Chapter 130
Chapter 130
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Translator: crow
Chapter Title: Regret
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"Don't worry. After the checkup and our talk, it's not severe. Your empathy is just a bit lower than average, but education can bring it back to normal."
"Really? Doctor, please, I beg you!"
"It's not something I can do. It's up to your parents. All I can offer are some recommended books."
The father bowed deeply to the young doctor.
The mother clutched the doctor's hands and bowed repeatedly.
"So."
The doctor turned and glared at me.
She sneered with a mocking smile full of disdain.
"How does it feel to make your parents cry? Now you know about empathy, right? With that fancy empathy you bought at the cost of your parents' lives, don't you feel anything?"
"Did my parents really love me?"
"?"
The doctor's face twisted.
"That's it?"
"Should we get regular checkups?"
"......"
"Mental health checks too?"
The world blurred, and we returned to the original hallway.
'What more was I supposed to feel in that scene?'
Could I feel anything besides my parents' love?
But I couldn't let my guard down.
According to Shin Se-hoon's info, heart poison wasn't mental corruption or perception alteration—it was a reality-warping attack, powerful and unavoidable. One slip, and I'd be poisoned.
'It's changing again.'
The hallway shifted before I even reached the office.
Probably because I'd finished all the Dangjin Lee family's dishes—the changes were coming fast.
'This time, it's my house.'
I walked the nostalgic hallway from my childhood home toward my room.
"So Marx said it: capitalists are evil monsters who suck the workers dry!"
I carefully opened the door. My father was reading a book to his young son—me.
"Stand against the cold-blooded monsters of capitalism! Reclaim the workers' rights! Let's build a society where we're all equal!"
"Dad, if everyone's equal, who does the work?"
"Uh, huh?"
"If everyone's equal, someone still has to do the hard jobs. But no one wants to. If those jobs are necessary and not doing them causes problems, someone has to anyway. It'll end up being the weaker ones. Is that really an equal society?"
"Uh, well, yeah... you're right?"
A memory. A happy one from when I was eight, reading books with my father.
He'd read me countless educational books, with a high ratio of philosophy.
"Alright, that's enough for today."
"Dad, why do you only read me these kinds of books?"
"Because people need philosophy."
"Dogshit philosophy?"
"Where'd you hear that?"
"The internet."
"Dogshit, yeah... dogshit philosophy is still philosophy."
My father stroked my young head.
I smiled, recalling that warmth—the faint warmth from back then that I still remembered.
"Better to have your own firm values, even if they're called dogshit philosophy, than to cynically mock others without any philosophy of your own. A million times better."
"Why?"
"People without philosophy walk life's path depending on others. They follow what others say, do what others do, chase what others envy. But people with philosophy walk the path they want."
"Is that your dogshit philosophy, Dad?"
My father laughed too.
"Yeah. So Seunghoon, you need philosophy too. I can't force it on you, but I want you to have one that lets you live like a human."
"That's why you read me these books."
"Yeah, that's it... that's it."
I laughed through tears.
I didn't know it then, but now I realized he was crying because of my unchildlike attitude.
"Because of you, my tears never dry up. What do you think of that?"
My father suddenly glared at me.
His tears turned to blood, his eyes filled with venom, rage, and resentment.
"If you'd been normal, I wouldn't have shed these tears!"
"Birth isn't a choice, and you embraced me anyway. That shows love as vast as the sea, not regret. What am I supposed to regret?"
"......"
The scene vanished again.
Why did it keep showing off-target scenes when it was supposed to instill heart poison?
'No, can't let my guard down. Stay alert till the end.'
The scenery shifted again. Faster than before.
"Seunghoon, what's this?"
"A porn site."
After my father, my mother appeared.
"Yeah, you're in puberty, so you might look at this stuff. But what's all this? The search terms..."
The day my mother discovered my search history from sexual explorations.
"I wanted to understand as much love as possible."
"Why?"
"Because I couldn't figure out what human love really is."
Back then, I answered honestly, without filter.
"Some said stockings. Some said tomboys. Some said glasses, nurses, anal. Some said blowjobs, furries, paizuri. Some liked TS, futanari, ballbusting."
"......"
"Human fetishes number as many as humans. But most prefer only their own and call others abnormal. I thought I'd be the same as a human, but from what I've researched so far, I got aroused by every fetish."
"......"
"So I was testing my limits."
My mother covered her face.
Some questions are hard even between parent and child.
I didn't realize it then, but now I see it embarrassed her.
"Heh."
My mother laughed differently from my memory.
"Doesn't confessing your perversions to your mom make you regret it?"
"My puberty question wasn't sexual—it was about human life. No shame at all."
"You confessed your fetishes yourself?"
"Is showing your genitals to a urologist embarrassing? Consulting parents on life is the same."
My mother's face turned vicious.
"You haven't improved at all! You psychopath!"
"I can empathize plenty. Even now, I'm feeling faint anger toward whoever's using my mother's face like this."
The scene vanished.
What would it show next?
"Son, Mom and Dad are heading out. Need anything?"
Ah.
I wondered when it'd show this.
"I want to read books. Ebooks are fine, but physical ones are better."
"Then I'll grab some new ones on the way back."
"Thank you."
My mother and father headed out.
"Be back soon."
"See you."
That was the last time I saw them.
The scene changed. I sat blankly on a chair in the hospital morgue.
"Ice slick accident. They say the car slipped on a turn at the intersection and fell off the bridge."
My high school self said, head bowed.
"They were going to my favorite bookstore. They remembered late and took the curve sharply. Without that, they'd have come home safe."
My high school self looked up, tears of blood streaming.
"It's all because of me they died."
"Could be."
"So you regret it?"
"You'd regret it."
My friend's face came to mind.
"The old me would've regretted that day. But after meeting Homin-i, I realized life is once. Even if I changed the past, the revived parents wouldn't be the real ones I knew."
"Sophistry."
"So I don't regret. If something's wrong, instead of unchangeable regret, I'll reflect and learn. After reflection, I'll cherish it as memory. So even now, I'll say it."
Memories from birth to high school with my parents flashed by.
"Thank you for raising a kid like me."
My parents, who tried to make empathy-lacking me normal.
My mother, researching brain plasticity, telling good stories daily without fail.
My father, hoping philosophy would make me human.
"Thanks to you, I became a normal human."
Memories I could recall without my notebook effect.
"I love you, Mom, Dad."
"Bullshit!"
The world crumbled.
My eyes turned black as I screamed in rage.
"You're not normal! Your parents failed!"
"I am a normal human."
"You crazy bastard!"
The world fully collapsed, leaving only the elevator.
The space dragged me inside.
"If you don't want to become a disaster, stay put. Suffer and die there!"
The elevator descended to B444.
The doors opened, and the darkness I'd seen through my left eye welcomed me.
『I! Why did I do that back then!』
『I shouldn't have learned Yasuo! Shouldn't have played Yasuo!』
『Aah! Why did I jerk off there without locking the door...』
『Wahhh! Marriage was a mistake!』
I stepped into the arena where ghosts wailed their regrets in all varieties.
『Oysters! Shouldn't have eaten oysters! Shouldn't have gone to the interview after! Aah! Right then! My sphincter gave out...』
『Shouldn't have waited for that guy! Who knew the army guy would wear boots backward!』
『Back then! If I'd just spoken up, I'd have won the argument! Aah! Why'd I mumble like an idiot!』
Dozens of minutes passed through ghosts regretting countless moments in life's days.
Finally, I found the ghost I sought.
『If I just hadn't answered! If I'd said the princess was prettier than my sister!』
"Shin Se-hoon?"
I shoved a cigarette into the ghost's mouth.
"Have one. Better fresh, right?"
『Ugh...』
At my command, Shin Se-hoon obediently smoked.
'Normally, it'd attack.'
These were disaster ghosts already.
Ghosts don't attack each other, but a living intruder should draw attacks.
Yet they didn't approach. Even Shin Se-hoon tried to distance himself while smoking.
"Same as my left eye."
Maybe the ghosts feared me, the provisional Death Star.
My left eye saw negative energy flowing from them. Following it up, I spotted a massive sphere on the ceiling.
"Ah."
My right eye activated.
I saw extinct humanity and finally understood the truth.
"You're the entity that traded with the Dangjin Lees?"
The reason they learned to crush disasters with disasters for superior bloodline.
Why the ghosts' negative energy gathered separately.
The detective's touchpad's final hint.
"This is a farm. A farm to perfect the finished dish with the final flourish."
And...
"Not Dangjin Lee, but Ubong Lee, I suppose?"