18. I'm Not a Crazy Bitch - (2)
18. I'm Not a Crazy Bitch - (2)
***
People say everyone's life is basically the same.
Serin didn't know who first said it, but she was starting to think it was true.
Even though ten more years had passed compared to the era she knew, the people outside the window didn't look much different.
And there was that saying about fashion coming back around—that seemed true too. Sitting by the window, sipping a cafe mocha and watching people pass by, she saw that most of their clothes were very similar to what she knew.
Not that she'd ever cared much about fashion. But the people in her view right now all looked about the same compared to her memories of the past.
She didn't see anything particularly striking or eye-catching compared to what she remembered from before.
Mostly very ordinary clothes, and hairstyles hadn't changed all that much either.
If there was one difference—
Maybe short bobs were the trend now, because the absolute majority of people had hair that came down to about their shoulders.
Why were so many of the women out on the street wearing their hair in short bobs?
It was enough to make her think that without even trying.
"..."
Thinking that, Serin lifted her cup and sipped her cafe mocha, swallowing a sigh inwardly.
She'd more or less accomplished her goal of coming outside to ground herself in reality.
And hadn't she people-watched enough by now? The thought kept coming back.
'Should I get going?'
It had been about thirty minutes since she'd sat down in the cafe to watch people, and now she felt like going back.
Honestly, more than anything, I wasn't even sure anymore whether I was the one watching the people passing outside the café—
Or whether the people in the café were watching me.
At this point, I couldn't even tell the difference.
In a world where short bobs were the trend, my silver hair hung all the way down to my waist.
On top of that, I'd thrown on a black T-shirt without much thought, and the stark color contrast made me stand out even more.
While people-watching, I'd even looked for anyone else with silver hair among the passersby, but there wasn't a single one.
Then I slowly turned toward a spot where I could feel an especially persistent stare—
"...!?"
I saw a woman flinch in surprise and hurriedly look away.
She looked about twenty-one or twenty-two. For a moment she reminded me of Seoyun, with the overall look of a college student. Maybe because I'd been seeing nothing but short bobs, her long straight hair stood out.
Neatly tied back in a ponytail, black straight hair, refined features.
I stared back at her for a moment, thinking, Now you know how it feels.
She seemed conscious of my gaze too, fumbling with her phone and pretending she hadn't been looking this way. Despite her sharp, put-together appearance, every movement she made felt clumsy.
Waving her hand at empty air, letting her gaze dart around unsteadily.
'...I didn't look like that to other people, did I?'
She fumbled so badly under my gaze that even I, the one staring, started to feel awkward.
In the end, I looked away first. What the hell was I even doing?
"..."
I sharpened my gaze and slowly looked around the café.
Most people avoided my eyes and pretended they had not been looking at me, though a few met my gaze directly.
Only then did I realize the people who looked away had actually been the polite ones.
The thought came to me almost automatically.
Was “filthy” the right word for those stares? Some people practically scanned me up and down, and that alone made me feel sick.
So I let out a deliberately loud sigh and stood, making sure they could hear it.
Staying any longer would only stress me out. Even if I'd wanted to linger, I couldn't.
I'd come outside to ground myself in reality because I thought the killing intent I'd shown in Another World was a problem.
My head did feel somewhat clearer now.
I'd essentially achieved my main goal of reconnecting with reality.
It was embarrassing, and the attention was uncomfortable, but I'd have to deal with it eventually.
Right. I couldn't spend my entire life holed up at home.
Thinking about it now, what I'd done in Another World wasn't really that serious after all.
'So what if I show a little killing intent in a game?'
Right, it's a game.
And honestly, wasn't showing killing intent out here in the real world the bigger problem?
As if letting all the irritation boiling inside me because of the man who'd just stared at me fill my gaze—
I fixed one of the men staring at me with a heavy, unmistakable killing intent.
I said nothing and did nothing else.
I simply looked at him.
"...Hk!"
He suddenly sucked in a startled breath under my stare. The moment I saw it, I wiped the killing intent from my eyes.
The man started coughing after my sudden glare, apparently choking on his own breath. I decided it was karma.
'Yeah, this is the problem.'
The people in this world were “ordinary people.”
People who had never experienced anything I'd been through... people who simply lived ordinary lives.
No matter how frail my current body was, the experiences I carried and the life I'd lived were nothing like theirs.
There was no simple comparison. They and I were fundamentally different.
That was why I could think of them as “people” while also classifying them as “ordinary people.”
Thinking about it now, I'd probably spent close to ten years in the world of Black Ark.
Maybe the fact that this world's time was ten years ahead of what I'd expected was a hint of that.
There was no way to prove it. It was nothing more than intuition.
'Well, does it matter?'
And I'd spent almost every day of that time slaughtering monsters and brawling with all kinds of trashy jackals.
Those experiences weren't something I could forget even if I tried.
Honestly, even if someone got lecherous ideas because of my appearance, I wasn't worried in the slightest.
Even with this garbage body, I was more than capable of protecting myself.
That conviction was absolute. I didn’t have even the slightest doubt.
With that, Serin slowly got up and began walking out of the cafe.
***
'What do I do?'
Sua sat clutching her phone, still agonizing.
The strategy analysis and psychological breakdown of the player Rin continued playing on the NewTube video, but none of it registered with Sua anymore.
She was just sitting there holding her phone, letting her gaze wander.
Her acting had always been perfect.
It should have been.
'Why all of a sudden?'
She had no idea why.
From the moment that silver-haired woman of unknown identity had looked at her steadily just now, it was like her composure had shattered, and every little movement she made felt awkward.
And that state of mind quickly showed on the outside.
Right now, she was flailing around in a way she'd only ever do at home.
That flustered Sua more than anyone else.
Then, when she noticed the silver-haired woman had looked away from her, she suddenly felt at ease again, just as naturally.
"...?"
What kind of phenomenon was this?
Noticing the obvious shift, Sua blinked blankly and sank into thought.
......
She'd always lived by playing a different version of herself whenever she was out in public.
As she got older, at some point, she'd become good enough to fool even her own family.
A life of hiding her true feelings and playing a perfect version of herself on the outside.
That had become her everyday reality.
Without even realizing it, something had been piling up inside her.
Sticky, thick, dark emotions.
Even while smiling and chatting on the surface, dark feelings had been accumulating little by little underneath.
And even at home—the place that should have been the most comfortable—it was no exception.
So at some point, Sua had started living on her own.
She'd started working part-time jobs and used the money to start living alone.
She was confident in her ability to play the part of perfection, so she handled high-paying part-time jobs and things other people couldn't easily do without trouble, and even while working part-time, she managed to live quite comfortably.
Once she had a space that was hers alone, Sua felt her mind grow calmer.
There, she didn't have to act. She could live in complete comfort.
That breathing room had sparked her interest in “virtual reality,” and from the moment she discovered Another World, it had become even harder for Sua to keep hiding herself.
The thrill she'd felt the moment she logged into Another World.
That sense of liberation, as if her true self was finally manifesting.
Fulfillment.
Satisfaction.
What the right word for it was—even Sua herself couldn't properly define it.
But one thing she could feel for certain:
Playing Another World—
She just loved it.
She loved it so much it was hard to put into words.
While she was logged into Another World, Sua felt genuinely happy just being herself.
Is this what it feels like to be alive?
That was how Sua felt about Another World.
So after that, she slowly cut off her relationships one by one, on her own.
She deliberately turned away from the people who came looking for her, and she isolated herself.
Because she loved Another World that much.
It was like someone was feeding her drugs in real time.
And she kept accepting them.
Even though she'd never actually done drugs.
'No, honestly, isn't Another World better than drugs?'
Sua was even thinking things like that.
That if you made drug addicts play Another World, they might even be able to quit.
Once she was so deep into Another World that even her part-time job hours felt like a waste, she started internet broadcasting using her Another World self.
During streams, Sua played another version of herself in Another World.
She picked up on several things that made other streamers successful and acted them out.
That felt several times easier than acting in real life.
That was how Sua quickly rose into the ranks of major tweetie streamers and seized what could only be called “success.”
The money from that success let her move from a shabby one-room apartment into a decent officetel and build a much better setup for playing Another World.
So Yoon Sua—at this point, it was fair to say that outside of streaming hours, she lived another life entirely in Another World.
She was a user so deeply immersed it was almost unprecedented.
A person who took in all the systemic elements Another World had "restricted" in her own way.
Which was why she was a user who even had the nickname "crazy bitch."
Step.
The sound of someone walking snapped Sua out of her reverie.
The silver-haired woman was already heading out of the cafe.
Had she stared too openly? Had the woman gotten annoyed and decided to leave because of it?
The video still playing showed a user named Rin who looked almost identical to the silver-haired woman.
'...Could it be?'
The thought came to Sua before she knew it.
And with that thought, Sua got up and followed after Serin.