No Easy Mode in My Romance Fantasy #1
Anyway, my little scheme was a roaring success. If I could bounce back and forth through rooms I'd already cleared — no need to actually conquer this goddamn dungeon — there was no reason to put my life on the line every night.
I was grinning, about to wake from the dream, when—
"No no no! Absolutely not! Brother, play with me. I never thought I'd get to see you again. Do you have any idea how boring and lonely it is here?"
Ariella latched onto me.
"Play with you… do what, exactly?"
"There's dolls here, and knight toys too. Come play house with Ariella!"
"Play house? Sorry, but that's a little much for a teto guy like me."
"What's a teto guy?"
"It's a thing. Anyway…"
Ariella belted it out at the top of her lungs.
"N—no way! Refusing is forbidden! If you don't want to play house, then we'll play princess and knight. Ariella is the princess. Brother is the knight. The knight has to find where the monster hid the princess."
"Isn't that just hide-and-seek?"
"No it's not, it's princess and knight!!"
Ariella was throwing a full tantrum. I really am weak to little kids. Even I — an alpha male in front of women — don't get a chance to flex my teto energy in front of children.
"Fine. I'll play for a little bit."
I had no choice but to surrender. Ariella grinned and sat down on the bed. It was an expensive-looking bed. Now that I looked at it, it seemed even pricier than the one in my own room. Huh?
"So what is this place? This room's the only one with a completely different vibe. No creepy wallpaper or anything."
"This is Ariella's room! Want a tour? It's a whole different world from outside. Super pretty!"
She'd already forgotten about the game she'd just demanded. In a flash she was bouncing around, determined to show me everything. Come to think of it, the place was laid out like a bedroom, but for a bedroom it looked enormous — bigger than a four-person dorm at the Academy, even.
"This is the bed. That's the vanity. This is the mirror. That's the chair."
After bustling around the room for a bit, Ariella got bored and flopped onto the bed. Then she popped her head right back up.
"Okay! Now let's play house!"
Oh god. Anything but that. But Ariella didn't care what I thought. She grinned and introduced her dolls.
"Look closely. This pretty doll's name is Roen. Ariella's favorite doll! Look, say hello to Roen."
"Sure, let's say hello…"
"Isn't Roen so pretty? Look at this. Super soft and fluffy. The clothes are soft too. Hehe!"
"Yeah… they are…"
Oh no. This house-playing was going to melt my brain. Ugh, ugh, ugh. No-no-no. How was I supposed to keep my mind from collapsing?
That's it. Take the brain out first, then answer.
"And this knight toy is Neil! Honestly I don't like knight toys that much. But you need them for playing house."
"You do need them. I think so too."
"Right? Playing house is only fun when there's lots of people. I used to play with just them by myself, but today's special 'cause Brother is here."
Still not easy. But I'll have you know I'm a veteran — I've entertained my little cousins over the holidays.
"Well, you're right. Ariella's pretty smart."
"…You really think so?"
"Yeah, I do. You're right."
"Really? This morning the mole counts in mint-green doublets were holding a banana-peel butterfly-stroke contest in front of a cow. Amazing, right?"
"Amazing. Ariella is really something, huh?"
"Wow. Okay. You're totally not listening. Then does Brother like Ariella? More than that girl who kissed you?"
The trick to removing your brain is simple. Let the sentence go in one ear and out the other, then just repeat the last thing they said and agree. Easy, right?
"Of course. I like you."
"Then will you marry Ariella? When I grow up I want to marry Brother… uuu, so embarrassing. Anyway, can you promise?"
"That's exactly it. I can promise."
"It's a promise, okay? No take-backs later! Here, Roen and Neil say they'll be our witnesses. Yaaay, I'm so happy…!"
"Wow, look at that. That's so nice~"
See? Just do it like this. Follow these steps and you too can be a childcare master!
"Ariella, I think I should get going now."
"Eeeehhh, can't we play just a little more?"
"I can't stay here forever. Don't worry. I'll be back soon."
I gave her head a casual pat.
"You saw me come in through the door I just left through, right? I just have to keep going back and forth like that. Next time I come, I'll enter this room again."
"Okay… I got it. But come back quick."
Mm. I don't really want to come back quick. But I couldn't exactly say that.
"Sure. I'll come back soon, so wait for me."
With that, I started toward the door to 1-B.
…Wait a second.
A thought flickered through my head. When I caught the fake Talia in 1-B, the room had registered as cleared, and I'd gotten a reward — something about a Degraded Divine Artifact. So shouldn't I have gotten a similar reward when I killed the goat-headed monster in the first room, 1-A? But not even a notification had popped up.
Why?
What if that was a bug caused by this weird 1-??? room layout? If you kill a mob and the loot doesn't drop, where should you check first?
…Right. The spawn point.
Let's go back to 1-A, where the goat-headed monster had been. There might be something there. That was the hypothesis I formed.
— Click.
"Huh? Brother, where are you going? You can't go that way."
The door was locked. But a message appeared at once.
This door is connected to a place of Penance the sinner has already passed through!
Sheol's obsession and curse grip the doorknob tight — it will not open!
Yeah, no~
I swung my sword at once.
— Kiiing!
The invisible lock shattered, and the door opened easily. Just as I'd thought — opening it didn't wake me from the dream. Beyond it was only the desolate space where the goat-headed monster had been.
"Whoa, that's so cool! The door actually opened?"
Ariella had come up beside me at some point, peeking her head out.
"I told you it would. I'll be right back. Wait just a little."
Back then, I'd run into the goat-headed monster near the wall. I'd been running with my right hand on the wall when I found this door. So if I walked the other way with my left hand on the wall, I should be able to get back to that same spot.
After walking for quite a while—
"Mm. Bingo."
Something was lying on the floor. A coin? No — a silver coin? A notification window appeared at once.
An old silver coin occasionally found on the beings of Sheol.
Where people exist, money is bound to exist as well.
◈ If a trading partner exists, this can be used as payment.
Whoa, gold!
Well — silver, not gold, but still. Anyway, this was clearly the drop from the goat-headed monster.
I formed another hypothesis. Had I been supposed to kill the goat-headed monster in 1-A, meet Ariella, and trade with her using this? Or maybe this world just didn't have level design at all. Come to think of it, if I hadn't bought the Demon Crystal Sword from Ariella, the fake Talia would've gotten me… there were way too many trap routes.
Eh, whatever.
My goal wasn't to clear this like a game. It was to survive. And I had just found a bug that would let me loaf around in the starter village for the rest of my life.
"The brutal struggle you wanted!! A life-or-death battle!! No matter what happens!! Absolutely!! Not happening!!!"
Yep. I'm cheesing this with a bug~ I'm gonna enjoy the hell out of this romance-fantasy possession easy-mode cheat harem~
I busted a little victory dance, then put my hand back on the wall and started walking toward 1-???.
"…Huh? Wait."
Then a realization hit me.
…If this exploit works, I didn't even need to practice fighting without releasing aura, did I?
I trembled with the shock. Couldn't I have just trained hard with Talia? Did I really need to get my chest stabbed by Cordelia over and over? Why was I even picking up this silver coin? It wasn't like I'd be fighting in Sheol anymore.
"KYAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"
I let out a monstrous roar. Yeah. This was my own stupidity. But I couldn't hold the rage back.
"What the hell was I even trying to achieve with that crap!!! Aargh!!! I made Talia worry her ass off for NOTHING!!!"
Tears welled up. It was so absurd I just sat there for a long time, shedding pathetic tears — real chicken-shit tears. I was that miserable.
Yeah. I'm the idiot here.
"Fuck, my chest hurt like hell…"
And I made a firm resolution. Next time I saw Cordelia, no matter what, I was booking it. I was running away. Sure, if I borrowed her help I could get stronger faster… nah. I had original-story knowledge, so there was no need to rush. Now that I could cheese this goddamn dungeon, I should stick to the original plan: romance-fantasy possession easy-mode cheat harem.
"Sorry… Talia. You were right. I never should've gotten involved with that witch."
When I woke up, I would definitely give her a kiss. With that resolution, I opened the door,
and opened my eyes.
"…Huh."
The first thing I saw was Talia. Last night's chemise was gone; at some point she'd changed into her Academy uniform. Damn. If I'd woken up a little earlier, I could've caught her changing.
"You're awake, my lord?"
A dry, businesslike attitude that made it hard to believe we'd shared a bed last night. Come to think of it, the mood last night had been a little strange. I greeted her extra cheerfully, just because.
"Yeah. Talia. No good-morning kiss?"
As expected, Talia gave me a frosty look.
"If you have time for nonsense, get up. We need to leave before people wake. If we walk out of the same room, it could cause a misunderstanding."
That reaction was somehow reassuring. This was definitely the usual Talia. I let out a pleasant sigh.
"Mmm, so what if it does? Let them misunderstand."
The icy stare came right back.
"Did you come all the way to the Imperial Academy just to start a scandal? Please, consider your dignity."
A satisfying response. Yes. This is it. This is what makes capturing her so fun!
I sat up and flung my clothes off in one go. Talia recoiled in horror.
"Eep…! W-what are you doing?"
"What do you think? Dressing you, of course."
"…Haa. My lord, did you hear a word I said?"
"No."
Another heavy sigh.
"…Truly, my lord, you are impossible."
I just smiled.