135. Another Drinking Party - (2)
135. Another Drinking Party - (2)
***
The drinking session with Sua on the terrace continued on.
As time passed and the clock moved past 11 p.m., the two bottles of wine they had originally agreed on were already empty.
"Serin~~ let’s just drink all the wine we brought~ okay? Serin~~?"
Sua's face was now flushed enough that anyone could tell she was completely drunk, and she was acting unusually cute and clingy. Watching her, Serin let out a small laugh.
After drinking together for a while, I could feel the alcohol rising in me too, enough that I knew I was drunk.
And though I knew rationally that I should stop—
For some reason, stopping now felt too disappointing, as if I'd gotten swept up in the mood too, and I couldn't bring myself to end the drinking session.
"Serin~ let’s just drink it all. Okay?"
As if noticing my hesitation, Sua smiled brightly and whined, and in the end I couldn't firmly cut her off.
"Sua. How are you actually planning to get home like this?"
So I changed the subject. Sua still seemed to have some of her wits about her, but if she got even drunker, how exactly was I supposed to send her home? The worry was already creeping in.
"That~ well. I can just call a taxi and go home~~."
Sua dragged out the ends of her words, saying it was fine, it was okay, but I was more uneasy than she was.
No matter that it was 2031 and the world was relatively safe—was it really right for me to send Sua home alone this drunk?
Slip.
In that moment, my eyes caught the fabric sliding down Sua's shoulder.
Before I knew it, Sua's clothes had become badly disheveled, and seeing her so exposed, I finally made up my mind.
"Fine... you can drink more, so just sleep over at my place today, Sua. Go home tomorrow after you sober up or something."
"What~? Just a minute ago you were acting like no matter how much I begged, it wasn’t happening. Are you really sure it’s okay~?"
"Yeah. Just sleep over. If I send you off like this, who knows what could happen."
Maybe I was worrying too much, but I'd rather... be overly cautious.
It was a thousand times better than sending Sua off like this and having something happen to her.
"Wow~ Serin is the best! Really! You’re actually a tsundere, aren’t you? Saying no but then giving in to everything~"
Sua beamed as if genuinely happy at being allowed to stay over. Seeing how pleased she was, I found myself smiling along even as I shook my head.
Then I got up to go get the rest of the wine from the living room.
......
As I picked up the wine in the living room, I felt strangely good.
Once I'd decided to just let Sua sleep over and send her home tomorrow, this atmospheric drinking session on the terrace—
I could savor this mood a little longer.
At some point, I'd become sentimental, and it simply felt nice to be with someone.
"Pfft..."
At first, I'd clearly meant to soothe Sua's loneliness, but now I was even having the silly thought that maybe I'd been the lonely one, and a laugh escaped me for no reason.
Yes, maybe more than Sua, I was the one who didn't want to end this drinking session.
Sliding open the door.
I looked at Sua, who was resting her chin on her hand and gazing at the night view, then stepped back onto the terrace and set the wine on the table.
Clink.
"You know, Serin. The more I’m at your place, the more I think it’s really nice."
Sua's brown hair was tousled by the faint breeze, and she murmured in a clear tone, as if she'd sobered up a little. It seemed that while I'd briefly stepped away, she'd fallen into some strange sentimental mood.
"Well, the night view from here isn't bad either, right?"
"Yeah... it's really not bad."
Unlike the night view from Sua's place, the view from the terrace had a peculiar charm that drew me into reflection.
I opened the wine with practiced ease and poured it into Sua's empty glass.
Glug, glug.
Rather than filling the glass, I poured only about a quarter. Aware that Sua tended to drink a lot at once, I adjusted the amount appropriately.
"..."
Sua, who had been staring blankly at the city beyond the terrace as if lost in thought, lifted her glass and then suddenly looked at me.
"It’s strange... when I’m with you, Serin, I feel at ease. Why is that? I just... really don’t think about anything, but somehow being with you puts me at ease."
"How would I know if you ask me?"
"Ah. Is that so?"
"What do you mean, 'is that so.' Sua, I think you're really drunk."
At ease... It was something I'd never heard anyone say about me before, and it felt a little strange.
Ever since I'd fallen into this world, it was as if I'd stopped being myself.
Compared to my time in Black Ark, the things I heard from other people now were completely different.
The things people had said to me in Black Ark—even now, thinking back, they were all the same kind of words.
- Scary.
- Dangerous.
- Not human.
- Someone with no interest in anything but killing.
- A slaughter maniac.
- Someone whose purpose in life is killing others.
Back then, I'd swung my cold Crescent-Moon Weight at anyone I considered an enemy without a shred of mercy, taking life after life. The things said about me then were all of that kind.
Anything else people said was just about this shell-like appearance of mine.
Yes. There had been almost nothing else, so maybe that was why Sua's words sounded even stranger.
'I put her at ease...'
Now that I thought about it, it wasn't as though no one had ever tried to approach me.
Whether they were drawn by my outward shell or curious about my skills, I still didn't know for sure, but there had definitely been people who tried to get close.
But I had never let anyone get close. So maybe it was only natural.
During that first year, I'd been betrayed so many times that I developed a deep distrust of people, and eventually I stopped trusting anyone at all.
Words could only be exchanged if there was a relationship, but in the end I had unilaterally refused to be connected to anyone and brought isolation upon myself.
Then, suddenly—
- Do you... actually have emotions?
A question someone I'd crossed paths with once asked me came to mind.
'Who was it?'
Even that memory had faded so much that I couldn't remember who had said it.
It had only been about three weeks since I'd fallen into this world. Though it hadn't been long, the years I'd spent in that other world felt hollow, like a fleeting dream.
"Serin... Serin...? Serin!!?"
At the sudden sound of Sua's voice, I belatedly realized I'd been lost in my own thoughts.
"Ah, yeah?"
"Serin. Why does your face... suddenly look like that?"
Sua spoke seriously, as if a little startled, and I shook my head as if it were nothing.
"It's nothing. I just remembered some old things."
Old things. Yes, old things.
Old things I couldn't tell anyone.
Memories only I recalled, a truly futile past.
The near-infinite power I'd held in that world, the few connections I'd made, even the strange environments—all of it was different now.
It was a past only I knew, and even when I remembered it, it was nothing more than fleeting memories.
—Clink!
At the sudden impact I felt in my hand, I turned my gaze and saw Sua looking at me with a serious expression.
"Serin, it doesn’t seem like they’re very good memories, are they?"
Sua had knocked her glass against mine with force, as if telling me to snap out of it.
She asked in a calm voice, as if she'd sobered up. I shook my head again.
"I don't know. I don't think they were that bad."
Were the memories from that world good or bad? If someone asked me, they definitely weren't bad.
Because back then, I'd felt like my true self. In those moments when I swung my weapon at someone or hunted monsters—
There had been no pretense or lies. I'd acted entirely according to my own will, without the slightest denial.
Even if my shell had changed and I was no longer who I'd once been, everything I'd done and felt in that world had been the real me.
"Serin. If they’re not bad memories... then would you be willing to tell me about them?"
Unlike me, slowly tilting my glass, Sua hadn't even picked up the glass I'd poured for her. She just stared and asked.
At that, I felt a tickle in my chest and laughed softly, shaking my head.
"Sorry. It's not something I can tell anyone else."
To anyone looking at me from the outside, it would probably seem really strange. But that was the reality.
How could I tell someone I'd lived for years in a game world as if it were real?
Even if I pretended to be crazy and told someone,
I'd probably just be treated like a lunatic... yes, like a crazy person.
"Ah, then really...! Don't just sit there moping by yourself when there's someone right in front of you!!"
At Sua's sudden loud outburst, my scattered thoughts vanished and I looked at her.
"...Moping? Was I doing that?"
"Yes. You were really... just now. You suddenly went blank, staring at your glass, and I got worried for nothing, you know?"
"Sorry."
Smiling slightly, this time I brought my glass to Sua's.
At that, Sua pushed back with a little force, and the two glasses met.
Clink!
This time the sound was a little louder, and the liquid in both glasses sloshed heavily.
Then the two glasses naturally drew apart.
"..."
She drank again.
I thought anew that I really had changed a lot.
Compared to back then, I now laughed easily at trivial things, changed my expressions, and—unlike before—let people get close without a second thought.
So this was also me... I thought.
And that change felt like a pleasant one.
Even if I remembered and dwelled on those times alone... it was just lingering attachment.
There was nothing left anymore anyway.
Not wanting to fall back into my thoughts, I pulled my lips from the glass and quietly opened my mouth.
"Sua, what did you do before you became a streamer?"