Chapter 27
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 27
Chapter Title: Baby, Lying Down Right After Eating Turns You into a Cow
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't want to do anything.
Because I just didn't want to do anything.
"Young master, you're not doing anything at all?"
"... I'm eating chestnuts."
"I'm the one peeling them—you're just eating."
"... That's eating."
"Baby, don't do that—say 'ah'! Your sister peeled it for you!"
"... Ah."
I wanted to be a sloth. I wanted to live like a koala.
Wrapped up tight in my blanket, sitting in the warm heated room, taking bites of roasted chestnuts like a baby bird—this was true life, I felt it once again.
"These chestnuts are delicious. Dori, some cold crystal pears."
"Yes, the ones left out overnight are nice and cool."
"Gulp gulp."
Munching alternating bites of hot chestnuts and cool crystal pears, I let my thoughts wander.
My plans had gone completely off the rails.
What five-year-old in the world goes to the village school every day, writes three whole books in a year, gets summoned to the palace for interrogation, and even starts a fried chicken franchise?
And after all that child abuse and overwork, what did I even have to show for it? Absolutely nothing.
The clothing collection box I'd painstakingly gathered turned into grain and firewood for the poor Joseon commoners and slipped from my hands. The ten bolts of silk from King Seonjo got burned up in some feast excuse. And that wasn't enough—they even emptied the family storehouse. Talk about getting screwed over.
Yeah, it's a new year now. Time to get back to my roots!
Heo Gyun, age six—you can do this!
Starting this year, I'm really going back to being a laid-back boy!
"This year, I'm really not doing anything."
"Young master, you didn't do anything last year either."
"Right, babies just sneak snacks after school without Mom knowing. This one's spoiled."
"... That's not true."
Leaving those two clueless fools behind, I popped another roasted chestnut that Dori had peeled into my mouth. So nutty and tasty. Follow it with a sip of chilled crystal pear. Gulp gulp. Mmm. Good good.
"Ugh... so full."
As that perfect fullness settled in, my tiny body instinctively burrowed into the warm heated floor. Six years old is still a baby. Time for a nap after eating. Rolling around on the floor wrapped in my blanket, my sister smacked my back and said,
"Baby, they say if you lie down right after eating, you'll turn into a cow."
"Hm... no way. Lying down after eating makes you happy."
How great was this? Warm back, full belly. If only some other diligent soul had possessed this body instead of me and sparked an Industrial Revolution. Ah, I miss my smartphone.
As I rolled around on the floor again, a cough burst from my mouth.
"Pfft-choo."
?
What was this creepy chill?
Why was I coughing while rolling around on a warm floor?
With this inexplicable shiver, I clutched my rolled-up blanket tight.
"Listen, historians. From this day forward, Heo Yeop's third son, Heo Gyun, is appointed as the Crown Prince's companion and designated as a special attendant of the Bureau of Royal Cuisine. He shall serve as royal tutor not only to the Crown Prince but also to all future princes and princesses."
Murmurs filled the hall.
The throne room buzzed after King Seonjo's shocking decree following the morning audience.
A companion was one thing. Even if it was early, having a trustworthy friend by the prince's side wasn't bad.
But royal tutor? That was the king's teacher. For the Crown Prince and all future princes and princesses.
One of them would become king someday, others would marry into power, and being their teacher meant standing at the pinnacle of future power.
This critical role, out of nowhere?
To Heo Yeop of the Easterners' youngest son?
Why? Trying to kill off all the Westerners?
No, Your Majesty—even if you're pitting us against each other, at least match the weight classes.
The next king, princes, princesses, Easterners all on one side beating us down—what are we supposed to do?
The Westerners' opposition poured out like an avalanche once they'd gathered their thoughts.
"Your Majesty! This cannot be!"
"Your Majesty! Heo Gyun is barely five—no, six years old. Too young for office!"
"Your Majesty! Have mercy!"
"Quiet. I just met the Crown Prince myself, and the change was astounding. From what I've learned, Heo Gyun's good influence harms the court not at all. I won't hear your objections."
King Seonjo brushed aside the opposition ruthlessly again, but the gravity of the matter kept things from settling. The Westerners, with fire at their feet, filled the hall once more.
"Your Majesty! The Bureau of Royal Cuisine and National Academy teem with learned officials and scholars!"
"Your Majesty! For the prince's education, a proven civil service examinee would be proper!"
"Your Majesty! Have mercy!"
"Tsk tsk. Do you think I'd handle this without checking? Look at this book, all of you!"
"What is it, Your Majesty?"
"A fairy tale Heo Gyun wrote for the wayward Crown Prince. It weaves in the basics of propriety—benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom, trust—in an entertaining way."
Again!
He wrote another one!
What five-year-old churns out books like this nonstop, when most people struggle with one or two in a lifetime!
Heo Yeop, that man—he's gone all out. Sure, his kid's smart, but a five-year-old? Working him like an ox.
That heartless bastard!!
"It even ties into that famous serial, Culinary Duel: Jang Geum, creating a step-by-step education: benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom, trust from this book, naturally leading to loyalty, filial piety, love, and harmony in the next. Listen, historians."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"Register this book at the Bureau of Books today. Copy multiple versions and send them to the National Academy. The problems in it are deep enough to teach even academy scholars—use them for next month's exam."
"Understood, Your Majesty."
Come on, do something!
As the rampaging king pressed on, the Westerners' eyes converged.
The king clearly wasn't changing his mind. And only one person here could speak up.
Under the Westerners' heated gazes, Yulgok Yi I cleared his throat and addressed the king.
"Your Majesty, grant us time."
"Time?"
"Yes, not blind opposition. But all the ministers here need time to read the book, judge its teachings, Heo Gyun's scholarship, and if he's fit for royal tutor right now. We can't agree or oppose without knowing."
"Hm... is that so?"
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"Fair enough. Yulgok speaks wisely. Ministers, read it via the Bureau of Books. We'll address this in a fortnight."
"Your grace is boundless, Your Majesty."
They'd bought time, at least.
After court business ended, the Westerners gathered at Okdang as if by prior agreement.
Hongmungwan's respite, Okdang.
The gathered Westerners gulped hot tea, venting their frustrations.
"This can't go on. Heo Yeop's son as royal tutor?"
"Right. Consider the Crown Prince's wild temper. If Heo Gyun eggs it on even a little, a purge could erupt tomorrow."
"I knew Heo Yeop was ruthless, but this? Working a kid who should be peeling chestnuts by the fire all winter like an ox."
"Let's see the book first. His Majesty's demeanor today means any opposition needs solid grounds."
"Tch. True."
Yulgok Yi I's apt point drew short tsks as they pondered.
Yeah, just one flaw. One hook to oppose. A five-year-old's book can't be spotless—dust will fly if we shake it. Just one!
As they eyed the door anxiously, it burst open. A young Westerner rushed in with a book.
"My lord, the fairy tale copied from the Bureau."
"Let me see. How good could it be to cause this uproar?"
The Westerners circled the book.
Page by page, praises and groans mixed from their lips.
"Hmph, heroes. Typical kid stuff."
"Propriety. Tch, fancy words."
"Whoa, what's this problem? So advanced?"
"A running horse and forked path—forcing advance-retreat dilemma?"
"... Looking around to choose the right path. That's wisdom."
"Thus benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom, trust..."
"Culinary du—! Sorry."
At the last page, heavy silence blanketed Okdang.
So... no hooks?
Infuriatingly spot-on throughout, and the level—sky-high, as His Majesty said.
Half the twenty problems stumped them; the latter half demanded debates on math, logic, philosophy.
Uh... so...
"... That stuff about magic arts or whatever—might mislead the masses."
"Uh... yeah, you're right, my lord."
"Exactly! Kids reading this might start claiming sorcery..."
"Hm, that bad? I found it fun."
"Shut it! Why are you always like this?"
"That's why you get chewed out daily!"
"S-sorry."
At this petty squabble, Yulgok Yi I at the head seat said bitterly,
"No courtier would buy that. Restrain yourselves. It's a fairy tale. Nitpick the myths in it, and His Majesty will scold us worse than the seven-year-old mixed seating fiasco."
"..."
Yulgok Yi I's eyes trembled as he closed them briefly.
Frustrated over no hooks?
Worried for Westerners' future?
No, nothing so trivial.
He was moved.
Joseon had one after all.
A genius like him.
A true friend to understand Yulgok Yi I's thoughts.
Eyes snapping open, Yulgok said,
"I have urgent business. Clean up and go as you will."
Leaving the palace swiftly, Yulgok hurried along.
He'd visited once before, so his steps were sure.
Soon, at his destination, he shouted at the gate.
"Come out."
"Who is it?"
"I am Yulgok Yi I, Second Deputy Chief State Councillor. Here to see young Heo Gyun—open the gate."