Chapter 40
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Translator: 8uhl
Chapter: 40
Chapter Title: The Third Connection
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They say that before coming of age, a person experiences three great connections.
These connections are like destiny itself—unavoidable, something everyone must pass through.
As if to prove that adage applied even to a life on the battlefield, the third connection flowed unexpectedly into my life.
“Well, look who it is. The man of the hour.”
The moment came when I returned to the barracks after my meeting with Setsunen. Alidona was the one who started it.
“Alright, everyone, listen up! Our rookie is about to introduce himself.”
At that, the members of the Iron Cross Knights began to applaud and whistle wildly, laughing all the while.
“We made a little bet, if you don't mind, FakeWarrior?”
“...?”
“I put two gold coins on you being an Imperial noble before becoming a FakeWarrior. You've just got that kind of air about you!”
“...?”
“No need to be shy. Most of the Iron Cross are illegitimate children of noble families. Me too. The true-blooded nobles, like the Commander or Mern, are in the minority.”
I felt somewhat bewildered.
I'd heard it was a knightly order composed solely of Imperial nobles, so I expected them to be stiff and old-fashioned, unlike other corps...
No, they certainly had structure.
Praying at set times, maintaining their appearance, and taking care of their personal hygiene.
Even sitting neatly across from one another at the dining table like this. But the differences ended there.
The sight of them all chattering boisterously couldn't help but remind me...
...of the shadow of the old White Skull Corps.
Of the warmth of all those many days.
The sounds, the smells, the feelings.
Ever since the White Skull Corps was wiped out, facing this kind of atmosphere throws my heart into utter turmoil.
The world feels like it's swaying.
My vision blurs and distorts.
Feeling dizzy, I was about to decline joining them when Alidona, who had approached without me noticing, gave me a sly grin.
“Our rookie, the battle started as soon as you transferred in, so we didn't have time for introductions. We should at least get to know each other's faces, right?”
“Rookie?”
“Yeah, rookie! What else would you be? You're the youngest, too. See that guy serving drinks over there? His name's Kwen. He just became a squire, and he's the same age as you.”
She then offered me a goblet.
The color of the wine, gently shimmering in the goblet, looked just like the blood that had been sprayed across the world that day.
For some reason, nausea rose in my throat, and I turned my head away.
“I don't really drink...”
“Nope, not allowed. If you're not going to introduce yourself, you have to down that instead. It's a celebratory drink. It's barely alcoholic, and you're a FakeWarrior, so you won't get drunk anyway.”
The red-haired miko let out a deep burp, and the stench of alcohol was overpowering.
*Isn't she a miko?*
*The most revered of all witches, respected by everyone in the Old Republic... But she's a chain-smoker and guzzles alcohol by the bowlful.*
It really felt like the end of the world. I looked toward Roveris, my eyes pleading for help.
Perhaps she thought I was asking for permission.
Roveris, sipping wine from the head of the table, didn't stop her; instead, she nodded.
“My apologies for letting you get dragged into Alidona's antics. She's just like that. She seems drunk, so if you just play along for a bit, she'll eventually pass out on her own.”
No sooner had I taken the goblet from Alidona than encouraging cheers erupted from all around.
As I stared blankly at the goblet, for some reason, a tightness filled my chest, my head began to ache, and the words started to come out.
Words I had buried deep within my body, deep within my heart.
“I'll just be honest. I... I can't get close with you all. And I have no desire to.”
*I want to say it.*
*I had to make it clear.*
Even knowing I would have to face the sharp, hostile silence that would follow the dying down of the excited clamor.
“You all... how can you laugh like that? You've been on the battlefield longer than I have.”
“...?”
“You know this is a world where the friend laughing and chatting beside you can die more easily than an insect on the street.”
“...”
“If we're destined to part so painfully anyway... since that's the fate we have to live with...”
The time spent together.
The hearts shared in earnest.
If all those moments, preciously built and cherished under the name of memories... are doomed to turn into nightmares in the end.
“Then isn't there no point in getting close like this in the first place...?”
*This is just the kind of person I am.*
*I can't be a hero like my mother, who led everyone. My heart is just too weak.*
*Is it really right to vent like this to people who carry burdens as heavy as my own?*
But I wanted to say it.
I wanted to state my feelings clearly to someone, just like this.
This path I walk...
This path I must walk on a blade's edge, relying only on my sword... I will walk it alone.
“Hmm, no point?”
Suddenly, Alidona leaned in, her face so close I could feel her breath.
But for some reason, her action held a chilling hostility, and I flinched back in surprise.
At that, Alidona gave a mischievous grin.
“What's this? And here I thought you were a bad kid. You don't really believe that, do you?”
“...?”
“The first things you reached for when you backed away were that shortsword at your waist and the ice shard necklace around your neck. Doesn't that mean you hold them more precious than your own life?”
“...!”
“Which means you don't think those encounters were meaningless.”
In that moment, I felt as if a blade had pierced a hidden shame deep in my heart.
*Shame. Let's call it shame.*
Back then, I was still too young to admit those feelings were genuine, filled with nothing but clumsy, youthful passion.
“Kaisen, have you ever read a book?”
As I floundered, unable to admit my true feelings, Roveris posed the question.
“A book is a microcosm of life. A person's entire existence is contained within it. Within that one volume. Isn't it amazing? It only takes half a day to a full day, depending on the person, to read an entire life.”
“...”
“The more you read, the closer you get to the end. But no one reads a book thinking, 'This story will end soon anyway, so there's no point,' and then just stops reading.”
*Even though you know it will end someday.*
*There is sadness, but there is also a joy that can only be found within the story of that life.*
Joy and sorrow repeat, entangle, and dance together, allowing life to blossom—the divine providence that orchestrates this chemistry of existence.
“If you give up on reading books entirely with that mindset, if you abandon all connections, how can you possibly know? How can you know where this life will lead, or how it will end?”
“That is my answer to the question you asked earlier. Think on it carefully.”
My mind went blank, as if it were stuffed full of white cotton.
I wanted to refute her. I had to refute her. But I had neither the wisdom, the intellect, nor the experience to argue against that voice and that profound gaze.
*Cold water... I want to drink cold water...*
Forgetting that I was holding a goblet, forgetting that its contents were wine, I drained it in one go, and my heart felt better.
No, it felt closer.
Strangely so.
At the same time, my body grew suspiciously hot.
In that closeness and heat... I approached the secret chamber in my heart... the door to the room called 'true feelings,' and it took no effort at all to turn the handle.
“Betting on me behind my back... Fine. I'll tell you exactly why I'm like this! I'll make you cry tears of blood.”
“Whoa, it's starting, it's starting!”
“What, he's drunk after just one cup?”
“Aren't FakeWarriors supposed to be immune to any kind of alcohol?”
As the knights murmured among themselves, Roveris also sensed something was off and looked at Alidona.
Alidona, who was pouring more wine into his goblet, giggled and raised a finger to her lips.
It meant she had used her miko's knowledge to tamper with the wine.
“That rascal, she's doing the same thing she did to me once...”
Roveris sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.
Just then, everything began to pour out of the young FakeWarrior's mouth.
The things that had festered and knotted inside him for years, eventually starting to rot.
“I was born in Asran, a village at the edge of the world...”
“Asran? Isn't that an Old Republic naming convention?”
“What, so he wasn't an Imperial noble!”
“Ha! No backing out now, you punk! Hand over the gold coins!”
Mern stood beside Roveris, crossing his arms worriedly.
“Commander, is it alright to let Lady Alidona's prank continue like this?”
“Normally, I would have intervened, but right now, that boy needs to let it all out.”
“Why is that?”
“Because if he doesn't, it will fester and eventually burst.”
Roveris drained the last of the wine in her goblet and gazed into the distant air.
*The annihilation of the White Skull Corps...*
*He didn't show it when we met, but perhaps the very act of surviving that scene of carnage has remained a source of pain for him.*
“My mother's name was Irene... that was an alias, her real name was Raminea... Raminea Alter Aradamanthel...”
Then, silence.
A silence as profound as the earlier excitement had been loud fell over the room.
“My mother... deserted... and gave birth to me and my sister... She was living happily with my father... We also had a hunting dog named Sam... He was so smart... Whenever my parents went to dawn service, he'd often follow them... and wait quietly in the churchyard... Heh, he was so cute.”
“...”
“My mother always... if I even sniffled a little, she'd come running... and until I smiled... she'd look even more like she was about to cry than I did...”
Again, a pain like the hole in my chest was being ripped open.
Was this indescribable pain something that even intoxication could not dare to numb?
Clutching my chest with a fist, I gasped for breath as if I were suffocating, barely managing to continue speaking.
“On the day the Uruk invaded... she was looking for me because I'd hidden, not wanting her to leave... Because of me... she died trying to save me...”
“...”
“There was, huh, huhuhu, another chance... My mother was overwhelming Valkaro in the Kaltake...”
“Kaltake, you say? Then the crest on his cheek, could it be from that time...”
“If only I hadn't screamed then... My mother was the pillar of my life... but I, I... was nothing but a burden to her my entire life—”
“—Damn it, shut that goddamn mouth!”
Right before he could finish the sentence.
Before the thought could be woven into words.
Tval suddenly strode over, grabbed him forcefully by the collar, and slammed his mouth shut.
“Hey, you damn brat. Who the hell do you think you are?”
A monstrous strength that easily overpowered even a FakeWarrior's enhanced body, pinning him by the throat.
“You think everyone around you died because you were weak? Don't give me that bullshit! Even a dog would laugh at that!”
An immense tremor came through the hand gripping my collar, but for some reason, I felt not a hint of malice.
“It's only natural you couldn't do anything. Nothing! What the hell could a thirteen-year-old brat have done? And here you are, living your life thinking all their deaths were your fault!”
“Tval, stop shouting and let him go.”
“A kid who's not even twenty yet, carrying such a burden in his heart...”
Halted by Mern, Tval turned and stomped out the door, the corners of his eyes wet with tears.
*Was he thinking of his own son, who had died at the age of ten...?*
Mern didn't ask. He simply helped up Kaisen, who had been held by Tval's hand, and spoke quietly.
“Kaisen. No one is telling you to forget their deaths.”
“...”
“Do you know the story of Rista Alter Scherpang? My ancestor, Kies, was a member of that hero's party. It's the pride of my life.”
Rista Alter Scherpang.
The legendary FakeWarrior who quelled the first era of turmoil.
Rista's historical existence was the very reason the Scherpang was considered a holy sword of a higher rank than the Aradamanthel.
Kies was the Bow Saint of that era, the greatest in all of history, and the founder of the Drunken Archer style.
“The expedition ended successfully thanks to the sacrifice of the Great Mage Rin. My ancestor, you see, lived with all his might. More than anyone. Do you know why?”
“...I don't.”
“He said he wanted to be able to tell Rin, when they met again, that her sacrifice was not in vain, that he had lived a worthy life because of it.”
At that moment, a thought surfaced.
The memory of my master's bright smile as he died that day, and the happiness he had dreamed of, flowed through my mind.
*Tell me how happily you lived...* My master died after saying those words.
“I really like that story. If you just keep crying like this, will the ones who died before you really be happy? Instead of crying, you should live happily, enough for the share they couldn't enjoy.”
*Live happily...?*
*In a world like this...?*
I tried to let out a bitter laugh, but no sound came. Instead, the promise I made with Tarsiyo in the *Chronicles of the Valiant Sword* came to mind.
“Kaisen, Bloodwind was not lent to you in the hopes that you would be useful.”
As if seeping into that distant promise.
Roveris's voice sounded perfectly natural.
“It was a gift to welcome you as a member of our Iron Cross Knights.”
“...A gift?”
“We are comrades who walk the same path, a family. It's nothing special for family members to exchange gifts.”
A family...
A gift for family...
“Kaisen, what on earth are you so afraid of? You haven't been alone since the moment you came here.”
In the next instant.
Was it a hallucination that made my mother's smile overlap with Alidona's mischievous one?
“When you reach your limit, when you want to cry, don't ever think that you shouldn't. Let everything go and just cry. You're not a god. You're not a hero, and you're not a demon. It's okay to cry. It's okay. Cry your heart out, and then get back up. That's all a person needs to do.”
*I don't want to cry, what is she talking about...?*
That's what I thought...
but my face grew hot as streams of water poured uncontrollably from my eyes...
- *My Kai, I'm sorry. You must have been so scared without mommy. I was just doing the laundry and...*
Why.
Why, from a distant memory.
Was I hearing my mother's forgotten voice?
- *It's okay! Mommy's here now, so you don't have to cry. No, if you want to cry, you can! It's okay. It's okay. Yes, peekaboo! Arururu, peekaboo!*
That voice became an invisible force.
It began to creakily wind the mainspring of tears and emotion, which had broken on the day everything precious.
Had died and vanished.
- *Ah... now you're smiling.*
***
“What about Kaisen?”
To Roveris's question, Alidona answered, her voice laced with a burp.
“Tval took him and put him to bed. I can't believe he cried himself to sleep. His body's grown, but he's still just a kid.”
“Just as Tval said, he's not even twenty yet. He's eighteen now. Dragged to the battlefield during the events of the *Chronicles of the Valiant Sword*, a time when his body and mind should have been maturing. The FakeWarriors in this war are all too young.”
Roveris reflected on her own dazed state of mind once more.
*So that was it...*
*I wondered what change of heart could have possibly made Senior Camilla take on a disciple when she seemed to have given up on everything...*
*'So it wasn't a coincidence that when he faced Mauna Loa, I saw an image of Lady Raminea overlapping with him, not Senior Camilla.'*
*So that was it... Is this how the lineage of heroes, the torch of heroes, is passed down?*
*Do the Three Heroic Dragons know?*
*Of course, they must know. If Raminea's death was covered up, then the Papal Office must know everything as well...*
“Iron Cross, I am issuing a gag order, effective until death, forbidding anyone from speaking of what was heard here today.”
“Until death, you say? That's a relief.”
“Retri, what are you so happy about?”
“It means we'll have something to brag about when we get to heaven, doesn't it? That we, you know, had a drink with Raminea's son, huh? That we fought shoulder to shoulder with him on the battlefield.”
“Hey, you bastard! You were behind him. I'm the one who fought shoulder to shoulder with him.”
“You idiot! 'Fought shoulder to shoulder,' don't you even know a metaphor when you hear one? It's like, you know, poetic license!”
When the members began to celebrate and lighten the mood, Alidona asked Roveris.
“But what are you going to do, Roro?”
“About what?”
“You said all that grand stuff about family and all... but you don't have much time left either, do you?”
A sad silence passed between them.
As Roveris poured the last of the wine into her goblet, she muttered as if to herself.
“As you know, our Page family has prophetic dreams. They're incredibly abstract, making them difficult to interpret, and only a select few can have them, so they're not very meaningful.”
“I know. And you're one of those select few who are said to appear only once every hundred years.”
“Ever since my master died during the 'Black Summer,' I've always had this dream.”
“What kind?”
“It's a dream where countless corpses float in a sea of blood, forming a stepping-stone bridge. I stand in the nightmare, holding the only lantern, and at the end of the sea of blood is the 'Door to Autumn.'”
“The 'Door to Autumn.' You can be a poet sometimes.”
“The corpses are all people who were once around me. My master, my comrades, my friends, my seniors, my subordinates, and my disciples...”
“Roro...”
“Seeing that, I thought, 'Ah, so I must step over their deaths, again and again, to open the Door to Autumn. This is the mission I have been given.'”
The life Roveris had lived.
The deaths that lay upon the trajectory of that life were dozens of times more numerous than those piled on the path Kaisen had walked.
Yet Roveris's voice was merely calm as she spoke of those deaths.
“But when I dreamed today, Kaisen was standing behind me.”
“What?”
“It means I was not the one meant to open that door. I, too, was born with the mission to eventually become a stepping stone.”
No more words were needed.
Alidona understood at once what her old friend was trying to say. And so, she smiled sadly.
“I see.”
Losing precious things, again, and again, and again.
Using the graves of those precious things as stepping stones to carry the 'Light of the World' forward, into the future.
If that is the mission given to those who become heroes in this helplessly sad world...
*'That is no path a human being can possibly walk...'*
That path of sorrow.
Armed with only a single sword.
Was it because they walked that path to the very end that they have been called Yongsa (Warriors) since the Age of Origin?
Alidona did not weave that fleeting thought into words.
She could not dare to, not in front of her friend who had walked that path her entire life. She merely said this, indirectly.
“What will you do? That child will be all alone again then...”
***
Origin Calendar, December 1697.
Since the Mauna Loa subjugation, the Red Mountain Range front had repelled several more major invasions.
Mirngadia of the Blue Star summoned all the major commanders and spoke.
「Do you all understand the implications of Mauna Loa regaining its form in less than twenty years?」
Mauna Loa is the incarnation of the Kings.
The stronger the Kings' power, the less time they require to form a new body.
「The return of the Kings is near. If Mauna Loa has awakened, then the high-ranking nobles will also begin to awaken one by one.」
“—!”
「Therefore, as of this moment, I am issuing an 'Emergency Heat Wave Warning' for all fronts.」
Heat Wave Warning.
A military term referring to the general mobilization order issued when the Abyss runs rampant in the summer, threatening the very survival of all humanity.
The moment this order was given, all of humanity would enter a state of war, and all material and human resources would be requisitioned by the military.
「This war, it is as if the curtain has only just begun to rise.」