35. The Healthy Habit of Ending Streams
35. The Healthy Habit of Ending Streams
***
"Ah."
Along with the stream-ended notification, it felt like my mind had shut off too.
For a moment, my thoughts seemed to stop.
Reactions.
Donation settings.
All sorts of thoughts churned through my head, but none of them led to any clear outward action.
"Serin?"
Sua, who had been watching Serin stream from beside her, startled at the unexpected stream-ended message on the monitor and called out to her.
"You can just turn the stream back on. There's no need to panic like that!"
She was saying it was fine, that I could just turn it back on, and listening to her, that really was all I had to do.
"...Right."
But strangely, my hand wouldn't go to the Stream ON button.
I didn't think being a streamer was particularly hard. Even today, watching Sua stream right next to me hadn't made me worry or anything.
But now that I'd actually tried streaming a little, a strange sense of reluctance rose up.
The chat was easy enough to ignore, but when someone donated, it felt like I'd been paid and now owed them something, and that pressure weighed on me.
At first, I'd planned to accept donations through multiple settings, not just one, but right now my head genuinely felt a bit blank.
So I sorted out my thoughts clearly about the part that was burdening me.
Let's make one thing clear up front: no reactions.
Anyone who wants to donate should do so knowing that.
I wasn't trying to become a streamer just to put myself under pressure.
Donations... well, I figured it didn't really matter if I didn't get any.
After all, wasn't there 2.7 billion won in cash sitting in my bank account right now?
What I needed was just some kind of public standing. I wasn't desperate for income.
That was how I pulled myself together.
Slowly, I moved my hand back to the Stream ON button.
Maybe because I'd made up my mind, this time I moved the mouse to the Stream ON button without any hesitation and turned the stream right back on.
The chat window, which had gone dark gray from the stream ending, brightened again, and the message that the stream had started came into view.
"Ah. Ahh. Sorry, everyone. I accidentally pressed the End Stream button."
My voice was noticeably lighter than before.
Probably because the hesitation was gone.
I hadn't realized deciding on an attitude toward viewers and donations could make such a difference.
I should have thought about this beforehand.
[?]
[na]
[why didn't you turn it back on right away lololol]
[fr mistakes happen but I thought you'd turn it right back on, you took 5 minutes]
[rak]
[na]
[lolololololol]
[na]
[doesn't her voice sound a little different?]
[rak]
Even though I'd just turned the stream back on, the chat was still scrolling fast.
They'd probably been waiting in my stream channel even before I went live.
Otherwise, there was no way viewers could be typing that fast the instant I turned the stream on.
Thinking that, I slowly began to speak.
"Ah, and there's something I need to tell the viewers first."
I cleared my throat and paused, waiting for viewers to gather.
Even though I'd only streamed for a few minutes earlier, the stream had passed two thousand viewers.
Even now, the viewer count had already crossed four digits and was rapidly updating every few seconds.
Then a thought suddenly struck me.
'No. Should I just put it up as text on the stream?'
Tap tap tap.
I didn't know the stream settings in detail, but I'd heard the basics explained earlier and had watched, so I knew the essentials.
So putting text on the screen was something even I could do now.
—Please don't donate if possible. [The highest minimum amount was 50,000 won, so I set it to 50,000 won. So don't do it!]
—No reactions, and no intention of doing them.
Truly concise.
With wording this direct, I figured the viewers would understand what I meant.
People donated even when you blocked it, so in the end, I'd deliberately set it to a high amount that wouldn't tempt anyone.
And I placed those two lines prominently in the upper center of the screen.
"Ah. Can everyone see the text on the screen?"
I spoke as I did so.
[???]
[rak]
[what?]
[saying don't donate? no reactions?]
[na]
[she blocked donations but it's probably because of the people who donated through some weird route earlier?]
[lololololololololol]
[rak]
[why no reactions? aren't you streaming to make money?]
The viewers' reactions appeared instantly.
I watched the chat scroll up steeply and nodded vaguely.
"Um, what's with the people who keep typing just 'na' and 'rak'?"
Then, looking at chat messages I couldn't figure out no matter how hard I tried to guess their meaning, I found myself asking without meaning to.
I wondered if there was some meme or hidden meaning behind the two characters 'na' and 'rak'.
"...Uh, that's."
Before any reaction appeared in chat, a voice came from beside me, and I turned my head without thinking.
"...Serin, that's... kind of a meme. Put the two together and you get 'narak.' It doesn't have a very good meaning. Viewers type it when people are unhappy with the streamer or when the streamer messes up. And right now they're mostly joking, so you don't need to worry too much."
She explained at great length, and it seemed like she was worried I might get hurt, but to summarize: I'd just messed up by ending the stream, so the viewers were upset.
Well, that was the gist of it.
[na]
[ah, chat's starting to go fucking nuts lol]
[na]
[rak]
[why would you explain that lolololololol]
[na]
[she's a beginner so she can make mistakes fr you spammers]
[na]
As if my words had thrown bait to the viewers, everyone started typing 'na' and 'rak' in unison.
'So this is what it's like.'
It was a little childish, but it also kept things from getting too stiff. Depending on how I handled it, the situation seemed easy enough to smooth over.
A streamer who didn't understand that could easily get pushed around by even light teasing in chat. But to me, it was just whatever.
It felt like little kids showing they were sulking in a different way.
That was the strong impression I got.
Those people were probably adults in their twenties or older in real life, but the shadow of anonymity was just like that.
And I knew how to deal with kids like that.
"Everyone who types 'narak' from now on is bald."
I deliberately raised my voice into the mic.
[na]
[?]
[lolololololololololol]
[what, all of a sudden?]
[lolololololol]
[what does that even mean]
[lololololololol this is fucking ridiculous]
[so damn childish for real lololol]
Kids are really childish.
But when they meet someone even more childish, the kids are the first to recoil.
I'd just pretended to be childish to see the reaction, and the response wasn't bad.
"I'm really sorry about accidentally ending the stream earlier. But you shouldn't spam the chat—it's a chat window everyone shares, right?"
I spoke in a deliberately soothing tone, as if calming children.
[that gentle tone is insane...]
[wow I'm gonna fall for that voice]
[is she really Korean? her accent is interesting]
[lololol is it real that all the narak spammers disappeared?]
[found a bald person above lolololol]
[fr lol]
I looked at the now mostly calm chat and tried to move on to some actual content.
For my first stream, I wasn't playing a game and I wasn't using a cam. When I wondered what content that left me with, the answer was simply myself.
Setting aside the real-world Han Serin, there was Rin of Another World.
The name Rin in Another World, currently the number-one game, was becoming a topic in the community.
Just as I was about to start a Q&A.
Ding-a-ling!
A loud fanfare-like sound effect suddenly burst out, and I stared blankly at the screen.
『EnjoyedTheVideo donated 100,000 won!』
<Rin, do you have any plans to turn on a cam? Instead of a reaction, you can just answer.>
Unlike previous donations, the donation window took up a larger spot on one side of the screen.
I confirmed that even the donation amount was a whopping 100,000 won and was startled without meaning to.
I'd even put up text telling people not to donate.
And they still donated...?
Surprise aside, the donation message was easy to answer, so I didn't feel burdened about speaking.
"EnjoyedTheVideo, thank you for the 100,000-won donation. And since you asked for an answer: I have no plans to turn on a cam. I probably won't ever turn one on."
Even as I answered, I thought there was no reason to reveal my real self on stream.
Sure, showing my face on stream would be more effective, but if that made my real life miserable, that would be putting the cart before the horse.
Even now, going outside was burdensome because of all the stares, so turning on a cam and becoming more famous wouldn't do me any good.
And from now on, I planned to create a clear distinction from Rin of Another World by changing my hairstyle when going out, at least.
[insane lololol]
[wait but where do you even find the donation window?]
[minimum is 50,000 won and they dropped 100,000 lololololol]
[she's really just answering a 100,000-won donation?]
[reaction reaction reaction!!]
[Rin please, just one cute line, anything]
[the person who donated says it's fine, so why are you all like that lol]
[lololol]
"Ah, I don't think anyone missed the text on the screen. And from now on, I'm going to do a Q&A about myself, so if you have anything you're curious about regarding Rin of Another World, or any questions, please type them in chat now and I'll read and answer them."
I spoke calmly, conveying my intent.
That I had no intention of doing reactions. I'd just answered a 100,000 won donation flatly, so honestly, the viewers were disappointed. I understood that, but if I did even one reaction now, there would be no end to it. Maybe later, but right now I didn't feel like it.
As I watched the chat after that, questions really started pouring in.
[age!]
[boob size]
[what SNS do you use?]
[do you have a boyfriend right now?]
[where did you meet Plea?]
[lolololololol]
[so many fucking people crossing the line lol]
[what food do you hate]
[she won't even turn on a cam, you think she'll answer that? lololol]
[why do you use a Crescent-Moon Weight?]
[do you do all your parries on reaction?]
As I looked at the questions, my hand unconsciously moved toward the end-stream button.
"...Serin? You really can't press End Stream right now."
If it hadn't been for Sua's voice whispering quietly beside me, I would have ended the stream out of habit without realizing it.