Sexual Partner (4)
"...Does that even make sense?" The truth was, Jiyoon might have feelings for me. A thought that suddenly popped into my head, only to be buried by the immediate reaction of, 'Are you crazy? That's impossible.' Yet, as I recalled the subtle situations that seemed to align with that theory, it floated back to the surface, leaving me wondering, 'Could it be...?'
"Ugh..." The day I first brought Woojin home, Jiyoon had glared at him with such hostility. Could that have just been her worrying about whether the first guy I ever dated was a decent person? Or, on the other hand, was it fueled by jealousy?
She, who usually wouldn't even greet me when I got home, preferring to lock her door and play games, had been popping out of her room so frequently lately. Could that just be because she's playing fewer games, as she claimed earlier? Or, on the other hand, was it jealousy?
She'd been cleaning my room without me ever asking, and even running the washing machine—something she’d never touched in her life. Most likely, it was just her finally growing up now that she's twenty, but on the other hand, maybe she was trying to impress me out of jealousy?
"...Ew..." No, no. It doesn't make sense to begin with. Jealousy? What jealousy? Jiyoon and I are sisters. Besides, we’re both women. Jealousy? Ugh.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror with a nauseated expression, then picked up the toothbrush I’d dropped in the sink and continued brushing. This is just... that. Forcing pieces together with only a few clues. Because a random thought happened to fit loosely here and there, my brain was working overtime, adding unnecessary details to make the situation fit. Let’s think about this logically. If Jiyoon had even a speck of those feelings for me, wouldn't she have shown it a little before things reached this point? Like sleeping in my room on the excuse of being scared of thunder, or finding underwear in the laundry basket that I thought I hadn't worn yet. Something subtly suspicious like that.
"That never happened. Yeah." No matter how I think about it, nothing like that ever happened. There’s a tiny possibility I might not remember because it’s been a few years, but if it were something that felt that out of place, it would still be stuck in my head. I finished my speculation, let out a goofy laugh, and finished brushing my teeth. The thoughts I just had were all just my own delusions. Jiyoon is heterosexual. Just a heterosexual who happens to like games a lot. I don't want to get contaminated by overthinking this, so the "Lee Jiyoon is a closeted lesbian" theory ends here.
Ptooey. I spat out the toothpaste-filled water, let out a deep sigh, and turned the faucet handle.
"..." ...This leaves the question, 'Then what was the cause of Jiyoon's recent changes?' but whatever. I'll think about that later. It’s not exactly a pressing issue; it’s just my own curiosity...
As if to clear my complicated mind, I gargled and stepped out of the bathroom.
"...Eek...?!"
"...? Stop doing weird things and move. I need to brush my teeth."
As soon as I opened the door, there was Jiyoon, arms crossed under her chest, waiting for the bathroom door to open. It was impossible to harbor the ridiculous suspicion that she might have strange feelings for me... when she was looking at me with that usual, incredibly pathetic gaze.
"..." It really was just my delusion. ...That has to be it, right? Yeah, yeah. That’s it. It must be.
"I said move! ...Did you see a bug or something?"
"No, no. Just... you were right in front of me, so I was startled."
"...Anyway, get out of my way. I need to wash up and go to sleep."
"Okay..."
There's no way she likes me. If she really liked me, she wouldn't just be nice occasionally like she is now; she would have been affectionate all the time. ...It’s ridiculous.
"Hoo..." After Jiyoon went into the bathroom, I let out a deep sigh and walked to my room. I grabbed my phone, which had finished charging overnight, and my bag, then headed straight for the front door. For a moment, I thought, 'Should I just go ahead like I used to?' but...
"..." ...Rather than keep worrying about these strange thoughts, it would be better to clear things up now. Instead of slipping into my sneakers, I spent the time with my forehead pressed against the wall right next to them.
166 ...My sister is acting strange.
"..."
"..."
Normally, as we stepped out the front door, she’d be rambling about her friends. As we left the first-floor lobby, she’d be talking about that tteokbokki place we went to. Leaving the alleyway, she’d be whining about how hard this or that class would be today. Waiting for the traffic light, she’d be debating whether to find a new part-time job. That kind of annoying chatter would usually pour out, giving me a headache all over again. ...But my sister is incredibly quiet today. And that’s been the case for a full five minutes since we left the house.
"..."
"..."
By now, she should have told me to be quiet at least twice because she already knew what I was saying. Why is she acting so unlike herself? She isn't playing any childish pranks, and she isn't talking about things I have no interest in... Ah, of course, I don't hate this silence. If I had my way, I’d want her to be like this forever, not just now, but even at home. Isn't it more efficient to cut out the useless talk and only share what's necessary? ...But it’s concerning that my sister, who usually bothers people like a country puppy, is suddenly acting like this. Just in case. There’s a possibility, however slight, that she might be suspecting the secret relationship between me and Seo Woojin.
I looked around, and when there was no one else nearby, I carefully brought it up.
"Sister."
"Eek...?!"
As nonchalantly as possible. ...Without the vibe of, 'Do you know what Seo Woojin and I are doing behind your back?'
"Are you tired? Today?"
"...Tired? ...No. Not really."
"Really?"
"...Why are you asking that all of a sudden?"
"It’s nothing. You’re just unusually quiet today. Especially since we left the house."
"..."
"Is it because I’m always telling you you’re noisy?"
"No, no. It’s not that..."
"...Ah, so you aren't being quiet for my sake?"
"..."
As if I knew nothing. Just, as nonchalantly as possible. Like usual. Like a casual remark on the way to school in the morning. Not a conversation where we make eye contact. Just idle chatter, each of us looking down at our own phones.
"Hey, Jiyoon. That... um..."
"Why?"
To that, my sister replied:
"I have something to ask you..."
"...Something to ask?"
She said she had something to ask.
"I’m not asking with any other meaning, so don't think it’s weird, okay?"
"So, what is it?"
She was asking with another meaning. It was a weird question.
"I’m just asking because I’m a little curious, so can you answer with Yes or No?"
"...Okay."
She wasn't just asking because she was curious. She was asking me to answer with Yes or No.
"...You know, Jiyoon, are you..."
"..."
"D-do you... what do you watch when you masturbate...?"
"..."
She asks a question that can't be answered with Yes or No as she wanted, a question that I wouldn't want to answer properly even if it weren't that, all while wearing a look of determination.
"...Masturbate?"
"...Yeah."
...I was worried sick that she might bring up Seo Woojin. It’s not like she’s making a fool out of me. What is this? Seriously.
"Sister, what are you..."
"Oh, come on, you know...! Like, the genre...? Or something like that."
"No, why are you asking me something like that right now...?"
"I-I told you. I’m just asking because I’m a little curious..."
"A little? Curious? ...What kind of sister in the world is curious about her younger sister’s tastes?"
"That’s..., ...Haa..."
She spoke a bit harshly, but it’s not like I don't have a clue. A few days ago, on the day I was in heat because of Seo Woojin’s one-sided phone call, I did commit a few things. Something about how my sister’s tastes are weird. That Seo Woojin would have a hard time handling it. That since my sister wouldn't know, I, a normal person, should watch from the side... was that it? Anyway, it went something like that. It seems the criticism I gave her about her tastes back then has been festering inside her.
Well, compared to other things, wanting to 'have sex a bit roughly' is actually quite normal, not something repulsive or like the taste of human trash.
"Can't you just tell me? Huh? You saw what I liked a long time ago, so it’s unfair..."
"Are you trying to get some leverage on me?"
"What would I even use your leverage for? I, I’m just curious, okay?"
"You should have just whined about how it’s unfair that only I know, like you said before... Seriously..."
"...Then will you tell me?"
"Even if I tell you. What are you going to do if I tell you a lie?"
"...I’ll check your computer when you’re not around."
"I don't save my search history, so that’s pointless. Besides, I’m home all day, so how would you?"
"Like, when you go to the PC cafe with Woojin like last time."
"..."
I forgot what I was about to say because of the memory that suddenly surfaced. I pondered if there was any way to use this to my advantage, but I soon gave up and approached my sister.
...How could I use this? Even if I said I liked NTR, it would just end there. Even if I beat around the bush and said I liked 3P, it would just end there. It’s better to just let it pass without anything happening. Well, Seo Woojin seems to be looking forward to rolling around with my sister as well as me, but from my perspective, it’s no different than killing the goose that lays the golden eggs and then trying to stitch it back up. If I greedily cut open its belly and the golden eggs stop coming out... what then?
"...I just watch normal stuff. One man, one woman."
"..."
"Instead of being penetrated like you're being raped, like you, it’s a bit more romantic..."
"...A-alright, I get it, so get away...! You’re whispering so ticklishly... Ugh..."
So I have to do this as carefully as possible. Disinfectant alcohol. Anesthetic. Scalpel. Suturing thread. I’ll pack everything I think I need. ...So that the wound can heal and disappear before my sister notices anything strange. Carefully and thoroughly.