Chapter 49
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 49
Chapter Title: Triple Passes, Triple Treasures (3)
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Half of my brain was busy hypnotizing myself into believing this was real.
The other half was agonizing over what to eat next.
I spent nearly an hour in a blissful haze, devouring sushi, drinks, and snacks like there was no tomorrow.
The illusion—no, reality—was so meticulously crafted that it was infuriating how full my stomach felt.
Still, savoring modern cuisine after so long was a delight beyond words.
In this garbage world with smartphones but no fridges, fresh fish had been a rarity for me. This time was priceless.
But even that paradise had to end.
I was fine, but the other idiots might still be trapped in their Infinite Tsukuyomi.
As the great one, wasn't it my duty to rescue these pathetic underlings?
That was my fate, after all.
Nod.
With a heavy heart, I resolved to end this happiness.
"Log out!"
I shouted the line I'd always wanted to say, stealing every eye in the buffet.
Then, in 500x brain awakening mode, I shattered the illusion in an instant.
"Hmmm..."
Regrettably, even the sweet-and-sour pork stuffed in my robe pockets vanished with it.
Pushing aside the sorrow, I checked on the other two dummies.
"Heh heh, heh heh heh...!"
"Huff, huff, young master, please don't do this, huff."
What the hell were these guys seeing?
I considered smacking their heads to force a brain awakening.
But holding onto a sliver of hope that they might snap out of it themselves, I left them be for a bit.
A little wait later.
"...You're a fake Geum Sihyeon."
Moyong Taek frowned like Peter denying Christ, then came to his senses.
"What the fuck. Why am I back?"
Suppressing the rapidly souring mood, I tossed out a question.
The answer?
"I was playing mahjong."
"..."
This guy was truly fucking insane.
"Even after I won eight straight hands for a paarenchan, you didn't cheat. That's when I knew."
Words not worth hearing.
I expressed my honest feelings by kicking Moyong Taek's shin.
In the silence, Moyong Taek hopped around yelping.
Right after, we made a bet on when Unhak would wake up.
I said within 30 minutes.
Moyong Taek said over 30 minutes.
At 29 minutes 50 seconds, as I pondered smashing Unhak's head to wake him...
"...Hoo, no helping it. If that's truly your heart's desire..."
Unhak suddenly muttered to himself.
"Ah, fuck, what's that bastard doing!"
"Kaaak! Kraaak!"
He suddenly yanked open his pants, dealing us massive mental damage.
Moyong Taek promptly whacked Unhak's head with his sheathed sword.
"Guhk...!"
Thankfully, thanks to Taek's quick action,
we restored Unhak's sanity before the horror of him stripping to his underwear unfolded.
Fully recovered, Unhak collapsed to the floor with a look like the sky had fallen.
"Just one gak—one gak more, and we'd have shared the joys of cloud and rain..."
"Thanks to you, we nearly watched you jerk off into thin air, you bastard!"
Justice's Sihyeon Punch landed square in the exhibitionist beggar's solar plexus.
"Haha, mahjong, huh? So fitting for you, Brother Taek."
"But you were in there over an hour, and only then did you drop your pants?"
"Wasn't easy."
"Bullshit... Just cut it off. Why do you even need a dick?"
"That ain't easy either."
While roasting the mentally castrated bastard, we escaped the Room of Delusion and headed to the next.
Soon, another stone door like the previous ones appeared.
Room of Fear.
"What's 'fear' mean?"
"Idiot. Study up. It means extreme terror."
"Hmph."
Guess ancient primitive China had expressions like that.
"This time, it'll show our deepest fears."
Pattern read already, huh?
We strode confidently into the chamber.
A slightly irritating scent tickled our noses.
Then.
Our vision shifted again.
A very familiar place.
My old one-room apartment.
I sat in front of the computer.
The monitor showed my stock graph in utter ruin.
I'd barely forgotten it!
I trusted you, penny stock! I trusted you!
Staring at the cosmic horror that halved my fortune, I didn't wail like some stock clown.
I just calmly smashed the monitor.
The scenery reverted to the bland stone chamber.
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
Invest in stocks wisely.
Read terms carefully.
Install mods carefully.
Swallowing life's lessons,
I once again first admired the other two's pale faces.
A bit later.
This time, Unhak opened his eyes first.
"What'd you see?"
Unhak couldn't snap out of it for a while despite my question.
"Mole... flipped over... stood right up... bubbling... haa, haaa, get out of my head, out of my head...!"
Oh dear.
He'd been hit in the gallery before.
Smack!
I drove the Amnesia Technique into Unhak's occiput.
"Huff, huff..."
Finally regaining his senses, Unhak blinked and looked at Moyong Taek.
"Back to Brother Taek again."
Good that he recovered enough to quip like that.
Soon, Moyong Taek opened his eyes with eerie calm, then grimaced at Unhak's grin.
"Hallucination of getting gangbanged this time?"
Moyong Taek shook his head at my question.
"Heard of 'kill Buddha, kill patriarch'?"
"Kill the Buddha if you meet him, kill the patriarch if you meet him. From Linji Lu, right?"
"Why not shave your head and join Shaolin?"
"Then I couldn't hold women."
"You couldn't even if offered, beggar."
As we bantered, Moyong Taek stared intently, then spoke again.
"I just saw my father."
"Hmm. I don't know much, but some say fathers are the scariest. ...Wait, no way."
"So, I just cut him down."
Unhak and I stared at Moyong Taek in shock—what kind of lunatic is this?
Even he seemed embarrassed by his own words,
avoiding our gazes.
After easily smashing nine first-rate wooden puppets in the Room of Proof,
[The Room of Union]
"Ooh...!"
"Indeed, calling it a treasure trove is no exaggeration."
We entered a dazzling warehouse packed with glittering treasures, worlds apart from the dull stone chambers before.
I wanted to grab everything,
but
Each person may take only one treasure. Greed will cause the secret vault to collapse.
Seeing the polite warning in both hanja and hangul, we cautiously explored the warehouse.
Manuals would have been ideal, but sadly, there were almost none.
"Oh."
Just one.
"White Rainbow Palm Force—anyone heard of it?"
"First time."
"Me too."
A manual written in hangul, like Northern Bright Divine Art.
Hey, modded martial art—bound to be good, right?
No time limit, so I paused the warehouse tour, sat, and opened it.
Paper slipped out smoothly.
Northern Bright Secret Vaults Central Plains Branch Map
"Ooh."
A map marking other secret vaults!
Wonder if I can memorize it— as I pondered,
another sheet fluttered to my feet.
Manuals and maps do not count toward the treasure limit.
"Kya!"
This is what triple fortune means.
Curiosity first—I skimmed the manual lightly.
White Rainbow Palm Force was a palm technique as named, but its qi operation was noteworthy.
Freely altering the trajectory of the launched palm force.
Once mastered, it could apply to sword qi or even formless energy.
If so?
I could fire arrows with freely bending paths, like in those old movies.
A most satisfying art.
I read White Rainbow Palm Force once through right there, then tucked the manual and papers away safely.
Weapons wouldn't beat my bow-sword anyway, so I wandered around casually.
No high hopes.
"Oh..."
I found something perfect for me.
A robe.
Visibly superior material—soft, stretchy, stylish design far beyond amateur crap.
Perfect replacement for my attachment robe No. 13 that Luri stole.
Checked the nameplate where it lay.
"Heavenly Silkworm Black Dragon Robe."
Black dragon, huh.
Cool name, like Black Flame Dragon dwelling in my right hand...!
Perfect for a fashionista leading primitive ancient murim like me.
Plus, heavenly silkworm—made from that rare heavenly silkworm silk, no doubt.
I shed my current robe and donned the Heavenly Silkworm Black Dragon Robe.
A bit loose in the fit, I thought,
but
"Oh, ooh...!"
It adjusted perfectly to my body, like the robe had a will of its own.
Even stretching it forcefully retained perfect elasticity and resilience.
Overwhelmed by the performance, my heart was stolen.
This feeling.
True love...!
A satisfied smile crept across my lips.
As I savored the Heavenly Silkworm Black Dragon Robe's softness,
Unhak and Moyong Taek soon approached with their picks.
Unhak chose a sturdy-looking iron staff.
"Name's 'Unbreakable Faith.' Liked the name, so I took it."
Weapons are the usual choice, I suppose.
But one man chose unconventionally.
Moyong Taek clutched ice crystal wrapped in cloth, face grimacing.
"Fucking cold. ...Well, Ice Palace arts flow in my blood too, so I can absorb it, or give it to Ice Witch."
I sent Unhak a transmission.
We gazed at Moyong Taek with warm smiles.
"...Let's get out. Freezing my ass off."
The three men, reaping a satisfying harvest without major crises, leisurely strolled the pass toward Xi'an.
They'd rushed here via lightness skill,
but the short time in Northern Bright Secret Vault left ample leisure in their steps.
As they goofed around nearing Xi'an,
A red-haired woman in courtesan-level ornate palace attire suddenly blocked the three men.
Clearly here for one of them.
Unhak timidly stepped back three paces, whistling innocently like he wasn't with them. The redhead—Hongryeon—ignored him entirely.
"Hee hee hee. Young master. Long time no see. So thrilled to meet you like this."
Hongryeon's voice, laced with seduction and coquetry, vibrated low and intensely in their ears.
The three exchanged glances.
Celibate youths with clear consciences toward heaven asserted their innocence via looks.
"Miss, you've got the wrong guy."
Moyong Taek, most immune to women thanks to Moyong Seol, stepped forward.
Hongryeon merely shook her head slightly.
"No. I see clearly. Our Geum Sihyeon young master."
"...? Me?"
As Geum Sihyeon pointed at himself, Hongryeon nodded with a shy smile.
"You took my precious virginity before. Mustn't I call you young master?"
The moment her words ended.
"No, I'm still a vir—"
"You mad bastard! Trash!"
"You even ruin men's reps!"
Unhak and Moyong Taek didn't even hear excuses, rolling up sleeves to beat Geum Sihyeon.
Geum Sihyeon's wretched, wronged screams echoed.
Even witnessing the young master's thrashing, Hongryeon's face stayed serene.
Her lips moved again.
"You've filled my virgin heart that no one's held; my heart lost its virginity. To please you, I learned every bedchamber art; my skills lost virginity. Imagining you, I indulged in pleasure and accidentally broke my hymen; my body lost virginity too. Thus, isn't it a gentleman's duty for you to take responsibility?"
Moyong Taek's grip on Geum Sihyeon's collar slackened.
Unhak's kick toward his crotch halted.
The three men stared at Hongryeon.
"You all think so too, right? Hee hee hee."
Hongryeon laughed bewitchingly.