Chapter 23
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 23
Chapter Title: Pillar of Support (2)
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"Ah."
Waking up, So-yun was no longer by my side. Where did you go, Jin So-yun? No way, right?
—
I pressed the emergency bell attached to the bed, and Kim Department Head entered the room. Huh? Something felt off. Why? The sound of the door opening.
" — "
"Ah."
I shook my head. What was Kim Department Head saying to me? Why couldn't I hear it? He was clearly speaking. But no sound reached my ears. I raised my head and barely pieced together his words from the movement of his lips.
[Are you okay?]
Breathing was hard, but that was nothing. But So-yun being gone...
"I'm... not okay. Where... is So-yun."
Sadness flickered in Kim Department Head's eyes. He replied in a calm tone, as if it were no big deal.
[So-yun had some pain in the middle of the night and was moved to another ward temporarily.]
"...Lies."
[Pardon?]
/
Feeling a strong sense of dissonance in the conversation, Kim Department Head began examining A-yeon more closely. The same doll-like expressionless face as always. Her voice was also in that slightly low tone, just like usual. But wasn't that conversation just now somehow strange? Come to think of it, what had the nurses said when they moved So-yun's ward yesterday?
[By the way, Kim Department Head. This isn't a big deal, but since you said to report even minor things... Honestly, when we moved So-yun last night, it went too smoothly. She doesn't usually act like that.]
[What? Wouldn't smooth be a good thing?]
[No, well, Patient Seol A-yeon usually wakes up the moment she hears footsteps heading toward the room door. So we figured she'd wake up when moving So-yun and prepared some excuses. But she just kept sleeping.]
[Ah, right.]
Kim Department Head nodded, recalling a similar experience. They'd tried conducting tests while she slept, but she was so sensitive it had failed. Vision, smell, touch, taste, hearing. The five senses represented by the human body's senses. A-yeon's were extraordinarily developed. Her eyesight far exceeded the standard 2.0, and the others were the same.
"Can you hear my voice right now?"
"No."
"Then how are you replying... Ah."
Kim Department Head pulled down the mask he'd had lowered for a moment and asked A-yeon again. But no reply came.
"...Ah."
"Where is So-yun."
Kim Department Head lowered his mask, asked for a moment, and left the room.
'Damn. First... who should I call? Lee Professor maybe?'
Kim Department Head called Lee Professor first. It had been a while since he'd visited the PICU; her condition had deteriorated so much over the past month that psychological treatment was impossible.
"Kim Department Head, what's going on? I heard So-yun was transferred to hospice. Is the patient struggling a lot?"
"Well, Lee Professor. It seems A-yeon has sensory loss."
"Pardon?"
"I don't know when it started... But when we met today, she's communicating by reading my lips. When I cover my mouth with the mask, she doesn't respond at all."
"Ha..."
Lee Professor let out a sigh, feeling the world go dark before his eyes.
"Ah... With alexithymia, it's hard for the patient herself to notice. Hearing is definitely impaired. What about the other senses?"
"We'll need tests for that."
"Let's call the ENT and Ophthalmology department heads right away. We can check tactile now. Proceed immediately."
"Yes... Got it. Sigh..."
"Kim Department Head, don't blame yourself too much. You know this is a really tough patient. She should be in psych, but her vitals keep fluctuating, so we had no choice but PICU. If anything, it's my fault. I didn't notice."
"...You haven't seen the patient in a month, Professor. It's my fault."
"Department Head. I'm not a pediatrician, just like you're not a psychiatrist. The patient was sick. Your job is to keep her alive, not let her die. Mental care is my role."
"..."
Kim Department Head said nothing. Lee Professor barely suppressed a sigh rising from within. A doctor experienced enough for department head, still so emotional. Pediatrics was perfect for developing mental illness.
Well, it wasn't incomprehensible. Pediatricians were sensitive because their patients were kids with so much life ahead. Of course, overreacting parents played a part too.
Even during the tests, A-yeon only searched for So-yun. The staff, who knew her story from YouTube videos, couldn't bring themselves to answer despite knowing the truth.
"No major issues on the tests. But the symptoms... We can say hearing is almost completely lost. No reaction even to this level of sound..."
"Eye exam is completely normal. But vision has dropped a lot from last time."
"Tactile tests show no response. No pain sensation either. Complete loss is accurate."
Each specialist gave the same assessment. No problems with the organs themselves. But the senses were almost gone or greatly weakened.
'This is a disaster.'
Lee Professor clutched his aching head. Alexithymia didn't mean no senses. It was inability to express emotions like like or dislike. Completely separate issue. Alexithymia patients could feel pain from bumping a wall; they just couldn't express it. How to explain this?
"So, how's Patient Seol A-yeon?"
"Director, it's just my hypothesis. But it seems her body is accepting her mental death."
"Body accepting mental death?"
"Humans are animals ruled by hormones, right? The human will can sometimes achieve the impossible. So-yun held on because she didn't want to die. But A-yeon has consistently shown no attachment to life. She even attempted..."
"Right."
"As her body worsened. 'I'm going to die soon.' That thought is reflected in her body, preparing for death. 'A healthy mind in a healthy body,' right? No organ issues actually. Her mind is just commanding them to shut down because she's going to die soon. The mind dominating the body. Simply put... a suicide attack."
"Hm. Any treatment?"
"Modern medicine can't block thoughts. Inducing unconsciousness might work, but if it persists post-transplant... She'd be alive but not living. Visual acuity holding on last won't last long."
"So, making her want to live is key?"
"...Yes. The dramatic sensory loss seems largely due to separation from So-yun. She's still only asking about So-yun's condition."
"Once Jin So-yun's death is confirmed, she'll follow?"
"Very likely. So-yun's pillar was A-yeon, and A-yeon's was So-yun."
"Can Patient Seol A-yeon move now? Make them meet right away. Can't let it worsen further."
"Cardiopulmonary function is weak; she can't move on her own... I'll prepare a wheelchair. But Director, post-transplant... We need to think. Plan was to say So-yun transferred hospitals. But she might not buy it. Even if body recovers post-surgery, her mind will be an empty shell."
"Lee Professor, I'll handle that. Don't worry too much."
"...You'll handle it, Director?"
"What, don't trust me?"
"No, sir."
Lee Professor felt doubt at the director's easy smile but decided to let it go. He was talented by nature. He'd find a way somehow.
/
Riding in the wheelchair pushed by Kim Department Head, we arrived at the hospice ward. Good. She hasn't died yet. Yeah, I'll end up here too eventually. No real emotion. It felt too natural.
So-yun looked brighter, like she wasn't in pain. The sounds of the world started reaching me again. Kim Department Head's footsteps, the wheelchair rolling, the door opening.
"Eh, little sis! You're already here!?"
And So-yun's voice too.
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Little sis! I'm not in much pain anymore!"
"...Yeah."
"Hee hee, Doctor! Let my little sis up quick!"
Kim Department Head lifted me onto the bed where So-yun lay. So-yun hugged me so familiarly. My head touched her chest, and I felt her uniquely warm body heat. Her rapidly beating heart sounded, and a fragrant aroma wafted in.
Why is reality so cruel?
— Thump. Thump. Thump.
"Dad said I'm almost better. I can discharge soon! You gotta come out with me then! Hurry over here too! Being with Dad is nice, but you're the best, little sis."
"Haha, So-yun. You like A-yeon more than Dad?"
"Well, that's... not it. Um! Both number one! Anyway, little sis! We're going out together!"
"Yeah. We will."
I just want to live one day longer than you, So-yun. So you won't grieve after I die.
"Little sis, good news and you're not smiling? I really, really missed you!"
Our faces so close our breaths mingled, So-yun met my eyes. I forced a smile onto my face. But maybe it looked awkward, because So-yun broke into a big grin instead.
"Why are you smiling?"
"No reason. I just love my little sis so~ much."
"Sing for me."
"Want Three Little Bears, your favorite?"
"Stop messing around."
"Okay~ Hm, what should I sing. Yeah! That one's perfect!"
Be happy. Be happy. Us. No more pain. No more pain.
For the time we have left, be happy, So-yun. No more pain. I'll follow soon. Wait just a bit. It won't be long.