Prologue: Sorry, Mom.
"Hello?"
"Son, you eaten yet?"
"Nah, I was just about to order something."
"You at home?"
"Yeah."
"It's the weekend—go out and have some fun."
"Who goes out playing in this mess of a world right now?"
Truth is, I've got someone I like now.
"Just wear your mask right and you'll be fine. You're out of the military—time to get yourself a girlfriend or something."
"Well, I'd need someone worth making one with."
"Our Ga-eul's got such a solid build, I bet plenty of girls like you."
She's cute, acts like she isn't but she's got a heart of gold, a bit skinny but with big breasts, taller than Mom by a bit, smart as hell, and she likes me—a lot. Mom would probably like her too.
"I'll probably find someone or not once I go back to school and all that. No need to force a girlfriend."
"True... yeah, do what you want. Just don't sneak grandkids in later to surprise me."
"Pfft, I'm never getting married, so no worries there."
"That's what all you kids say these days, but the ones who do it still do."
But I'm sorry. I can't get married.
"I'm not going independent—planning to live with you and Gyeo-ul forever."
"Back in high school you whined every day about wanting to live alone, and now that you're older you're turning into more of a baby?"
"After the army, home cooking hits different—it's too damn good."
Mom's giggle came through the phone. They say parents know everything about their kids, and thank God that's not true.
"Anyway, I'm sleeping over at your Big Aunt's tonight, so eat dinner properly."
"Got it."
"I'll be back tomorrow lunchtime, so don't skip breakfast with Gyeo-ul."
"Roger."
I hung up.
How long do I have to keep hiding these feelings? Does it stop being wrong if no one finds out?
"...Oppa."
The door creaked open, and my sister peeked her face in. Jet-black rock tee as always. Dolphin pants that only ever changed color. The fact that I even remember what she's wearing proves how disgusting I am—I know that much.
"What?"
"Heard the phone."
"Mom."
"What'd she want?"
"She's staying over at Big Aunt's tonight."
"Not coming back?"
"Nope."
She plopped down naturally beside the sofa. Our skin didn't touch. Just enough space for a hand between us. That distance suited us perfectly.
"...What."
"Nothing."
That's how it should have been, for sure.
"You're heavy—move."
"No."
Her long hair tickled below my knee. I have no idea why she always uses someone else's leg as a pillow. Wait, not someone else.
"At least lie the other way."
"You prefer feet over heads?"
"Quit talking nonsense."
Still just normal sibling skinship for now. The caring older brother and little sister.
"...Move before I mess with you."
"Do whatever."
What you do is just teasing or picking a fight. So what I do is just payback.
I blew softly into her ear. Normally she'd jolt her whole body and scream, but this time she just twitched.
"..."
"What."
"...Do whatever."
Her ears were bright red. I swallowed dryly without thinking. When I brushed it lightly, it was hot to the touch, matching the color perfectly.
"...Kim Gyeo-ul."
"...What."
"What do you want for dinner."
"...Dunno?"
"Wanna go out?"
It was too hot where we touched. Too burning. I might not be able to stop.
"...Do whatever."
There are things in this world you can't just do whatever with.
I didn't know that until four months ago, last summer.
"Knife-cut noodles and dumplings, or pork soup rice?"
"Neither vibe."
"What's vibe got to do with eating with my sister."
"You have no idea how a delicate high school girl feels."
"Suneung's over—you're an adult."
"Haven't graduated yet?"
"Whatever, so what're we eating."
Winter came, and
"...Anything's fine."
I learned of these feelings,
"As long as it's together."
and I'll never regret it.