126. That Person
"I'm home."
"...Son's back?"
"Yeah. Where's Gyeo-ul?"
"She's studying in her room. Test tomorrow."
"She was out playing fine till yesterday, but now she's anxious again, huh."
"Something like that."
That ambiguous stretch between afternoon and evening. Along with the nagging doubt of whether things had really gone well, the sticky unease lingering in my chest refused to wash away.
...Is it really okay to leave Mom with that person?
If he'd just come out bold and confident, I might've been too stunned to say a word.
Lost in what felt like serious contemplation, the door suddenly flew open and my sister burst out.
"Ah, what. Oppa. Say something when you get home."
"I come back whenever anyway..."
"How would I know that, Oppa."
"...Ah, right."
A slip of the tongue nearly escaped me right there. Lucky Gyeo-ul covered for it, but that was close.
...Get it together.
"No souvenirs?"
"Why would I have souvenirs for you."
"Snacks?"
"Nope. Sugar makes you fat."
"I won't gain from that much..."
"...Go study. I'll buy some later."
I blinked hard a few times to jolt my brain alert, then slipped back into our usual sibling banter like always.
Independence wasn't far off. Just stay sharp, and we'd be safe for a good while—no room for slip-ups that could snag us.
Mom knew we wanted to live on our own, and we'd half-forced the apartment out of Dad, so weren't we already past the eightieth percentile to freedom? No need to rub in how we'd pried the place from him, though.
"Talk with Dad?"
"Yeah... some constructive stuff."
"Say anything harsh?"
"Nah, not that harsh."
"Dad's voice sounded rough."
...Man, he couldn't act to save his life. My favor toward him—and trust—was plummeting by the minute.
Why the hell does Mom like a guy like that? The question wouldn't leave my head.
"Did talking it out with Dad calm you down?"
"Eh... so-so?"
Should I say the anger cooled? Or that I just said my piece and left? I'd told him to speak up if he had anything—he didn't, so it was all me.
If there'd been some plausible excuse... maybe I'd have let it go. Hell, I wasn't even sure what pissed me off so bad to begin with.
"What'd Dad say about me?"
"Dunno? Not much."
"...Dad just cried without a word?"
"How'd you..."
"What? Did he really cry?"
"No, Mom. Leading the witness much?"
"Figured from how choked up he sounded... Sigh... He's not the teary type usually."
Watching Mom heave those deep sighs only piled on more anger.
Part of it was hating Dad. But mostly, it grated that Mom still loved him.
He's such a good person—why the hell... ...Haa, fuck.
Why do all these kids' dads and family men pull this shit?
"...What'd you tell Dad?"
"Just... me and Gyeo-ul'll live alone soon, so you two..."
"You little punk. First time seeing Dad in over a decade..."
"That's why—over a decade."
If it'd been just a couple years apart, sure. But bonding intimately with a stranger twice my age? What the hell do you even talk about? Our only common ground was Mom and Gyeo-ul.
"...Did you ask why the divorce?"
"Yeah, that too."
"What'd he say?"
"Busy, stress built up, fought, didn't mesh—divorced."
Even hearing it straight from him face-to-face, it still didn't click. Why divorce? Why reconcile now? If they were that mismatched, no reason to reunite. If emotions lingered that strong... no way they'd divorce over something like that and abandon their kids.
"That's what Dad said?"
"Yeah?"
"It's true enough. Fought... stress. So we divorced. Your dad and me."
So either Dad deliberately held back, or I'm missing something—there had to be another incident. Probably Dad stepping out. Looking at their life paths, that's the highest odds.
"...Can't tell me more?"
"Son."
"Yeah."
"Might be uncomfortable for you to hear... Still want?"
Uncomfortable story. Hearing how your parents split from a kid's perspective? No way it wouldn't be.
"I'm good."
But I wanted to know. If Dad was utter trash with zero excuses, it'd be easier. Or if not, that'd be fine too. If he's normal, Mom'd be in good hands.
"...Alright. Sit on the sofa. Mom'll tell you."
The living room TV blared noisily. We sat side by side on the sofa.
...After we move out, days like this won't come often. Guess this is a memory too.
"Thing is, Mom originally..."
"Yeah."
Truth be told, I'd never cared much before. The divorce never hit me as some huge trauma. We ate well, lived well, grew up fine. At worst, it twisted my view on love?
...No one could've guessed it'd lead to me loving Gyeo-ul.
"Didn't plan on Gyeo-ul."
"...Pardon?"
...Whoa. Expected something, but not her name popping up. No way—birth secret or what?
"Was rough after you... didn't want a second."
"Yeah."
"Wedding anniversary, drank with your dad... both got real wasted."
"...Ah, got it."
...Good it wasn't that. Didn't wanna know the details of how Gyeo-ul happened. Kinda gross knowing I was right there nearby.
"Mom went to church as a kid. Big Aunt's a believer too."
"Yeah."
"...Couldn't go through with abortion."
Still, it twisted my life—had to hear it. What if no Gyeo-ul? Doesn't matter. How she came to be, and the result? That's this. Knowing how to dodge this inescapable mess matters more.
I had to listen close.
"Talked it over with Dad, decided to have her... second time, body handled it fine."
"You mentioned that before..."
"You were C-section."
Mom poked her belly, pointing out the scar. Probably still there. My mark.
Gyeo-ul, by contrast...
"Your sister just came natural."
"Yeah, I know. ...Ate the breast milk well, grew sturdy."
"No plans, but happy with another kid. Lasted till busy raising you all..."
"Then?"
"...Mom, your dad, you kids—all our family has weak stomachs."
She didn't spell it out, but I wasn't an idiot. Got half why Dad dodged a straight answer.
"...Neglected each other after Gyeo-ul... just kinda happened."
Uncomfortable stuff. I'd pondered it seriously myself—plenty online about couples drifting post-birth.
"...Dad didn't cheat or anything, right?"
"No. Neither of us did anything shady."
"Just you two neglecting, leading to fights?"
"Less fights, more... Mom nagging Dad hard. 'Why you like this lately?' Even asked if another woman. ...Was super sensitive then. Anxious."
...Explains why Gyeo-ul worries too. Fears my feelings fade when she ages and frays. I'd fretted the same about her. The only thing that washes that away...
"Anxiety had Mom on edge, your dad just talked work nonstop to feed you kids—made it worse."
"Leading to divorce...?"
"...Your dad's as oblivious as you. ...When Mom was at her peak sensitivity, he goes on this long pitch about taking the kids to the US—pissed me right off."
"Swear a bunch?"
"No swearing. ...Told him to go alone if he wants—he actually did. Left for the US."
...There it was—the other half. Why Dad couldn't answer straight. Mom wasn't spotless. Daily negativity? Yeah, that'd wear anyone down.
"...Divorced just like that?"
"Pretty much over then. ...Your dad couldn't take it, handed over the house and everything, split to the US."
But... it's mostly Dad's fault.
"...Guy like that—why reconcile?"
"If I'd treated him better back then..."
Not loving your wife enough? That's divorce-worthy guilt. Hearing more, zero excuses?
"No, Dad messed up. Even so."
"Mom nagged him plenty. ...My fault too."
Good. Dad's trash confirmed. Mom innocent. ...Dodged an emotional rollercoaster. Didn't want my whole good-vs-evil worldview flipped.
This? Blame Dad guilt-free.
"Sorry, son. ...Would've been better raised under us."
But guilt toward Mom? Doubled, squared.
"...How better here?"
Saying it outright scared me—no way now.
"Eaten better, gone to a top college."
"Ah, no college talk. Seriously."
Worried Dad'd hurt her again... that too. And here we were, hurting her real-time—sorry doesn't cut it.
"Abroad, more to learn. ...If Mom'd tried harder, right?"
"That's all Dad's fault. Mom, zero wrong. For real."
How no answer, fuck.
"Mom."
"Yeah, son."
Norm is kids happy, parents happy...
"...Don't think I can marry."
Our happiness just makes Mom miserable.
"Why? Meet the right person, do it. Can't, oh well."
"...No confidence I'd do it right."
Confident ditching everything to love Gyeo-ul... but make her happy?
"Our son's got it. ...Trust your mom. You're my son."
And keep Mom from misery? How not hurt someone like her?
"Nah. Won't marry... gonna live with Gyeo-ul. She can't handle normal either..."
"You two live together, whatever. Still, meet people. ...Nothing beats meeting someone good, watching kids grow."
Hurt her once—know the feeling well? Huh? Dad. Yeah, you. You.
"...Don't like kids."
"You'll change when you meet someone you really love. Mom did."
What should I do? How with Mom? Please tell me, fuck. I'll do whatever you want... just fix this somehow. ...Dad, be a dad once. Please.