instead, every growth material I obtained funneled straight into Lisette.
Before I even had a chance to touch anything... if there was never a choice to begin with, was I even the one playing the game?
Today, once again, Luciana was level 1.
Lisette was level 120......
And yet when I checked the damage share after battles, Luciana always accounted for over 70 percent.
...She looks like level 1 to my eyes. Definitely a display bug.
Other people filled all five slots and made harem parties or big-tit parties, each finding their own fun.
On my screen today, still only two people.
Yeah, yeah. Same old start screen as always.
That's a new one.
...Eh, whatever. Not like she's only died once or twice.
She must still be worn out from yesterday's hidden event. First time I've ever seen her stamina hit zero. It had been pretty rough. For once Lisette even hard-carried.
Just in case, I opened Luciana's encyclopedia entry again today.
Still the same. Every single day.
Stats unchanged too.
The only real problem was...
Most of the skill descriptions were blank?
"...Was it always like this?"
Ah, who knows. Thanks to a certain someone I'm about to go bald from stress.
Because of this damn Luciana the party never grows.
No matter where we went, even if we rescued an adventurer in danger, the moment the fight ended Luciana completely ignored them and walked off on her own path.
Before I could even press anything. That bitch.
Anyway, I still had to do what needed doing....
Send Lisette to the inn?
YesNo
Let's see—send Lisette to the inn to rest... and put Luciana on farming duty.
...Her stamina's at 100. What the hell happened while I was logged out.
Click.
Click, click—
......It stopped.
No matter how many times I clicked, nothing responded.
These bastards really don't know how to make a patch.
Alt-tab. When things get like this, gallery browsing is best.
A few shitposts later and the loading should be done.
I clicked the bookmarked icon.
I didn't really care about the minor balance patches, so just the bug fixes...
But why the hell does Serian get another buff. Is this game not completely fucked already?
Boooo revive Lisette—
- Fixed an issue where growth materials disappeared through abnormal paths under specific conditions.
- Fixed an issue where Karwell's passive skill was not applying correctly.
- Removed the Error Dummy that had appeared near the Starting Village.
"Dummy?"
Some kind of test object, maybe.
I scrolled down without much thought, but there was nothing in the rest of the patch that would help me.
Looks like they only fixed the simplest bugs.
Still, the mention of materials makes me think Luciana's inability to level up might fall under that category.
So when is the patch. I need to clear Region 6 already.
One minute left?
......It's 9 o'clock now.
No choice. At least I sent her to the inn; otherwise I'd be sitting here sucking my thumb after the patch ends...... ah.
Send Lisette to the inn?
...Oh please god, just give me thirty seconds of server time.
I know you put the servers overseas, damn it——!!!
Yes!!! Send her already!!!!!!
......Ah, finally it registered.
Nothing beats that time-attack dopamine rush......
?
What the hell is this saying?
But this was sitting in the encyclopedia image folder
