Learning to Lucid Dream
When I opened my eyes that morning, the first word that popped into my head was Succubus Disqualification. “......What the hell? That word is way too heavy.” It had sounded like just another company complaint when I heard it in the dream, but now that I was remembering it for real, the weight felt completely different. It overlapped with the same term I always saw in the job-hunting cafe. Rejection. Rejection. Application rejection. Interview rejection. Life rejection. I thrashed around under the blanket, then reached for the phone lying face-down beside the bed. My finger hovered over the search bar, paused for a second. “Succubus Disqualification” into that... would the real thing actually show up? “Yeah right.” Still, just in case, I compromised a little and used something more generic. [How to Lucid Dream] [Why people keep repeating the same dream] [the same woman keeps appearing in the dream] My search history had gotten embarrassingly long. I should’ve stopped there, but my finger kept moving on its own. [Interpreting dreams where I’m dating a demon] “......Am I crazy?” I had to admit, it looked pretty pathetic even to me. But it was too late. The algorithm had already figured out exactly what kind of human I was. “Unemployed NEET with an obsession for lucid dreaming, estimated age 29” with all the usual tags. Scrolling down, a long list of lucid-dream articles had appeared. — Before sleeping, look at your fingertips ten times and say to yourself, “This is a dream.” — If letters appear blurry in a dream, it’s a lucid dream. — If the surroundings don’t change when you blink your eyes, you’re still in a dream. — Overdoing it can mess with your mental health, so be careful. “......And what about people whose mental health is already in ruins?” I shoved down the urge to grumble in the comments. Yesterday in the dream, Subin had said it too. “If you study too much, we’ll get sick of you.” The words had stuck strangely in my head. “We?” What did she mean by “we”? The company? Hell? The succubus division? I sighed and tossed the phone onto the bed, then picked it up again. My body had already moved. — Lucid Dream Aftercare — Lucid Dream Success Stories (19+ “......Hey, I can’t hold back.” The click exploded into chaos. “Made a girlfriend in the dream and have sex with her every day”, “Lucid dreaming with an idol—” titles lined up nonstop. “Is the human the problem or the succubus?” Somehow I could understand why Subin’s company hated lucid dreaming. This was basically the customer becoming the director. When I scrolled again, one sentence stood out. — Once you get used to lucid dreaming, you can freely change the dream’s background and characters. “Even the characters...?” Suddenly a dangerously vivid image flashed in my mind. Up until now, Subin had always been the one who appeared first. She’d be straddling me, leaning against something, or sitting on the chair beside the bed. I’d just been the NPC reacting to whatever she did. But if I could change the background and characters—— “......No way, that’s way too dangerous.” Customizing characters while facing a succubus sounded like crossing a line. Subin had said the same thing yesterday. “The moment you stop knowing who’s eating whom, we both get disqualified.” At the time I’d thought it was just a resignation threat, but now it felt bigger. Disqualification. Succubus Disqualification. Dream access revoked. That meant no overtime starting tonight. “......That’s not happening.” Even if I was unemployed in reality, I still wanted to work as a regular at night. Eating by a succubus counts as work, too. *** “Jitae, stop staring at the computer and eat something.” My mom’s voice floated in from the living room. I switched the laptop screen to a news site as naturally as possible, then opened the door. “I was writing a resume.” “Again? You did it last week too.” “I got rejected again.” “......” Mom sighed instead of using her spoon. The smell of doenjang jjigae was rising from the kitchen. Real life. “You’re going to spend your whole life dreaming in this house, aren’t you.” “What house? Kangaroo species are the new elite class.” “Hey, watch your language. You were tossing and turning until dawn yesterday.” “......Overtime.” “What?” “No, I was thinking about midnight snacks.” The lie twisted in my mouth. Luckily Mom didn’t dig deeper. She just set the rice bowl down a little harder. “Did you go on any interviews?” “Still waiting. They filter everything on the resume now.” “Maybe you should take a qualification course. Prepare some certification.” “Mom, I already have one.” “What kind?” “The ‘Good Dreamer’ certification.” “......Eat, then go for a walk.” Mom looked like she’d had enough and fell silent. Even while I ate, lucid-dream tips kept swirling in my head. — Stare at the back of your hand in real life. — Before sleep, repeat “This is a dream” dozens of times. — Pretend to wake up, then fall back asleep to continue the dream. After finishing my rice, I looked at the back of my hand. “......What the hell am I even doing...” Still, I had to do it. This was tied to tonight’s overtime quality. I murmured while staring at my hand. “This is a dream. This is a dream. This is a dream...” It made me smile a little. This was reality. I was the unemployed guy making money in dreams and training lucid dreaming in the real world. How had my life gotten so upside-down? *** The night came faster than I expected. I shut down the laptop, killed the lights, and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. Mom’s nagging from earlier floated in and out, then faded. Instead, Subin’s face kept sharpening in my mind. Pink hair, black horns, eyes calculating while she smiled. “She’ll come again tonight...” Even though I knew she would, a tiny worry still flickered. Dream access revoked, customer access revoked, Succubus Disqualification. The words she’d whispered yesterday now felt like a notice from HR. Maybe that was why I fell asleep faster than usual. My vision blinked once, then I was already in that room. *** The ceiling was cleaner than reality. Cream wallpaper, no mold, no patterns. The bed was soft but cheap-looking. The perfect middle-class dream-space interior. And above me... “......Good evening, esteemed customer. Thank you for coming in today.” There she was. As usual. Straddling me like a completed attendance stamp. “Overtime pay?” “Humans don’t get paid. But I’m right here.” She narrowed her eyes, smiling. The laugh was a little forced compared to yesterday. “What made you so nervous you were searching for lucid dreams all afternoon?” “......You saw everything?” “Of course. My head is your workstation.” Subin flicked my forehead with her finger. “Thanks to that, upper management marked me again. ‘High-Risk Customer, evidence of lucid dreaming practice. Caution advised.’” “Hey, that’s invasion of privacy. Even the demon world has human rights——” “The demon world has no human rights. And they never should.” Subin gave a little snort and shifted her position slightly. Every time she moved, a dream-warmth reached my skin. I closed my eyes for a second, then opened them. ——This is a dream. This time I recognized the fact clearly. Until yesterday it had been just “probably.” Today the sensation was different. The clue had been the sound of my breathing. In reality, I’d notice my own breath and the room’s temperature first. But now the breathing I heard was Subin’s. “Jitae?” “What?” “You’re a little off.” “What?” “Your eyes.” She looked down at my face. “Normally at this point you should already be... a bit hazy.” “Sorry to disappoint, but my mind is crystal clear today?” I said it on purpose, loud and clear. “This is a dream.” The room gave the tiniest shake. No fluorescent light. Instead the ceiling light flickered like it was swinging. Subin’s eyes flew wide. “Jitae, you can’t say that. Not right now.” “Why?” “Rule violation.” “Why are you lecturing me about rules in a dream? This is all in my head.” “Exactly. It’s a collaboration between our company and your unconscious, human.” Subin poked my chest with a half-joke, half-curse. But the finger that poked me trembled just a little. I deliberately looked at the tremor and pretended not to. “But you saw it, right?” “Saw what?” “When I said ‘this is a dream,’ the background shook.” I glanced around. The bedside lamp on the table had dripped slightly then snapped back. The curtain billowed even though there was no wind, then settled. Impossible errors in reality. “They said lucid dreaming success was like this...” “Hey, you’re just using it like that?” Subin frowned. She didn’t look very succubus-like. Almost human. “We get upset when you do too many lucid dreams. I told you.” “Why? Isn’t it better if the customer wants the show?” “Better my ass. Our report templates are all broken.” She muttered with a sigh. “You’re only allowed to change the background within three options, and the lighting is preset by stages, but when you shake things in the middle...” “Hey, this is really a call center.” “Yeah, exactly. We even manage KPIs.” “The demon world has become a global corporation.” I snorted. Then something I’d seen in the aftercare popped into my head. ——You can change the dream’s background and characters. This was the perfect time to test it. “Wait.” “What are you doing this time?” “Stay still.” I took a deep breath. Following the aftercare, I imagined strongly in my head. Not this room. Something else. Not the sheet on my palm. The beach. No, that was too common. A hotel suite? Then I’d be the rich guy again. Finally I remembered the most familiar place. “......Our house.” The moment I murmured, the view spun. The bed creaked differently. Instead of the dream’s luxury creak, I heard the familiar old spring sound. Looking up, I was in the ceiling. Mold spots, cracked wallpaper, flickering fluorescent light. “......Whoa.” “......Hey.” Subin’s voice came from both of us at once. We looked at the ceiling and at each other at the same time. The pink-haired, black-horned succubus was straddling me on my real-bed. The most surreal composite image imaginable. “Jitae.” “Yeah?” “You’re actually a high-risk customer.” Subin said quietly. “This isn’t something you write in a report.” “How’s the realism?” “Forget realism. This is almost system hacking.” She looked around. Fingered the wallpaper corner, opened and closed the window. “Wow... you even implemented the smell of our house. The cheap-ramen smell and that musty dust smell.” “Hey, why are you describing it so detailed?” “Means you went pretty deep into my unconscious.” Subin looked down at me again. Her eyes were far more serious than before. “Wouldn’t the company freak out if they saw this?” “I’m not getting yelled at by my boss, so it’s fine.” “You’re not the only one getting yelled at. This level and you’d be classified as a dangerous entity.” “Humans aren’t endangered species.” “One mark and you might actually get dream-access blocked.” Her voice dropped. “Then I’d be disqualified too.” Succubus Disqualification. The word hit my ear again. “......So.” I kept my tone light on purpose. “So I just did a light test today. Changing the background?” “If that’s the test, what’s the real thing?” “The real thing is...” I barely swallowed the words that wanted to come out. The real thing was also changing your expression. The expression she’d been directing until yesterday. “How about we reset?” I looked at the ceiling once more and imagined. ‘Back to the original room. Made by your company.’ A few seconds later the mold vanished. The wallpaper brightened, the fluorescent light softened. Subin exhaled long. “......This might not even leave a log.” “There’s a log?” “Of course. Our servers are strict as hell.” “Demon-world server... feels like we’re being monitored.” “We are. That’s why I told you not to get hooked on lucid dreaming.” Subin said it while still keeping a crease on her forehead. I saw the expression and smiled suddenly. “Why are you laughing?” “Your worried face suits you.” “Worried face suits a succubus?” “Yeah. Surprisingly well.” I deliberately twisted my words. “Compared to a succubus, you look like an office worker who got a loan delinquency text.” “......You really only know how to keep your mouth running.” Subin tried to poke my chest again but lowered her hand. Then she slowly leaned down. “Good. Let me test something too.” “Test?” “You said lucid dreaming comes naturally to you.” She whispered in my ear. “Let’s see how far your imagination can go.” *** Subin changed the background first. She waved her hand once and the air inside the room changed. The lights dimmed, the bed sheet color shifted, a picture appeared on the wall I hadn’t noticed. I hadn’t done it. It was clearly her change. “You saw?” “Saw.” “Just because it’s lucid dreaming doesn’t mean you control everything. Basic permissions are still with us.” She said it while slowly lowering her body over me. Her hair tickled my neck. Her breathing came closer. This situation wasn’t different from yesterday. I just understood clearer that this was a dream. ‘Once you get used to lucid dreaming, you can change the characters in the dream.’ The sentence resurfaced. I looked at Subin’s face and let myself imagine a joke for a moment. ——What if it wasn’t Subin, but someone else? An idol, an old friend I liked in the past, a porn actress. The instant the image formed, Subin’s face wavered. The pink hair color blurred, the pupils shape tried to change and stopped. Lip color shifted then returned. “......Hah.” Subin sucked in a short breath. “Jitae.” “Yeah?” “You tried to change me just now.” “It was an experiment.” “Experiment what?” She gripped my shoulders tight. “If it keeps shaking like this, it might actually change someday. Then where do you think I’d go?” “Where?” “Disqualification.” Two decisive words. “There’s a space behind the company warehouse where we keep the stubborn succubi. We hang them up like taxidermy.” “......Really?” “Half is real, half is a scare tactic.” Subin gave a bitter smile. “But the important part is how dangerous it is.” My throat went dry. Until now it had been a simple game. In the dream space, I was the host and she the customer. But the penalty for the game was someone’s taxidermy. “Okay. Sorry.” Apology came out anyway. “I won’t do it again. At least... not if you hate it.” “You saying you won’t use your imagination is nonsense.” Subin sighed. “Just don’t use it to change me. Changing the background, the situation, messing with the performance I prepared... that’s fine.” “You think that’s better?” “Of course. Because the report just says ‘customer reaction intense’ anyway.” She gave a playful smile again. “But the moment I become someone else, that’s a contract violation.” “Did we even sign a contract?” “You signed without knowing. When the dream first connected.” She brushed my earlobe like she was biting it and whispered. “‘Specific Succubus Dedicated Customer’ contract.” “Wow, I really didn’t know contracts like that existed in real life.” “What do you mean. You can’t even sign a document.” Subin poked my chest twice, then stared straight into my eyes. “Instead, I’ll allow this.” “What?” “I’ll let you break the scenarios I prepared.” *** With that, she really started moving. As usual at first, the succubus-style performance. Lights dimmed gradually, music seemed to flow from somewhere. The touching hands, the breathing, everything followed the prepared script. “Jitae.” “Yeah?” “Today I’ll push it a little.” “What did the company say?” “Just... bring in some results.” The words were light, but her fingertips were tense. The moment I felt it, something clicked in my head. ——This board I can control. Lucid dreaming wasn’t just knowing “this is a dream.” Once you know, the feeling of “now I can decide what to do” follows. I deliberately spoke when Subin’s hand was about to descend. “Hey, what are you going to write for the report title?” “......Why are you asking now?” “It’s important. Yesterday you said it was ‘30-day repeated-use test’.” Subin’s movement froze for a second. Taking the gap, I grabbed her waist, pulled her close, then pushed her away slightly. “Is the title without ‘cool’ today? Like... ‘customer-driven rights reversal case analysis’ or something.” “Hey.” “Or ‘High-Risk Customer Lucid Dream Response Protocol Failure Record’.” “I’m going to sew your mouth shut.” Subin ground her teeth. But the flow had already started to shift. Her planned rhythm broke. I spoke at the moment she needed to breathe, pulled my body away at the moment she was about to move, and pulled her in an unexpected angle. “Jitae, you...” “Yeah?” “Why are you so... proactive today?” “Because it’s a dream.” I said honestly. “Because it’s a dream, I’m experimenting. If I did this in reality I’d be sued.” “You knew and still did it.” “I knew and did it. You knew and did it too.” A silence fell. In that silence, we both already knew. ——This relationship isn’t clean from either side. Subin exhaled long, then breathed slowly against my nape. “Okay. Let’s do this.” “How?” “Today you set the board.” She whispered. “But don’t cross the line.” “What line?” “The line of changing me. The line of treating this board as just a game.” The words felt strangely heavy. That was why, from that moment, I really started directing. I didn’t completely flip the background. Instead I tweaked details. I imagined a meaningless frame on the bed headboard. Inside was a picture of a beach I’d seen somewhere. The same one from the search earlier. I dimmed the ceiling light slightly. The shadow falling on Subin’s face deepened. Because of that, her expression looked richer than usual. “......This is your doing.” “Yeah.” “It’s fine.” Subin gave a wry smile. “Your sense is better than our performance team. Want me to put your resume in?” “At the succubus company?” “Maybe for a unemployed intern position.” “Interns probably get disqualified too.” “That’s why it suits you.” While we joked, our hands and bodies kept moving toward each other. A strange night in the dream space where it became unclear who was using whom. *** By the time I came back to myself, the air in the room was much hotter than before. I wasn’t sure exactly when it started. The moments I set the board had been swept away by Subin’s breathing. “Hah...” Subin breathed out shortly. Sweat formed at the corners of her eyes. Even in a dream. “This... how do I write the report...” “What title are you going to use today.” “‘Excellent Customer Reverses Succubus While in Lucid Dream State’?” “Too explicit.” “Or ‘High-Risk Customer, Disqualification Review Needed’.” She said it while resting her head on my shoulder. After a moment her breathing calmed, Subin opened her mouth again. “Jitae.” “Yeah?” “Be honest.” “About what?” “Today... was fun.” The question was strange. Not just pleasure, but a game-play review. I hesitated, then said it straight. “Yeah.” “Which part?” “Changing the background was fun... and when you got flustered, a little.” “Oh, you don’t even have minimal conscience.” “I did a little. That’s why we didn’t change you into someone else.” Subin glared at me briefly, then finally snorted. “Yeah. That... I’ll admit.” She went silent for a moment, then added. “Thanks to you setting the board today, I’ll hear a scolding from the company.” “You’ll get yelled at a lot.” “Yeah. But whatever.” She shrugged. “I’m already a disqualification candidate.” The words stuck strangely in my chest. “You’re really that serious?” “When you changed the background to our house today...” Subin closed her eyes, then opened them. “That one gets highlighted in the log from above. ‘Customer deeply enters unconscious space.’” “Is that bad?” “Both good and bad.” She gave a bitter smile. “If you look at performance, it’s good. Entering deep means more disqualification cases. But at the same time it’s dangerous. Means we’re both heading in a direction we can’t pull out of.” “Both of us?” “Yeah. You and me.” A silence fell. I broke it without rushing and took a slow breath. I admit I’ve fallen into this relationship to some degree. Thinking about Subin even in the daytime. But after seeing her tone just now, Subin didn’t seem to be having it easy either. “Still...” I held back, then carefully asked. “If I get Succubus Disqualification, you’re not the only one going, right?” “According to regulations, yes.” Subin nodded. “But when that happens, who will come to your dream?” I had no answer. The answer was already clear. No one would come. Just another night of tossing and turning alone until I woke up. Thinking that, my chest suddenly felt tight. “......That’s not what I want.” The words slipped out. Subin blinked. “What?” “You getting disqualified.” “Why do you care about my life? Worry about your own.” “My life is already disqualified.” I said it mockingly. “But if I get disqualified by night, that’s crossing a line.” Silence. Then Subin smiled slowly. “Yeah. That’s true.” Strange emotion mixed in the smile. “So let’s just draw the line like today.” “What line?” “Changing the background, messing with the flow, teasing you. That far.” Subin poked my forehead with her finger. “But don’t try to change me. Don’t try to summon anyone else either.” “I promise.” It was sincere. After trying it, I didn’t feel like doing it anymore. Maybe I already wanted the one I was holding onto to be Subin. *** The dream started to fade slowly. My body sank deeper into the bed. Vision darkened, sounds faded. Just before escaping, Subin whispered in my ear. “Jitae.” “Yeah?” “The board you set today... it was okay with me.” “Was that a compliment?” “Half compliment, half warning.” She said with a laugh. “If we keep going like this, the board will really flip someday.” “Whose board?” “Ours.” Before I heard the answer, the dream went completely dark. *** When I opened my eyes again, it was the same ceiling. Mold spots, cracked wallpaper, creaking fluorescent light. This time it felt more familiar than yesterday. I stared at the ceiling and recalled what had happened until then. Lucid dreaming. Changing the background. Subin’s flustered face. And the real expression that had flashed behind that face for a moment. “......” A laugh was about to come out but didn’t. ——Oh, so I can set this board. A dangerous certainty rose quietly inside me. At the same time a tiny anxiety rose too. ——But what’s left when this board breaks? I still didn’t know the answer. The one clear thing was this: tonight I would prepare for another overtime night. Looking at the back of my hand, I repeated “This is a dream” and would face the succubus with an even clearer mind. “......I should get ready for work.” I kicked the blanket off and stood up, picked up the phone. The notification window was empty. No email, no acceptance text, no interview offer. Only the search bar was clean. I slowly raised my finger into the empty space. [Lucid Dream Side Effects] I clicked enter and let out a small laugh. Side effects or not, it didn’t matter. After all, reality was already disqualified. All that was left for me now was figuring out how to flip the board at night.