Confession, Part 3
"Is that true?" Ju-ran pressed her body close to mine once again.
"Y-yes?" As I tried to shrink away again, her hand gently came to rest on my thigh.
"Do I look prettier to you?" The fierce, overbearing aura she usually carried was entirely absent from her face as she leaned in. I felt as if I might drown in her shyly trembling eyes.
"O-of course. You're much prettier in person, so I was just wondering why you bothered to edit a different face onto your photos." I tried to smooth things over, subtly shimmying sideways. This sofa was like a health bar in a video game. If the gauge hit zero, it was an immediate game over. And I was completely cornered. My remaining HP was exactly 1.
"Ah... so that's what you were curious about?" Ju-ran's face drifted back as she let out a sigh. "There's no benefit to having my face exposed to the public."
Something clicked in my mind. "Is it... related to school violence?" I had often seen celebrities or influencers get dragged down by the misdeeds of their school days. I didn't know the full extent of Ju-ran's brutality. I could only guess based on her lawless attitude in the classroom and the fearful atmosphere of the classmates around her.
"Yeah. Because the bastards I beat the shit out of would crawl out of the woodwork all excited." The moment she finished speaking, my racing heart turned ice-cold.
"What did you just say...?" The memory of almost becoming a victim of school violence yesterday rushed back. "Crawl out?" *Slap!* Repulsed, I instinctively slapped her hand off my thigh.
"Do people like you... have no sense of guilt at all?" The woman before me, who referred to the victims of her own violence as "crawling out," cradled her rejected hand with her other hand, looking utterly flustered. I hadn't intended to draw a line in such a tense manner, but it was the outcome I wanted. The unpleasant feeling would pass soon enough.
"I'll be going then." I stood up from the sofa, but she weakly grabbed my wrist as I tried to pass. When I turned around, her head was bowed.
"I'm sorry... Please, just listen to my story... You can think of it as an excuse if you want... Just this once." It wasn't that my heart softened at her trembling voice.
"Fine. So let go of me." A desire to see more of her vulnerability held me back. I found myself looking down at her arrogantly, like a priest listening to a confession.
"I had a friend. Her name was Darae, a friend from middle school. She was a bit quirky and very honest. I liked that about her, but I guess the other kids didn't. They'd ask why she was always acting up when she couldn't even read the room."
"Sometimes I thought we became close because we both shared that trait of not caring what others thought. Except, unlike me, she craved attention. She used to tell me how sad it was to be an attention seeker who didn't get any attention."
"Looking back, it was the worst possible combination. Not caring about others' opinions, yet desperately wanting their attention. Stupid bitch. If she wanted positive attention, she should have read the room a bit, or if she wasn't going to care, she should have given up on getting attention. She should have picked one."
"If she had, she wouldn't have been openly ostracized, even if those crazy bitches disliked her."
"Darae started dating a popular third-year senior, and she became a target for the girls who ran the school. Actually, I don't even know if they were really dating. Turns out that bastard was total trash. If they had been dating properly, he would have protected her, not me."
"I couldn't just ignore her being bullied. She was my best friend. Even if the other kids were right when they said she only hung around me because I was the only one who listened to her."
"It didn't erase the time we spent together, the days I smiled while listening to her chirp away like a little bird."
"It was easy to tell something was wrong. That cheerful girl became quiet, and she'd startle whenever someone called her name. Sometimes, I could see bruises here and there."
"One day, when Darae was exceptionally anxious, I followed her. There were four or five girls waiting for her in the underground parking lot. The sight I witnessed there... let's just say it made me completely lose my mind. I went absolutely berserk."
"I took a beating too, but seeing those bitches limping away covered in blood was the most refreshing thing ever."
"A few days later, when Darae told me those girls had apologized, I felt great, as if justice had been served. I was so naive."
"Darae gradually drifted away from me and started hanging out with the very girls who had bullied her. I saw later that she was just being used, but Darae thought of them as new friends she made after a fight and reconciliation. I thought the same back then."
"I felt a bit hurt, but I didn't think much of it. Completely unaware that I was being isolated."
"Groundless rumors about me started spreading. You know, the usual stuff. That I slept with teachers, or that I was sleeping around with every guy I saw."
"It was too much of a hassle to explain, and it was so ridiculous that I just let it slide. I only realized later how important image management actually is."
"One day, Darae snapped at me. Remember that third-year trash she dated, the one whose name I can't even recall? She accused me of sleeping with him."
"As if I ever would. But no matter how much I denied it, she wouldn't believe me. Darae chose to believe the rumors over me."
"Furious, I dragged Darae along to find that bastard. Only then did I realize he was in on it too. He started talking shit, saying my body was soft and my inside was tight."
"My fist flew before I could think. Teachers got involved and it was a whole mess, but since it was violence on my part and sexual harassment on his, neither the school nor we wanted a huge scene. We called it even and swept it under the rug."
"The real problem started after that. All kinds of trash started approaching me. Wow... it was fine when it was just rumors, but this was fucking disgusting. A few of them were incredibly persistent."
"In the end, the solution was my fists again. I was already going to the gym to relieve stress back then, and I gradually became accustomed to using violence."
"I could no longer ignore the backstabbing rumors I used to let slide. If anyone talked shit, I'd grab them by the collar and raise my fist to threaten them. The bad rumors about me were buried under a different kind of notoriety."
"I started hearing whispers that no guy would ever want to sleep with a crazy bitch like me, and it was so hilarious. I thought it was for the best. From then on, my school life became peaceful, and I've kept up that attitude ever since."
I sat beside Ju-ran, listening to her story in silence. My phone vibrated in the middle of it, but I didn't even pull it out, not wanting to interrupt her.
"I didn't beat up kids who shut their mouths with just a threat. Really. What I said earlier was just because I was thinking of those pieces of trash. Of course, you... might think that violence can never be justified under any circumstances."
"Stop. That's enough." Ju-ran lifted her head, which had been bowed like a sinner, and looked at me. The terrified expression on her face was completely unlike her.
"I... don't want to judge other people's lives. I don't want to get involved. I don't want to get caught up in troublesome things. That's just the kind of guy I am."
"Ha-woon..."
"That's why I've turned a blind eye to a lot of things. There must have been kids getting bullied around me in middle and high school too." There probably were. I just hadn't paid attention. I had a faint feeling that someone in my class had been suffering. The memory was hazy.
"I don't think I did anything terribly wrong. Everyone lives like that. Protecting yourself comes first." It was a common story. Trying to help a bullied friend when you're weak yourself, only to become the next target.
"But if you ask who was more in the right between me, who ignored someone's pain, and you, who saved your friend... I would choose you." Back then, Ju-ran hadn't been afraid.
"Even if you did get betrayed and turned dark." I offered a smile to the brave girl—the girl who was now terrified of falling out of my favor. Her moistening eyes sparkled. The moment I saw that light overflow into tears, chuup—her kiss covered my lips.
"W-wait... mmpf..." I shouldn't have opened my mouth. Her tongue, clumsily pushing inside, swept frantically against mine, clinging, rolling, and licking. It was so slick and warm, it felt as if our touching tongues were melting together. It felt like it would eventually melt my very consciousness away... As all the strength drained from my body, Ju-ran wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me tight against her.
The moment my crotch pressed against her stomach, I could no longer claim that all the strength had left my body. One central part of me was rising with vigorous force.
Suddenly, Gyuhwan's threat flashed through my mind. No... I whipped my head to the side and shouted in a panic.
"I'm going to die at this rate!"
"Haa... You like it so much you could die? Me too... Me too, Ha-woon..." She grabbed my hand and buried it against her left breast.
"H-heek..."
"Can you feel it? My... my heart feels like it's going to burst..." I desperately tried to hold onto my slipping consciousness as the soft, full sensation of her breast flooded my palm.
"Mine feels like it's going to burst too... No, that's not what I mean... We can't do this, Ju-ran."
"Why? Why not? I'm seriously going crazy... Do you not like me? Is there another girl? One of the girls you were with today? Huh? Who is it? Who is it because of?"
"It's because of Hong Gyuhwan!"
"Huh...?" In my desperation, I blurted out his name, but it seemed to have caused a misunderstanding.
"N-no, I mean... it's not that there's another girl... Gyuhwan likes you."
"What does that have to do with anything? I like you, Ha-woon."
I hesitated for a moment. Telling on him and exposing his threat felt somewhat petty, and it bruised my pride. But getting beaten up by someone because I couldn't fight was equally damaging to my pride. Not to mention, it would leave actual physical wounds.
"Hong Gyuhwan came to our classroom again this morning." The choice was already made.