Chapter 80: Lies That Make Me Want to Vomit
Lies make me want to vomit. I want to throw up... Want to throw up? That was it. The thought hit me out of nowhere. I tapped my sister's shoulder hurriedly to cover.
"You okay? If you're gonna puke, say something."
I couldn't see for sure since she hadn't turned around yet, but it was definitely my friend's voice. She wouldn't have cleared out the whole place to leave, so Mom probably wasn't here. Who knows when she'd shown up, or if she'd caught us kissing. Since I was bigger than Gyeo-ul, maybe she couldn't see from behind. Even if it was Anna Noona, she'd have her suspicions from before, but this friend wouldn't even think in that direction. I could probably play it off. Lie my way out again. If I could just get past this...
"...I'm going crazy from how stuffy it feels, oppa."
"I told you not to drink. Want me to grab some digestive meds? Or, like, a plastic bag...?"
"No... I'm fine."
"Hey, Gyeo-ul, you good?"
My friend came trudging up from behind us. Her voice didn't sound like she'd noticed anything off. ...Fuck, close call. Ha... I really thought we were screwed this time...
"...Huh?"
I let out a sigh of relief, and the moment she reached us, entering the edge of my vision—my sister's lips touched mine again.
"It's so stuffy... I can't take it."
My brain froze. ...Why? Our lips had already met and parted, but I still couldn't process what was happening. My body, and even my friend's movements, had ground to a halt. The crosswalk light turned green, and people headed toward the convenience store across the street. But the three of us here? We were all stuck in place.
"...I really feel like puking now, oppa."
"Gyeo...ul, what the hell...?"
"What did we do so wrong...? Every damn day... every damn day...!"
Time started moving again. Like our secret meetups outside sometimes, my sister buried her face in my chest—but unlike those times, she sobbed in a quivering voice.
It wasn't her usual annoying tone, or the sweet one she used just for me. This was something entirely different.
"It's driving me insane, pretending like this, oppa...!"
The first time I'd heard that voice since Grandma passed. Raw emotion spilling over, clinging to me desperately.
"Wha...t's wrong...?"
My stiff body finally moved again. For my sister, craving my warmth. As her big brother, I held her tight and warm.
"..."
Nothing else registered. Only one sound reached me. My sister's sobs, muffled in my arms—that was the only frequency tuning in. Static or no static, nothing else got through.
"..."
My sister, nestled in my arms. I still didn't know how we'd ended up like this. Didn't know. ...Did I really not know? What was I pretending not to know? Deep down, didn't I already? I'd known it'd come to this someday. And I still went ahead anyway. Right?
"...You calmed down?"
"...Yeah. A bit... better now."
The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to comfort her. Worrying about what came next could wait. Right now, my sister was right here. She needed me. Because I'm her big brother.
"...Uh, hey... um..."
A discordant note shattered the moment between us, grating in my ears. ...Who the hell? I turned, irritation flashing across my face, and there was my friend—hand over her mouth above her mask, eyes wide as she stared at us.
"..."
At least it wasn't noona. You're an outsider. Mind your own business.
"...Oppa, I'm okay now, so let go."
"You sure?"
"...Yeah. I'm fine. I have something to say."
"...Okay."
My sister slipped out of my arms, saying she had words. She wiped her tears, turning away briefly, then faced us again and opened her mouth. Not to me—to her friend, who was also my friend. An outsider, basically. My little sister started talking to an outsider.
"...Haneul unnie. Do we look weird to you...?"
"...W-What do you mean...?"
"A little sister liking her big brother... does that seem weird...?"
"..."
No answer. Maybe she didn't need to. Of course it was weird. If it wasn't, she wouldn't be making that face. Her eyes shook like she couldn't even imagine it. Suspicion hardening into certainty.
"We're not... committing any crimes or anything... But why...? Why...! Why do we have to live in fear every day... why...!"
"..."
"Why does everyone care so much about us...?"
Tears she'd wiped away started flowing again. Emotions too vast for words trailed down her cheeks in heavy drops, desperate for some shape. Good thing people had passed by. No one should see this.
"...I like oppa. And oppa likes me... We have boyfriends and girlfriends, but we're dating each other."
"..."
"...Do you know what it's like to lie to the people you care about...?"
Her deepest feelings poured out—ones even I hadn't grasped. No, these were things we both knew. We'd shared them. We'd just pretended not to, because revisiting that bitter taste was too nauseating.
"...I didn't expect it to turn out like this. But even knowing... I still love him...!"
"..."
"You're an outsider anyway... so please...!"
Who was she saying this to? Not me—I'm not an outsider. Not my friend, either. It wasn't for anyone specific. She was just vomiting it all up.
"Please just pretend you don't know...!"
Gasping for breath, she spewed it all out—the pretense, the feigned ignorance. The listener was innocent, but we were the sinners. Even prisoners get to defend themselves... ...Can't we even speak up? No, we can.
"Uh... um... Gyeo...ul? Uh...?"
"...Sorry, Haneul unnie. That wasn't meant for you...!"
"Um... anyway... l-let's go to the con-convenience store. Convenience store. I just followed 'cause I wanted chocolate milk... Uh... we gotta head back, right? Anna unnie's waiting. So... yeah...?"
Did she ever imagine hearing this? Dreaming of a moment like it? My friend—who had no reason to take these emotional shrapnel—handled it way more maturely than I'd expected. ...She's a good person. But she's an outsider. I'm a bigger piece of shit than her, sure, but there's something only I can do for my sister. Blood ties and all.
"...We forgot our masks. Could you grab some from the convenience store instead?"
"Oh... yeah! Sure, sure. I'll get yours too, so stay here."
"..."
"Y-You have to stay here?"
"...We won't go anywhere, so go ahead."
With our promise not to run, the light changed right on cue. My friend bolted across the street like she was escaping. And then it was just us again. Her words for outsiders done, now it was sibling talk.
It started with her, again.
"...Sorry, oppa."
"Why? What for?"
"Sorry... because of me."
"You haven't burdened me, so no need to apologize."
Not wanting to show her crying face, she hid in my arms again, voice trembling as she continued. Why did she snap? I knew. Only you and I knew. The stress must've been killer. Lying to Mom, to cousin noona, friends outside, coworkers. Dad, overseas somewhere we barely keep track of. ...Maybe even to dead Grandma and Grandpa. Lying's no joke. You're hiding what can't be found out. Your heart's always squeezed tight.
"If it's hard, tell me."
"I know it's hard for you too... how could I...?"
"...Still, I'm your oppa."
"...Even so."
"Why torment your innocent friend unnie? If you're gonna lash out, do it at me."
"I'd feel good one second... then it crashes. Depressed. Being with you fixes it... but then someone we know shows up, heart drops, and I go insane."
Just us? Bliss. Safe. Sometimes thrilling. Brain soaked in happiness, losing function, everything perfect—no room for negativity. But add one more person? It flips. Anxiety, future worries, paranoia drowning in suspicion. Everything looks wrong—no positives allowed.
It was bound to blow eventually. Better now than later. She's a total outsider. Lucky she vented to someone we barely connect with.
"...If just one more person understood, it'd be easier. Right?"
"Maybe... yeah."
"It would. Better than us groaning alone."
We're normal people too. I met someone amazing. We have this beautiful love. Even as siblings, we're so happy. I want to brag. Even if it's not brag-worthy, even if it's wrong enough to make others cry blood, I want acknowledgment—even fake. "Huh, people like that exist..." Empty words would do... ...No. Too greedy. I don't need any of it. Just you.
"...Thanks, always."
"..."
"I've wanted to scream like that too sometimes... Thanks for doing it for me."
"..."
"Sometimes you seem more grown-up than me. I couldn't say it that coherently."
"...Oppa."
"Yeah, Gyeo-ul?"
"Do you like me...?"
What kind of "like"? She knew I did, so this wasn't for a simple yes. From the flow, one answer fit. I could read the mood now. We're fated siblings. Easy. You're the only one who knows all my weaknesses, my heart. I'm the only one who knows all of you.
"I like you, knowing full well. Knew it'd come to this... even if it gets harder, I like you. No matter what happens, so don't worry."
"...Thanks, oppa."
No kiss needed this time. Hearts connected was enough. The hug? It's cold, cut me some slack.
Even if the road ahead's a mud pit, I love you. Rough path? Fine. We'll make it. Siblings together.
"Though thanks to you, I won't be able to show my face when I go back to school... I'll beg her nicely and fix it."
"...Oppa always ruins the mood with weird crap right when it's good... seriously."
"Gotta break it. Go back like this? Your puffy eyes, and noona will freak—good luck managing faces as a trio."
"Seriously, smart only where it doesn't matter..."
"Doesn't matter? This is crucial. If I was dumber, we'd have days like this a bunch more."
"Fine... I love you, oppa."
"...Good you know."
Her emotions were a rollercoaster. Maybe from that first day she fell for me, when I took her to the amusement park. Can't stay still with all that up-and-down terror. But... you can't get off midway. You'd die. No escape, no stop, no forks. Strapped in beside me? We ride to the end. Knew what I signed up for.