Fake Liar
My head wasn't throbbing, my stomach wasn't churning with nausea threatening to make me puke, and my chest wasn't tight enough to make breathing a chore. My head was just a little fuzzy from the booze but otherwise clear, my belly was full and greasy from stuffing myself with good food, and the air in the pub was crisp and pleasant without a speck of fine dust. No, it was just... me being exhausted.
"...Gyeo-ul."
I've been lying a lot lately, haven't I? Lying to Mom is routine, and back when I was a selfish piece-of-shit asshole, I'd fed bullshit to those friends I screwed over. I'd lied dozens of times to my juniors who saw us heading into a motel but insisted it couldn't be and kept believing in me. Even to my classmate who put me on his team project despite knowing full well what a disgusting freak I was for banging my sister—I lied right to his face.
"No more lies from now on. ...I can't do it anymore."
Ah, she's the type who'll buy this much, so this level of bullshit should work. That person's pretty tight-lipped, so no problem there. That one seems quick on the uptake, so better keep my distance...
...Fuck. What the hell am I doing?
"...Oppa."
Am I drunk? I look the part, but is it the alcohol? Am I drinking to get drunk? Do I drink because I cause trouble when wasted? Or do I drink because I want to cause trouble?
...Doesn't matter. I won't be drinking with anyone anymore anyway.
"Juniors."
"...Uh, yeah. Hyung...?"
I'd just realized how small the world is, how the lies to my friend were different from the ones to these guys, how no matter how hard I tried not to get caught, I couldn't suppress the urge to be with them, how we'd shared love on a razor's edge.
"I asked if you'd believe me if I told you."
Hiding, lying, pretending, getting brazen, acting—this shit, how many more times do I have to... I can't fucking do it.
"...Do you believe me now?"
Will they buy it if I say it like this? ...Who knows. I don't even believe myself.
"Fuck... ...Haa..."
I took a deep breath before speaking, inhaling that shampoo scent that always calmed me.
"...It's not like I want to lie..."
It was like slicing through a tangled mess of threads with a knife—my mind cleared right up.
"No, fuck..."
"Hey, sunbae..."
"...Thanks for doing well on the team project, everyone."
My heart felt lighter too. I'd wanted to say it at least once.
"I figured the rumors would spread, but thanks for not telling anyone."
A close friend suddenly confesses she likes her own brother, and instead of cutting ties, she comforts her? She says she has a date but then sees crazy siblings heading to a motel and keeps quiet? Hell, even when she catches them hugging and kissing on the street after they duck out to a convenience store mid-drinking binge, she pretends not to notice. Gets unfairly chewed out despite knowing nothing and never complains...
Honestly, I was fucking grateful. Everyone around me is too damn nice. That's how I lasted this long.
"...Gyeo-ul. My wallet's in my jacket pocket. Can you grab it?"
"...Oppa."
"Let's go. ...Let's get out of here."
So... I didn't want to squeeze in among those nice people. Didn't want to come here, didn't want to stay long, didn't want to ruin the vibe by blowing up the gathering.
I wanted to be with someone I could relax around without lying. Now there's only one such person.
One is... enough.
"Oppa."
"Yeah."
"...Sit."
"...What?"
Gyeo-ul, who'd been letting me cling to her and stink of booze this whole time, shoved me away. Then she jangled her wrist to show off the bracelet I'd put on her when we arrived, pulled me back, and plopped me right next to my junior again.
"I know everyone here anyway, right? Can't I join?"
"...Huh?"
"It's been ages since I saw my friends. I wanna chat a bit."
"...What?"
"Is this yours, oppa? Lemme have some. My throat's dry."
And Gyeo-ul sat in the last empty seat—right next to me. She chugged half the remaining beer, then pinned my foot so I couldn't bolt.
...I'm screwed. What now?
Hardly any absolute time had passed, but it felt like at least an hour. My head was throbbing, my stomach churning with nausea, my chest so tight I couldn't breathe easy.
...I'd thought she grabbed me so confidently because she had some plan. But Gyeo-ul just sat next to me, lips sealed, quietly sipping her beer.
"Ah... Gotta get more drinks."
Having stolen and finished my beer, Gyeo-ul stood up under everyone's stares. My foot freed, I couldn't stay seated either and followed her.
I sidled up behind her as she grabbed a fresh cup to pour beer and whispered.
"...Why'd you do that?"
"Why'd you?"
"I was drunk."
"I told you to drink in moderation. You were gonna cause trouble."
"...I drank because I wanted to cause trouble."
"...No more from now on."
I was suffocating, exhausted, done. Wanted to cut all ties, excuses be damned. They wouldn't understand anyway—I didn't want their consideration anymore.
"...The vibe's so bad I wanna puke. What now?"
"It would've gotten weird if we'd left anyway."
"True."
Yelling at kids who were drinking fine. Hugging Gyeo-ul in front of everyone. All of it... because I wanted to blow it all up and pretend it never happened.
"...Oppa."
"Yeah."
"If we leave now, it feels like... something really ends... so I just... did it without thinking."
Even now, I could convince Gyeo-ul somehow, pay up, and drag her out.
"...My friend's there too. Nael."
"...Right, yeah."
"She's... really a good friend. I don't want to lose her over something like cutting ties..."
The more people I meet, the more lies I have to tell. I'd planned to ghost everyone from now on. Give up on everything...
"...You handle it somehow, oppa."
"..."
"I trust you."
As long as she clutched my collar begging me to fix it, I... couldn't ignore my little sister's words.
I didn't know how, but... I had to figure it out.
...But seriously, how?
"...It's awfully quiet, everyone."
We came back with beers, but the table was still eerily silent, like a horror movie.
No clue how to salvage this. Never planned to—no excuses, no more lies. What point was there in lying when the secret I had to hide was already out?
"Uh... Im Na-el."
"...Y-Yes? M-Me?"
"You didn't know, right?"
"Uh... K-Know what...?"
"...That we're like that."
"Ah... ...Y-Yeah."
I picked the one most likely to play along, but... this is still bullshit. Not like I'm bullying her or anything, fuck...
No answers. Whatever—won't see them again anyway. I'll just do whatever.
"Haa... Screw it. Let's play a game."
"...What?"
"It's a drinking party. Drinking game. If you don't wanna, leave. I'll cover if everyone bails, no worries."
Fuck... Never thought I'd say this shit at a drinking session. Didn't know spouting nonsense with a concrete face was this hard.
"If you're staying, hands out. Image game."
Everyone hesitated, unsure. First time feeling eyes like this. What the hell is this guy? Looks like they're staring at a train off the rails.
...Ridiculous. Been off the rails forever, and now I get these looks.
"Me... well, you all get it now. No more lies from me?"
"..."
"...Truth-tellers take a shot each. No lying."
I wasn't even this nervous my first presentation. Just five people staring, but I feel like puking, going insane.
"I'll start, clockwise. ...People with a partner, fold."
People still rolling their eyes finally extended hands when I folded first, mimicking me. Only one not folding: classmate Shin Haneul.
...Damn, couple-heavy group. We're kinda ambiguous, though.
"Gyeo-ul, your turn."
"...People who think we're idiots, fold."
Everyone twitched at the dumb question but didn't fold. We did, of course. Siblings tying for last. Three more folds and we're out.
"Haneul unnie. Your turn."
"...People with the Kim surname, fold."
"...Why us?"
"Because of you two... ha... Never mind."
...Nothing to say. She's the real victim. Worked hard as leader to wrap up the project... only for me to nuke it spectacularly. Grateful she didn't bash my head in.
"Na-el. You."
"...Ah, me. Right..."
"Anything."
"Uh... um..."
Im Na-el still out of it. Most pitiful here. Others at least suspected. She truly didn't know. Just that Gyeo-ul liked me.
"Non-only children... fold...?"
"...Big trouble."
Now siblings down to one each. Others have three or four. I might survive. Ends with that last girl?
"Me... now?"
"...Yeah."
"People who... wanna leave, fold..."
All five folded at once. Ah, me and Gyeo-ul lost together.
...Why'd she trap me here if she wants out too?
"...Kim Ga-eul, Kim Gyeo-ul."
The only one not folding... predictably, the leader. Nosiness like the Pacific Ocean.
"You lost, so drinks. Cups out, everyone. Order another chicken too. I'm hungry."
"...Ah, yeah. Got it, unnie."
At the leader's command, the siblings stood with glasses in both hands.
To navigate this shit vibe... drown everyone else in booze, duh. Clear their heads, witnesses gone?
...That this absurd thought was the most plausible? Too funny—even laughter wouldn't come.