37. That's One Thing, This Is Another.
37. That's One Thing, This Is Another.
***
"Oh, and hey, Serin. Toxic viewers will probably show up every single day. I banned them for you today, but you know the saying—the more people there are, the more weirdos get mixed in. There'll definitely be people posting nasty messages or trying to stir up trouble, so you need to be careful from now on."
"Careful?"
"Yes. I mean, there's no reason to let toxic viewers like that hurt you or stress you out. From today's stream, you clearly know what direction you want to take and you handle chat well, so I think you'll be fine. But when you're new, there are viewers who deliberately try to push streamers around."
We had ordered food and were waiting, and now Sua and I were just talking in my room.
Since I had spoken more than twice as much as usual during today's first stream, I was mostly giving short answers while Sua did most of the talking and carried the conversation.
Even that felt like Sua was quietly being considerate of me, which made me genuinely warm up to her.
There had been very few times in my life when I felt this at ease around another person, and as I noticed Sua being considerate of me in one small way after another, those little things piled up until I felt she was a genuinely decent person.
So in the end, just a moment ago, I had decided to drop formal speech with Sua.
Yoon Sua didn't seem like someone I'd regret getting close to. More than anything, seeing how hard she was trying to get closer made me feel bad that insisting on formal speech might look like I was deliberately keeping my distance.
"You know, Serin. Do you know what kind of viewers I attracted when I first started streaming?"
"Oh, right. Sua, did you do cam streams from the beginning too?"
"Yes. When I was new, whether through attention-grabbing antics or my looks, what mattered most was getting noticed as a streamer. I needed money for living expenses... I did start streaming because I wanted to broadcast Another World, but I used a webcam and showed my face from the very beginning."
"Well. Then you probably had stalker-type viewers or people obsessed with you."
"Wow, Serin, what the heck? You really do know everything. How did you know what I was about to say?"
Sua looked at me with wide eyes, but honestly, it wasn't anything special.
The internet streams I'd watched over the past few days had, by coincidence, all been cam streams run by women, so it was easy to imagine what Sua must have dealt with.
Just looking at the chat during Sua's brief stream earlier that day had given me a strong sense of what kind of viewers she attracted.
Thinking about how the chat had gone up in flames just from the fact that I was in the same house as Sua, without my gender even being revealed...
"Well, I mean, with looks like yours, Sua, you stand out on your own. And thinking about the makeup I saw a little while ago, the way you present yourself on stream is completely different from now. When I first saw you, I wondered if you were a celebrity."
There were always people who got overly invested wherever you went, and I figured that was even more true when the target was a streamer with outstanding looks.
"A celebrity... come on, Serin, that's going too far. Well... I do think my looks hold up pretty well anywhere, though."
Sua seemed pleased by the compliment. She smiled and continued.
"Anyway, when I was a new streamer, there was someone who asked about my personal information every single day, and there were tons of people asking where I lived—more than I even realized. A few days after I started, I still had whispers open, and viewers would send me sexually harassing whispers during my streams every day."
"...Just hearing about it makes me angry."
I didn't know how long Sua had been streaming, but just listening, that situation didn't seem easy for a woman in her early twenties to endure.
I was dumbfounded just hearing about it.
Asking a woman in her early twenties for personal information, where she lived, and on top of that, sexually harassing her through whispers...
If that was the kind of thing she could bring up casually now, I didn't even want to imagine how many worse creeps there were if I dug deeper. I almost sighed without realizing it.
"Right. I was angry at first too. But I guess when your stream is still small, you get a lot of those toxic types? Honestly, my stream grew pretty quickly, so it never became unbearable."
But contrary to my expectations, Sua kept smiling as she looked at me.
"Oh, and I'm really only telling you this, Serin. Honestly, even when I was new, I got a ton of donations. Being a female cam streamer is seriously pretty lucrative, you know?"
...So it's hard, but the money makes it bearable? That kind of feeling?
Well, compared to doing manual labor outside or wrecking your body to earn money, sitting down and playing games or talking to earn money did seem easier.
"Serin, if you're ever in a pinch for money, just try going on cam once. With looks like yours, honestly, you could make more than I can even imagine."
She seemed to be subtly nudging me to try cam streaming, so I smiled a little and shook my head.
"Well. Thanks for saying that, but I'm not going to end up in that situation."
And honestly, no matter how much Sua had earned, she probably didn't have more money than I did right now.
Even with 2.7 billion won sitting in my bank account, it still didn't feel very real because I hardly spent any of it. But whenever money happened to come up, it felt like a solid safety net protecting me.
In a capitalist society, just having money really did feel far more reassuring than almost anything else.
"Honestly... it feels like such a waste that I'm the only one who knows how good you look, Serin... But yeah, with your looks, if you showed your face, you'd probably attract way more toxic viewers too."
"Still, saying that right in front of someone is a bit..."
Having someone talk about my appearance right to my face honestly made me a little embarrassed, and I could feel my face heating up.
"Ah. Got it. So, what I did about those toxic viewers after that was..."
After that, I listened to Sua's stories and advice about what to watch out for as a streamer, along with how I might shape my streams going forward.
—Ding-dong.
The doorbell rang.
"Oh, the food's here!"
Sua's face lit up with anticipation.
In contrast to Sua, I stood up with a stiff expression.
'I knew this was coming.'
At this moment, that was the only thought in my head.
***
"...Serin?"
"Hm?"
"Be honest with me. You can't handle spicy food, can you?"
"...No."
"Then why didn't you say anything!! No, seriously... this tteokbokki is really spicy."
Whether she was just perceptive, or whether she paid attention to every little thing about me normally—
It hadn't even been ten minutes since we'd set out the delivery food in the living room and started eating across from each other, and now Sua was snapping at me in a low voice, looking almost angry.
After trying the tteokbokki at the start, I'd reached for it fewer than three times in ten minutes, so it made sense that she'd noticed.
With Sua staring straight at me, I finally answered quietly.
"No, honestly, you were talking about how much you like spicy food... I just couldn't find the right moment to say something."
That short first stream had worn out this shitty body of mine in no time, and Sua had talked about spicy food with such anticipation that I felt bad disappointing her.
On top of that, she'd helped me with everything from the streaming equipment to setup to the first stream itself, so I wanted to do at least something for her in return.
Sua sighed softly at my answer, then spoke in a troubled voice.
"...Ugh."
She fiddled with the fork she was holding, hesitating.
"Ah, then... wait a moment, Serin."
Suddenly Sua put down her fork, scooped some tteokbokki onto a separate plate, and headed to the living room.
"...?"
Watching her blankly, I just picked up another piece of fried food from in front of me.
I dipped it in the soy sauce I had poured out beside me and brought it to my mouth.
The fried food was decent on its own.
The batter was crisp enough, and fried shrimp was pretty hard not to enjoy in the first place.
Then suddenly, my gaze drifted to the huge container sitting in front of my plate.
Something coated in a dark red liquid.
The color was so strange I wondered if you could even call it tteokbokki.
Then this time I picked up a piece of fried squid and stared blankly at it.
They say fried food tastes better dipped in tteokbokki sauce than eaten plain. That was probably why tteokbokki places sold fried foods as sets or side dishes.
But I couldn't bring myself to dip the fried food into that dark red something.
A phrase written on the outside of the container caught my eye.
'Crazy Tteokbokki'
Even the brand name of the tteokbokki was ominous.
And that Crazy Tteokbokki was currently at spice level 4.
Which meant it was the level labeled 'Hell.'
When the delivery had first arrived, I'd steeled myself and tried the tteokbokki—then nearly lost my mind from the heat and hadn't touched it since.
Clink.
Then suddenly my eyes went to a single bowl placed next to my plate.
"Honestly, I don't know if this'll be enough for you, Serin, but... I tried to tone down the heat in my own way."
I'd seen her fiddling with ingredients and seasonings in the kitchen and wondered what she was doing. Apparently she'd portioned out some tteokbokki and prepared it separately.
The color definitely looked paler than that dark red something in the container.
But honestly, I still didn't want to eat it.
I was certain this stuff was far beyond anything you could fix just by trying to tone down the heat.
"Ah, thanks."
Still, I could feel Sua's warm heart in the gesture. The more I saw of her, the kinder she seemed.
"No... I mean, seriously, Serin, next time, if something isn't okay, you have to say so clearly, all right?"
"Yeah. Got it."
Somehow, in a different way, it reminded me of Seoyun.
Seeing her worry about me and look out for me like that made me more careful about what I said.
"No, seriously, feeding 'Crazy Tteokbokki' to someone who can't handle spicy food is exactly the kind of thing that makes them hate you. You don't hate me now, do you, Serin?"
"It's fine. No, I know there was no ill intent, so why would I feel that way toward you? And I'm the one who ordered it. I just wanted you to enjoy it. You helped me a lot today."
"No. Still, that's that, and this is this."
"Come on. It's fine."
With that, I picked up a piece of fried food and dunked it deep into the 'Crazy Tteokbokki' Sua had supposedly toned down(?).
The fried shrimp came out completely coated in red, as if it had been marinating in the tteokbokki sauce.
As I slowly lifted the fried food out of the sauce, its appearance came into sharper focus.
'Fried shrimp.'
I'm counting on you.
It was definitely still going to be spicy, but... fried shrimp, I was counting on you. With you, surely I could still enjoy it.
I repeated that silently like I was hypnotizing myself, then brought the red-coated fried shrimp to my mouth.
"..."
With Sua still staring at me without saying a word, I was going to boldly eat the fried food and tell her it was fine.
Munch, munch.
Her gaze, watching me without a word, was like she was asking if it was okay now.
Meeting that gaze, I somehow managed to swallow all the fried food in my mouth.
Now I had to say something.
That it was fine.
That it was edible.
But before that...
My hand moved on its own and grabbed the cup.
Then I grabbed the plastic drink bottle sitting on the table.
But both were completely empty.
My tongue kept screaming in pain, as if scolding me over and over.
Asking why I ate that.
"Serin!? H-here, just drink this for now."
She hurriedly handed me a cup, and I snatched it up.