Learning About Her Past Feels Off (2)
Young Serin had been an extremely timid child. She was decent at anything she'd tried even once, but hopelessly clumsy with anything new—something that hadn't changed since childhood. With virtually every experience being her first, she fumbled through everything. Having received so many expectations as the successor to her talented older brother, a single cold remark laced with irritation—"Are you pretending to be bad on purpose?"—was enough to wound the heart of a girl who had poured everything into earning approval.
Yet as a princess, her life was filled with obligations. Even when exhaustion made her want to collapse, she was forced onward, shoulders pushed forward. Little Serin eventually came to hate everything around her.
"If only I could meet them again…"
Even she had one thing she liked. It was singing along to familiar songs while buried under her blanket. When she poured out her voice until she was breathless and stifled beneath the covers, it felt as though all the gloom that had piled up inside her would finally scatter. At first she was terribly awkward, but since it was something she did purely for herself, whether she was good or bad didn't matter. Skill shown to others held no importance.
That clumsy song of self-encouragement grew steadily better each day. Before long, Serin came to love the time she spent singing more than anything else.
'If Father finds out, I'll be in trouble…'
But singing wasn't something taught in her lessons, so she kept her nightly habit hidden beneath the blankets. She studied difficult history and science with her tutor. When scolded for being slow, she sang in secret at night. When her child acting fell flat and delayed the shoot for hours, she tried to forget the fearful gazes by singing. When Father scolded her for poor test scores, she screamed into her blanket instead of crying. By the time singing had become her way of forgetting pain, perhaps the steady foundation of everything she'd learned so diligently finally paid off.
One day, Serin received praise from her father for the first time.
"This time, you did quite well. Not bad at all."
"…!"
Perhaps that moment awakened her dormant talent. With each passing day, the things she could do well increased one by one. Studying, exercise, even the complicated etiquette and manners became enjoyable. It was all thanks to singing. Serin grew to love singing even more.
With that newfound ease of mind came a small greed. She secretly called her genius bodyguard, the same age as her, into her room and sang in front of her—proudly showing off lyrics she'd practiced countless times. Perhaps because she was revealing a jewel she'd never shown anyone before, performing the results of her effort made her incredibly nervous. Fortunately, the girl simply reacted with pure surprise.
"How was it? W-was it okay?"
"My lady… I had no idea you could sing this well. You surprised me."
"Hehe… Actually, I really like singing."
Only then did Serin realize it. Singing had started as a means of escaping pain, but somewhere along the way it had become something precious she could never let go of. So she sang—not as a desperate struggle to flee from what she hated, but as her very first love, a desire to love what she already loved even more. Singing, singing, and singing…
Then came an important day after she had finally been acknowledged as the emperor's daughter with pride. Standing on the stage before the microphone, Serin touched her throat and thought:
'Huh? My voice… isn't coming out.'
A child's vocal cords, not yet fully developed, were fragile. Singing every day was risky enough to damage even an adult's throat. For a ten-year-old, it was simply too much. Her strained voice seized up completely under the tension of performing before so many people. It felt as though an invisible hand was strangling her.
Please, voice. Don't do this. Come out.
No matter how desperately she clutched her throat, she tasted only the metallic tang of blood. Countless eyes watched her pale, shrinking figure. It felt as though the ground beneath her had vanished, and Serin plummeted into a deep abyss. It was a nightmare she would never forget, even years later.
*
"It was truly terrifying back then. So many famous people from abroad had gathered, and it was the most important moment. Suddenly my voice wouldn't come out, and I panicked right there on stage. It wasn't widely reported outside, but within our circle it caused quite a stir."
"That must have been…"
"Even the strict Emperor looked gravely serious and ordered an investigation. In the end, I had no choice but to confess that the young lady had been secretly singing every night… That must have left an enormous trauma."
I nodded with a rather serious expression after hearing the story. It finally answered the fundamental question of why Serin could no longer sing. In short, a major childhood failure had remained as trauma. The failure of her debut stream had probably been the trigger that summoned that memory.
There was no need to wonder, "Just because of that?" People could develop lifelong aversions to certain foods simply because they tasted bad once. This was more than enough reason to become a lasting trauma. If anything, it was remarkable that she still loved singing despite such a memory.
I continued thinking quietly, as if organizing my thoughts. Then I looked at Sohee sitting across from me and spoke calmly.
"I understand why Serin can't sing anymore. But there are still many things I don't know."
"Yeah. Go ahead."
"Why did Serin want to become a VTuber in the first place?"
Even with everything I'd heard, the question remained. I understood the childhood trauma related to singing, but I couldn't see how that connected to becoming a VTuber. Most people would understand if the princess simply liked singing, but liking VTubers was strange enough to warrant suspicion. I wanted to know if there was a reason, some catalyst.
But perhaps this was something she couldn't discuss. Sohee scratched her cheek and answered apologetically.
"Sorry. That's a personal matter for the young lady, separate from this incident. I can't tell you."
"…Haa, I see."
I flinched at her refusal, but after thinking it over, I had to accept it. I wanted to hear it, but if a third party drew the line and said they couldn't speak for her, then it was a matter I had no choice but to respect.
With a slight frown, I accepted her words and brought up another question.
"Then at least tell me why you don't want her to quit being a VTuber. That should be fine, right?"
"Of course. As the one making the request, I should explain that much."
Sohee nodded readily. Then she turned her head slightly toward the window, gazing outside as if recalling a painful memory, her eyebrows lowering gently as she spoke.
"You don't know what the young lady was like in middle school, do you?"
"Yeah. I've only seen her on broadcasts at most?"
"Pfft. Back then, she was different. She put up walls with everyone. If I had to compare, it was probably similar to how you were at school?"
"Like I was at school?"
That meant… like a total loner who couldn't join any conversation? I pictured Serin trembling in fear of giving a presentation, but no matter how I tried, the image didn't match. It felt like an entirely different person.
Sohee didn't seem particularly bothered by my muttered question. Still gazing distantly outside, she continued.
"After that incident I mentioned, the young lady actually stopped singing. As if determined to fulfill her duties as a princess, she poured all her energy into self-improvement and her entertainment career… The result was her isolation at school."
"I see."
"But about two years ago, she started to change. She began singing again after all that time, and even started talking to classmates she'd treated like they didn't exist. What do you think caused it?"
"…Don't tell me it was VTubing?"
I looked at her with disbelieving eyes. Sohee slowly turned her gaze to me and nodded.
"Yeah. I can't tell you why the young lady became so obsessed with VTubing, but at least now you understand why I'm asking you to keep her from quitting, right? If things continue like this, she'll probably stop singing again and go back to being that cold ice princess from before."
That would be heartbreaking—not just as a bodyguard, but as a friend. Having finished her story, Sohee stood up and bowed deeply, her request sincere and urgent, stripped of her usual composure.
Of course, I also didn't want Serin to quit being a VTuber. As I'd said earlier, there was no reason to refuse. But after hearing everything, a sudden worry surfaced. If even her childhood friend of ten years and her boss couldn't persuade her, what could I—a mere coworker—possibly say to change her mind? Besides, there was no way to fix the fact that she couldn't sing…
I honestly shared these thoughts with Sohee. She told me to trust her and gave a thumbs-up. Since she was the one asking, she'd apparently already thought of a plausible method.
"It's simple! Pin the young lady down and turn her into a prisoner who can never escape you!"
"Pfft! Are you joking? There's no way something like that would work!"
I'd been listening seriously, but at the absurd suggestion I slammed the table. How could she suddenly veer off into nonsense after everything had been so serious?! I shot to my feet and glared at Sohee, silently demanding she stop with the pointless jokes. But she merely crossed her arms leisurely and continued with a sly grin.
"From what I can see, the young lady—who knows nothing about love—has a dangerously passing level of affection for you. If you keep begging her for a kiss because you don't want to break up, someone like Seolhwa might just give in once…"
"What? No, no—what do you mean by 'affection level'? This isn't a game… Besides, pinning down the princess? With so many people around, it's realistically impossible. Are you trying to get me killed?"
"It's fine. I'm her personal bodyguard. I can make sure you're alone together somehow. And with that one chance, if you attack here, here, and here all at once, she'll become a complete prisoner of lust…"
"OUT!!!"
Crash! I reached across the table and grabbed Sohee's wrist as she pointed at certain parts of her body. Even if no one was around, what was she doing in a public place?! Was she a pervert? No, recommending that kind of steamy romance movie to Serin already made her a pervert! My face burning, I shouted at her.
Sohee gently shook off my hand and pouted in displeasure.
"Then what do you suggest? The young lady is incredibly stubborn. If we don't go this far, she'll never change her mind. Unless you have a better idea, feel free to share it."
"Ugh…"
"Hmm… Are you the type who just opposes ideas without any alternatives? You should fix that habit quickly. I'm estimating at least an 80% success rate for this plan."
Why was the success rate so high…? I sat back down quietly and clutched my head. Then I glanced at Sohee and spoke reluctantly.
"…I have one."
"Oho. What is it?"
"It's…"
I whispered the method I'd stayed up all night worrying over. Sohee blinked at me blankly for a moment, then burst into loud laughter.
"Ahahaha! What? It's not that different from my plan!"
"It's completely different!"
"Wait, really? Oh… Now that I think about it, maybe not?"
"W-what? Don't bring your face so close. It's embarrassing."
I pushed Sohee away with both hands as she leaned in close enough for me to feel her breath. She smelled oddly nice, like a girl, which only made me more uncomfortable. Still, she seemed busy organizing her thoughts. She clapped lightly as if satisfied and nodded vigorously.
"Hmm… Good. Then I'll keep my method as Plan B and go with what you suggested first."
"…We absolutely cannot fail. Well, I understand."
"Alright then… Shall we go?"
"Huh? Where?"
Sohee stood up naturally and urged me along. Perhaps because her sentence felt incomplete, I could only tilt my head in confusion. She chuckled and extended her hand.
"Where else? To meet the young lady."
Eh, we're starting right now? …I had a feeling I'd need to steel my resolve from this moment onward.