Chapter 1 - I'm fucked!
Chapter 1 - I'm fucked!
001
This world is fucking shitty.
To put it another way, this 'isegye' is fucking terrible.
Especially more so for men.
"Hurry the fuck up and come!"
"S-S-Sorry!"
The weather was sweating like crazy. If this were Korea, it was sweltering and humid enough to make a fuss about an all-time record heatwave.
'Fuck, fuck, fuck!'
In that murderous weather, I was walking along a fucking rugged mountain path—let alone an asphalt road—with a load weighing over 30kg strapped to my back.
Ah, I can't fucking do this. Dammit!
Every single step I take, sweat drops plop down and stain the ground. My wobbling movements are just like a newborn calf's.
However, heavy as it is, I must never drop this luggage. Because the women walking ahead of me won't forgive me if I do.
"Mayiel-ssi. Where on earth did you recruit a porter like that? He's fucking slow and useless!"
"Then you try finding one for 3 bronze coins. This was the best I could do."
Three bronze coins.
A rat-ass amount of money that could barely buy you about three pieces of bread.
And that is also why I'm walking right behind these annoying fucking bitches in full gear.
"Shut your traps, both of you. We'll be arriving at the goblin nest soon. Porter, you take off your pack as soon as we arrive."
"Y-Yes, y-yep!"
That statement was correct. Parting the overgrown bushes, an open space appeared where terrifying bastards emitting their unique fucking stench were roaming about.
"There they are. Everyone hide your bodies. Even though their eyesight is crippled, their ability to read presence is top-notch."
At those words, the party of five, including myself, quietly concealed our bodies in the bushes.
"Gureureuk."
"Gureureu!"
They're bastards commonly called goblins, standing about as tall as brats.
Each one isn't much to look at. Sure, their claws and teeth are sharp, but their build is just way too small.
The problem is their sheer numbers. Usually, about 40 to 50 of them gather huddled together in a single nest.
They had roughly pitched something resembling a tent. Since it was made by covering it with mere tree leaves, it was beyond crude.
"Fucking loads of them."
And the nest we found just now was quite gigantic...
It looks to be easily 100 of them. No matter how I look at it, four people alone won't be able to handle this.
"Alright. Porter, you back off just like we said. We're going to fight from now on. If you get caught up in it by mistake, we won't take responsibility."
"Y-Yes, y-yep!"
I obediently followed those words. There's no reason not to when they're offering to exempt me from combat.
With that, the four women excluding me picked up their respective weapons.
A mace that looked capable of easily terminating a person's life, and a shield held in one hand.
Standing next to her as if escorting her was a woman holding a well-sharpened falchion.
And the woman who guided us here was holding a staff, of all things. That meant she was a mage capable of casting spells.
'Now I know why she acts like the leader.'
And I also understand why she's acting all stuck-up in front of around 100 goblins.
The remaining one held a dagger with a reverse grip. Judging by her light equipment, her specialty seemed to be fast hit-and-run tactics.
...Does that even work against goblins? Bastards whose advantage is numbers.
"I'm going to blast a big one, so you three rush in during the opening. You know we all die if my casting gets interrupted, right?"
"Got it, Lumine."
"Porter. My change of clothes and sleeping bag are in that pack. If you burn even a little bit of it, you're dead. Protect it well with your tiny little body."
"Y-Yep!"
Lumine, was it? Even her name sounds like a bitch.
Anyway, the bitch Lumine raised her staff toward the goblin nest.
-Hwareureuk!
"Fireball!"
A fireball flickered at the tip of her staff and was soon launched.
The fireball flying through the air was barely visible! I only realized she had activated her spell after the explosion and a wave of hot air rushed over me.
"Keeeeeeek!"
"Kieeeeek!"
The landed fireball wreaked havoc on the goblin nest, and in an instant, the flames spread out, scorching the bodies of those hit right to a crisp.
Caught unawares in the flames, the goblins flailed their arms and legs while screaming horrifyingly.
It was just like specters howling in hell.
"Fire Wall!"
She didn't stop there. As Lumine muttered a spell, a pillar of fire around 4 meters tall swallowed up dozens of goblins.
Flames far more gigantic than before soared up. The heat was palpable even from quite a distance away.
Those at the center of the flames must have burned away without leaving even a bone.
"I'm going to chant the next spell, so rush in quickly!"
Not all the goblins had died. There were still swarms of them left!
"Kieeeeek!"
"What the hell! Did you actually use magic? Why are there so many of them?!"
"You said there were about a hundred of them.... Fuck, aren't those guild bastards doing their jobs right?!"
But uh... the numbers...?
"What the hell! Why are there so many?!"
The number of them bursting out from the flames was not just around 70.
They rushed over in swarms so massive that it made me wonder if she had really killed a large number with magic in the first place.
Most of them had suffered minor burns, but... since they were fucking pissed off, that didn't seem to mean much.
"Kieeee!"
"Fuck, block them!"
"As if that's possible!"
The woman holding the falchion bravely fought back, slashing through the goblins, but the situation did not improve.
Because the mace-wielding woman and the dagger-wielding woman started running away without even looking back.
"Hey! Where are you going?!"
"Watch the front, you idiot!"
Each individual goblin is weak. To the extent that a farmer holding a pitchfork can easily hunt them.
However, these bastards are capable of systematic hunting just like humans. That alone means they are plenty dangerous.
"Kieeeeek!"
"What the hell! Piss off!"
The goblins bit and pulled at the falchion-wielding woman's legs.
She struggled desperately to shake off the goblins that had latched onto her before she knew it, but even more of them rushed in amidst that.
"Aaaargh!"
In the end, the falchion-wielding woman fell. And that marked her end. Without mercy, the goblins slashed at her eyeballs with their claws and tore into her neck with their bites.
Kwajikkwajik. Her screams were buried under the sounds of flesh and bone flying about.
"Damn it... Nobody said it was a scale like this!"
Seeing that sight, Lumine hurriedly retreated backward. Even a mage who likes to act all stuck-up is nothing without a vanguard to protect her.
Thus, the three of them fled for their lives with their tails tucked between their legs. From the moment the goblins popped out, I had hidden early in the bushes and buried my head deep in the mud.
Fortunately, the goblins swarmed in a mob toward where Lumine was. They seemed to recognize the ones who cast the magic.
"Huuuuu! I almost died. Damn it! I tagged along because the rank was pretty high, but they're pure rookies!"
In the meantime, I crawled out of the bushes.
I had stuck to those bitches thinking they'd be good at fighting, but that was a mistake.
Let's make sure not to join any party with a bitchy mage from now on.
"...Her corpse has been thoroughly mashed to a pulp."
The falchion-wielding woman's corpse was unrecognizable due to the goblins making a total mess of it in the mud.
If not for the falchion rolling around on the ground, that is.
'I'm lucky.'
Even though I probably won't get those 3 bronze coins...
I salvaged that thing at least.
I picked up the falchion drenched in blood.
"Shall I become an adventurer too?"
Seeing what those bitches do, I feel like I could do it myself.
The most surprising fact after coming to this world was that the roles of men and women were reversed.
They say it's because female bodies easily accept mana? Anyway, they are stronger than men and their wounds heal faster, too.
Because of that, women usually do the outside work. Instead, men hole up inside the house and devote themselves to raising children.
Thanks to that, this world is fucking unsuitable for me to live in.
Fucking tragic. Fuck.
"To give you the conclusion. You've incurred a debt of 20 silver coins."
When the guild receptionist said that, I felt like my heart dropped with a heavy thud.
20 silver coins?
It takes 100 bronze coins to equal the value of one silver coin. In other words, that means 2,000 bronze coins.
2,000 loaves of bread...! That's a huge fortune you could live off of for several years.
"Lumine-ssi claimed that there were items worth at least about 20 silver coins in that bag. The guild accepted that and handed you the bill."
"No way!"
It seems that bitchy mage intends to hold me accountable for running away and leaving the luggage behind.
"T-This is a scam! Why is it my responsibility that she ran away leaving the luggage?!"
"You made such a contract before departure. That if the luggage is damaged or lost, you would pay the equivalent cost."
When hiring a porter, people usually draw up a contract.
As for me, since I signed without even reading text if hands were needed (since I couldn't read the script of this world to begin with), it's the perfect setup to get scammed.
Up until now, nothing like this had ever happened, so dropping my guard and readily signing became the problem. Damn it!
"I don't have that kind of money!"
"If you don't have it, we'll just collect it."
The receptionist wore a very cruel expression.
There are plenty of things to collect from me, a man... Since women in this world have a lot of sexual desire, after all.
For instance, they could sell off my body to a brothel.
"The deadline is two months. If you don't pay 20 silver coins to Lumine-ssi by then, you will be sold off to the auction house."
"S-Sold off?"
"Either the arena or a brothel. In my opinion, it'll most likely be the latter..."
At those words, my body trembled violently.
It's been about two years since I came to this world. During that time, I had never sullied my body even once, enduring that cold winter without ever showing my bare body to others.
Yet why such a trial for me...? Why is this happening? All I wanted was to eat a meal and sleep somewhere out of the rain.
"Uhm! Isn't there a way for me to repay the debt with my own strength?"
"From my standpoint, I would recommend handling requests that come into the guild. There's a risk factor, but the earnings are guaranteed."
For the past two years, I've been living day-to-day gathering pocket change by playing the porter.
I had never even thought of becoming an adventurer affiliated with the guild, yet this woman is now urging me to become one!
Urging me so easily? What kind of scheme is she plotting?
"Is it alright for you to tell just anyone to become an adventurer?"
"The guild's gateway is always open, so it doesn't matter. And these days we're really short-handed... so the trend is to accept anyone as long as they have a weapon."
That's why even a debtor like me is told to be an adventurer.
Because if you have debt, you'll work harder.
'I have no other choice.'
As luck would have it recently, I managed to get my hands on this sword, which can be called my business capital.
Couldn't I handle a simple request? I should be able to take down slimes or skeletons at least.
"...Understood. I'll scrape together the money somehow, so please wait just a little longer."
With those words, I proudly turned my body and stepped away from the reception desk.
And then I walked in long strides straight toward the bulletin board.
I can't read text, but I can read pictures. Since being an adventurer is usually something lazy idlers do, request forms are made easy to understand with pictures like this.
"Slime extermination..."
This will do.
Slimes are pretty easy monsters, after all.