The Seeds of Doubt
The reason the seeds of doubt are so terrifying is simple: it’s not just about the doubt itself. It’s that once those seeds are planted, you start viewing even the most normal, everyday behaviors—or things you hadn’t even bothered to think about in the first place—through a twisted, suspicious lens. It’s like seeing a guy who’s kind to everyone and thinking, "He must have a good personality," only to suddenly view him in a negative light the moment you notice the women around him changing every single day.
Anyway, Jiyoon was in a similar situation. That whisper in my ear this morning—the thought that "she must have done that because she was embarrassed about people passing by" was immediately accompanied by a nagging, "No way, no way, no way..." Of course, it was almost certainly the former. Lesbians—especially ones who are into their own sisters—aren't exactly common. But that first seed of doubt kept fueling these strange thoughts. Eventually, I...
"...Seo, Seo Woojin. Are you in...?"
I visited the infirmary under the pretense that I’d hurt myself by misjudging my strength. It was only natural, since Woojin was practically Jiyoon’s only friend... maybe he knew some of her secrets. If even Woojin didn't know, that would be the real problem, but I decided to worry about that later. My head was already hurting.
"Didn't I tell you last time? It's best if you just call me 'Teacher'."
"...I, I was nervous..."
"Calling me like that makes it even more suspicious, so just knock and come in next time. Noona."
"...Okay."
Instead of the medicinal smell of other infirmaries, the room was filled with the subtle, fruity scent of a diffuser. I sat on the chair in front of Woojin, awkwardly scratching my cheek while clutching my thumb as if it were injured. I made sure that if a patient walked in behind me, I’d look like a normal patient—though our feet were close enough to lightly brush against each other, a detail no one else would notice.
"..."
"..."
But somehow, Woojin seemed to be in a bad mood today. The way he calmly closed his laptop with a face devoid of any humor, the way his hair looked strangely more brittle than usual... he had this sentimental vibe, like a rainy day rather than a clear one, or perhaps like someone who looks better in glasses than with a bare face. Anyway, it was all of that.
"U-um."
"Yes?"
If a person in that state had been a friend of mine, I would’ve just brushed it off, thinking, "Ah, she's on her period." But this was Seo Woojin. My... first boyfriend. So, instead of letting the situation slide, I spoke up cautiously.
"Did something... bad happen?"
"...Well. Nothing particularly bad. Ah, maybe I was just speaking too stiffly."
"It's more like... your expression is a bit..."
"Expression? I don't think I was making any expression at all."
"Hmm..."
"I'm really fine. Nothing happened. You don't have to worry about it, Noona."
No, it’s obvious he’s having a bad day, so why is he saying he’s fine? He should be able to talk to me honestly. *Sigh.* He definitely seems to be having a rough time. It wasn't a blank expression; it was a slightly annoyed one. Maybe one of the students he treated today was a weirdo? While I was busy guessing the reason in his stead, I pulled my chair a little closer, cleared my throat, and looked at him.
"H-hey, maybe...!"
"Yes?"
"...Would you feel better if I called you like I did last time...?"
"Last time... Ah. That thing where you called me 'Oppa'."
It’s embarrassing. Every time I say it, my face gets so hot I worry it might explode, but if it would make Woojin feel better, I could swallow my pride for a moment or two...
"It's fine. Things like that are only heart-fluttering when you hear them occasionally; if you hear them too often, it's just..."
"..."
"So, what did you come here for?"
Damn it. Was that not it? I was trying to show some affection, but I guess that wasn't the right way to go about it. I really should learn from my friends who have boyfriends. I felt a moment of despair at my pathetic level of knowledge, given that I’d only been dating for a month, but I quickly pushed it aside and gingerly brought up the main point.
"...I have something I'm curious about."
"Curious? About me?"
"About... Jiyoon, actually."
"Why are you asking me about your sister?"
"Well, you see..."
I squeezed my fists, which were resting neatly on my knees, and rolled my eyes, avoiding his gaze.
"Jiyoon, you know."
"Yes."
"Has she ever said anything... strange to you?"
"Strange? Like what..."
"Worries about her studies... or how to make friends..."
"...Nothing like that, really."
"...Or maybe... her sexual preferences."
"..."
I leaned in, listening intently in case someone walked in from outside.
"I didn't ask for that... *Sigh*... Anyway, doesn't that mean you could easily break up? You're not even dating."
"Yup, yup. We could break up."
"Exactly. It's not like... a deep, sticky relationship. You're just having sex."
"Right, right."
Yozora, her wrist held in my hand, nodded with a beaming smile—a look that was strangely smug. She looked exactly the same as she had two years ago, when we saw each other more often. Because of that, I could easily guess what she was going to say next.
"Then stop acting like a bitch about breaking up with him and just do the job you were hired for..."
"I'm lazy. I just want to sleep today... I stayed up all night and I'm tired..."
Bullshit that couldn't read the room. The kind of bullshit that makes me so annoyed. Or rather, bullshit she was "pretending" not to read. I’d been watching her since she was barely able to speak Korean. I still didn't know why she did it, though.
"...You're making things difficult for me too, you idiot."
"You think you're gonna get caught just because of me? That's a disease, a delusion."
"I'm saying I want to eliminate even the smallest possibility. Can't you understand that?"
"If you think like that, you should just live in your house. What if you go outside and get hit by a car? Or get stabbed by a stranger?"
"That's a huge exaggeration, you crazy... *Sigh*... I'm so frustrated..."
"Eh? Nothing to say? Did I hit the nail on the head?"
"..."
"Getting angry isn't good for your health~ Oh, right. Since you're here, want a drink? There's plenty of alcohol left."
"Get lost. I don't need it."
"Ta-da~"
I stared at her, hoping she’d stop the nonsense and listen to me, but the result was disastrous. Instead of shrinking away, Yozora, who was already twitching her lips into a grin, started looking even more amused. She slipped out of my hand, tipped the bottle of strong Chinese liquor on the table, and offered it to me. She even flopped back onto the sofa, naked, as if she intended to go back to sleep. My chest felt so tight I thought I might die. How on earth do kindergarten teachers do it? I was struggling this much with just Yozora.
"Get up."
"Zzz..."
"I'm not in the mood for games, so get up. Now."
"Ugh... so annoying..."
"Wash up and get ready to go in by lunchtime. You don't really smell like alcohol, but just in case, brush your teeth carefully."
"...Pfft. You sound like a mom. Mama Seoyeon..."
"Ah, damn it... that's creepy, get off."
"Mama. Get me some water..."
"...You crazy bitch. You're not even that drunk, why do you keep talking nonsense..."
"Hurry... I didn't ask for food, did I..."
"*Sigh*..."
It’s annoying, but what can I do? I sat Yozora, who was finally showing some cooperation, on the sofa and went to the kitchen to bring her a glass of cold water. Honestly, I really hate doing things for her, but if I don't, the chances of her listening to me drop even lower.
"..."
Looking at her take a single sip and smile after asking for water, it was clear she had no intention of listening and was just looking to mess around.
"Once you're done, go wash up. I'll be here cleaning."
"Eh. Saying 'go wash up' is a bit lewd... Besides, Seoyeon-chan, you're wearing your uniform right now..."
"Wash up instead of talking shit."
"...But there's nothing to do even if I go to the Academy now..."
"Don't make up things to do, just focus on stopping Han Su-a from graduating."
"Ugh... so annoying..."
"Ah, seriously... don't lie back down, I told you to wash! It makes no sense to drop a request just because you can't have sex. Besides, he's not the only man in the world."
"I told you. I wasn't interested in the request in the first place..."
"Then why did you say you'd do it? Even if it's a cover identity, you don't need to do that just to be a sex partner..."
"Ah~ that was to give Woojin a gift..."
"...A gift? Money?"
"What would I do giving him money... Obviously, it's something money can't buy."
"Then what..."
"Han Su-a. I helped him so he could fuck her to his heart's content."
"..."
"Ah, maybe I shouldn't have said that..."
I already knew Yozora was Seo Woojin's sex partner. I also knew Han Su-a had that kind of relationship with him, since I'd seen it. But the reason Yozora would gift Han Su-a to Seo Woojin—setting that aside—there was no reason for Han Su-a to have sex with Seo Woojin, was there? ...No, forget it. Let's not worry about it. Yozora was definitely making things up just to see me get flustered. It would be better for my mental health to just let it slide.
Just as I was shaking my head, she spoke again.
"Hey, hey."
"...What."
Yozora, her lips curled into a smirk, whispered softly.
"I have a proposal for our cute Seoyeon-chan, who is pacing around worried that her identity will be exposed because of me..."
"..."
And she said it in such a detestable way.
"If you promise to help me... it's annoying, but! I'll try my best to go to the Academy. How about it?"
"..."
As if she’d planned this from the start, as if she’d stayed out of the bathroom just for this, she was being incredibly annoying.
"Hmm? Time is ticking, you know? If you don't answer quickly, class and lunch will be over. You'll get the teachers' attention for skipping class, won't you?"
"...What do you want me to help you with? To get you to meet Seo Woojin again?"
"Something like that?"
"*Sigh*... What exactly is it? What do you want?"
Tap, tap. She touched her lips with her fingertips, and then, in a tone that was less detestable and more... dreamy.
"I want to find a new sex partner, it doesn't have to be Seo Woojin, but I want to meet a guy who looks like that and has a dick that big...?"
"...Face aside, how would I know the size of another man's genitals?"
"Eh? You don't know?"
"Are you expecting me to have X-ray vision or something?"
"Yeah. Obviously..."
Poke. She pointed at my lower abdomen with a slender fingertip, speaking in a tone of genuine confusion.
"Since Seoyeon-chan is a Gumiho, I thought you'd be able to figure out the lewd stuff somehow."
"...I don't know anything about that. I'm not interested. And I don't like it."
"Hmm...? In folk tales, Gumihos always like lewd stuff, don't they?"
"...Those are just stories."
"It's not just stories. A few years ago, a Gumiho mutant in Japan pretended to be pure on the outside, but in the end..."
"I hate it."
"Why? Do you hate feeling good?"
"...Sex isn't necessarily pleasant."
She looked at me with a face full of question marks, as if she couldn't understand what I was saying.
"Then you must have tried it. Who did you do it with? A classmate?"
"I haven't! Just... just..."
"Ah, fingers?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
I don't know why, but Yozora started giggling again, looking at my face. I avoided her gaze and parted my lips.
"...It didn't feel that good. It just hurt."
"...So you have masturbated."
"Anyway. Why do you like that stuff... at all..."
"...It feels good. A lot."
"I... don't really."
"When you get pounded so hard you can hear the thumping sound all the way out here, you feel so good that everything else just disappears..."
I brushed off her fingertip as it touched my navel. Thoughts of whether it would kill me if it went in that deep, whether Yozora really took it that deep during sex, and just how big Seo Woojin's... all of it. I pushed them all away and continued.
"Not me. ...You might, but not me."
"...Heh."
Honestly speaking... mating. It was a preference I couldn't understand at all.
*****
"Sexual preferences, that..."
"Le, lesbian or something. You know, stuff like that!"
"...Jiyoon?"
"...Yeah."
When Lee Hayoon first asked if her younger sister was a lesbian, I was momentarily stunned, but as I thought about it calmly, I could roughly guess why things had turned out this way. It wasn't like Lee Hayoon was saying this after having a dream. Something must have happened for her to think this way... It seemed Lee Jiyoon had been plotting to push things in that direction since she wasn't getting what she wanted. To be honest, I had no idea how she planned to use this, but well, here...
"Come to think of it, Jiyoon was a bit..."
"..."
"...I'll play along appropriately."
Do as you please.