T, F, or K
To tell the truth, I had actually posed that very question to the palace maids of Chwiseondang once before.
The results had been quite telling:
“Oh my goodness, did something happen to our Bong-bong? Why were you feeling sad?”
— Seol-hyang (F)
“You bought rice cakes because you were sad? I have not the slightest inkling what nonsense you are babbling about.”
— Court Lady Han (T)
“Sad? Who in this palace enjoys an easier lot in life than you? Back in my day, let me tell you, blah blah blah…”
— Court Lady Min (Boomer)
“What kind of rice cake? Steamed white seolgi? Chewy jeolpyeon? Sounds delicious! Give me a bite too!”
— Sun-rye (Glutton)
The palace women's answers had varied wildly, aligning almost perfectly with the personality traits I had observed in them so far.
People call the MBTI pseudoscience, but honestly, it’s remarkably accurate.
So how could I not be nervous right now? Anyone in my shoes would be sweating bullets.
Doing my best to soothe my furiously hammering heart, I gazed up at King Sukjong with wide, innocent eyes. I was dying to know how this absolute monarch would respond.
“You were sad, so you bought rice cakes?” Sukjong finally opened his mouth.
Repeating the question to confirm the premise—an undeniably classic T trait. He continued:
“Yet what conceivable connection is there between feeling sorrow and purchasing food?”
As expected, pure T…!
“However… even a child as young as you must bear sorrows of your own.”
Gasp, F?!
“Still, to squander coin on such useless trifles… how utterly foolish.”
TTTTT…!
“Pitiable thing. For a mere tot like you to already speak of grief.”
FFFFF…?!
“Speak. Who dared cause you sorrow?”
K… KILL?!
Wait, why?! Are you planning to execute them?!
“N-no, Yer Majeshty! It wash not like dat. It wash jush a silly thought I had all on my own!” I babbled out an excuse, nervously gulping down dry spit.
Fortunately, Sukjong simply muttered a brief “Is that so,” and pressed the matter no further.
This man… is completely impossible to read.
I had asked the question on a bold whim, but it had only deepened my confusion. He was chillingly cold yet astonishingly magnanimous, quick to condemn yet surprisingly capable of showing sympathy.
History says he treated his own sons with the exact same unpredictable inconsistency.
In a word, an erratic wild card. Now I understood with chilling clarity why so many high-ranking officials were so petrified of him. He was a contradictory soul who could plunge a dagger into someone's chest with a smile on his face, and then weep genuine, sorrowful tears at their funeral.
Come to think of it, that was precisely how he had treated Queen Inhyeon and Jang Hui-bin throughout their turbulent lives.
He’s far more terrifying in person than in the history books.
A cold prickle ran down my spine, making me shudder involuntarily. Just then, Sukjong, who had resumed walking ahead, glanced back over his shoulder at me.
“Hehehe.” To ensure he didn't catch on to my terror, I immediately plastered on a bright, dimpled toddler smile.
“Do you happen to like cats as well?” he asked.
“Yesh, Yer Majeshty! I wuv dem so much! Playing with Geumdeok wash sho much fun!”
“You played with Geumdeok?” He looked down at the plump cat cradled in his arm. “This creature is a hopeless sluggard. What could you possibly have played with such an indolent beast?”
“Geumdeok is… lazy?”
I blinked, utterly dumbfounded. Your Majesty, you have got it entirely wrong. Lazy? That cat was leaping around like an untamed demon possessed by the spirit of parkour…!
“Indeed. Aside from when seasoned meat side dishes are presented, one rarely sees her take even a dozen steps. Eating and sleeping comprise her entire daily duty.”
“I-is dat sho…”
That’s so bizarre…
While I was pondering this peculiar discrepancy, Sukjong abruptly halted in his tracks.
Wait, we’re already here?!
Where, exactly?
At Chwiseondang.
Chwiseondang was thrown into absolute pandemonium.
The sovereign of the realm, who had not set foot in this quarter for nearly half a year, had suddenly arrived without any prior notice. The royal visit itself was earth-shattering enough, but what stunned the residents even more was the little toddler maid standing dumbly at the King’s side.
It was none other than Chwiseondang’s newest recruit and youngest member, Hwang Bong-bong.
“Jaga! Hui-bin-jaga!”
Court Lady Han came charging frantically into Jang Hui-bin’s bedchamber. She had completely bypassed the basic protocol of announcing her entry—it was practically a home invasion.
“I explicitly stated that my head was aching and that I was resting. Why are you raising such an unseemly racket?” Jang Hui-bin’s sharp gaze flashed with annoyance.
“Jaga! This is no time to be lying down!”
“Good heavens, what on earth has happened for you to lose your composure like this…”
“The child maid! That little Hwang Bong-bong!”
“Bong-bong? What trouble has that girl stirred up now?”
“No, His Majesty the King!”
At the mention of ‘His Majesty,’ Jang Hui-bin, who had been lounging halfway against her silk bolster, snapped her eyes wide open.
“He is standing right now in the courtyard of Chwiseondang with Bong-bong!”
“What did you say?” Jang Hui-bin sprang upright from her mattress.
Her face was a whirlwind of sheer bewilderment. The idea of the King arriving hand-in-hand with an ordinary little four-year-old maid simply defied all rational comprehension.
“You can hear the full details later! Please, compose your attire and step outside at once, jaga!”
“Yes. Understood.”
Despite the baffling circumstances, a faint, rosy flush bloomed across Jang Hui-bin’s porcelain cheeks as Court Lady Han hurriedly draped a formal silk dangui over her shoulders. Without even taking a second to check the mirror, she rushed out into the inner courtyard of Chwiseondang.
Yet what met her eyes…
“…Court Lady Han, what in heaven’s name is the meaning of this?”
It was a spectacle that defied every romantic expectation she could have possibly harbored.
“Like dish!”
Swish! Leap! Jump!
“And like dat!”
Patter-patter! Zoom! Whoosh—!
“Kitty-cats wuv playing like dish!”
Right in the dead center of Chwiseondang’s courtyard, an expert trainer—namely, me—was in the middle of conducting an intensive masterclass. I was putting on a clinic of elite hunting-toy mechanics. Master demonstrator: Hwang Bong-bong. Field assistant: Geumdeok. Captivated audience: King Sukjong.
“Yer Majeshty! Would you wike to twy?”
Gazing at his deadpan, intensely focused expression as he tracked the cat’s lightning-fast movements, I handed over the ‘instrument’ clutched in my tiny paws.
“Here! You jush take Boom-boomi and swing her all over the place, whoosh whoosh! Like teasing her, nyah-nyah-nyah-boo-boo, you can’t catch me!”
“Like this?”
Swish! The moment Sukjong flicked the hideous straw doll through the air, Geumdeok showcased an astonishing vertical leap that defied feline physics.
“Yesh! Sho good! Keep going, keep going!”
Look at him go! What a natural!
Spurred on by my furious seal-clapping and enthusiastic cheers, the King of Joseon vigorously waved the curse doll through the air. Geumdeok tore back and forth across the yard in hot pursuit, kicking up dramatic clouds of dirt.
Displaying this horrific cursed item out in the open was, of course, a calculated move on my part.
Whenever I had been interrogated about the origins of this doll, I had squeaked by using the excuse that I had picked it up near Seonjeongjeon. But that lie possessed a fatal flaw: the person who had originally forced this ominous doll into my hands was Suk-jeong.
Which means Suk-jeong and Jang Hui-bin both know full well that my story was a fabrication.
While I wasn't entirely certain of Hui-bin’s true nature yet, Suk-jeong was undeniably a conniving, dangerous snake. The political and physical risks of Hui-bin branding me a deceitful liar were far too high to bear.
And so, I had made a definitive choice: I would publicly rebrand this grotesque straw effigy into my imaginary best friend, ‘Boom-boomi.’
After all, a three- or four-year-old child confusing fantasy with reality is merely a normal stage of psychological development!
From this moment forward, I was no longer a suspiciously clever little brat telling lies to cover up threats from Suk-jeong. I was merely a harmless, slightly dim-witted child who couldn't tell reality from imagination, genuinely believing this horrific monstrosity was her beloved playmate Boom-boomi.
That was the official persona of Chwiseondang’s little maid, Hwang Bong-bong.
Just then—
“Your Majesty!”
A clear, melodic voice rang out across the courtyard.
In the next breath, Jang Hui-bin glided forward with sweeping steps, neatly inserting herself between Sukjong and me. The billow of her voluminous silk skirts gently bumped against my small frame, sending me wobbling backward a few paces.
Whoa…
Though it was only for a fleeting second, my jaw dropped slack as I caught sight of her face.
Ever since I had entered this palace, Jang Hui-bin had always worn a gloomy, bitter scowl. But the woman standing before me right now wore an entirely different countenance. It was a smile of breathtaking, incandescent beauty. It was as if tens of thousands of fragrant blossoms had burst into bloom across her features all at once.
“What unexpected grace has brought Your Majesty to visit without any prior word?”
“…Hui-bin.” Sukjong’s gaze came to a rest on her face.
“It has been some time,” he said quietly.
“Yes, Your Majesty. This humble consort has not had the fortune of beholding Your Majesty’s countenance in far too long.”
Fascinating. Absolutely riveting.
This was better than any high-budget historical K-drama. I discreetly peeked out from behind the silk folds of her skirt, watching the tender, charged atmosphere unfold between the monarch and his favorite consort.
“It appeared that this little maid had lost her way. Thus, I escorted her back myself.”
“Ah, our Bong-bong… caused trouble once again?”
Man, Lady Jang is certainly no amateur either.
“Bong-bong is a child I cherish dearly, almost like my own daughter. For Your Majesty to bestow such royal benevolence upon my humble child maid… this servant knows not how to properly express her gratitude.”
Jang Hui-bin reached down and pulled me tight against her hip, gripping my shoulder firmly.
It pinched a little, but having suddenly been promoted to the royal consort’s adoptive daughter on the spot, I dutifully played along by beaming angelically up at the sky.
“This servant feels as though all the long days spent waiting for Your Majesty in lonely heartache have finally been rewarded. The autumn air is growing chilly, so pray, let us step inside the pavilion.”
Now that is truly a heartwarming sight.
Though entirely accidental, my little cat expedition had successfully orchestrated a long-awaited reunion between the estranged lovers. If this encounter managed to rekindle their romance, it would be an absolute jackpot for my own survival.
After all, historical records proved that whenever Sukjong was head-over-heels in love, he was the type of man who would tear down heaven and earth to protect his beloved.
The sweet path to survival is opening right before my eyes!
Just as I was happily spinning my internal gears of optimism with a goofy grin plastered across my face—
“Hui-bin.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“Now that I have safely returned the child, my errand here is complete. Therefore, I shall take my leave.”
…Wait. Excuse me, mister?! What kind of romantic sabotage is that?!