Midterms (11)
‘…Not bad.’
It had been three days since I got trapped in this dream due to the exam.
The memories of those three days felt both familiar and fresh.
Memories I had already lost once.
Seeing them again like this was invigorating.
Just three days.
Seventy-two hours at most, six meals, three days and nights.
Such a short time.
Still, it meant quite a lot to me.
The first day: that sentimental immersion in the quiet scenery.
The second: sharing bread with the kids we met on the road.
The third: finding our way now by retracing direction under the stars.
Experiences I no longer had—they felt utterly novel.
And it wasn’t just me feeling that way.
“How was it for you?”
“How was what?”
Sellin’s words drew a natural response from my mouth.
An answer beyond my control.
Ever since that brief conversation on the first day of the memory, it had always been like this.
“Yeah, it felt pretty fresh to me. Not sure about you.”
“Fresh and nice for me too.”
I answered with a light laugh.
From their exchange, it seemed they didn’t do stuff like this often.
“Then, you…”
“Yeah?”
“…Wanna come with me again next time?”
Sellin asked, hesitating shyly somehow.
Ha… cringeworthy.
Spending a few days here had drilled two things into me hard.
First off, Sellin seemed to like me back then.
Probably?
Unless I was completely oblivious, there was no missing how obvious she was being.
Why she liked me, I had no idea.
People’s hearts are impossible to figure out.
Anyway, the other thing was about my past self.
The me in this memory, that is…
“Of course. Next time, let’s bring the others too. They’ll love it.”
“…Yeah.”
Completely oblivious.
This guy was so dense it was hard to believe he was me.
Even I, after just three days here, could pick up on her crush, but this idiot couldn’t.
That was my past self.
No, maybe not.
Maybe he was pretending not to notice on purpose.
Yeah… I wanted to believe that.
Oh, one more thing I realized watching this memory over the past few days.
Sellin and I didn’t talk much one-on-one.
No idea why.
Awkward between us? No way.
Unless it was love at first sight, there’s no awkwardness when one side already harbors feelings.
In fact, Sellin and I looked totally at ease talking.
No, just being alone together seemed comfortable.
Which made me even more curious.
This exam forced a choice on me.
But I had no clue what choice to make here.
It wasn’t like picking a dinner menu or something trivial.
There had to be some crucial turning point in this memory that mattered to me.
Yet nothing like that had shown up so far.
I’d been too absorbed in the cozy memories to think much about it.
But now it was time.
As I pondered this, walking side by side with Sellin under the night sky—
“You.”
Sellin called out to me, her voice somehow grave.
Three days.
Time spent in this nauseating memory, staring at that person’s face.
Sellin El Soladion from my first life.
My past self was so damn innocent back then.
Shy speech, blushing cheeks, demure behavior.
And underpinning it all, that fluttering crush on him.
An innocent kid who couldn’t hide any of it, letting it all show.
And that innocence…
‘…How long do I have to keep watching this?’
Was an emotion I wanted to erase from my brain every time it surfaced.
Anything tied to that person.
Even the way we walked silently under the night sky right now.
Even the footprints left by each step.
I wanted it all wiped out.
But that was just my current feelings.
Not my past self’s, the one in this memory.
Past me was soaking it all in, striking up conversation again.
The words she forced out weren’t much.
Just asking if he’d come out like this with her again next time.
The usual sign of affection toward him.
Of course, he gave his usual oblivious reply.
Back then, I hated it so much. Not anymore.
It even felt grateful now, like it was cutting off my emotions for me.
Anyway, the choice…
The action I had to take in this exam.
But I hadn’t made any choice yet, couldn’t.
No control over my body.
Walking under the night sky together like this.
Flirting with him.
All choices made by my past self, not me now.
When would this memory end?
To end it, I needed to make a choice, but…
When? What was I supposed to choose?
Thoughts swirling during these three days in the memory.
Three days of waiting.
And that wait ended in an instant, abruptly.
My mouth, walking quietly under the night sky, began to open slowly.
“You.”
“What?”
His reply to my words.
With that question, everything around us froze.
The chirping crickets, our footsteps.
The rustle of clothes, leaves shaking in the wind.
The whole world seemed to stop.
In a situation like this, instinct kicked in.
This is the turning point for the choice.
But one question.
This memory was from my first life.
But I didn’t remember anything like this from my first life.
No matter how old the memory.
Reliving it directly like this should bring it back.
But this conversation didn’t surface in my memories.
‘…What the hell.’
And something else weird.
I had no idea what choice to make right now.
Just a simple exchange.
Nothing major in the prior talk either.
From the situation, it seemed I needed to say something.
But what?
I didn’t even have anything I wanted to say.
But I did want to escape this memory ASAP.
End it.
Never see it again.
How to express that? I pondered briefly, settled on words.
Moved the muscles around my mouth to speak.
Thankfully, this time my mouth obeyed.
The frozen world resumed as I did.
Sounds returned, his movements too.
Feeling it all, I spoke.
“You, let’s just end it all. We’re done.”
His face looked shocked at my words.
Yeah, fair enough.
I’d never said anything like that back then.
Always trying to think bright and hopeful.
But in this moment, if “current me” had to choose words…
A hundred out of a hundred, it’d be this.
My choice ends here.
Somehow hollow, though.
I definitely made a choice.
Yet my mind was still here.
…More I need to see?
Ha…
Frustration building.
Being stuck with someone I hate in a place I hate is more unpleasant than I thought.
Irritation rising amid the disgust—
“Sellin.”
He called my name.
Serious expression.
Probably responding to my words.
But I knew what he’d say back then.
Something I desperately didn’t want to hear.
Braced myself a bit, waiting.
But.
“Yeah, maybe we should just call it quits?”
“…Huh?”
Nothing like what I expected.
Something he’d never say back then.
The moment I heard it—
‘…W-Wait.’
Vision went black, everything around vanishing.
Ah… exam over.
“…What kind of exam is this?”
The exam ended more anticlimactically than expected.
We were just walking under the night sky.
After my oblivious past self brushed off Sellin’s flirty line.
Then Sellin asked me with a serious face.
“I don’t get what you meant by ‘let’s end it,’ but…”
Something along those lines.
Honestly, no clue what she was talking about.
No memory of that time for me.
No idea what she wanted to end or what troubles she had.
But the exam wanted an answer to that question.
So I gave one.
No real deliberation.
Just… her face looked endlessly sad and exhausted.
If it was that rough, letting go a bit made sense.
That’s all I said.
Her expression looked super shocked at my words…
Eh, just a reenactment of memory anyway. Didn’t dwell on it.
Seeing memories I didn’t know was a fresh experience, though.
Finding lost ones this way was intriguing.
Anyway, exam’s done.
Wanna go rest.
I got up—no one around.
Students taking exams with no proctors? Weird.
For me, no hassle was nice, but…
Bad feeling.
Ah… please not today.
Let midterms pass quietly.
I’m tired.
Click.
Praying the bad vibe was wrong, I opened the door.
Bang!
“Sellin!! Ahh, my darling daughter Sellin… where are you~?”
Through the door gap: some uncle smashing up the hallway here and there.
…What the fuck?
Drunk?
Yeah, seeing this drunk, I was convinced.
The Academy really was one big paycheck-pilfering mob.