Lucyfer (6)
Regretting a missed chance would never bring it back around. Besides, knowing Rihardt's temperament, the odds were that he'd only said it to tease me in the first place. Looking at it this way was the correct call on every count.
'A golden opportunity like this would never come again.'
...And yet, even knowing it was right, some lingering regret remained. After all, nothing in this world would please me more than getting away from Rihardt.
"That reminds me — you haven't forgotten, have you?"
Rihardt cast a meaningful glance my way. I had a fair idea what the man was getting at.
"You mean the wish you wrung out of me by force?"
Apparently I'd hit the mark on the first try, because Rihardt rewarded me with a clear, bright smile. That bastard's smiles never failed to put me on edge.
"Right. And I'm using it today."
Who would have thought he'd spend it the very day he'd won it? I'd assumed he would at least hold on to it for a few days — how complacent of me. So this was how quickly the price of the words I'd let slip so carelessly came due.
'Should I have held it in, even if it meant being seen?'
He'd cornered me while I was still out of my mind — of course I'd had no way out. And if it was Rihardt, he'd have torn that wish right out of me by whatever means necessary regardless.
Eyebrow twitching, I looked away.
"You could stand to save it, you know. A wish like that doesn't come cheap."
"That's just how much I want from you, Lucy."
Damn him. I clicked my tongue and grumbled under my breath.
"It's not as if I'm in any position to refuse when the young master gives an order."
"Doesn't it feel different, though?"
It did.
I understood perfectly well that it would only leave my mood that much filthier. I gnawed at my sandwich as hard as my anger demanded.
"Lucy, finish that up and then come check over the supplies with me."
"Is that the wish, by any chance?"
"You're going to be petty about it, Lucy?"
My lips threatened to jut out all on their own.
"Moving about straight after a meal causes indigestion, Young Master Rihardt."
"I feel fine, though."
"That's because you're the young master. I don't share the privilege."
His eyes curved into crescents.
"Well, to be fair, Lucy is a delicate young woman, isn't she?"
True enough. Entirely true — so why did it grate on me so?
"...Yes. I am a delicate young woman."
"Shall I carry you, then?"
"No, thank you. I'll walk on my own two feet. I might get sick in an entirely different sense."
Merely imagining myself riding on Rihardt's back dealt me a psychological blow. I gave nothing away, but somehow, Rihardt seemed to know exactly what was going on inside my head anyway.
Damn it all.
Once the sandwich was finished, I trailed after Rihardt, gathering this item and that. Wouldn't a household normally handle the preparations for a journey like this? When I asked him as much, he answered with firm conviction.
"These are things you and I will be using, aren't they? I won't rest easy until I've verified them with my own eyes."
Since the goods would be for his own use, Rihardt spared no effort in selecting every item personally. The truly nasty part was how that same meticulousness and attentiveness got deployed whenever he set out to torment someone.
We were in the middle of rummaging through the warehouse for this and that when it happened.
"Hey, Lucy."
"Yes?"
My searching hands stopped, and I turned my head. Unlike me, Rihardt was still combing the shelves for what he needed.
"Lucy, tell me — what would you do if something precious suddenly appeared in your life?"
It was abrupt, and it was random. I couldn't fathom the point of the question, so my reaction lagged behind. It wasn't as if I'd ever imagined him asking me something like this in the first place.
So I parried his question with one of my own.
"...Can something precious really just appear out of nowhere?"
Exactly my point.
Unless it was some physical object, the process of coming to treasure anything required 'time.' Memories, human bonds — weren't they all things that accumulated slowly, settling into layers over long years?
At my challenge, Rihardt — quite unlike himself — scratched his cheek. He looked sheepish.
"Suppose it did, though."
His words set my thoughts churning. Could he have some hidden intent behind them?
'Something like... he treasures me?'
No. Since when was Rihardt a man who said anything that plainly? It would obviously turn out to be some double-twisted, tangled turn of phrase. Chasing my own thoughts in circles like that, my head felt fit to overheat.
Watching me, Rihardt laughed awkwardly.
"There's nothing deep to it. I just found myself curious what you'd think, Lucy."
He was the one telling me it meant nothing — what reason did I have to complicate matters on his behalf? Besides, even if I did decode his intent, it wasn't as though it would arm me for any meaningful resistance.
I folded the complicated thoughts away for the moment and decided to answer as simply as I could.
"Have you come into something of value, then?"
"I never said it was about me."
"If you insist on such transparent lies, then I'll limit myself to equally transparent answers."
"...Your tongue has gotten sharper than it used to be."
"I've been forced into verbal sparring far more often than I'd like. What you're seeing is the fruits of that steady training."
He couldn't hold back a laugh, and soon after, he shrugged.
"Fine — it is about me. It's been weighing on my mind, one way or another."
I scratched my forehead. I hadn't expected him to answer so readily. At the very least, I'd figured we'd trade a few more verbal jabs first. Was he that desperate for an answer?
"This precious thing of yours — how much is it worth?"
"Hard to say 'it's exactly this much.' It only feels precious to me."
Useless to everyone else, valuable to him alone? However I turned it over, it seemed to be aimed at me — or was that just my own self-importance talking?
"Then let me ask about something other than its worth. How precious is it to you, Young Master?"
"I honestly don't know. It might come to matter more. Or it might never matter more than it does now."
He couldn't even describe it himself? And he was calling that 'precious'? Try as I did to keep things simple, Rihardt kept handing me every excuse to overthink.
I tried to bottle the thought up — and spat it out in the end.
"You say you don't know how precious it is. Then is it truly precious at all?"
"It's my first time gaining something like this. Maybe that's why I can't tell."
Because it was his first, he couldn't judge it? I screwed my face up.
"You don't know — and you're asking me to solve a riddle even you can't crack?"
"I'm only curious what you'd think. What would you do, if it were you?"
If something precious had suddenly appeared in my life? Strangely enough, the answer didn't come easily. I'd never had anything like that myself, after all. In truth, wasn't it the same for most people? Something so precious you'd guard it at the cost of your very life — those were hard to come by.
But if I did have one...
"If it were me, I'd hide it somewhere no one could ever see it. A place even I could hardly reach."
Did that answer of mine strike him as strange? Rihardt's rummaging hands went still, and he turned to look at me. I was already watching him, and so the two of us ended up squared against one another.
"Why?"
His face was genuinely bewildered. So he could wear an expression like that, too. Feeling an odd surprise of my own, I answered.
"Isn't that the only way to keep it properly safe from you?"
"You're assuming I'd take it from you?"
"Isn't that your idea of fun?"
"I can hardly deny it. But then you'd never get to look at your precious thing, would you?"
"For me, simply knowing it was safe would be comfort enough."
At my words, Rihardt let out a hollow laugh.
"As I thought — you and I really don't think alike, Lucy."
Well, naturally. Predator and prey could hardly share a mind.
"How many people in this whole wide world think exactly alike?"
"...Then tell me, Lucy. If you were in my position, what would you do?"
"You want me to stand in your place?"
"Yes."
I stroked my chin and shut my eyes. Putting myself in Rihardt's shoes was trickier work than it sounded. When I opened them again, he was still watching me.
"I'd do exactly the same, I expect."
"Hide it the same way? Even in my position? What's your reasoning?"
"There would be several reasons, but the chief one would be to settle those 'ambiguous' feelings you hold toward it. Sometimes it's only when you're apart from a thing that you're truly given the chance to judge whether it is precious to you or not."
"And once you'd judged? What then?"
"If it's precious, I'd bring it back out of its hiding place and keep it at my side. If it isn't, I'd simply forget it where it lies. I believe putting your own feelings in order comes first."
I'd just been rattling on whatever came to tongue — halfway through, even I didn't know what I was saying anymore. Still, whether he'd managed to take something from it or not, Rihardt's expression looked better than before.
"Mm. Complicated, isn't it. But that helped. Thank you."
His words sealed my mouth for a moment. Then, after one deep breath, I asked.
"Call it a long shot — but this precious thing of yours, Young Master. Is it 'Lucyfer'?"
Silence followed my words. An unpleasant silence. A stillness so absolute it felt as though I could hear the dust settling on the floorboards. Had I been too presumptuous? I could all but feel Rihardt's displeasure, his thick hand poised to snatch my throat at any moment. Shivering at the thought, I held his gaze anyway.
At last, his lips stirred.
"Oh dear. And here I didn't want to be found out."
A playful tone. But his eyes were more serious than I had ever seen them.
"Truly."
Just for a moment, I felt I'd glimpsed the sincerity beneath. Was he not quite the monster I'd made him out to be?
'Have I lost my mind?'
Stupid thought. Rihardt had killed Sean and Bianca. And who knew how many others he'd butchered just as cruelly besides? A man that vicious — and here I was, entertaining thoughts like this? It was all because he kept letting me see him flounder like that.
I scrubbed a hand down my dry face and fixed my eyes on Rihardt.
"So you truly didn't want to be found out?"
"I did ask rather clumsily, didn't I?"
"Yes. It wasn't like you at all."
"No one can stay the same at all times, you know. Even I ought to have a soft day now and then — better for you, isn't it?"
Ha.
The words drew a scoff out of me before I could help it.
"...The instant you slacken, I will drive a blade into you. Without an instant's hesitation."
Why did I keep saying things like that? It was exactly the sort of remark he could hold over me.
"I suppose we'll simply have to wait and see?"
You smile.
As though to declare, with absolute certainty, that I could never run you through.