Illusion
'Hup.' Today as well, I sat perched on the coastal cliff where stars poured down, quietly reading my book while taking in the view. This made it the fourth day already.
Four days ago, I had set out to explore a mysterious dungeon with Hans, Villon, and the other members of the mercenary group. Because it was a dungeon of unknown origin, I had been careful... but after stringing together so many good results lately, I must have grown complacent without realizing it.
Well. The result is that I've returned to my main body like this.
It had already been four days, yet I still couldn't return to my clone. I couldn't even tell if the clone was dead or alive. From the faint sensation I could pick up, it seemed like it was still alive. But only just. The presence I felt was so weak that it wouldn't have been strange if it died at any moment.
"What hit me was probably... a Vulture Spider."
The moment that arrow coated in purple venom struck my body, my consciousness had cut out like a switched-off light. If I pieced together the information from this monster encyclopedia I'd been reading for the past week, it was almost certainly the venom of a Vulture Spider.
That made sense. Even though my clone didn't possess talent on Cerise's level, it still had more than four stars of potential. Its physical body was strong enough to be the object of envy for ordinary people and regular mercenaries... yet that same body had been driven to the brink of death in a single strike.
"A high-ranking 4-Star monster... none have been sighted in the last five years..."
The encyclopedia also said that the deadly venom of a Vulture Spider was potent enough to kill even veteran mercenaries with just a few drops.
"Sigh. Talk about bad luck..."
On the surface, the dungeon had looked ridiculously small and insignificant... yet it had been hiding such fangs. The sheer unfairness of it all made me sigh as I gazed at the distant stars.
"By the way... where exactly is this Treia Village located?"
I still didn't know the geography of the Empire's territories well, so I couldn't pinpoint where Treia Village was. It sat on the coast and was this peaceful, beautiful village... yet for some reason, there were hardly any people around.
Whoooosh—
"Ugh. It's gotten pretty chilly. I should stop by the library before heading home."
The muggy summer that had lingered all day seemed to have finally passed, and autumn was arriving. Feeling the bite of the rather cold autumn wind, I adjusted my clothes and headed for the library.
Ding—
".............."
I gave a short bow to the librarian, who once again wore that endlessly robotic, expressionless face, and handed over the now-finished monster encyclopedia.
"..........."
Scritch. Scratch.
"G-good... night..."
After returning the book, I glanced around at the shelves, but nothing caught my interest right now. So I offered the awkward greeting and immediately headed home. For some reason, the librarian seemed to be staring at me intently today. Well, I suppose that was possible.
"Haaam... Whoa!"
On my way home after leaving the library, a sudden wave of drowsiness hit me. This kind of fatigue... it was the feeling I got when my clone woke up.
"Finally awake! Still... you managed to survive, huh?"
I'd thought the clone would die like this. It seemed it had pulled through. Well, that was good news for me! Should I return to the clone now?
"Haaam..."
The moment I got home, I lay down on my soft bed and didn't resist the pull of sleep.
It was already the fifth day. Five whole days had passed since the Commander lost consciousness.
"............"
No more hope or willpower remained. The tears that once seemed endless had long since dried up, leaving only hollow eyes staring into empty space.
Why won't the world allow me even a single grain of light?
Why did it mercilessly snatch away even the small spark that had come to me? Did I not deserve happiness? Was I not allowed to be happy?
The ordinary, everyday moments with the Commander had been my happiness—my entire life.
"......."
After screaming for five days and nights, my throat was completely hoarse. Not even the smallest sound could escape. I could only quietly watch the fading little light.
Twitch.
Again. The hallucination of the Commander moving appeared once more. Around the third day after he collapsed, a perfectly healthy-looking Commander had appeared before my eyes. Back then, I'd truly believed he had returned and rejoiced like a little girl. My heart had filled with warm light again, and my mood had soared to its peak.
That day, the moment I saw the Commander awaken, I ran to the healer to report his condition. The healer had been startled and returned to the bedside with me. I could never forget the healer's expression then—a mixture of shock, emptiness, sorrow, and pity as they looked at me and the bed.
When I realized something was wrong and cried out the Commander's name while turning back to the bed, the Commander who had seemed to endure safely vanished like a mirage, leaving only the dying light once more. My heart, which had shot up to the heavens with expectation and hope, plummeted straight to the ground. The heart I had barely pieced back together shattered into pieces again.
The higher you climb, the more painful the fall. After that day, hallucinations and auditory hallucinations came without warning. The sound of the Commander calling my name. The sight of the Commander getting up. Small gestures... I knew they were all fake, yet I still clung to the slightest thread of hope. I'd rub my eyes, pull myself together, and look—only for despair to return.
Twitch... Twitch.
This time, it seemed I was seeing a hallucination of the Commander slowly moving his fingers and body. By now, I had given up on everything and simply stared with a vacant gaze.
"Cerise... Vice... Commander?"
"......."
The Commander's voice, even more hoarse than usual, reached me, and I saw his bewildered expression. Ha. Was I finally going insane? With each passing day... the sense of reality grew stronger.
"I don't... know anymore."
I simply wanted to give up on everything and live on inside this illusion. Even if it was a hallucination, I could see the Commander's wonderful figure again... my light, right beside me.
"Cough... cough. Vice-Commander Cerise... can you not hear me?"
".....Ha... ha.."
Please stop. Don't mock me... Don't make me hope again.
"Even if it's... an illusion... it's fine..."
"Vice-Commander Cerise?"
Just... leave me alone. I don't want to live anymore in this disgusting, filthy world. Don't drag me out of the paradise I've finally reached.
Grab—
"This time... it feels really real... haha..."
The Commander's large hand grasped my arm. Among all the illusions I'd seen so far, this one felt the most realistic. If I died like this... I could live my whole life inside this illusion without ever realizing it was fake.
....Let's die. Yeah...
My life without the Commander was no longer necessary. On a path with no light to show the way, it was impossible to even find direction.
Shing—
I immediately drew the small sword I kept at my waist, closed my eyes, and thrust it toward my throat.
I'll follow you soon, Commander...
Clench—!
"What do you think you're doing!"
".....Huh?"
Just as I was about to end my life after giving up on everything, the Commander in the illusion grabbed my arm. This couldn't be...? No matter how realistic it felt, it shouldn't be able to physically affect me.
"Vice-Commander Cerise! Come to your senses...! Why are you suddenly trying to harm yourself!"
"....Commander...?"
"Yes. It's me! Venice, Commander of the Ska Mercenary Group!"
"N-no..."
Don't lie. I won't be fooled anymore. Have I finally lost my mind? Why was I perceiving the Commander before my eyes... as real?
"Why is... the illusion..."
"It's not an illusion, Vice-Commander Cerise! This is undeniable reality, and I am real!"
"Ah.... Ah..?"
The Commander's expression looked somewhat angry. When I reached out and touched him, I could clearly feel a solid body. And the warm presence that seemed capable of filling every part of me.
"Commander...?"
"...It's me, Vice-Commander Cerise. I'm sorry for making you wait so long."
"Ah.... Aaaaaah!!!"
I immediately threw myself into the Commander's arms and hugged him with all my might, as if I would crush his body. The realistic sensation returned once more. Had the Commander really come back? Was this truly not an illusion? Could I finally... believe it?
"You've been through so much because of me, Vice-Commander Cerise..."
"Ah... Aaaaaah!!"
When the familiar, expressionless face offered the same warm pats as always, something Cerise had been holding back finally burst. She couldn't form proper words and could only let out cries.
"Commander... CommanderCommanderCommander...!!"
"It's me, Vice-Commander Cerise."
"Is this... really not an illusion...? Can I truly believe it...?"
"Yes. I am not an illusion, and this is clear reality."
I thought my tears had completely dried and would never flow again, yet what was this liquid streaming wildly down my cheeks? Unable to think properly, I simply cried while holding the Commander tightly.
The warmth of the person I loved most, the one who had saved my life—I could never forget it again. How could I? You had already become my everything, and more.
"Hwaaaaaah...!"
Embraced in that warm hold, feeling the gentle pats on my back, I wailed at the top of my lungs.
"........."
Exhausted from crying, Cerise had fallen into a quiet, even sleep in my arms. Just how long had she gone without sleep? Dark circles had settled heavily on her flawless face, and exhaustion was clear to see.
Don't tell me... from the day I collapsed?
I felt so sorry. She didn't need to go this far just for someone like me.
".........Thank you."
"......Hehe.."
When I stroked the head of Cerise, who had fallen soundly asleep in my embrace, she gave a small smile.
....It reminded me of the old days.
".........What is the matter... Hiek..!"
"Mm. Good to see you."
Perhaps hearing Cerise's scream, the familiar healer rushed into the room. The moment the healer saw my face, they jumped back in shock as if they'd seen a ghost. After that, I listened to the healer's explanation.
My survival was truly a miracle from the heavens. Among countless veteran mercenaries, only a very small number had survived being struck by a Vulture Spider's deadly venom.
"It seems your physical abilities have decreased due to the poison's effects... Your senses will likely become dulled from now on."
"...Mm. That's fine."
"Then please rest comfortably."
The healer, who had asked me a few questions, explained that the poison had dulled me to many things. Pain, taste, hearing, touch... all five senses and sensations a human could feel.
No wonder everything felt strange earlier.
The soft bed and blankets didn't feel particularly nice, and above all, my whole body seemed dulled. Well... I should be grateful I survived.
Through the open window, I gazed at the cool autumn breeze blowing in and the dance of falling leaves that had begun. Quietly, just like when I looked at the starlight from the coastal cliff.