Chapter 81
Chapter 81
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Translator: crow
Chapter Title: Corporal Punishment
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“Hello? I'm Lee Seung-hoon.”
The agents inwardly cheered at Lee Seung-hoon's sudden appearance.
‘External Special Consultant!’
‘Fixer!’
‘Chairman!’
The Foundation's very first external special consultant.
A fixer whose perception alteration couldn't be perfectly blocked even by an S-Grade perception vaccine.
The true owner of Sarang Logistics—the place every agent dreamed of being dispatched to.
Any Foundation agent knew of him to some degree, and all sorts of rumors swirled around.
‘Heard he single-handedly smashed the defense system's dimension? They say most of the entities there still haven't recovered.’
‘I heard he's a tycoon who made a fortune with insane leverage thanks to eyes that see the future. Our dispatch here was because he foresaw it.’
‘There was a directive not to treat him as an entity no matter what, but call him human. Why?’
‘They say the job of "fixer" really exists, and we've had our perceptions altered to think it's weird. Could that be true?’
Lee Seung-hoon stepped forward.
“I'm just an ordinary teacher.”
The agents inwardly sighed.
‘He figured it out too. School ghost stories are just student fabrications! This incident might be some entity with a student's mindset causing a ruckus!’
‘Students fear teachers, but we've already tried that!’
‘It won't work unless he's actually from Deokcheon High or a current high school teacher!’
‘Lies don't even work on the entities here!’
Not only would the lie be exposed, but impersonating faculty would rack up penalty points and make it even stronger.
『......Teacher? Teacher? Another! Another impersonation!』
They tried to warn Lee Seung-hoon, but before the agents could speak, the Student Council President let out a roar.
『Impersonating faculty!!! Penaltssssssyyyyy!!!!』
Just as the Student Council President raised its countless arms and tentacles toward the sky to smash down, it suddenly stuttered.
『F-Five h-hundred...... imp-impersonation...... imperson......』
It glanced around, then slowly lowered its arms.
‘It's shrinking?’
‘Getting smaller!’
‘W-What!?’
The lie worked!?
“Master? Is this possible?”
“Hmm, I don't know either. According to what we learned in agent training, it should be.”
『Ah, that stuff?』
Kim Mi-ri, Kim Go-deok, and Shin Young-moon whispered among themselves.
『Some entities have peculiarities that judge truth, with absolute and relative criteria.』
“The absolute criterion is based on unchanging phenomena, while the relative one follows the subject's subjective views.”
Absolute criteria couldn't be fooled.
They could pierce through facts the opponent had forgotten or misunderstood with inscrutable power.
But relative criteria were different.
If the subject firmly believed a lie as truth, the entity would judge it as truth, basing its information on the subject's known subjective facts.
“The former is mostly for transcendent entities, the latter for others, right?”
“Not strictly divided like that. That's why researchers run experiments every time.”
『But it didn't work when we tried.』
“I thought it was absolute too, but seeing this? Gotta be relative.”
『So Seung-hoon really believes he's a teacher?』
“Probably.”
“How? He's an external special consultant and Sarang Logistics chairman—not a teacher by any stretch.”
“Well, if he truly believes he's a teacher, wouldn't it work?”
“He'd have to believe it at brainwashing levels...”
Kim Go-deok smiled at Lee Seung-hoon.
“That's why he's the fixer.”
The shrinking Student Council President's transformation halted.
“Look over there!”
At Kim Mi-ri's shout, everyone looked up at the school.
『.......』
A male student in a school uniform floated there.
Big horn-rimmed glasses, a timid look, hunched shoulders, and a turtle neck—textbook stereotype of a studious good boy.
『Are you really a teacher?』
“Yes, I am.”
『Then why use polite speech?』
“You shouldn't speak informally just because someone is younger. Students are individuals too; showing mutual respect is what adults should do.”
『......You're a weird teacher.』
The model student ghost slowly descended.
“Looks like it's over.”
『Huh? Grandpa Go-deok, that's a flag......』
『So?』
The thing, which had been drifting toward Lee Seung-hoon, stopped atop the frozen Student Council President's head.
『What can a teacher do showing up late to a school that's already doomed? This school is mine. The ghost stories I made here come alive and move at my command. Know what that means?』
“Learned parental responsibility?”
The model student ghost suddenly burrowed into the Student Council President's body.
It ballooned back to near-building size in an instant.
『Here, I am invincible.』
The model student ghost's voice emanated from the Student Council President's mouth.
“Excessive confidence is a trait of puberty. Back in middle school, I thought I was an immortal who wouldn't die even if hit by a car. Tried it for real, but reality disagreed. Sometimes, if you can't separate your bloated ego from reality......”
A massive hand slammed into Lee Seung-hoon.
His body flew into the main building, followed by an explosion and scattering debris.
『Who dares command me!』
The rampaging model student ghost pointed at the sky.
『Heaven Above and Earth Below, I Alone Am Honored.』
The agents' faces turned ashen.
『I am a god.』
“Well, this is something.”
He shoved aside the concrete debris pinning him down. After brushing off the dirt, he checked that his Void Pocket was intact.
“Still good.”
Definitely the right call taking this.
After confirming Sarang-i and the other items inside were fine, he captured the model student ghost in the lens of his reinforced Polaroid camera.
“Heaven Above and Earth Below, I Alone Am Honored, huh.”
In the world, I alone am supremely noble.
The guy quoting Buddha's words led his massive body to destroy everything.
“Those words refer to nobility as a human, no—nobility in Buddha-nature, a declaration to save sentient beings. But teenage arrogance sees it only as power and specialness.”
He snapped a photo.
He picked one where the subject came out nicely and wrote a title on the back.
[Regrets of Youth]
“Too late, anyway.”
He'd thought posing as a teacher would work, but it seemed Dr. Janus's time limit had passed.
How to deal with an opponent whose ego had bloated beyond needing a teacher's shadow?
“No, I won't give up.”
Even a hopeless student must be reformed into a new person—that's a teacher's role.
Having claimed to be a teacher, he had a duty to reform this one.
“Hmm.”
But one problem.
“Hit a student?”
Absolutely not. Problems aren't solved with violence.
Yet looking at the unbroken Rod of Love in his left hand, he felt his own views were too narrow.
“Is inflicting pain on someone always violence?”
Like a shepherd guiding lambs, striking a wayward one with his staff.
Sometimes a sharp stimulus leads the lost back to the right path.
And we don't call correcting the wrong path violence.
“We've agreed to call it corporal punishment.”
Thus, striking with the Rod of Love wasn't violence—it was corporal punishment, a form of education.
He immediately pulled a reinforcement potion from his Void Pocket. The potions in the Forgotten Alchemist's Potion Belt were full; he dripped one drop onto the Rod of Love.
“Done.”
The Polaroid camera hadn't broken either, so the same effect should apply.
He swung it at some concrete—it powdered, but the rod held.
“Ready.”
If he delayed, the agents might intervene, so he hurried toward the model student ghost.
『I am a god! A god! Worship me!』
“Student, stop now and apologize to everyone.”
『......Survived that?』
“Violence solves nothing.”
『Die!』
Countless hands rained from the sky. He lightly gripped the Rod of Love and swung it around.
“No helping it. Corporal punishment starts now.”
A crisp strike sent one of its hands flying.
“It'll sting a bit.”
Corporal punishment wasn't mindless hitting—that was just violence.
『!?』
“The spot you just got hit is Hegu acupoint, the dip between thumb and index finger. Stimulating it calms digestion and promotes intestinal movement.”
So he'd 'stimulate' spots maximally beneficial to health.
『What nonsense!』
He struck the muscles on both sides of its neck.
『Kehk!?』
“This is Tianjing acupoint. Helps relieve stress.”
He circled, swinging the Rod of Love.
“Jianjing acupoint relaxes tense muscles.”
Where neck met shoulder.
“Fengchi acupoint relieves fatigue and boosts concentration.”
Where ear met back of head.
“Qinggong acupoint improves facial circulation and stabilizes nerves.”
Right in front of the ear.
“Zusanli acupoint aids lower body circulation.”
Ah, good thing he learned this. Dropping out of high school for martial arts, he'd studied it alongside—never thought it'd help like this.
‘What's oriental medicine to a ghost? But who knows.’
People like Mr. Shin Young-moon lived afterlives.
No prejudice that ghosts don't need health care.
『Guk! Kek! Heek!』
“Still resisting? It pains me to discipline you!”
『Kieee! Keeek!』
“If you feel like apologizing to everyone! If remorse stirs, shout it! I'll stop the punishment!”
He struck acupoints all over its body.
Healthy spots, but the pain was excruciating—the thing could barely move.
‘If I'd had a teacher like me, maybe I wouldn't have dropped out.’
A belated pang of regret for missing high school experience.
That settled it—he'd guide this one right.
‘This isn't punishment; it's a health massage.’
Who else would do this?
Maybe rename the Rod of Love.
‘What in oriental medicine is famously good for the body?’
Ah, decided.
“From now on, your name is Ten Perfect Great Tonic Decoction.”
Be healthy in body and mind.
『Guk! Kehek! Kek!』
The agents were speechless at the model student ghost, screaming death rattles without even proper cries.
『Heung! Hurrrgh!』
“Still? Still!?”
『Hurrrrgh!』
The agents whispered among themselves.
“Not giving it time to surrender?”
“How, when every time it opens its mouth, you smack its head?”
“Brutal. Pity it, even as the enemy.”
With every blink, Lee Seung-hoon left afterimages as he vanished.
Each time, the model student ghost took dozens of hits; its mouth was too busy screaming for other words.
“Savage.”
“Where?”
“All those spots are health-boosting acupoints. He hits precisely there for maximum pain without even letting it pass out.”
“Wait, all that's true? Oriental medicine?”
“Where do you think internal energy arts come from? Oriental medicine is real!”
Kim Go-deok frowned.
“Meridians opening wide, energy surging— the ghost possessing the body can't escape even if it wants to; it's stuck to the vessel.”
“Hmm, more than that, our attacks aren't landing, but his are?”
“Three reasons. He truly sees himself as a teacher, satisfying the entity's anomaly for effective hits; the weapon's special; or... though it just looks like a sturdy stick to me.”
“And the third?”
“Purely stronger than us.”
As he spoke, the model student ghost toppled.
“Ah! Down at last! Acupoints? Soles of the feet are best. Yongquan and pressure points linked to all organs gather there. Stimulating the soles makes the whole body healthy—it's no lie.”
『Huuung!』
Now smashing the soles like breaking them—Kim Mi-ri whispered to Shin Young-moon.
“Remember when I asked to meet the chairman?”
『Yeah?』
“Cancel that.”
In her eyes, Lee Seung-hoon moved so fast only afterimages showed.
“Beating a monster immune to martial arts with a stick while babbling about health—what kind of human is that?”