The First Masturbation (4)
Is this really the right decision? Wouldn't it have been better to just let out a few moans... and sneakily touch my clitoris by myself? No. What if not just Seo Woojin, but someone else hears my voice? I came to the infirmary with the intention of not getting caught, so that would make everything meaningless. So, perhaps I should try putting my fingers in a little deeper... or if not that...
"Just go inside for now. You look like you're in pretty bad shape."
"..."
Like other Gumiho, if I... even if I don't go as far as sex, if I do... something else... wouldn't it have at least a little bit of an effect?
"Ah, let's talk later when you have time..."
As I stood blankly through the crack in the door, clutching Seo Woojin's lab coat, I could hear the two of them exchanging pleasantries. At a glance, it sounded like a perfectly kind and affable attitude. But it was a little funny to start sensing that typical Seo Woojin-esque emotion of 'being annoyed at having to deal with this' underneath it all. No matter how you slice it, he's just like me. Wearing a mask and pretending to be kind in front of others.
Is it because I've been infiltrating the academy for two years and four months without a single person to be honest with? Or is it just because I'm in heat and can only think positively whenever I see a man? I feel a strange sense of kinship with Seo Woojin, and at the same time, a strange attraction. Of course, it's not the kind of attraction where I suddenly want to have sex with him. It's just the kind of attraction you feel when you discover someone who enjoys the same hobby. Like finding out we like the same kind of coffee... you know what I mean, right?
I never thought I'd feel this way about that man in my life. It must be because I'm in heat. I'm such a fool. Really.
How much time had passed since I'd been leaning against the wall, detached from their conversation? Along with the sound of footsteps clicking away, the door, which had only been ajar by about 10 centimeters, swung wide open.
"So, what is it you need?"
Unlike before, his tone was blunt. In other words, Seo Woojin was showing his honest reaction without any mask in front of me. I let out a light sigh because I felt an unnecessary sense of attraction to that side of him, and naturally, his brow furrowed slightly. That's a look I feel like I would have seen Yozora make all the time. She loves playing around like that... maybe even when they're having sex...
"Why are you sighing after calling me over?"
"...No. I didn't mean it like that... Um..."
It was hard to be honest and say, "It's funny how you were acting so kind before, but you took off your mask the moment you were in front of me." And it was also hard to answer, "I'm sorry. I'm in heat, so I keep having strange thoughts." So I let the answer slide. Instead, I cleared my throat late, signaled for him to lock the door with my eyes, and carefully continued.
"...Hey, don't think of this as something weird."
"This situation itself is weird, so how could I not think that?"
"Ah, anyway. It's an emergency situation. Like a natural disaster, something I can't help..."
"...Just tell me first."
I had presented a logical counterargument, but Seo Woojin only poked at my hand, which was still clutching his lab coat, to pull it away. Only then did I hesitantly let go of his coat. He adjusted it once, then looked at me with his arms crossed tightly. I heard somewhere that that's an unconscious gesture meaning 'I'm not really interested in what you have to say.' Then why did he say, "Just tell me first"...?
I grumbled to myself and crossed my arms just like Seo Woojin. I was grateful he'd cleared the infirmary, but I didn't want to live under his thumb. That was the reason.
"I, um... I told you I was... in heat, right?"
"Yes."
"I thought it would be fine if I just masturbated for about 3 minutes... but... um..."
"I guess it didn't get better. Judging by the circumstances."
"...Yes."
When I nodded, he was the one who sighed this time. If he was going to be like this, why did he give me a hard time when I sighed just now? I suppressed the urge to kick his shins and instead stared straight up into his eyes. Was that the cause? The answer that came back from Seo Woojin was even colder than I had expected.
"So?"
"Pardon?"
"It didn't get better, so what do you want me to do about it?"
...He's not wrong. I don't like his rude tone, but aren't we strangers for now? Even among strangers, we're not exactly on good terms. Especially with his ex-girlfriend Yozora in the middle of it, even more so.
"Um... well..."
"Are you asking for more time in the infirmary?"
"No, no, it's true I need more time, but to be precise... what should I say..."
"It's not like you mean you want to have sex with me. We're at the academy, for heaven's sake."
"...! O-of course not...!"
Sex with you? Unless I've lost my mind, there's no way I'd do that. Unless I'm out of my mind from being in heat all day, no, all week long, there's no way I'd ever mix my body with yours. I swallowed the words I almost spat out to his face and instead tried to fix the situation as quickly as possible before the misunderstanding grew.
"I-it's not sex... it's just..."
"..."
"...You've met Yozora before. ...You must have had sex, too."
"..."
Seo Woojin's expression remained the same. It's probably because the memories of that time weren't good. I understand. But to talk about what comes next, I have to address this. It's just hard to bring it up directly... even if I add the excuse that I'm in heat, I'd look too much like a pervert. I suppressed my embarrassment and continued as if it were nothing.
"So, you know a woman's body well... right?"
"...Why does that matter?"
"..."
But when I actually tried to say it, my lips stuck together and wouldn't part. One reason was that the very act of asking a man for this made me feel like I was going to die of embarrassment. Another was that getting involved with Yozora's ex-boyfriend for sexual reasons felt a bit... uncomfortable. And, in case I get caught. In case other students coming to the infirmary really catch us. But fortunately, it didn't take long for my lips to part.
"...Teach me. How to masturbate. ...Except for touching my clitoris."
"..."
"I don't really... know how."
...Is it because I couldn't reach a satisfying climax when I masturbated with my fingers earlier? My lower abdomen was throbbing even while I was standing still, making it hard to even stand properly.
I will emphasize this again, I swear. I swear I had no feelings for Seo Woojin. In the first place, isn't it strange to have feelings for a friend's boyfriend? So this is a kind of... yes. It would be better to call it treatment. If I don't even give it a name like that, this is just the same as being fondled.
"Don't say anything weird later. You're the one who suggested it first."
"...I know. Besides, what good would it do to say weird things..."
To be honest, I thought I would be flatly rejected when I first made the suggestion. That's because no matter how much of a man he is, he wouldn't find it very pleasant to do something like this with a woman he has no connection with. If I were him, if a man I only knew by face and had no friendship with suddenly asked me to help him masturbate... ...ugh... But Seo Woojin only let out a troubled sigh for a moment. In the end, he stepped up to help me. Ah, it would be more accurate to say he accepted it reluctantly rather than stepped up.
"..."
...Then does Seo Woojin have an interest in me? A new suspicion I hadn't thought of until now popped up, but that sudden suspicion disappeared in an instant thanks to his business-like treatment. He sat down behind my back, saying it would be better to keep our bodies pressed together like this, but that was it. Even though my buttocks were lightly touching his crotch, there was no reaction. If it were Yoo Siwoo, or even if it weren't him, other men would have definitely made a fuss. Asking if it's okay that we're touching, or keeping their mouths shut and subtly pushing themselves against me... something like that. But Seo Woojin didn't pull me in from behind, nor did he touch my sensitive areas. Of course, there was some movement as he adjusted his position, perhaps to find a comfortable one, but that was all. The only thing he could point out was touching the back of my hand... but I had no room to complain since I was the one who said it first. I had told him that since there would be nowhere else to put his hands except for the bed, he could touch the back of my hand as much as he wanted. ...And if it were an unavoidable situation, I had told him that touching my thighs or waist was okay depending on the time.
"We don't have much time, so I'll be quick."
"...Yes."
Perhaps it's because I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with our bodies pressed tightly together, but unlike usual, Seo Woojin's voice hits my ears directly. ...A man's voice falling from right behind, and slightly above me. It's an unfamiliar sensation, but I'm okay for now. It's just a voice, after all. It's not like my breasts are being grabbed and fondled from behind. This much is nothing. Really.
"Your thighs. Do you want to spread them yourself? Or should I?"
"..."
But that's where it ends. The moment Seo Woojin's next words hit my eardrums, I hesitated and couldn't answer. To be told to spread my thighs in front of a man, no, while he's looking down from behind my shoulder... I know very well that this is something I have to do, but knowing that doesn't make the shame disappear.
"Can you answer me quickly? You know we don't have time."
"..."
Right. This is unavoidable. Something I have to do to calm my body in heat. Muttering, "Wait a second...", I spread my thighs slightly before Seo Woojin's hands could reach them. Not to a vulgar extent, but enough that there would be no problem with him touching my private parts with his fingers. ...Honestly, I thought it would be better to spread them a little more, but since Seo Woojin didn't say anything, I quietly swallowed my saliva and waited for his next words.
"I'll do it with my hand for now. You just need to remember what the sensation is like."
"...Yes."
It was the answer I expected. If he had said he would use my fingers instead, I would have asked him to use his fingers. Perhaps because of that, I didn't think anything of it even when Seo Woojin's hand, which was clearly larger than mine, grabbed the hem of my skirt and pulled it up. It was the same when he asked me to hold the skirt for him for a moment because it would get in the way while he was teaching me, and when he whispered in my ear that he would do it while I was still wearing my panties since I seemed to be wet anyway, and would move them aside if necessary. It was just basic shame, that's all. I knew masturbation felt good. I knew how good it felt. I knew. So inside, I was just filled with thoughts of how embarrassing it was to learn how to masturbate from a man.
"......Hi, ugh...?"
...It wasn't even direct contact, it was just through my panties. It wasn't even my clitoris, which I had repeatedly warned him not to touch, it was just touching the vaginal opening. Even without any of the pleasant techniques I had imagined, he just lightly stroked the area near the vaginal opening himself.
"W-wait... a second..."
...For some reason. More than I thought. Much more. ...It felt so good. With a short, broken moan that I had forced myself to hold back. I clutched Seo Woojin's arm tightly. I couldn't help but tremble, my shoulders shaking in his embrace.
"...Are you okay?"
"Hi... Hii...?"
"You said you were in heat. ...You're in a very sensitive state."
"...Ah, wait..."
"Then should we stop? At this rate, I don't think I even need to teach you."
"..."
I had vaguely expected it. Since I'm a Gumiho, maybe I'd feel even better if I were held by the opposite sex. Wasn't that the reason I had been clutching Seo Woojin's lab coat in the first place? ...But I didn't know the difference would be this much. And I didn't know it would feel this good. I didn't know that that rude man's fingers would suit my tastes so perfectly.
"Decide quickly."
"...Hey, um..."
"..."
"Keep... doing it..."
Whispering so it wouldn't be heard outside the infirmary, I covered my mouth with the hand that wasn't holding my skirt, along with an answer I hadn't thought through several times. Thinking about it now, I should have asked Seo Woojin to stop at this moment. ...Seriously.