28. Relations (2)
"…Haa……."
The night was already a lost cause for anything like an early bedtime. Buried under the covers, I punched in one search after another, and the instant the answers came spilling down the screen I pressed a hand to my chest and let myself breathe.
Just as I'd thought, the chance of getting pregnant on a Safe Day sat as close to zero as a number could get. Even if he came once, thick and heavy. Even if he did it five or six times the way Seo Woojin had a little while ago, packing my womb until the semen was pressed in tight — still zero. Of course, if a woman's cycle wasn't perfectly regular there could be some unforeseen variable, but if you'd properly steered clear of the dangerous days, the chance of pregnancy itself was practically zero.
…The reason they never quite came out and said that will absolutely never happen was probably just so they could duck responsibility in some one-in-a-million case.
Either way, at this rate I didn't need to get a morning-after pill prescribed and spend the night sick with worry. If my cycle had been all over the place I would of course have slipped off to a clinic tomorrow behind Lee Hayun's back, but it wasn't like that. There was still a long while before my fertile window…. Mm. Let it go. Now.
I'd searched so frantically just in case that it had gotten far too late. What was I even doing, still awake at this hour. Idiot.
"I almost regretted letting him finish inside just because of the mood…. That bastard…."
The curse left me barely above a whisper, and with it came a long, unthinking rush of the breath I'd been holding. Only then did my chest loosen. I dragged the status bar down, and the time staring back read 2:10. Not as late as I'd thought. The urge was dealt with, more or less. If I slept now and got up, I probably wouldn't end up facedown on my desk tomorrow.
Twisting a strand of hair around my fingertip, relieved, I went out to the living room for a glass of water before bed. Then I slipped straight into the blankets, still warm, and aimed for a deep sleep….
"……."
…That was the plan. Strangely, it wouldn't come as easily as I wanted.
"…Ngh."
On the pitch-black screen behind my closed eyes, and on the dark ceiling when I opened them, the view from a few hours ago played on an endless loop. One scene of me with my face crushed into the pillow, whimpering. Another of me, once breathing got too hard, shoving the pillow under my neck and panting — heh, heh — gulping air. One of me kissing my sister's boyfriend, the one who was always smiling so gently, until I couldn't breathe, behind her back. And besides that, the memory of having sex against the bathroom wall before I'd even squeezed body wash onto the shower towel. The memory of bracing on the toilet because the floor was too slippery and uncomfortable. The memory of grabbing Seo Woojin's cock while he rinsed it off, looking thoroughly pleased with himself, and licking it diligently of my own accord even though he'd never told me to.
"……."
…And on top of all that, the video he'd taken himself on my phone, and the few photos he'd snapped without even bothering to get the focus right. They kept surfacing, and my heart pounded and bolted however it pleased. Tomorrow wasn't a day off. I had to get up early like always and go to class.
"Haa…."
This was just inevitable, wasn't it? I'd had sex before Lee Hayun did — I was a step ahead of my sister in everything else, too — so of course it was all I could think about all day. There was no way I was the only one like this. Honestly, set beside some truly absurd, bizarre kinks, this taste was pretty ordinary…. Mm…. And if you thought about it, Seo Woojin was just as bad as I was for not putting up a wall and going along with it.
"……."
Even I knew it was a forced excuse, so I yanked the blanket up over my head and kicked my feet for a moment. Then I fumbled together my earphones and a towel, muttered "just ten minutes…," and fiddled with my phone.
And somehow — I swear on the sky, it really was somehow — after barely two hours of sleep, what met me in the morning was this.
"…Jiyun."
"Uh, uh?"
"Did you play games at dawn?"
"…I, I did? Yeah. Not a lot. Just a little. About an hour."
"You already went to the PC cafe with Woojin, so why…. …Ugh. Was it the keyboard that kept me from sleeping properly…."
"……."
My sister looked a good deal more tired than usual.
A spy. Someone who hides who they are, slips into a hostile organization, climbs as close to the leadership as they can, digs out information, and passes it to their own side — a job only an elite, skilled at nothing so much as concealing themselves, can take on. It had already been about a month since that firm belief of mine was shattered.
"Haaa…."
"Sunbae. Want me to grab you a coffee?"
"Cafe mocha. Iced."
"Cafe mocha…. Anything else? A sandwich, maybe. Or a pretzel."
"I'm not really hungry. If I get some sugar and caffeine, I should be fine."
"Then I'll pick it up when I go get my own drink."
"…Card. Use this. Pay for both."
"Ah. Thank you…."
The reason was painfully obvious, but since I had absolutely no one around to complain to, I would mention it exactly once more. Yojora, who was probably in a first-year classroom right now, grinning and chatting with kids two years younger while pretending to be the same age as them. That alcoholic lunatic still wandering the academy perfectly intact, her identity never once snagged — that was the biggest cause.
…Seriously, I was worried I'd come down with something because of her. Stress gastritis, enteritis, a headache, or every one of those at the same time. Every time I ran into Yojora in the hallway she was the one who waved first, and nobody suspected a thing. Was that normal? We hadn't even crossed paths through the student council, so couldn't someone casually ask, Sunbae, do you know that first-year? We still had no point of contact, did we? It was incredibly suspicious, wasn't it? So why, watching from right beside us, did they not harbor even a scrap of doubt?
And I was a third-year, and she was a first-year. No — before that, I had been consistently ignoring Yojora altogether, and she was the only one who kept smirking and greeting me, so why on earth? Was my impression so stiff that they couldn't even put a trivial question like that to me….
….
A stiff impression. That might actually be right….
"Haaa…."
"You've been sighing a lot lately, sunbae."
"…Don't stare at people without permission."
"Who asks permission before they stare? And I've been looking right at you the whole time."
I'd propped my chin on my hand, just to cool my head for a moment, when that unpleasant voice reached me. I answered without so much as turning my eyes, and the shameless reply came straight back. It happened all the time, so it didn't bother me much….
…No. Honestly, it did annoy me a little. How was I supposed to like some boy I had no interest in, clinging and telling me he liked me. I only held it in because I couldn't swear in his face outright.
"I'd prefer you stopped looking at me so openly from now on."
"Then next time I'll peek. Sunbae. Mind if I steal a look at you while you're working?"
"As I understand it, the protected age for juvenile offenders only goes up to fourteen. You, Yoo Siwoo, are very much an adult."
"If you don't get caught, it isn't a crime, is it? And why are you suddenly using my name. We've known each other for nearly a year — we're suuuper close."
"I was going to call you vice president, but then I started to feel sorry for Miren Academy, having to keep you."
"Aha. Then should I start calling you President Baek Seoyeon, all proper? Or rather, Seoyeon-noona?"
"I'd just rather we had nothing to chat about."
"But I want to keep talking with Seoyeon-noona."
"…."
"Yeah, yeah. Sunbae. I won't tease you anymore, so stop glaring this way."
Irritation spiked, and I looked toward the voice without thinking. The sofa he always used as a bed came into view — a couch, more precisely. Sprawled on it, mashing the buttons of a game console, the vice president slid neatly into my line of sight. Unlike me, of course, he didn't spare this side a single glance.
…A moron who didn't do a single thing he was supposed to. Trash who knew all too well the one fact that he was good-looking. The man who would claim about fifty percent of the blame if I came down with a stress illness. I knew the habit of sighing was a bad one, but between Yojora and that bastard I couldn't quit. If it were only him and me in the Student Council Room right now, maybe — but a few other second-years were sitting over there, and I couldn't understand in the slightest what he thought he was doing. I had a feeling that if I sparred with him and half-killed him, he'd turn docile. Unfortunately his skill, at least, wasn't bad, so if I lunged at him in a fit of anger some strange variable might….
"…."
Should I ambush him and kill him on a suitable day. A dangerous thought, and only for a moment. This time I swallowed the sigh so it wouldn't carry, and went on.
"I'm stepping out for some air, so don't follow me."
"Where are you going?"
"Somewhere you aren't."
"And if I trail after you?"
"The women's restroom."
"What, you think I couldn't get in there?"
"…Didn't you say you were done with the jokes?"
"Well, if I talk like that, you make that face for a second — the one that says disgusting bastard — so."
"…Are you a pervert?"
"I do like the dirty stuff, you know? There's no man who doesn't, to begin with."
The eyes that had been fixed on the game screen the whole time turned, unhurried, toward me as I walked out. Fortunately it was the same kind of look the guys nearby sent my way all the time, so it wasn't quite that repulsive. More accurately, it was repulsive, and I'd simply grown numb to it…. Whatever. Fine. It wasn't important.
"If you follow me, I'll kill you. For real."
"I'm not going. I'm not. Don't worry, just go. Sunbae."
"…."
"Oh, want me to text you when the coffee gets here?"
Thud.
I closed the door with what dignity I had left and walked down the hall, checking whether anyone was around.
…Ah. So this is why people take up smoking.
Thinking that.