Even I Don't Know Myself That Well (1)
"So what the heck are you saying? Yaaawn."
The shelter tucked into a corner of the academy sports field offered just the right amount of shade. It was early May now. Spring was slowly yielding its place to summer. The forsythias and cherry blossoms had long since scattered, replaced by fresh green sprouts pushing through everywhere. It felt like time to shed the cardigan. The weather forecast said temperatures would jump sharply next week, so I might need to prepare some short sleeves.
Direct sunlight carried real heat, but sitting in the shade still felt cool and pleasant. A breeze drifted by. The indirect sunlight wrapped around me like a cozy night-light. It was the very picture of peaceful daily life.
An atmosphere completely removed from death. No need to stay on guard. Nothing existed that might set my nerves on edge. Everything was simply calm and quiet.
Maybe it was the mild weather and gentle mood, but drowsiness began to creep over me.
"Hnghnya…."
"You can't fall asleep again, Cosmo-nim yoyo!"
Just as I was about to drift off, someone woke me.
"It's so rare for the two of us to be alone like this yoyo!"
"Yaaawn. Ah, sorry. The weather's just too nice."
The one who had woken me—well, the bird in question—was Salbyeol.
"Last Friday, after the sparring exam finals ended, you called me aside, remember yoyo? You don't recall yoyo?"
"…Ah. Did I do that?"
"Cosmo-nim…."
Now that he mentioned it, it did feel vaguely familiar… or maybe not. I hadn't been retaining recent memories well anyway, so if it happened last week when my condition was poor, it was even less likely to stick. But none of that really mattered. Whether I had called Salbyeol or he had called me, the exact truth wasn't important. He clearly had something he wanted to say to me.
Salbyeol kept sneaking glances my way, fidgeting hesitantly. It was rare to see this bird act so overly submissive, so I immediately sensed what kind of conversation he was after. Still, before we dove into the main topic, I wanted to clear up a fresh question that had been bothering me since this morning.
"Before we get into that, let me ask you one thing. What on earth is going on with your magical girl all of a sudden?"
"You mean Miss Yuri yoyo?"
"Yeah. Her mood was completely different from yesterday. She seemed all prickly, like she was sulking about something."
The little kid I'd run into in the hallway this morning had been the polar opposite of her cheerful self from the day before. She looked like a child who had received a disappointing gift instead of the one she'd been hoping for on her birthday. Her sharp tone right from the early morning left me, the class president, and Miju's friend all flustered. Just what had happened yesterday?
"That's… there's a rather deep reason behind it yoyo."
Salbyeol's expression and tone were utterly exhausted as he answered. He trailed off, clearly reluctant to say much more on the subject.
Hmm. Sounded like there was trouble. But this was strictly between a mascot and his assigned magical girl. An outsider had no business butting in. Relationships between other magical girls and their mascots deserved respect. Unless she chose to speak about it herself, it was better not to ask. Besides, Salbyeol was a veteran mascot; he'd manage just fine without my help.
"Then I hope it works out. Hup! The weather really is nice… mmm."
I stretched long to shake off the sleepiness. As my muscles loosened, a refreshing sensation washed over me. It wouldn't last, but stretching was still one of the best quick ways to wake up.
Salbyeol watched me extend my arms and legs with open curiosity before speaking.
"It's strange seeing Cosmo-nim stretch so openly like that yoyo."
"…I only hid it back when I was in Magica. There were too many eyes on me then."
"Are you truly the same Cosmo-nim who used to say you had to be a role model for everyone and never showed even a single sloppy moment yoyo? That's how I recognized you the moment I saw you, but the atmosphere has changed so much that I couldn't be completely sure yoyo!"
"Was it that obvious?"
"Yes! I agonized for so long over whether I should even speak to you yoyo. You wouldn't understand how I felt, would you yoyo? Hmph!"
He seemed to have carried his own share of worries. Salbyeol let out a sharp chirp and turned his head away with a huff.
"Um… well. Sounds like it was tough."
"Is that all yoyo?"
What was this? The sudden tone was like a girlfriend who'd grown upset with her boyfriend.
It felt like he might say something like, 'If you really have nothing to say, then I'm leaving.' The unpleasant feeling was strangely familiar. There had been a time when someone else used to twist me around like this… Ah. I remembered now. It was the exact tone Salbyeol's previous magical girl had often used with me. As expected, the longer a mascot and magical girl spent together, the more they resembled each other—even down to copying such annoying speech patterns. A sigh escaped me before I could stop it.
"…Haa. What do you want?"
"Please give me a proper answer to the question I'm about to ask yoyo."
"I was planning to. Puhum."
"…I don't believe you yoyo. Last time you said you were sleepy and told me to come back later, and I got turned away yoyo!"
Salbyeol was being unusually clingy and persistent today. Had he really gotten into a fight with the little kid? There were no visible injuries, but it seemed the emotional toll had been heavy. A twinge of pity stirred inside me. Of course, his usual karma kept me from feeling completely sorry for him.
"Fine. I'll answer you properly today. So, what is it?"
"Well… Cosmo-nim. This might be an intrusive question yoyo."
"You don't need to be polite. We've known each other for years."
Aside from my own mascot, the one I'd spent the most time with was undoubtedly Salbyeol. His assigned magical girl had been close to me, and his competence meant we often worked together. Having seen both his presentable and less presentable sides, formality between us felt awkward at this point. Still, I did like that unique trait of his—how he would suddenly turn polite the moment he sensed a sensitive topic, as if he'd never been cheeky at all.
"If you say so, then I'll speak freely yoyo. Ahem."
After clearing his throat, Salbyeol asked me with genuine seriousness.
"Cosmo-nim. Just what exactly happened to you all this time yoyo?"
The question carried countless emotions. I couldn't decipher them all, but I could pick out the strongest one: worry.
"…A lot of things."
"Like I said before, you weren't like this in the past yoyo. You didn't sleep this much, you weren't bothered by everything, and you were full of drive yoyo. And most importantly of all… where did all that abundant mana disappear to yoyo?"
"Is that last part the main point?"
"No yoyo! All of it is important yoyo! Why your personality suddenly changed, why your body is like this—everything yoyo!"
Hmm. How should I respond? I'd expected the question, but now that it was here, I wasn't sure what to say.
"People change. That's just how it is."
"Even so, you've changed far too much yoyo, Cosmo-nim."
"You're right. Even I get surprised by it sometimes."
"Please stop joking around yoyo. Did something really happen yoyo?"
At this rate, I wouldn't be able to laugh it off. I let out a long sigh.
"I don't know exactly either. I'm only guessing."
"Then is the root cause of everything the lack of mana yoyo?"
"Yeah. That's probably the biggest reason."
The reason I'd become this sleepyhead who did nothing but sleep. It was most likely due to my lack of mana. Before enrolling at the academy, right after I first returned to Earth, it seemed I'd undergone various examinations at a university hospital. The results showed my internal mana levels were nearly zero—present, but barely. It was a conclusion no one could believe. A magical girl having less mana than an ordinary person was simply impossible.
Salbyeol let out a low groan.
"How on earth did it come to this…."
Watching him sigh with such genuine sorrow, one thought came to mind: Salbyeol truly was an outstanding mascot. Among all mascots, he possessed an especially rich well of emotion. Thanks to that, the magical girls he guided often drew great comfort and courage from his abundant empathy—whether during training, heading into battle, or returning wounded. Salbyeol would empathize with and understand their feelings without limit.
Yet having watched it all from the side, I'd sometimes worried about one thing: that one day he might be swept away by someone else's excessive emotions. Empathy and sympathy were certainly virtues, but they consumed a great deal of energy. The more one confronted emotions, the higher the chance of contagion. The more often you encountered someone's negative thoughts and moods, the easier it became to be tainted by them.
Even having ended up like this, I was fine. What was so wrong about having no mana and constantly drifting off to sleep? There were minor inconveniences in daily life, but I liked my current routine. It had been okay until now, and it would continue to be okay.
So… there's no need to pour so much emotion into me. Don't worry about me too much. I'm okay. Really.