Chapter 312
Chapter 312
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Translator: crow
Chapter Title: 312. That's Not It
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It was unusually quiet.
Sure, the cleanup wasn't our responsibility, so that explained it to some extent.
...
...
...
...
...
Everyone was looking elsewhere.
Jang Chaeyeon had her eyes closed, as if she wasn't paying attention.
Yoo Daon kept opening and closing her mouth, like she had something itching to say.
Song Arin stared out the window, her eyes puffy and swollen.
Park Ye-eun kept glancing at me, her eyes asking what was wrong.
Team Leader just focused on driving.
And me, clutching the manual to my chest and ignoring everything.
A lot of thoughts raced through my mind.
It wasn't the first time I'd seen Song Arin cry.
She'd teared up in front of me a few times before.
But I'd never seen her cry like this.
I recalled what I'd said.
What had made her so sad?
No, maybe it wasn't even about me.
Don't get ahead of yourself, Kim Jaeheon. You're not the type who can hurt people that easily, or make them that happy. Everyone has their own personality—you can't forget that.
It was funny how I was still going over every word I'd said, even as I thought that.
...
If any of my words had hurt her...
It must've been telling her to go get Yoo Daon and Jang Chaeyeon because she wasn't helping.
Should I have said it more gently?
That her help was enough but to go bring backup, or that I could handle it alone so she should go survive?
But would Song Arin have listened?
The Song Arin I knew never would have.
She would've looked at me with that confident expression, insisting she could help.
I understood her feelings.
I'd felt the same way.
If only I'd handled it better.
I quietly stroked the cover of the manual.
If I hadn't needed to look at that entry, none of this would've happened.
But both she and I had just failed this time.
"We're here."
Lost in thought, I snapped back at Team Leader's voice.
How long had I been zoning out?
"Yeah, already?"
"Yeah. Get some rest."
"Right."
"Your face looks rough. The others too..."
Team Leader's gaze flicked to me and Song Arin, but he didn't single us out—that was his way of being considerate.
"Yeah, but I've got something to take care of."
"Want us to come?"
"Yeah, Jaeheon. We can..."
"No."
"Uh..."
"Ah..."
They both fell silent at my response.
I stopped the two from getting up and bowed my head to Team Leader.
"Thanks, Team Leader. You saved our lives today."
"...Yeah. Next time something like this happens, don't call me."
Team Leader let out a small sigh, patted my shoulder, and I got out of the car and headed into the Management Bureau.
Where should I go?
Where could I ask to get the manual fixed?
Honestly, only one place came to mind.
I pressed the elevator button for the Branch Director's office.
The doors closed quietly, and as it rose, my eyes kept drifting to the manual—I couldn't help it.
Should I say something to it?
But if that woke it up again, I'd feel bad.
What should I do?
As I pondered, the doors opened, and as I hurried out, a firm hand grabbed my arm.
"Kim Jaeheon?"
It was a familiar voice.
The Branch Director was looking at me.
"Looks like it's over?"
"Director."
She looked at me, and without a second thought, I held out the manual.
"It's hurt."
"...Pardon?"
"It's hurt. Can you find a way to fix it?"
"Wait, hold on..."
"Director!"
"Hang on."
I raised my voice, and she pressed her index finger to my forehead, staring me down.
"I get that you're in a rush, but follow me first."
Then she dragged me along without listening further.
-Bam!
She opened the door and turned to me.
"Explain."
...
I looked at her, then slowly started explaining.
How we'd gone into the video, what had happened there, and how when I'd opened the suicide entry, the manual had burned its own page to clear a path for me.
...
After hearing me out, the Branch Director crossed her arms, closed her eyes, and let out a small sigh.
"I see."
"Director?"
"It'll be fine with time."
Then she opened her eyes and looked at me.
Her red eyes fixed on mine.
"Of course, I imagine it feels awful. From your perspective, it's like you ripped off your own arm and fed it to something."
...
So it really was a massive physical loss?
"But the man... the manual isn't like us. It won't die or suffer permanent damage from losing an arm, so don't worry too much."
She spoke reassuringly.
"...But if you're still that worried, remember the gift I gave you."
...
I glanced at the bookmark tucked into the manual.
"This?"
"Yeah, that."
"How do I use it?"
"Who better to know than you, Kim Jaeheon?"
She scratched her cheek, looking troubled by my question.
"But I bet you've used it before?"
...
I stared at the bookmark quietly.
Right. Less "used" and more like it had dragged me in.
"Got it."
"...Kim Jaeheon."
As I turned to leave, the Branch Director called from behind.
"I think this."
Her words sparked a whirlwind of thoughts in my head.
What would the Branch Director say?
Don't let emotions sway you? Be more cold and rational?
That to climb high in the Management Bureau, you have to get used to colleagues dying?
"We can't protect everything."
"Understood."
About what I expected.
As I moved to step away, she continued.
"But even so, I think we have to keep trying to protect everything."
I turned back to her, and she gave a gentle smile.
"Positions gained only through sacrifice are empty and painful. It'd be great to climb together with the people you love, the people you're close to—or at least overcome hardships and rejoice together afterward."
Her smile looked quite sad as she said it.
"...I'll keep that in mind."
I nodded, unable to do anything but agree.
*
Back home, I collapsed onto the bed, exhausted.
But not just to sleep.
I inserted the bookmark, placed the manual by my pillow.
Usually I'd pass out instantly, but tonight sleep wouldn't come.
As that thought crossed my mind,
"...You're here?"
A weary voice reached my ear.
I sat up and looked back—somehow I was standing now, and in front of me was a child smiling tiredly at me.
Her hair covered her left eye as she gazed at me.
"You're really dramatic. It's not even that bad of an injury."
...
"Don't worry so much. I'm fine."
She smiled softly and toddled over, placing her hand on my arm.
"You're alive. That's what matters."
...
What should I say?
I had so much I wanted to say, so much I needed to say—but I had no idea where to start.
I just looked at her.
"The wound?"
In the end, that's what I asked first.
"It's there. But you don't want to see it."
She smiled and covered her left eye more with her hair.
"Don't—let me see—"
"No."
She cut me off firmly and looked up at me.
"If you really care about me..."
She poked my arm with her index finger and closed her eyes.
"Will you listen to my story?"
"...Yeah. As long as you want."
"Good."
She smiled at my words and slowly began.
"You're in the Accounting Team, right? You'll be surprised how much you can handle."
...
"Overtime's brutal, but that's the Management Bureau for you. One night, while you're all pulling an all-nighter, your Accounting Team—minus you—gets wiped out. Cause: Butterfly's Dream."
She kept going.
"You're one of the few survivors. What do you do?"
...
She turned her face toward me.
"Huh? What would you do?"
..."I'd make sure it never happens again."
"Right."
She smiled.
"You do everything to prevent it from happening again. Isolating countless containment objects like that, you eventually get trapped in a video and can't get out."
...
She opened her eyes and looked at me.
"And only at the end do you meet me. I tell you what you'll go through, and what do you say?"
..."Can't be helped."
"Right."
She beamed at my words.
"That's always you. 'Can't be helped.' So I give you my memories and records. And you say, word for word, the exact same thing."
She looked at me again, as if prompting what I'd say next.
What would I say?
..."Hold onto it and use it when needed—or give it away. But don't push yourself too hard."
"...Right."
She nodded and gripped my clothes tightly.
"You never change. Even if the world ends, even if everyone hates you, even if everyone loves you. Even if I change, even if I waver like a buoy—you're always you."
She looked up at me.
Smiling, she was crying.
..."To save you, I gave you myself. No regrets. It just hurts. Your path so far has been so hard, and I'm scared the one ahead will be hard and lonely too."
...
I reached out slowly and wiped her tears with my thumb.
She shook her head and looked up at me again.
"I'll make you happy. No matter what. This pain means nothing to me."
...
Happiness.
I opened my mouth to speak, and that's when I woke up.
Morning light stung my eyes; the alarm hadn't gone off yet.
...
I gazed quietly at the manual.
What should I say?
"Happiness I gain by sacrificing you isn't real happiness."
That, at least, I could say with confidence.
The manual didn't move an inch.
I looked out the window.
Dawn was breaking.