Butler, I Want to Go to the Sea!
After witnessing that enormous twist with my own two eyes, I looked up whether cats really hunt bugs.
"They catch insects so well because of a superb hunting instinct?"
I'd always thought I knew cats pretty well, by ordinary standards. This was information I never saw coming.
That same hunting instinct, it seemed, was what let them move with a nimbleness dogs simply don't have.
"Butler, I looked everywhere. No bugs."
"Good work, Chu-chu. Thank you."
"If any bugs show up, just leave them all to me! I'll catch every last one!"
I'd asked Chu-chu to search the place, just to make sure we wouldn't have another bug incident.
"Chu-chu, let's have some Churu."
"Yeah!"
As a reward for the thorough search, I sat her on my thigh and let her eat the Churu as freely as she liked.
While she did, I dug a little deeper into cat facts I'd never known—and came across something that made me doubt my own eyes.
"They have a habit of... trying to eat bugs? This is the hunting instinct too?"
I wanted to believe it was baseless nonsense, but thinking back, I had seen cats eat flying insects a few times.
Surely not Chu-chu, too...?
"Chu-chu, after you caught that bug earlier, did you maybe want to eat it?"
"Huh? No."
"Right? There's no way our Chu-chu would think something like—"
"It was just too big to eat."
I was about to relax when the next words forced me to smack my own forehead.
The only reason she hadn't eaten the bug was that it was simply too big.
Which meant that if a small flying insect showed up from now on, she could eat it whenever she pleased.
"Guess I don't have to worry about mosquitoes."
Why bother buying mosquito repellent?
I have Chu-chu.
"Chu-chu, you can't eat bugs. You could get sick."
"Really? I've been fine until now. Of course, I've never eaten one while I look like this."
"Did you eat a lot of them when you were a cat?"
"Yeah. Lots."
The questions kept coming, and I was about to ask, without thinking, what bugs tasted like—then clamped my mouth shut.
Some things in this world you're allowed to go to your grave without ever knowing.
"And if you eat bugs, you can't kiss me. You wouldn't like that."
She'd been sucking down the Churu when she turned her head, the tube still in her mouth. A moment later she broke into an extremely ominous grin.
"So if I eat a bug, I can't kiss my butler. I see. I see."
"...Hold on! Don't eat bugs just because you don't want to kiss me. That's not what eating them is for!"
"Flying bugs get especially bad in the summer."
"That's not it! You're not allowed to eat them!"
"Mm-hm. Got it. So the eating isn't the point."
She nodded as if she were actually listening, but for some reason the sense of doom only grew thicker.
If she was going to be like this, I had no choice.
I'd just have to make her like kissing.
A few days later, I was met with a new sight.
"Chu-chu, I'm done with work."
Figuring she'd been waiting the whole time I worked just so we could play, I hurried out to the living room and called her. Chu-chu didn't answer at all. She was staring blankly at the TV from right up close.
"Chu-chu, you'll ruin your eyes watching like that. Come sit on the sofa."
Even when I came closer and spoke, there was still no answer.
"What are you watching so hard?"
It was a travel variety show. The guests had gone to the sea and were having the time of their lives.
"Chu-chu."
Only after I poked her cheek did she notice I was beside her. Her tail swayed as she pointed at the TV.
"Butler, I want to go to the sea!"
"We already promised last time that we'd go."
"Now! I want to go now!"
What on earth had made her want the ocean this badly?
"Chu-chu, the sea has a lot of water."
"Yeah, I know. I still want to go. It looks so fun!"
She clenched both fists and opened her eyes wide and sparkling, and I was honestly at a loss.
If she wanted it that much, I wanted to drop everything and leave for the sea this instant.
But my work schedule was the real problem.
"Chu-chu, right now is hard. I've got things I have to finish, so we can only go once all of that's done."
"Then when can we go?"
"Even at the earliest... three months from now."
"That's too long... I want to go to the sea soon."
I'd only just taken on new work, so quitting wasn't an option.
And yet there sat Chu-chu, glum, her tail draped over ears gone limp.
What am I supposed to do about this?
"Chu-chu, can you give me a little time to think? We can't go to the sea, but I'll come up with something else that'll make you happy."
"Okay. I understand."
I stroked her head, went back to my room, and sat down in front of the computer.
Hoping to find a way to give Chu-chu what she wanted without actually going to the ocean, I searched all sorts of things online.
"I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to go just to play in the water."
Come to think of it, the first time she saw the sea, what had caught her interest most was how much sand there was.
For a moment, an absolutely insane idea flashed through my head.
By the time I was telling myself it was ridiculous, I was already searching for sand, a waterproof tarp, and a kiddie pool.
Even with a tarp down, sand and water would make an absolute mess of the floor—but was that really a problem?
My kid wanted to play in the sand.
Maybe this was why I'd worked like a maniac since I was twenty and managed to buy my own place.
"Chu-chu!"
"Nya?!"
"I'll let you do what you want."
"What do you mean? You said we can't go to the sea."
"I'm going to set everything up so we can do it at home."
"Really?! I can play at home like I'm playing at the sea?"
"Of course. I already ordered it all, so the second it arrives, we play!"
"Woooow! Butler's the best! I love you so much!"
She threw both arms in the air and came running, then launched herself into my arms as if she were taking flight.
"Guh—!"
The force of Chu-chu's body slam was considerable.
Even a two-year-old cat flying at you like that would knock the wind out of you, and right now Chu-chu was human. The impact was not something I could ignore.
But it only lasted a moment.
She was nuzzling her face all over me from inside my arms, so happy that any thought of pain vanished clean.
"So today, let's go get ready to play at the sea."
"What do we have to prepare?"
"We need to buy a swimsuit. On TV, people were wearing those amazing outfits, right? Those are swimsuits."
"A swimsuit! So we're going to buy a swimsuit today?"
"Yeah. Let's go buy one."
"I'll get ready right now!"
In the time it took me to blink, Chu-chu was already in her room, getting ready to go out.
Right. I let her do whatever she wants, just so I can see her look like that.
"Butler, I'm dressed!"
"Aigoo, you got ready so fast today. Wait just a second. I'll change and be right out."
When I came out after changing, Chu-chu was on the sofa, kicking both legs and wiggling all over.
If she was already like this, how much cuter would she be once everything was actually ready?
Just imagining it wiped every thought of the cleanup waiting for me afterward clean out of my head.
"This is a department store."
"It's huge!"
I brought an extremely excited Chu-chu to the Department Store, and for a while she just stood still in that vast, crowded space she'd never seen before, turning in slow circles to look around.
"Woooow... a place like this exists."
"Now let's go buy a swimsuit."
"Yeah! We have to buy a swimsuit!"
About the time I took her hand firmly in mine, something from before came back to me.
That moment I'd looked away for a second and the crowd had pushed us apart—I never wanted to live through it again, and it must never happen from here on.
So today, no matter what, I wouldn't take my eyes off Chu-chu. I had to stay focused so we absolutely would not get separated.
"Unnie, what's this?"
"This is an escalator."
"An esca... lator?"
"A little hard to say, right? It's a staircase, but like you can see, it moves on its own. So you can get upstairs easily."
While we rode up hand in hand, Chu-chu kept tapping the promotional signs hanging along the way.
I used to smack signs like that for no reason when I was little, too.
The sight reminded me of my younger self for no good reason, and I laughed.
"A sale?"
"Yeah, a sale. It means you can buy it for less than the original price."
"What's this thing stuck next to the number?"
"That's a percentage."
As always, everyone glanced at Chu-chu, or stopped dead and stared outright.
I'd gotten used to those looks by now. They didn't bother me much anymore.
"Do you have a swimsuit, Unnie?"
"Yeah, I do. Today we came to buy one for you. Try on whatever you want."
"Okay!"
All the way up to the floor that sold swimsuits, she took a huge interest in everything.
Since we'd come for a swimsuit, we promised to buy one she liked first and look around after.
"How do humans play when they go to the sea, Unnie?"
"They swim, they play with whatever they brought, and they play in the sand."
"Sand! I like playing with sand."
"I figured. That's why I ordered a ton of sand online. You can play with sand at home, too."
"Woooow! They were building castles and everything. I want to try that!"
While Chu-chu rattled off all the things she wanted to do at the sea, we arrived in front of the swimsuit shop.
I gestured for her to pick whatever she liked, but there were so many kinds she didn't seem to know which to choose.
"How about this one, Chu-chu?"
The first thing I picked was a cute white frilly bikini.
From the start I'd been thinking less of anything too revealing and more of a design that would bring her cuteness out even further, so my choice was basically already made.
"It's pretty! I want this one!"
"There are others, too, so let's keep looking."
I recommended all sorts of cute swimsuits, but Chu-chu's choice was the frilly bikini I'd shown her first.
"Do I change into it here?"
"Yeah. Change and come out. You can change by yourself, right?"
"Yeah!"
She marched into the fitting room with that confident answer, and I sat in a chair, perfectly content, picturing Chu-chu in the swimsuit while I waited.
How much cuter could she possibly get?
Would my heart even survive seeing it?
What if I clutch my chest and collapse the second I look?
She's already cute, and she's about to get cuter.
Shrrrip!
I'd just finished steeling myself so I wouldn't collapse when the fitting-room curtain swept aside.
"Nya! Unnie, how do I look? Is it okay?"
There stood Chu-chu, showing herself off with a bright, sunny smile. And Chu-chu in her new outfit...
"Keuk...! M-my heart... my heaaart...!"
I cried out and clutched my chest so it wouldn't burst. She was radiating a cuteness that did not belong to this world.
This... is a felony.
A grave felony. Trying to kill a person by being too cute.