A Familiar Reflection
I jerked back from the elbow that suddenly jutted out, but I couldn't dodge completely and took the hit full in the face.
"Aaaagh! Aack! Sorry! Are you okay? Ah, what do I do!"
A loud smack rang out and my body flew backward. The other person freaked out and made such a fuss that Round 2 was hastily interrupted. Lying there amid the bewildered crowd, the embarrassment outweighed the pain. Ah, I really went down flat on my back.
"I-I'm fi—"
"Don't get up."
Somehow Han Sang-jin had already drawn close and was kneeling on one knee, carefully examining my face. Living together through the dorm period, I'd noticed he was unusually sensitive about safety accidents.
Whenever the floor was slippery, he'd immediately fetch a mop and wipe it. If there was anything that could cause a collision and injury, he'd clear it the moment it caught his eye. I'd seen him do it several times. He wasn't the type to advertise what he did, so everything happened quietly, but the people practicing with him couldn't help but notice.
I must have given a careless first impression, because he was particularly attentive to me. I'd tried hard not to give him any more reason to worry—but that had all gone to waste.
"I was just a little startled, that's all. I'm fine. Collisions happen all the time when you're dancing."
"Nooo! No! The impact felt pretty strong when we hit, you know? What if you get a concussion? Stay down!"
"Yeah, just stay lying down for now. Don't get up."
The one who'd hit me was Kim Yo-han. Since he was specialized in singing, I knew him as one of the worst dancers among the TOP 20, right alongside Lee Won-yeong. When our eyes met, I only saw panic, so it didn't seem deliberate.
"I'm really fine. And we can't delay the filming."
I sat up abruptly. If I were a civilian instead of the mafia, it might not have mattered, but as the mafia I couldn't drop out.
"Lee Han-hee, are you really okay?"
"Ah, I'm fine. It was just a light bump."
The MC approached to check. When I'd forced myself upright, my vision had gone white for a moment, but after a bit it seemed all right. If a real problem cropped up, the system would probably hand me a recovery ticket as a reward again or something.
"If you're not okay, you can say you're not okay. People come first—you don't have to grit through pain just because you're reading the room."
"No. Really, I'm fine."
"…Alright then, I'll pass that along for now."
I spoke firmly to Cheon Tae-rim, who was seriously assessing the extent of the injury. The MC turned away with a reluctant face and continued.
"If you feel dizzy or anything midway through, you have to tell us right away. Filming is important, but it's absolutely not worth grinding your health for. You have to take care of your own body."
"Yes, thank you for the advice."
After sending the MC off, I brushed my tingling face once, and Lee Jae-jin asked with a serious expression.
"You sure you're okay?"
"Yes, it was just a little bump."
"Looks like you hit your head when you fell too, no?"
"No, I'm really fine."
The people surrounding us, especially Han Sang-jin, looked suspicious, but I kept pushing through. There was no time for this.
I already used the reward I got. I can't just waste it like this.
I only had twenty minutes left where I could use mind reading. We were only on Round 2—we needed to hurry things along.
"Round 2, start!"
We realigned the formation and filming resumed as if nothing had happened. The song picked up right from the intro of BLOSSOM. Before long there was a choreography part where you stretch your arms out fully, and I could feel everyone holding back. Kim Yo-han's arm, which had been fully extended earlier, was now bent halfway.
And as soon as the song ended, the votes piled on.
"Ah~ There's no covering for this one."
"Right? Yo-han hyung~ Even if I wanted to pretend I didn't see that, I can't."
Kim Yo-han, who'd become unusually passive, obediently stuck his neck out. When our eyes met, the corners of his eyes drooped—he was clearly scared of making another mistake and wanted to be eliminated quickly.
Just as he wished, the votes converged on Kim Yo-han without much opposition, and when night passed into morning, Woo Cheong-hee was killed. Woo Cheong-hee, who'd been so worried about my injury from the sudden collision that he couldn't focus on identifying the mafia during discussion time, was dragged out so anticlimactically.
"Alright, then we'll start Round 3 right away!"
Four out of twenty had been eliminated, but not a single mafia had been caught yet. On top of that, the police had died in the first round, so it was clearly a situation advantageous for the mafia.
At this rate, we might actually win.
The stares watching me closely the entire time I danced, as if the game itself were secondary, made my face prickle, but I didn't show it. I perfectly executed the dance break section of Round 3's song selection, Sunlight. I felt I needed to show I was fine.
"Isn't this Lee Han-hee?"
"Hmm~ Suspicious."
"I think that's right."
But with claims chaining from Lee Jae-jin to Han Min-hyeok to Han Sang-jin, I was instantly cornered as the mafia. No, I was really perfect? I looked at Lee Jae-jin, who'd spoken first.
"Hyung, I didn't mess up any parts…?"
"No, your timing was a little late."
"No, I really didn't mess up…?"
There truly hadn't been any mistakes, but Lee Jae-jin was firm. When he put it like that, it really felt like I had messed up.
"Looking at how flustered you are, Han-hee really is the mafia."
"Ah, Sang-jin hyung. I'm really not. I didn't mess up a single thing, okay?"
With even Han Sang-jin joining in to pressure me, suspicious gazes gathered. No, I was the mafia, but this was a frame-up. I hadn't messed up.
I knew what they were after. They were trying to eliminate me quickly so I could rest, just in case I'd hit my head. But I was really fine. I'd already danced twice and was still okay. I looked at Kwon Do-ha. You won't do this, right?
"Actually, I'm the police, and Han-hee is indeed the mafia."
"…!"
And when Kwon Do-ha opened his mouth, the situation resolved in an instant.
"Yes! Han-hee was indeed the mafia!"
"I am the mafia, but no, I didn't mess up! This is really unfair!"
And I was moved to where the eliminated people were gathered. I saw Song A-seong, Woo Cheong-hee, Kim Yo-han, and Lee Won-yeong sitting huddled together. Following behind me with a confused expression was Min Ho-su. So you died after all.
With this, the three witnesses who'd first discovered the scene of me, Kwon Do-ha, and Lee Jae-jin high-fiving had all been eliminated. Including me, who didn't even need to die.
"Hyung, Jae-jin hyung and Kwon Do-ha are the mafia, right…?"
"Yeah, that's right…."
Min Ho-su, who'd witnessed the team kill, asked with a confused face, so I answered that it was. You're speechless too, right? Same here.
"Han-hee hyung! Is your head okay? Come sit down quick. It might make you dizzy, so slowly, slowly."
And Song A-seong, who'd been watching the filming from here, fretted as he grabbed my hand and led me to a seat. It was a bit late to worry about my head after I'd already been shaken as much as I was going to be.
"Hyung, no bump on the back of your head?"
But I obediently let Woo Cheong-hee and Song A-seong, who were fussing and feeling around beside me, check my head. If checking made them feel better, I could offer it.
And my eyes met Lee Won-yeong's, who was watching this way with a complicated expression. Without meaning to, I read his inner thoughts.
"…."
"…."
Even knowing that peeking into someone else's mind without permission was rude, I couldn't easily tear my gaze away. Confronting his more complicated and gloomy inner self than expected, my own head conversely grew calm.
Lots of thoughts, lots of stress.
I somehow felt like I was looking at my past self. Someone quick at assessing situations but so full of bad luck that almost nothing ever worked out. So a bit more calculating and defensive in relationships, and ultimately trusting no one.
The self-deprecation unique to someone who'd been broken too many times was so clear, and that appearance so closely resembled the me before I died, that for a moment I was at a loss for words. Back then, nothing I did went well, and my surroundings were full of things that fueled my inferiority complex.
Suddenly, that thought struck me.
The reason I'd been so obsessed with song and dance stats when given a new life was because of the residue of past failures. The privileges and opportunities I could never obtain no matter how much I wanted them before I died—when they were suddenly given, I'd been scared.
Because if I failed even when the red carpet for success was laid out like this, it would feel like the past me had deserved that treatment, like I'd been that kind of person all along.
Did I want to prove through this life that the past me hadn't been a useless person?
No matter how much you console yourself that it was just bad luck, when failures repeat, there inevitably comes a moment when you start doubting even the abilities you possess. The difference was that the past me had eventually fallen into despair, but Lee Won-yeong still hadn't given up.
At this rate, I can't help but be concerned.
I pressed my forehead with my hand. I'd wanted to avoid getting involved with Lee Won-yeong somehow, but I had a feeling it would be impossible.
"Ack, hyung, does your head hurt?"
"Now that you mention it, this part looks a little swollen!"
With my hand on my forehead like that, the fussy voices from beside me made me quickly pull my hand away. Two pairs of eyes purely full of worry looked at me.
"Alright~ The game is over! Mafia team victory!"
"Aaaah! They're total scammers!"
"That's why I said there was no way the mafia wouldn't kill the police!"
"But still, Kwon Do-ha caught Lee Han-hee. And no more police came out."
"But did the mafia really kill a mafia just to avoid suspicion?"
The people who'd been filming must have failed to catch the mafia in Round 4, so the game ended before even entering Round 5.
"Alright~ Everyone gather up! Those of you who were eliminated, come this way too!"
I rubbed the cheekbone area that was growing a little warmer as time passed. Even though my hands were on the cold side, the heat transferred and they quickly became lukewarm. Probably going to bruise.
"So who was the real police?"
"It was me."
As if they'd still been analyzing the game, Song A-seong quietly raised his hand amid the noisy filming set.
"Ah, what! The police died on the first turn?!"
"Before I died, I confirmed that Kwon Do-ha hyung was the mafia, but I died before I could say anything."
"Whoa, is he a sniper? Look at that sniping skill."
Admiring gazes followed Kwon Do-ha, the mafia who'd killed the police who'd confirmed his identity on the first turn, and later casually pretended to be the police himself.
"Tsk, honestly this… we had no choice but to lose. The mafia played too well, humanly speaking."
"Killing the police first turn, pointing at the same mafia to avoid suspicion of being partners, and even cosplaying as police…."
"On top of that, those two never messed up the dance even once. No, does that make sense? Did they maybe hear the same song? How did they not mess up even once?"
"I didn't mess up either…."
I muttered sulkily in resentment, and Lee Jae-jin reached for my head but hesitated and patted my shoulder instead. Normally he would have ruffled my hair, but he must have been pretty bothered by me falling after getting hit by the elbow.
"That's right, Lee Han-hee actually didn't mess up."
"…!"
I finished the filming by looking at Lee Jae-jin with eyes full of betrayal as he added that it had been intentional bluffing so we wouldn't be grouped as the same team.
After choosing Lee Won-yeong, Kim Yo-han, and Han Min-hyeok as the three civilians who would receive penalties, my share of the filming ended. And the moment the cut sound finished, I was being escorted to the infirmary by Lee Jae-jin and Han Sang-jin. Even when I said there was no need, they kindly saw me off along the way, and since I had something I wanted to say, I accepted the kindness.
"So how was your head while you were resting? Didn't get dizzy or anything?"
"…I was fine, Jae-jin hyung. Thank you for worrying about me."
Of course I was grateful for the concern, but I didn't want excessive worry like today's. In the end, even if I'd kept filming, there wouldn't have been a big problem.
"But while I'm grateful, I'd like it if you believed me when I say I'm fine."
I'd even used the mind reading I'd received as a reward after making a big decision, so it was a shame I hadn't been able to produce a proper scene during filming.
"You have to be believable for that…."
"Han-hee."
"Yes?"
While Lee Jae-jin was muttering something, Han Sang-jin suddenly cut in.
"Your face, this side looks swollen."
"Yes, I was going to get some bruise cream when we get there."
And I made a pained sound at the large hand pressing my cheekbone.
"Uwaaah, why are you pressing it…?"
"…."
"…."
"Haa."
Lee Jae-jin and Han Sang-jin suddenly exchanged glances and sighed at the same time. No, it's not like I'm dying just because I got a bruise on my face—why are they making such a fuss….
"I'm really fine. Even if it bruises a bit, it'll go away in less than a week."
"…Yeah."
No, if someone saw this, they'd think these two were my parents. The looks as if they were distressed over their precious child getting hurt made the back of my neck itch. And the more that happened, the more Lee Won-yeong's thoughts wouldn't leave my head.
Ah, something's gotten tangled, I think.
And not long after, on the day we filmed the cut where the one hundred participants gathered to watch and review episodes 1 and 2 of Idol Survival, I realized that this ominous premonition had been right.
I'd been hoping this one would be wrong.