8. The Awkward Date
The awkwardness on our date stemmed from yesterday's incident. Of course, we both knew guys do that sort of thing, and I figured it was my own fault for being careless. Honestly, after kicking off the covers a few times and sighing it away, I hadn't felt that embarrassed anymore. Not until just now.
"…."
"…."
This eerie silence was the culprit. I'd thought we'd gotten closer, but suddenly the distance between us had snapped right back to how it used to be. Up until lunch, I'd been trying to keep the conversation going. But what can you do when every response is just a one-word answer? I couldn't straight-up ask what was wrong, and she wasn't starting any talks either. It was driving me insane.
"…Feeling a bit refreshed now?"
"…Yeah."
I didn't like how she was just picking at her cake. Hell, it'd probably be less uncomfortable if she just caught me outright and teased me about it. I wanted to brush it off as a funny mishap, but her total silence was pure torture. If that's how it was, she could've just treated me like normal. What had I done to deserve this vibe?
My sister excused herself to the bathroom for a moment. I let out a deep sigh and fiddled with my phone when a short-haired woman I'd seen somewhere before came down from the second floor.
"Huh? Kim Ga-eul, right?"
"Pardon? Oh, yeah."
"Whoa, your hair's so short now—I almost didn't recognize you. You got discharged?"
"…Yeah, uh…."
"…You don't remember me?"
No, the mask made it tricky, but I vaguely recalled her face. The name, though… Shin something-or-other, I think.
"No way you'd forget a classmate from your major."
"True enough."
"What brings you here? Isn't school on break right now?"
"Me? I hate going back home, so I keep crashing at my place. You reenrolling?"
"Nah, thinking next year."
We'd bumped into each other now and then at the library, and I'd recognized her from campus once—we'd chatted a bit and exchanged names. …And that was it. We'd nod hello if we passed on the street sometimes, but I wouldn't call us close.
"So, what are you doing here?"
"Got a meetup."
"Oh… on a date, huh? Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. Catch you later."
She glanced at the empty plates on our table, seemed to convince herself, waved, and vanished. I was still racking my brain for her name when my sister returned, staring this way.
"…Who was that?"
"Huh? Who?"
"The one you were talking to."
"Her? Classmate from my major."
"You two close?"
"Nah, just know her face."
"What'd you talk about?"
"Eh, just caught up a bit… nothing much."
"…That all?"
"She said sorry for interrupting our date and bounced."
"…Date?"
My sister wore this super complicated expression. …Isn't it a date, though? Hanging out with Mom is a date with Mom; hanging with my sister is a date with her.
"It is a date."
"…."
Conversation died again. Damn it… should I just say it? Would spilling it make things comfortable? Honestly, if not now, there might not be another shot. …Screw it. Nowhere else could get more awkward than this. If we kept going like this, I'd suffocate.
"…Thinking about it, this date is kinda weird."
"How so?"
"We came out to have fun, but neither of us is enjoying it at all."
"…Sorry."
"No, it's not your fault. I… get why you're acting like this."
"…Huh?"
"…Sigh. Yeah. Yesterday… I was careless. So… uh… that…."
My mouth went bone-dry. Scratch what I said earlier. Admitting my dark history out loud… this was way more embarrassing than I'd imagined. I'd had something planned, but my mind blanked. My ears were burning.
"…Bottom line: neither of us did anything wrong."
"…Yeah."
"So, you hate this awkward vibe, right?"
"…."
"Tease me if you want—just… get over your anger."
"I'm… not mad. I was just a little flustered too. Sorry."
"No need for apologies. We're not fighting or anything."
"Yeah."
"Let's… just act normal. I hate feeling distant from you."
"…I'll try."
…This cafe kinda sucks. The AC is trash. Why's it so hot?
We'd sorta half-reconciled, and the mood was looser than before. Not totally gone, but… good enough. We ate dinner, bantered a bit, and headed home.
I'd wanted to die while saying it, but now that it was over, I felt like I'd done the right thing. Like cauterizing a canker sore—better to embarrass myself once and kill the awkwardness.
"So, refreshed now?"
"Kinda. My head's all clear."
"…Isn't that the opposite of what should happen?"
"Who's fault is that?"
She shot me a glare. Hey, is it really mine? Two months total since I enlisted—that's holding back plenty. She wasn't even there; it was just suspicion, and her attitude flipped. Lunch had gone down my throat or my nose—I barely remembered.
A high school senior should've excused it and played dumb, right?
"…Still, it was fun in its own way."
"We barely did anything but eat."
"That's what we planned."
"Fine, if you're happy, whatever."
"…And you, Oppa?"
"Me?"
"Did you have fun?"
I… well. It was iffy at first. But if I had to say….
"…Wasn't bad."
"What part?"
"Just, y'know—this is yummy, that sucked, this place is better, that one's nicer, should've gone there instead—chatting like that was kinda nice."
"…Yeah?"
"We never had stuff to share before. Weren't that close, hobbies and interests all different."
"Yeah."
"So… thought sibling dates trying foods wasn't bad."
"…Same here."
"After Suneung, I'll treat you again. Let's go."
"…If you said that to someone besides your sister, you'd have a girlfriend by now."
"Hey, fuck that. How do you say stuff like that to others?"
We grew up together our whole lives to barely get this close. Finding someone I could casually say that to would take another lifetime. I'm shy as hell.
"We're home."
"No one's here."
"…You saluted an empty house last time too."
"That was post-discharge sentimentality. Cut the soldier some slack?"
"Then cut me some high school senior slack?"
"I took Suneung too—think I don't get it? That's why I go along with most of what you say."
"…Then one favor?"
"What."
"…Wanna drink beer."
No, that's… Our family's all like this? Why do they love booze so much? Not that I can talk.
"Gimme a reason first."
"…Got something to say."
"Yeah."
"Can't say it sober."
"…What is it."
"Can't say it sober."
She looked weirdly serious. …Stress that bad? Makes sense—she forced a day out with me.
"Mom's working from home starting tomorrow. Might not get another chance. It's Sunday, we can sleep in."
"…One promise."
"What."
"No more booze after Suneung, no matter what you say."
"Fine."
"Today's the last."
"Yeah, cool."
"…Just two cans. Gotta clean up before Mom gets back."
"…Okay."
If you're gonna say that, why not in the car? Now I gotta walk to the convenience store again.
It felt like a week ago. The table in front of the TV. Beer glasses and snacks. My sister sitting there blankly. Even the TV show was the same.
The difference? She seemed more at ease now.
"Cheers?"
"Yeah."
We clinked glasses quick. Sorry, Mom—your son's a pushover and can't say no to your daughter. Won't get caught, so go easy.
"So, why'd you want booze?"
"…Wait a sec. Not drunk yet."
"You won't get drunk off two beers anyway. Gotta finish in an hour—spit it out."
"…Hold on, gotta psych myself up."
She set her glass down, hand on chest, took a huge breath. What the hell is she gonna say? Kinda scary. Did she screw up?
"…Oppa."
"What."
"…Why'd you suddenly get so nice?"
"…What?"
"You're way different from high school. You scared me back then."
"…You really need booze to ask that?"
"Just… embarrassed."
Lots to be embarrassed about, huh. Begging for booze all serious seems more embarrassing. Can't read her vibes.
"…Post-Suneung maturity, I guess. Outside, I don't think I've changed much."
"Yeah."
"I saw your Suneung… but you didn't get your top uni."
"Yeah."
"Thought I was hot shit, but nope—got some disillusionment."
Lie if I said no regrets still. Every studious kid aims for med school or Gwanak. Why else take Suneung in the army?
"Strutted around all cocky, ignored everyone, no results—mentality cracked a bit."
"…Yeah."
"But friends and family were there."
"…I see."
"So… changed my mindset."
"…That's why you do everything I say?"
"That's… uh…."
Being good to her ties in, but there's more. Pre-enlistment, it was just looking after the obedient kid sister.
…Should I say it? Unfair if only I bare my soul.
"…Heard you cried when I enlisted."
"…You heard?"
"Mom told me."
"…."
"Hardest time of my life, hear that—how could I not get attached?"
"…."
"Just… touched me."
A sister crying for her prickly bro enlisting? Gotta cherish her. What kind of monster wouldn't?
"…One more question?"
"Shoot."
"Where'd you learn all those… super embarrassing lines?"
"Like what?"
"Y'know, the serious ones you drop sometimes."
"…They cringe that bad?"
"You say 'em, so you don't get it. Hearing them? Mortifying."
"Between siblings, come on…."
"…You really don't know."
She scooted her cushion next to me and whispered carefully in my ear.
"…I love you."
"…Hey."
"…Get how goosebumpy that was for me?"
Chicken skin everywhere. Sudden guilt crashed over me like waves. I was the asshole. Felt firsthand how terrifying my "nice guy" lines were. Barely drank, but stomach churning.
"…Sorry. This feels so weird."
"Reflect on it. Don't toss lines like that around."
"Yeah, will do."
"Scary guy suddenly buying stuff, doing favors, talking nonstop—my head was a mess."
"Now that I get it, yeah. Really sorry."
"Discharged and spouting weird shit… so uncomfortable."
"…For discomfort, haven't we gotten closer since discharge?"
"That's… just from hanging out more."
The sister next to me, head down, fiddling with her nails… was kinda… ah, screw it—cute.
"Anyway, we're closer now—can't be bad. Mom says the same: lean on siblings when old."
"Yeah."
"We've known each other 20 years… got 80 more."
"…Remember what I said earlier?"
"Sorry, science major. Stuck on-topic."
"What the hell."
"You're the embarrassed one, not me?"
"Where'd the reflection go?"
"Now it's reflecting and knowing it freaks you out."
"Why you gotta… seriously?"
"You boss me; I can't tease back?"
I grinned, and she slammed my shoulder hard. Should've hurt, but today? Nah.