77. Suspicion is Exhausting. Exhausted but Happy. Strange.
Suspicion is tiring. Tired but happy. Strange. Normally, by this point, I'd be fed up with everything. But somehow... this unfounded confidence and self-esteem surges right to the top of my head. Feels like everything I do will go great, like nothing could possibly go wrong. I thought I was a pessimist, but apparently not.
"Oppa, why are you grinning like that? It's creepy."
"Just?"
Still a little time before checkout. We'd overlapped our bodies until my sister's waist gave out, washed each other off afterward. Then, while washing, we got worked up again and overlapped once more. We'd barely managed to sink our trembling bodies into the tub water. ...And then satisfied our urges one more time after that.
Right now, any high-level thinking was impossible. I just... wanted to sleep. Right here. Hugging my sister.
"...What is it, Gyeo-ul."
"I'm just copying you?"
"My hair's short."
"You bite instead."
My sister, who had been drying her hair, climbed onto the bed. She sat behind my back as I lay on my side, tickling my ear with her long hair while giggling. That voice was so cute—even in my foggy-brained state—it made me want to pull her into a hug.
"Oppa tired?"
"...A bit."
"Serves you right. Were you trying to kill me?"
"Wasn't it the other way around?"
"I was just lying there, but you couldn't hold back and kept pouncing on me. Why blame me?"
"I never blamed you. I'm just... tired."
"...If you're tired, wanna... touch my boobs?"
"Yeah."
"What. ...Why'd you answer so fast, oppa."
"As if I'd ever turn that down."
My sister was still gently tickling my earlobe. I sat up, pulled her—who was sitting behind my back—into my arms, threw the blanket over us, and buried my face in the pillow while hugging her tight like before, eyes closed.
"...Oppa, you can't sleep. We have to leave soon."
"Just 10 minutes... You're tired too."
"That's exactly why no. We'll both fall asleep like this."
"One of us will wake up."
"No... "
No matter how exhausted I was, I could overpower one little sister with sheer strength. I hugged her tight so she couldn't slip out of my arms, inhaled the shampoo scent from her hair, and drifted off to sleep like that...
"Aaak! Hey, Kim Gyeo-ul!"
"I told you, you can't sleep, oppa!"
...It was predictable, but I'd barely shaken off sleepiness because my sister pinched my nipple. It didn't feel like a hard pinch, but it stung surprisingly.
Truth be told, I really couldn't sleep. We had to be home by 9. With the dinner excuse, the timing was tight. ...And this pain? I'd get revenge someday soon. No time today.
We both hurriedly dressed and stepped out of the room. Fresh panties and masks. ...My sister had packed them. Her own panties, fine—but when did she pack mine?
"Hey, why are my panties in your bag?"
"...Just in case."
"When did you sneak them in?"
"Who knows?"
...I could understand her stealing my clothes to wear. They shrink anyway, so I have plenty I can't wear anymore. But panties? Isn't that a bit much? I didn't think she'd use them for that, but it was still kinda embarrassing.
"You just wander around in clothes with no bag, so if I don't pack for you, no one will. That's why."
"If I packed your panties, it'd make me sound like a total perv, right?"
"That's 'cause you're a dog... perv. I packed them thinking of you, just in case. ...Honestly, your panties were super dirty. From that... stuff that comes out before you cum."
"...Yeah, true."
...Was this wifely care or just meddling? Logically, I was grateful. Whatever. Honestly, anything my sister did just looked thoughtful to me. No objective judgment possible anymore.
"Anyway, what for dinner? Anything open this late?"
"Probably? Kimbap or something..."
The moment I slung her backpack over my shoulder and headed out of the motel, someone I'd definitely seen today passed by. Probably yesterday too. And the day before. The guy and girl I'd worked with all week.
"... "
"... "
We had masks on, but no mistaking it. Same clothes as the ones I'd seen in the changing room earlier? The woman next to him was probably a coworker too. Not certain, but the eyes and hair were familiar.
"...Uh."
All four of us froze, not grasping the situation—then my sister grabbed my arm and bolted outside. They might've turned to stare at our hasty escape, or maybe thought no way or nah and pretended not to notice.
...Ah. Headache.
"...Did we... get caught?"
"...Dunno."
Same clothes. Masks on, hair restyled after washing—different from earlier. Could miss it. But could recognize too. The paranoia I'd thought gone after Suneung was creeping back. Bad outcomes kept nagging.
"Seriously... why do we have such shit luck."
"...Maybe we've had good luck till now, oppa."
"...Yeah."
Good or bad luck? Our siblings probably leaned good. Mom caught us multiple times and it was fine. This motel near home and the cafe—running into acquaintances wasn't weird. Not our first time; we'd come lots since starting the job.
"...The guy is definitely a coworker. Not close though. ...Might not have recognized us."
"I'm... kinda close to that noona. Not super, just occasional texts."
"...Shouldn't have said we were siblings."
"Boss already knows, and everyone asked day one. ...Can't hide it. Oppa."
Can't hide. ...So this relationship just can't be hidden, huh. Why not? Do we look that alike? Act too sibling-like?
...Dunno.
"...Let's eat. No point overthinking. They probably don't care. They're busy too, right?"
"...Yeah, probably."
No solving pointless problems no matter how much you dwell. Whether they recognized us or not. Knowing wouldn't let us fix it. So we let it go. Stopped thinking, entered a nearby street food joint, and scarfed kimbap and tonkatsu. Exhaustion and hunger made it taste amazing for the price. No indigestion either. Really, nothing happened.
After that, really nothing happened. Nights still ended with phone calls before bed, occasional post-work motel rests for siblings. We'd overlap even more intensely, like relieving stress. My sister's Anam uni life was set, new year flowed into February, but we lived normally, like always.
Simple reason: Any sensible person couldn't voice it. Taboo you can't confirm or suspect aloud.
But we could tell they'd seen us. Casual chatters now openly avoided. Sister's friend awkwardly pretended nothing—uncomfortably obvious. ...Sometimes stared weirdly.
At least they were sensible. Good no rumors spreading to boss ears. If boss knew, it'd reach nieces/nephews. My uni life over.
Of course... colleagues not the type to spread. Sister's friend starting our school, but not a gossiper. Everyone around us good people. ...I'm the biggest asshole.
They all live righteously. Just me and sister stepped out. But knowing makes it uncomfortable, can't relax.
Work sucks too. Wouldn't quit if not intro-referred. Frustrating having to shift schedules post-semester.
"Oppa. You struggling...?"
"Just a bit stressed... "
"...Wanna touch boobs?"
"...We're home?"
"You look so wrecked... Think it'd help?"
"...To my room."
Building frustration, stress. Future anxiety. Paranoia—what if acquaintances figure our relationship? Worry wrong people find out someday.
Head hurts so much. Exhausting. Only sister eases that vague torment.
"...Better?"
"A little."
"Good then."
Gazing same direction, hand slips under T-shirt. Sleep bra worn at home. One I dirtied, bought new as gift. Lift up, touch bare breast, lightly pinch nipple. Bite ear like always. ...Your breathing calms me.
Spoiled to sister too much. She's struggling too.
"...You okay?"
"Me?"
"No harassment or anything?"
"I'm not that weak. You just don't know. Don't worry too much. No changes. ...Nothing."
"Brother can worry about sister."
"Haha, true."
"...Wanna kiss?"
"Yeah. Love to."
Before Mom back from market, turn heads, lips crash, tongues entwine. This moment, no worries—just happiness for both.
"...Whew. Thanks, Gyeo-ul."
"...Me too."
"Mom'll be back soon. Let's go."
"Yeah."
We don't seek understanding. Know we're assholes, bad people. So please, just keep ignoring like now. Don't pay attention to us two marbles bounced outside the line. We chose to leave, knowing the worry and pain.