Is It Really Okay to Do This? (5)
Putting into words what I want to say. Cutting out the words I shouldn't. Send.
"……."
After carefully re-reading the KakaoTalk message I’d sent to Lee Hayoon, I let out a quiet sigh and closed the phone on my desk. I’d been a little worried about whether I’d made a mistake, but thankfully, there didn’t seem to be any problematic phrasing. The excuse was reasonable enough, too. I couldn’t say I went often, but a PC bang was a place I’d occasionally visit alone to kill time. Besides, the fact that I played games with Seo Woojin was only special at the beginning; it wasn’t really like that anymore, right? Now, it’s just… well, to use an analogy, it’s like cooking ramen for dinner. It’s just that kind of mundane daily routine. Unless I went out of my way to send one or two more suspicious messages, it would be hard for Lee Hayoon… no, for my sister to notice anything, given how incredibly dense she is.
"……."
…No. If I put it as vaguely as possible, I think she wouldn’t even notice if I just closed my eyes and sent the message. There’s no need to take a dangerous gamble just to create a side dish I can use for a few weeks. I’m not an idiot. Yeah. Even if I just stayed still, Seo Woojin would make plenty of side dishes for me anyway…
"…Yawn…."
Break time. Because the noisy, boisterous voices nearby were incredibly annoying, I stuffed my ears with earphones and slumped over my desk. Thankfully, my seat was near the window. Thankfully, it was right after lunch, so it was a natural time to be hit by food coma. Thankfully, I’d been ignoring the kids who wanted to befriend me all this time. Thankfully, I was a voluntary loner… so there were no clueless kids coming over to bother me while I pretended to sleep on my desk.
And thanks to that, I could immerse myself in one thought amidst the cozy scent of fabric softener.
"……."
Really. Is it… really okay for me to be doing this with my sister’s boyfriend…?
Well, it was roughly that kind of trivial concern.
Only after that thought crossed my mind did I finally speak up, but honestly, what I said to my sister when she snuck back home last night… maybe that was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction. That thought occurred to me, albeit belatedly. Calculating it, hmm… it had been a long 18 hours since I said those strange things to her.
The more I think about it, the more relieved I am. Really. Even though I blurted out that I wanted to watch them have sex, Lee Hayoon just panicked and went along with it so docilely, didn’t she? If it had been the worst-case scenario, even if I hadn’t been caught in our 'secret relationship' right then and there, it could have at least reached the level where she’d be… slightly suspicious.
Whew… I messed up. I messed up. I should have just pretended I didn’t know anything last night, and then notified her just now, saying, 'I’m going to the PC bang with Seo Woojin~,' and then come home much later than her, acting like, 'The game was fun~.' My heart was too far ahead of me.
…Ah. Of course, while hiding the fact that my legs were weak and trembling. Yeah.
"…Why did Lee Hayoon have to use such a turn-on voice… Damn it…."
I muttered in a needlessly blunt tone, burying my lips in the collar of my coat, which was zipped up to my chin, and let out a sigh. Anyway, this is all Lee Hayoon’s fault for doing such a turn-on act and making it impossible for me to judge the situation properly. It’s also partly Seo Woojin’s fault for calling me secretly to ask for a 'check-up' and then having sex for hours. If the sound of Seo Woojin slamming into Lee Hayoon’s ass hadn’t been so arousing… If I hadn’t known exactly what it felt like to be fucked by Seo Woojin like that… If Lee Hayoon, who became a quiet meat-onahole under Woojin, hadn’t been moaning so cutely while calling him 'Oppa' for almost four or five hours….
"…Sigh."
Of course, I only say that. I know well enough in my head. Whatever the cause, I was the one who couldn’t hold back and pulled the trigger. But if I admitted that honestly, I’d sound like too much of a pervert. While my sister was with Seo Woojin, I listened to them having s…ex on my phone and came so many times I couldn’t count on my fingers, so I might be on the verge of being a pervert, but I’m not exactly one.
"I’ll have to be careful next time. No more getting excited and saying dangerous things…."
Telling my sister, who came home late, 'You’ve been fucking your boyfriend until now,' is fine. That would just make me look like a clueless younger sister. But telling her, 'I’m worried, so I’ll watch you two have sex from the side.' Yeah. That definitely crossed the line. Let’s never do that again. My sister is, well, an idiot… but she is an idiot. If I keep showing off my tastes like that, it’s only a matter of time before I get caught. I should only start showing it off openly when I’m truly certain she’s suspicious of me. Until then, I’ll just hide it hard.
"…Why isn't he here? …I don't have much time."
Tapping the ground with the tip of my sneakers, I checked my phone screen; it was already close to 6:00 PM, the time I’d promised to meet Seo Woojin. That’s strange. He wasn’t the type to break a promise. Is he nearby? Maybe he can’t find the way? Just as that thought crossed my mind, I leaned against the building wall and turned my head, and I began to see a familiar face through the crowd in the distance. My first male friend. And at the same time, my sister’s first boyfriend.
"……."
Before I could make eye contact and make things awkward, I gripped my phone and moved my fingers aimlessly. I opened an internet browser, found a useless search history for 'Date Outfit,' and hurriedly pressed the X button in case someone saw. I opened KakaoTalk, which had no notifications, and closed it because it was just ads. Same with YouTube. Open, close. Just as my white hair, which I’d tucked behind my ear, brushed against my cheek and slipped down, a large shadow appeared in front of me. A shadow that seemed to be playfully mimicking me, with my head bowed low.
Surely, a random passerby I’d never met wouldn’t suddenly do this… Fiddling with the black ball cap on my head, I looked up, and I saw eyes that had approached from afar, bending at the waist and smiling innocently. …Certainly, it’s a bit of a stretch to say he’s 'sculpture-like,' but… well. He is fairly handsome when he smiles. Handsome enough that it feels a bit wasteful to leave him just for Lee Hayoon to use.
"Hey. Lee Jiyoon."
"…What."
"Why did you pretend not to see me when you saw me earlier?"
"…What kind of bullshit is that? I didn’t see you."
"Really? Then, well… ah. Is this where you said you’d wait on KakaoTalk?"
"…Yeah."
"Why is the building in such an alleyway? It’s hard to find."
"……."
Is it because he’s tall? Even with his waist bent like that, our eye levels are similar. …What a beanpole. That means when my sister, who is even shorter than me, gets close to him, her cheek barely touches his shoulder. Maybe a 15cm… 20cm difference? Hmm. I don’t know if it’s a heart-fluttering height difference. But it is a turn-on height difference. Outside, you can see the cute sight of her rubbing her cheek against his shoulder, but I wonder what it’s like on the bed. It’s also a height difference I’m curious about.
"But for being in an alley, the building is cleaner than I thought?"
"So, do you think PC bangs have to be in crumbling buildings?"
"No, no. I just said the building is nice. Why are you taking it that way?"
"……."
"Anyway, what were you looking at while waiting for me? YouTube?"
"Hey, damn it… don’t peek at someone else’s phone. …You pervert."
"Pervert? If you were looking at something weird outside, aren’t you the bigger pervert?"
"…Anyway. Don’t look."
Ah…. Seriously. This isn’t the flow I wanted. Is it because of the habit of being rude to others for the past 20 years? I bit my lip because, far from the gentle and bright tone my sister uses, harsh words popped out as usual. It was okay when we were talking on KakaoTalk because we couldn’t see each other’s faces… No. No. Let’s kill the temper. Yesterday, I saw that even though I made him do it, he was incredibly excited when Lee Hayoon hesitantly called him 'Oppa,' right? So, instead of being needlessly prickly, I should be docile like Lee Hayoon… like a woman… …. …How can I do that disgusting thing with a straight face? Ugh.
"…From now on, if you have an appointment like this, come 10 minutes earlier."
"It’s my first time coming here, so I might be late. Besides, I wasn’t even that late."
"Coming out a little earlier than the promised time is basic. You don’t even know that? You idiot? Do you do this when you’re on a date with my sister, too?"
"Then what time did you get here?"
"…About 15 minutes ago."
"15 minutes… you did wait a long time."
"What’s long about that? It’s basic, you ret… no, um…."
In the end, so much for being docile; I habitually snapped at Seo Woojin and fiddled with the ball cap on my head for no reason. Because my tone, which wouldn’t change no matter how much I tried, was pathetic. Because Seo Woojin really felt like he’d just gone out lightly at the mention of going to a PC bang. Because of that, my cheeks and ears felt like they were going to burn up, as I’d been thinking of nothing but finding ways to take a side path instead of going into the PC bang like this. Glaring at Seo Woojin in front of me, I pulled my ball cap down so low that my face was hidden and started walking first.
For now, I’ll give up on bringing up yesterday’s conversation and getting a motel. I’ll also give up on acting cute and fawning over him like Lee Hayoon, who is blinded by love, by using bullshit like 'Oppa.' Instead, I’ll play games and naturally scratch at him, saying he’s bad at games and bad at sex, and then if Seo Woojin can’t take it and gets annoyed, I’ll give him a chance to prove it… …Good. This is better. I don’t need to talk in a baby voice. Phew….
"Fo, follow me. It’s on the 3rd floor."
"3rd floor… ah, right. Do you come here often? To the PC bang."
"Not often. …Sometimes. When I feel stifled at home."
"Alone?"
"Then who would I go with? Lee Hayoon? She… …my sister doesn’t play games. She says she gets motion sickness."
"…Hmm."
While I was modifying my plan in real-time like that, Seo Woojin, who was following behind me, let out a sheepish sigh, so I looked back for a moment. What is it? That subtle reaction. Anyway, Seo Woojin knows I don’t have friends, so I was going to let him tease me a little and just take it this time, but why is he suddenly acting like he’s walking on eggshells around me… …. …Ah. No way.
"Seo Woojin. Were you thinking of her just now? That… CZ."
"…No?"
"No? My ass. It’s written all over your face, so just spit it out honestly. Damn it…."
"…A little. Really a little. Happy?"
"……."
"Because that person likes games and you like games too. Well… …just in case."
"……."
"Why are you looking at me like that? …Don’t block the way, just walk. You said it was the 3rd floor."
Wait a second. Isn’t this that? …Jealousy? Ah. No wonder. He even made her use Discord on purpose while having s…ex. Last time, he looked noticeably dejected when I said there wasn’t much difference between CZ’s photos and me. Is all that jealousy… …. …Should I use this, too? To help Seo Woojin make bad decisions?
"I don’t even know that person’s face… no, I know it now! Anyway, I don’t even know where they live, so why would we go together, you idiot!"
"I just thought about it. Just thought."
"PC bang together, my ass… I’ve always gone alone, this is my first time coming to a PC bang with a guy! Because I’m a loser with no friends?"
"……."
"…Retard. Seriously…."
Come to think of it, I haven’t even been with a girl. Anyway, well. Guys like this kind of thing, right? A girl’s first experience. Like, him being the one to take it… As proof, Seo Woojin, who was two steps below me on the stairs, was making a dazed expression I’d never seen since I met him. …As expected, if I use this well….
"Anyway, don’t say weird things about who I went to the PC bang with, just follow me."
"…Okay."
"Ah, you know how to pay for the PC bang, right?"
"Roughly."
"Good. Then that’s a rel… Wait. Seo Woojin, why are you grinning? It’s disgusting."
"I wasn’t grinning."
"You were."
"I wasn’t."
"You were. Enough to show your dimples."
"…Don’t pick a fight, just go up. My legs hurt from just walking since earlier."
A motel. Or, Seo Woojin’s house where Lee Hayoon had been having so much sex yesterday. We’ll get there sooner than I thought… I might be able to… mark my territory.