Chapter 50
Chapter 50
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Translator: crow
Chapter Title: Homunculus
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I scoured the internet for the recipe to make a homunculus.
[That's right, alchemist!]
[Whoa! You know about homunculi!]
[King Bradley is so damn cool!]
[Uroboros!]
The first hits were all about that manga.
Homunculi and alchemy made for such a unique setup that the manga based on it had become hugely popular.
"In this case, it's not just the theme—the manga itself is a masterpiece."
But this was pure fantasy, and the in-story homunculus recipe wasn't even revealed, so I skipped it.
'Next up is Paracelsus's homunculus recipe.'
The most famous real alchemist from the height of medieval alchemy—and the first to theorize homunculi—his recipe went like this.
[1. Mix horse dung with male semen.]
[2. Seal in a container and let it rot for 40 days at horse-body temperature.]
[3. If successful, a tiny human will form inside.]
[4. Feed it blood and raise it.]
Of course, I didn't think this was the real recipe. If homunculi popped out from following it, the world would be overflowing with tiny truth-whispering humans.
"But you never know."
Maybe the most crucial ingredient hadn't been passed down, so no one could make it.
"And that missing ingredient might be supplied by the Forgotten Alchemist's Potion Belt."
For now, this was all the info I had, so I got moving to gather materials.
First, I ordered various tools, including a sealed flask.
'This should do it.'
Next, to get horse dung, I hopped on the subway early in the morning.
'Horse dung comes from horses, obviously.'
No need to go all the way to Jeju Island. There were places inland where you could see horses too.
[Next stop: Seoul Racecourse Park Station. Seoul Racecourse Park Station.]
A place where popular horses that people went crazy for lived.
'Yeah, lots of people.'
I arrived at the racetrack. Some were there to watch the races, others just killing time with family.
"It'd be nice if our country made a horse-girl racing game like Uma Musume."
"A horse-girl racing game? That's gambling, anime, and games in a triple combo. You'd get dragged to hearings once a month and beaten up."
Ignoring the track, I headed to the stables. Lots of people around, but with my enhanced senses, I dodged their gazes, snuck in, and filled my brought lunchbox with plenty of horse dung.
'This should be enough.'
Back home, I prepped the final ingredient.
"Semen—I can use mine."
Two days later, the ordered lab tools arrived. I stuffed the horse dung into the sealable flask and added my pre-made semen.
"But there's one problem."
I had to let it rot for 40 days—which meant waiting 40 days.
'Is there a good way to speed up time?'
"Long time no see, Mr. Lee Seung-hoon."
Inside the neat office, I met again with the man whose features were impossible to make out.
"Yes, it's been a while."
"I've heard you've been quite busy lately."
It was the suit from Golden Omnipotence Corporation.
"Things just turned out that way. I wanted to live a leisurely life, but life doesn't always go according to plan, does it?"
"That's what makes life interesting."
After some small talk, I asked him.
"Do you have info on entities that accelerate a target's time?"
"There are 16 in total."
"Out of those, how many are convenient for me to acquire directly and cost less than 10 tons of gold?"
"Three."
"I'd like the names and prices."
"The 'WK Toy Clock' for 9.5 tons of gold, the 'Fragment of Spacetime from a Doomed Dimension' for 5 tons of gold, and finally the 'Mr. Ando Chef's Fermentation Jar' for 3 tons of gold."
Two familiar names.
'WK is the company that made the "WK Special Tumbler," and Mr. Ando Chef is the cook who developed that all-purpose sauce.'
The former ran a fast-food joint, but since they had a toy clock, it was probably a giveaway like the tumbler—or maybe a tentacle business that ran a toy store too.
'And Mr. Ando Chef seems like a top-tier entity chef who can create derivative entities.'
Which of the three fit my situation best?
"I'll take Mr. Ando Chef's Fermentation Jar."
The WK one sounded too toy-like to trust, and the spacetime fragment seemed too massive to handle, so the jar was just right.
"Then let's confirm payment."
"Here you go."
"Oh, wow! Oh, wow!"
I pulled 3 tons of gold from the Void Pocket. The suit dove into the gold bars with the happiest face I'd ever seen.
"Yes! Golden swim! Golden hug!"
"Then the info, please."
"Of course."
The jar's location popped into my head.
"Oh, one more thing I want to buy."
"What is it?"
"The homunculus recipe. How much?"
The suit replied.
"1 trillion tons of gold."
I bought Mr. Ando Chef's Fermentation Jar from a used goods dealer running a small shop in Suncheon.
"Not sure who the maker is, but probably Chinese. You sure you want this one?"
"Yes, that's fine."
The jar was a plastic mechanical container.
[Until the day everyone enjoys gourmet food.]
[Mr. Ando takes responsibility for your kitchen.]
Two lines engraved on the jar's surface.
And the logo: a pig chef in an apron thrusting a spatula forward with a wink, shouting 'HAPPY.'
'The controls are simple.'
Buttons to set temperature, decide how much time flows inside per hour, start operation, and lock the lid—four in total.
'And time is set by dialing it like a rotary.'
Back home, I immediately started the experiment. Put the pre-mixed stuff in the flask, sealed it, placed it in Ando Chef's jar, and set the parameters.
[Temperature: 38.2°C]
[Time: 40 days]
Hit start, and cheerful music poured from the mechanical jar.
[An-do, An-do, An-do—our very own An-do!
The chef who handles your table!
World's greatest coo~k An-do!
Anyone who tastes An-do's food falls head over heels!
An-do cooks anything—An-do, An-do!
An-do's cooking turns bricks into yum-yum!
Human stew, demon fry, elf skewer, orc tartare, dwa~rf braise!
An~do's cooking makes a meal in a snap!
All the world's foodies love him!]
An hour later, the jingle ended, and the lid unlocked.
"...Impressive."
If it hadn't been sealed, the living room would've been gassed out.
'Do this outside.'
Out in the yard, I opened the sealed container. The stench exploding from the flask blanketed the garden like a biochemical weapon.
'Will the enhancement potion work?'
I dumped in the enhancement potion right away.
"!?"
That instant, the flask shattered. I closed my eyes against the flying glass shards, then opened them to a new lifeform before me.
"What're you staring at?"
A bread-loaf-sized, stubby worm.
"Hey, I'm hungry."
And it had a human face, ordering me around.
"Bring me an apple."
"Sheesh, I just asked for an apple?"
I brought the thing—homunculus or not—back to the living room.
"An apple? Not my blood?"
"Blood? What am I, a vampire?"
"I heard homunculi live on human blood."
Checking again, it was a thick, stubby worm the size of a loaf of bread with the face of a cynical 40-something man.
"That's for normal homunculi. Do I look normal to you?"
"First homunculus I've seen, so no clue."
"Of course I'm not! Name one homunculus that looks like this!"
It denied being a homunculus itself.
"Even Golden Omnipotence said it: Want the homunculus recipe? 1 trillion tons of gold. Something worth that much, and you think you can whip one up from internet Googling? Pretty cheeky, huh?"
"Well, I had hopes the belt's power might make it work."
But its knowledge was incredible.
"Sigh, too much optimism. Sorry I turned out like this. Anyway, the apple?"
"Should I go buy one now?"
"Nah, bottom shelf of the fridge, second from the left—bag of apples you got for 10,000 won at the traditional market two days ago as clearance. Those'll do."
It was like it knew everything.
"You know a lot."
"Not a homunculus, but I know the truths."
I fetched the apple, and it opened its mouth.
"Feed me a bit. My hands are like this."
"You know movies too?"
"Never seen one, but I know about it. Ah, hurry—can't eat alone without hands."
"Got it."
It devoured the apple fast.
"Crunch, so that's what an apple tastes like?"
"You know all truths, right?"
"Knowing and experiencing are worlds apart."
"True enough."
It ate core, seeds, and all, then happily rolled around.
"Anyway, thanks for the grub. Stomach's full now. As thanks, ask me anything, I'll answer."
I'd thought it'd be too cynical for chit-chat, but surprisingly cooperative.
"You know all truths?"
"Yep."
"What was there before the universe?"
"Dunno."
"You said you know everything?"
"I do, but pulling it out takes effort. Like you know how to lose weight but don't."
"You're too lazy."
"Or like knowing how to get into Seoul National University but never doing it."
"Super lazy."
Kinda cute, actually.
"I can learn what you are through truth. Tell me."
"What you see. A flawed homunculus born from a flawed method—that's me."
"So you are a homunculus."
But our time was short.
"What's your lifespan?"
"One week. Then I die."
"That's it?"
"What more you want? From a botched lifeform out of semen-horse-dung mush? Greedy much?"
Still, I liked it.
"Not scared of death?"
"Nope. How you're born or die doesn't matter. Birth isn't my choice, and after death's got nothing to do with me."
Its...
"The important thing is how you live. If I live my week more meaningfully than someone who lives a hundred years, that's a worthwhile life, right?"
No, its attitude toward life.
"You too, right?"
"Right."
"So what're we waiting for?"
It rolled onto my knee.
"Let's go."
I cradled it.
"Time to make my life worthwhile."
As we headed out, I asked.
"What should I call you?"
It answered.
"Just Homun or whatever."
Cynical but kind.
"One-week name, so that'll do."
"Better take a taxi. Subway's got too many stares."
"Others' gazes bother you?"
"Nah, crowds mean smells, and my nose is sensitive."
We taxied to the place it mentioned.
"To Bongcheon-dong, please."
"Heh, got it."
The driver kept sneaking glances at Homun in the rearview with a curious look. Homun wisely stayed quiet till we arrived.
"Here you go."
"Thanks. Oh, customer, that's a unique doll."
"Not a doll."
We reached the destination, and it finally spoke.
"Hong Cheol-jung! Still hanging around the house!? Your mom begged you not to gamble! I'll chop off your filthy hands! Quit now, you hear!?"
"Eek!"
The startled cabbie fled.
"What was that?"
"That guy's blowing all his cash gambling at the house. Lately it's gotten worse—he'll be raiding his kids' tuition accounts soon."
"He'll stop now?"
"Who knows? Truths I know, but human madness? Unknowable."
Following Homun's directions, we found a small used computer shop in Bongcheon-dong.
"There."
"What's there?"
"The entity that dooms humanity."
"But..."
Homun snorted.
"Sephirot isn't omnipotent. Go in."
I entered as told.
"Welcome! What're you looking for?"
"I'll browse and let you know."
The owner had been chatty, but when I said I'd look around, he backed off with a "Let me know when you're done."
"Hmm."
Scanning the used computers, I stopped at an old, dusty all-in-one—monitor, tower, keyboard, mouse all bundled.
"How's it look?"
The moment I saw it, my right eye activated.
"You see it?"
"Yeah."
"Told you."
"You're right, but..."
I saw humanity's future that even Sephirot couldn't block.
"Someone might like that future."