The Fact That I Became a VTuber Feels Somehow Off (3)
Maybe it was because the entrance ceremony fell on a Thursday. By the time my brutal flu finally subsided and I felt somewhat human again, it was already Friday afternoon—eight full days later. With no choice but to rest through the weekend too, I ended up returning to school on Monday, after eleven days away.
After nearly two weeks, the moment I got home from school I buried my face in the sofa and screamed.
“Uwaaaaaah! What the hell am I supposed to do nowwwww!”
It was the howl of a single wounded beast. Why was I acting like such a pathetic loser? The reason was painfully simple. Even though I had gone to school with my heart pounding in nervous anticipation, I failed to make a single friend.
Despite how I looked, my face was on the cute side, so at least I wasn’t treated like a ghost. People talked to me the way they would a transfer student. But the timing—two weeks after the semester had already started—was just too awkward. No one extended that angelic kindness of casually pulling me into their group. And I wasn’t sociable enough to brazenly wedge myself into circles of kids I was meeting for the first time.
So I spent the entire day sitting alone at my desk, frantically trying to catch up on everything I’d missed. In other words, my grand plan to make tons of friends and live the popular high-school-girl life had collapsed on the very first page.
At this rate, it’s just going to be a repeat of middle school….
A sharp throb pierced my chest, turning it ice-cold as if someone had shoved a shard of frost inside. Was I really going to end up a loner all over again? The trauma of past failure made my eyes sting with unshed tears. Seeing Mari shine so brilliantly no matter what had made me unwilling to give up. I had mustered every ounce of courage I possessed, yet a wonderful life still felt like something reserved for other people.
Why did I have to catch the flu on the day of the entrance ceremony of all days!
Caught between resentment and sorrow, I rolled miserably across the sofa. The negative emotions swelled until tears threatened to spill—right when the door I thought was empty suddenly flew open. My little sister stepped out in her comfortable home clothes.
“So noisy…. Sis, what are you doing out here?”
“Hieek! Y-you… you were home?! What about your club…?”
“The gym’s under construction, so today’s a rest day. I came back early…. Wait, were you crying?”
“Ah, no? I definitely wasn’t crying?”
“…Oh. Okay.”
I had assumed the house was empty…. She always came home late because of club activities, so why did it have to end early today of all days!
I whipped my head to the side and frantically wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, forcing the tears down. Even if I looked like this, I had lived far longer than Ha-yeon if you counted my previous life. I couldn’t let her see me sniveling just because I failed to make friends. Never mind that I had already shown her every ugly side during vacation and even gotten my butt spanked for it!
Wait… what happened to my dignity as the older sister…?
“I-I’m going to my room!”
“Uh… sure, whatever.”
Somehow I pulled myself together, sprang off the sofa as if nothing had happened, snatched up the bag I had hurled to the floor, and fled into my room like I was escaping a crime scene. My sister’s gaze against the doorframe poked at my back, but I kept my head down, lips sealed tight, and did my best to ignore it.
Safe inside my room at last, I flung my bag onto the chair and collapsed onto the bed still fully dressed in my uniform. I knew I should change, but right now even lifting a finger felt impossible.
“Haa…. I’m exhausted…. I’m so startled the depression won’t even set in….”
Normally I would have stayed there digging an emotional pit for at least another hour. In a way, I supposed my sister’s interruption had blown the gloom away. Not that I was particularly grateful.
Still lying limply on the bed, I fished my smartphone out of my pocket. Today was Mari’s scheduled stream day. I wanted to check the time so I wouldn’t miss even a second.
“Wait, why is she already live?!”
Unexpectedly, Mari was already broadcasting. She did have an impulsive streak, so maybe she had simply felt like starting early. Still, I was glad I hadn’t noticed any later than this.
Lying on my stomach, I hurriedly tapped into the stream. After six months as a VTuber watcher, the motions were as quick and practiced as a special-forces drill.
Fortunately the stream had only just started. The moment I joined, Mari’s familiar greeting filled my ears.
“G-Good Mari… hehe….”
I rolled onto my side, grinning like an idiot at the screen. My current expression was probably one I could never show in front of other people. But what could I do? Mari was the light and salt of my life. I could no longer imagine a world without her.
To think I’d become the lowest-tier otaku of all—a VTuber otaku….
If you had told elementary-school me, back when my nose was permanently stuck in the air, I probably would have screamed that it was nonsense. Heh. Past me, just accept it quietly. This pathetic state is your final destination. Surprisingly, the current me is incredibly happy….
While I was busy muttering self-deprecating thoughts with a bitter smile, Mari suddenly dropped a bombshell on stream.
“What?! A surprise ReiMari IRL collab?! This is the best! I’m so glad I’m alive!”
No wonder I could hear the voices but didn’t see the usual blonde avatar. Reine must have dropped by Mari’s streaming room and they hadn’t had time to set up properly. By the way, “Mago” was a nickname for Mari’s fans, and the girl currently fondling those enviable thighs was Reine—Mari’s same-agency peer and my favorite’s colleague. They had supported each other through the company’s toughest times, overcoming hardship together. You could call their relationship as beautiful as a single perfect flower.
Reine’s cheeky advances and Mari’s reluctant acceptance made them the official in-house couple. At this point they could probably start dating for real without anyone batting an eye. In my heart they already were!
Ehehe, these two were getting along amazingly again today. Listening to their lovey-dovey voices, I grinned so hard my facial muscles cramped. Mari pretended otherwise, but she genuinely adored Reine. Conversations like this, where that affection slipped out unconsciously, were the ultimate treat for me.
We chatted in the comment section about what had happened during their surprise offline meeting, enjoying every second. About an hour later, Mari spoke with obvious regret.
“See you… tomorrow….”
The lively broadcast ended in an instant. The voice I could listen to forever fell silent, and my room filled with emptiness. I didn’t think I would ever get used to the moment a stream ended. Still, I gazed at the ceiling with the satisfaction of having stayed until the very last second.
But once I left the dream world, the cold reality I had briefly forgotten came rushing back. Watching VTubers was genuinely fun… but what on earth was I supposed to do about the rest of my high-school life?
I had worked so hard throughout vacation to change. The confidence I had felt the day before the entrance ceremony deflated like a punctured balloon.
“Sigh…. I should at least change out of my uniform….”
Come to think of it, I was still wearing it. I had been too depressed after getting home, then got completely absorbed in the stream and forgot. The weather was chilly so I hadn’t sweated, but I worried the uniform would wrinkle since it was still Monday.
With great effort I sat up and tapped my phone, playing a random song that caught my eye. It was a cover by Mari that I had recently fallen in love with. Lately my entire algorithm was nothing but Mari.
“Ugh, so annoying….”
Sitting on the bed, I shrugged off my jacket, neatly folded my knit vest, then removed my tie, blouse, and skirt until I was down to underwear no one else should ever see. Right then the song ended and an abrupt, mood-killing melody rang out.
Wondering what it was, I picked up the phone I had tossed aside. A PV video was playing on the screen. What was this, sneaking into my recommendations?
I frowned slightly and stared. It turned out to be an official promotional video from Mari’s VTuber agency.
“…UniMori is now proudly recruiting third-generation members.”
I vaguely remembered hearing about it. Mari’s agency, which had already debuted two generations, was enthusiastically recruiting a third. I liked watching VTubers but had zero interest in becoming one, so I had let the information go in one ear and out the other. Yet as I watched the PV, my imagination suddenly took flight.
There was no chance, but if I applied and actually got accepted….
“I could see the real ReiMari with my own two eyes….”
Wait, my desire just leaked out loud. No, that wasn’t it. If I became a third-gen, that would mean… I’d be taking the Red Pill.
In that case, could I still cheer for them with the same pure heart after seeing the real-life versions? I might be completely disappointed because the picture in my head was nothing like reality. The lovey-dovey interactions between girls were beautiful precisely because they existed only in fantasy, not in real life. What if Mari and Reine’s affection was purely a broadcast concept and they were actually just coldly professional with each other….
“Ugh, just imagining it makes me too sad…! If that were true, I wouldn’t be able to believe in anything for the rest of my life…. I’d develop trust issues!”
I clutched my head with both hands and flopped back onto the bed. The mere thought that my favorite couple might be completely fake was too cruel. I wondered if Truman from The Truman Show had felt the same way. I would happily stay trapped in the matrix forever, so please, just hand me the Blue Pill.
After rolling around in agony for a while, I picked up my smartphone again. When I calmed down and thought it through, I realized every single worry had been pointless delusion from start to finish.
“I’ll probably fail even if I apply. What am I even thinking….”
UniMori, the agency Mari belonged to, was currently the top VTuber office in the industry. Back when it was smaller and they recruited the second generation, nearly a thousand people had applied. The competition now had to be hundreds to one. On top of that, I was a complete newbie who had only been into VTubers for six months. I had zero experience in internet broadcasting and was just an average, below-average high-school girl whose only redeeming feature was her face. There was no way someone like me could beat those insane odds.
Completely impossible. Anyone who thought it was possible clearly had something wrong with their head.
Still… nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Looking at it the other way, there was no reason not to try. Since failure was basically guaranteed, I could just laugh it off if I didn’t make it. Of course, this was basically just escapism. If my high-school debut that I had prepared so hard for during vacation had succeeded, I would have been too busy to even consider this.
But after today’s spectacular failure at making friends, the unspent desire inside me bubbled like lava in a volcano.
“Maybe… I’ll give it a shot.”
There was an unused microphone in Dad’s room, right? The idea flashed through my mind and I immediately got up. I connected the mic to the decent-spec computer in my room, awkwardly recorded a self-introduction video, and sent it to UniMori’s official email address according to the instructions.
During the process my sister saw me walking around in nothing but underwear and gave me a look that asked what on earth I was doing, but I didn’t want to break my momentum. I just smiled awkwardly and darted back into my room.
Then, a few days later—long enough that I had completely forgotten I even sent the application—I came home dejected after yet another friendless day and opened my inbox. I froze solid. An email with an ominous subject line stood out among the rest.
“Huh?”
I passed? For real?
I hadn’t expected it to actually work, so I tilted my head in confusion. This was supposed to be the moment I jumped for joy, yet because it felt so unreal, only bewilderment filled my head.