Chapter 36 - A Really, Really Fucking Terrible Reunion
Chapter 36 - A Really, Really Fucking Terrible Reunion
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"Alright. To become my boyfriend, you just need to remember these things."
Edel sat me down in a chair and suddenly started running her mouth.
Seriously, what the fuck is this woman trying to do?
"First, you have to be good at cooking."
"Umm.... If it's just that, I don't mind."
Actually, I'm good at cooking.
Even when I was out in society, cooking was a hobby of mine, and my MOS in the military was a mess cook, after all.
I don't know about anything else, but wouldn't I be the strongest in the entire military when it came to seaweed soup or spicy stir-fried pork (jeyuk)?
On days when jeyuk was served, if I handled the main menu, even the senior sergeants who usually threw tantrums and refused to eat would casually wander down.
"You really have to be fucking good at it. Your noona has a picky palate."
"I got it. But we're not actually getting married, so why are you making such a big deal out of this?"
"Just so you know!"
Right. If the person involved says so, it must be so. I decided to brush it off casually.
"And second, my boyfriend must obey me regardless of the reason."
"Pardon?"
Seriously, what kind of bullshit is this?
"It's not like I signed a slave contract."
"There's nothing I hate more than a man acting up in front of me."
"...That sounds straight-up like mental illness."
My personality is not to hold back against such bullshit and just spit it right out.
If it's rude, then it's rude. But right now, this person and I are on equal footing.
I believe I can boldly say things I shouldn't normally say.
"Hey! It's obvious. Do you even know how many gold coins noona makes in a month?"
"Of course with that career, it'd be a lot! But that doesn't mean you can completely look down on people, you know?"
"Ugh! Just pretend to go along with me roughly."
I fucking hate doing this.... But if the client asks for it, it's right to do it, I suppose.
After nodding moderately, I waited for the next bullshit to come out.
"Good. It's the third condition. Actually, this is the most important one. Can you keep it?"
"Let's hear it first."
"In front of me, you act like a loose man, but to others, you must act like a pure, devoted virgin. Simple enough, right?"
My head was throbbing with a dull ache. If someone could hear this kind of nonsense and stay normal, they'd have to be mentally ill.
Since I was annoyed and didn't respond to her words, she seemed to have delusionally fabricated something on her own.
She kept twitching with a smile (seuluk-seuluk), sliding her hand sseuk-sseuk onto my shoulder to fondle it as she muttered.
"You like this too, right?"
On this day, all the illusions I had about this woman shattered completely.
I decided to quietly accept whatever the hell this woman did from then on.
The second gathering was held in a much better place.
There were plenty of wealthy adventurers praying for the downfall of Edel Baz, and thanks to their generous funding, they were able to rent out the city's largest restaurant entirely.
Watching all sorts of meat dishes and seafood being endlessly cooked and brought out to the center of the hall, Dennis dropped his jaw wide open.
'Meat!'
Meat could be considered to occupy a very important part of Dennis's life in this other world.
Since humans are animals that cannot live on bread alone, they naturally need to fill up on necessary vitamins and protein.
In my case, I supplemented my vitamins with tree berries.
'Around this time of year, lots of berries grow in the forest, making them great to eat.'
Their appearance was different from the ones on Earth, but the taste was pretty much the same.
Whenever he worked as a porter, he constantly popped sweet and sour ones into his mouth.
And in the case of vitamin B, which could only be filled with protein and meat, he could only get it from mice roaming the streets, which was due to his pathetic hunting skills.
Also, since he couldn't eat these when winter came, Dennis diligently hunted and ate mice during summer and autumn to stock up.
"Uhm, Edel. Can I go to the buffet?"
"Wait. Let's go show you off first."
"No.... If we don't eat those right now, they'll get cold and won't taste good."
Pork doesn't taste good when it gets cold. The fat hardens and it looks hideous, too.
That's why you're supposed to eat it while it's steaming hot.... To just leave it sitting there! This was practically a crime.
"I'll buy it for you after we're done, so stay still."
"Jjeop...."
"Hey, manage your expression. They're coming over."
At those words, Dennis looked in the direction she was pointing.
It was a mage with huge breasts and a female warrior whose hair stuck out like a lion's mane.
Both of them wore smiles, and even to Dennis, who knew nothing, it looked like they were coming to tease Edel.
"Edel? Ah, it really is Edel."
"Marien."
"Who's the person next to you? Ah, is he a younger brother perhaps?"
The man tucked under Edel's side looked very small and youthful.
He guessed it might be a younger brother, but he could immediately tell that wasn't the case.
That was because, unlike Edel, whose impression was fierce from the start, the man gave off a gentle, puppy-like vibe.
Besides, there wasn't a single thing similar between them.
'And she's not the kind of bitch to trot out her younger brother to a place like this.'
No matter how much Edel had degraded into a bitch just playing instructor at a training center, she should still have the dignity of a Sword Master.
She probably bought a male prostitute.
'Still, where did she fish up such a decent-looking kid?'
Actually, it wasn't just a decent level.
Despite being a small and cute man, an eerie amount of sex appeal oozed off him.
His pure white skin was reminiscent of snow fallen overnight, fueling the desire in anyone who looked at him to want to defile him.
Marien clenched her teeth and tried to find flaws in the man in front of her, but it was to little avail.
"Say hello. He's my boyfriend."
"Hello....?"
"...."
A bitch who makes a living running a mere training center managed to snag a man like this?
Marien crumpled the corners of her eyes, showing a very faint trace of displeasure.
'What a fucking idiot bitch. Trembling with festering inferiority.'
Of course, the current situation was fabricated—meaning it was far from the truth. But Edel beamed with smiles as if she genuinely had a younger boyfriend.
It would be a truly pathetic sense of superiority once the reality was exposed. The Sword Master, now in her mid-thirties, hugged her fake boyfriend's waist and smiled brightly.
'Ha, this crazy bitch.... She shelled out a fair bit of money, is that it?'
Of course, Marien didn't do something stupid like believe her.
Instead, she thought it was an opportunity. If it were revealed that that man was a fake boyfriend, she could truly send Edel's image down the abyss.
"Yes, nice to meet you. I'm Marien Witches. You must have heard my name at least once, right?"
"No."
"...If I say the Blue Lightning, Marien."
At those words, Dennis could recall the rumor that there was a mage who primarily handled blue lightning magic.
Usually, mages used simple elemental magic like water or fire, and the reason was that it was easy to form with mana.
On the other hand, lightning magic was too incomplete, making it difficult to control through mana.
Blue Lightning Marien handled lightning like her own limbs and reportedly annihilated an orc tribe with a single blow.
"Ah, I've heard of that. They say she's the idol of all mages."
"Fufu. That's an exaggerated rumor."
Men naturally liked humble women. Marien tried to lower herself to win favorability.
Against an opposite-sex target with high favorability, people naturally tend to open their hearts. Marien wanted the man in front of her to naturally spill the lies to her.
"By the way, our Edel's boyfriend...."
"Dennis."
"Ah, yes. Why did Dennis-nim end up dating Edel?"
Because she said she'd teach me a technique?
He couldn't say that. After pondering for a moment, Dennis opened his mouth.
"She has a lot of money."
"What?"
Marien was flustered.
If he had said, "Because her personality is kind," she had planned to tell him about the atrocities Edel committed back in those days.
And if he spewed nonsense like, "Because she's kind to men," she had planned to let him know what she did to male adventurers.
Yet the answer that returned was....
"She spends gold coins on me like water, so of course I fell for her."
"Haha.... I, I see."
What kind of man is so greedy?!
Just looking at his appearance, he looked like an innocent man, but his inner thoughts were those of a thirty-year-old sly old viper.
'She really did buy a man, huh.'
If she had dated a man purely, Edel wouldn't be someone who wouldn't 'correct' a man like that.
She would have definitely cuffed him or beaten him with a wooden sword under the pretext of sparring.
Just how many were there—the number of male adventurers who retired because of Edel could probably circle the parade ground three times walking like a duck in a squat.
"Then is there any other good point about Edel besides that?"
"Ah, there is."
Dennis quietly closed his eyes and thought about Edel's good points.
Good points. She's good at fighting. And she's noisy.
'There aren't any.'
No matter how much he thought about it, there were none. Of course, her face is pretty. But she's so ignorant, noisy, and foul-mouthed that it renders her looks meaningless.
Anyway, since he had brought up her good point, he had to pull out at least one.
'A compliment women would like, huh.'
Considering it's a world where gender roles are reversed, what kind of compliment would they like?
Dennis thought deeply.
'Ah, that's it.'
And he casually thought of it. Because he was half out of his mind from being starving, his answer was downright shocking.
"She's good at sex."
It took only a few seconds for the entire banquet hall to freeze over at the shocking answer.