My First Fan: Baek Miju, the Good Friend from the Same Class (1)
“So much has happened…” I muttered like an old man, gazing out the bright window. The apartment itself hadn’t changed much in nine years, but the view outside had grown so dazzling that it was worth watching. Ever heard the saying about mulberry fields turning into seas? Fields that once grew mulberry trees now held apartments and shopping districts, with fresh roads paved over everything. A successful redevelopment project, no doubt. The original apartment owners must have made a tidy profit from the rising property values.
“Oppa. Stop dodging the subject.”
“Things really have changed, haven’t they, Jiah? When you started middle school, you used to complain to me every morning about the smell of fertilizer from the rice paddies on the way to school. Now there’s not a single paddy left—just apartments everywhere.”
“Why are you bringing up ancient history?! Are you trying to dodge the issue by reminiscing?”
“Dodge what? I didn’t do anything.”
“Have you already forgotten what we were just talking about, Oppa?”
Right. What deep, meaningful conversation could we possibly have been having? As your big brother, I’m genuinely curious.
“More importantly, look out the window, Jiah. See that place? That’s where I got my high school uniform tailored eleven years ago. It’s a café now—kind of a shame. When did my little sister grow up so much? It feels like yesterday you were toddling after me everywhere.”
“If you keep changing the subject, Oppa… I’m confiscating your body pillow tonight.”
My sister’s tone was firm and clear, like she was disciplining a child. I wasn’t a kid, but I couldn’t exactly complain. Not when my body pillow was on the line. In the end, I had no choice but to yield.
“Ugh… Fine. I was wrong… I’m sorry. So please, spare the body pillow at least…”
A body pillow was essential for a good night’s sleep. Of all the regrets in my life, one of the biggest was not using one back in the day. If I’d had it, I might have slept well enough not to ruin my condition on the day of the college entrance exam… Looking back, it was such a waste.
“Haah… Ready to answer now?”
I was ready to answer. But there was something important to address first, little sister.
“Yeah. But what were we talking about again?”
The fact that I had no idea what we’d been discussing until now.
“You sleepyhead! I told you at the start! What on earth did you do during the sparring match that made the homeroom teacher call me?!”
“Ah… that. Right.”
I’d completely forgotten—it was such a pointless topic. The evening after that intense sparring match with the class president at the academy. Here I was, getting scolded by my sister at home. I never expected the teacher to actually call my guardian. Traitorous teacher! Honestly, I still didn’t fully understand why I was being scolded like this… but if my sister was angry, there had to be a reason.
“Haaam. So what’s the problem exactly?”
“You did well at the start of the monthly sparring match. You should’ve kept it up till the end.”
“But… I suddenly got sleepy.”
At my answer, my sister clutched the back of her neck like she was dizzy.
“Ah. Right. You can get sleepy out of nowhere. I know that’s just how your body is now. But even so, lying down on the floor in the middle of a sparring match? With not just your opponent but every single student watching?”
“Hmm… I guess? Now that I think about it, it’s pretty embarrassing.”
“See? Now you understand why I’m scolding you?”
Yeah. I got it.
“So you’re saying I should’ve just given up on the match from the start and gone to sleep in the stands?”
I should’ve refused the match altogether, right? My brilliant deduction must have been wrong, because my sister started thrashing around like she’d lost all reason.
“No! Oppa! Did turning into a girl make your brain regress too?”
“Yeah.”
“Huh?”
She looked flustered by my immediate, unhesitating reply.
“It does feel that way. My brain’s completely fried compared to before.”
“…That wasn’t the reaction I wanted.”
Then what did you want? Did you want this big brother of yours to shamelessly deny it? Lately my sister had been trying to keep me in line, and it was terrifying. The moment she spotted even the tiniest opening, she’d pounce like a starving hyena on the savanna. Yeah… my authority as an older brother was gone for good. In that case, I’d just let it go. Go ahead and tear into me all you want.
“But Oppa. Stop joking around. Was what you just said true? That your brain’s broken?”
She suddenly asked seriously, her pretty face twisting with worry. …Honestly.
“It was a joke. Got you, didn’t I?”
“Agh, seriously, Kim Jihoon!”
“It’s Kim Jihye now. You’re the one who named me.”
“Aigoo, my head… Mom, Dad… Oppa’s bullying me… Do something…”
Whining wouldn’t bring anyone to help. You’ll just have to deal with it on your own, my one and only little sister.
“Huaaam. I’m tired. If you’ve got nothing else to say, can I go sleep?”
“As if. Oppa, think logically for once. And I’m more tired than you are, thanks to someone.”
She was really laying on the sarcasm.
“Fine, fine. I’ll answer. So you want to know why I lay down in the sparring arena?”
Now, how did things go back then…
I felt something was wrong. Even when I tried to draw up mana, my body didn’t respond. Of course it didn’t. I’d been wringing out a dry towel that hadn’t produced a single drop of water. I’d finally reached my limit. I rarely made mistakes when calculating the amount of mana in my body. Even if I did, there had always been someone to correct me. Ah… that person wasn’t here anymore. Anyway, I was no different from the class president. I’d let my emotions take over and made a mistake. How embarrassing, making such a beginner’s error.
“Eugh?”
Unable to suppress my emotions and impulses, I paid the price. Ugh… sleepy.
There were several effective ways to get a confession out of someone, and one of them was simply not letting them sleep. Without sleep, a person’s mind starts to break down. Cognitive functions and memory deteriorate until, at some point, they go mad. They might mistake a signpost for a person, start hallucinating like a schizophrenic, or forget what they just heard. Yeah. The sudden wave of fatigue hit me so hard that I couldn’t stay conscious. It was a miracle I could even hold a conversation. Looking back, I had no idea how I managed to finish the match against the class president. At that moment, I was no different from someone who hadn’t slept in five days—even though I’d already slept sixteen hours the day before.
Honestly? I don’t remember anything after that. I think the class president fired a magic missile and I dodged it, but I can’t recall how. I was half-asleep, so nothing stuck in my memory. No matter how hard I thought about it, there were no scenes I could recall.
When I finally came to, I was lying on my bed at home. I knew I’d made it back because I was still in my school uniform, but I couldn’t remember how I got there. Not even now.
For the record, I didn’t tell my sister any of that. I’d just pretended to reminisce and made up some story about getting sleepy and finding the match annoying. I dodged the magic by rolling my body… or so I claimed, adding that I’d been so drowsy I had to dodge while lying down.
“So yeah, it was annoying… I wanted to lie down because I was sleepy, and that was the only way to dodge.”
“Even so… Haah. I feel stupid for worrying. I thought something had actually happened to you.”
She stopped talking and gulped down some cold water. The speed at which she drank suggested something was really bothering her. Setting the cup down, Jiah spoke.
“Oppa… you’re still my real Oppa, right?”
“Of course. Who else would be your big brother?”
My sister let out a deep sigh.
“Right now, Oppa is… never mind. I was an idiot for expecting anything. You look tired and you’re late, so just go to sleep already.”
“Yes, ma’am. …But you’re not taking the body pillow, right?”
“Agh, seriously! I said I’m not!”
“Geez. That temper.”
If I provoked her any further, I wouldn’t even have bones left to pick up. Feeling a chill run down my spine, I scurried off to my room. Click.
“Phew.”
Only after hearing the door handle close did I finally let out a sigh of relief.
“I wonder if this is the right way…”
Carrying a complicated mix of emotions, I flopped onto my bed. The springy mattress didn’t feel satisfying today. I wanted something that would sink in deeply. The sparring match… had been fun. It had been a while since I’d found a decent chick worth watching grow. The class president would probably catch up to me in about a year. With all that knowledge and experience, and no mana to back it up, I’d be overtaken in no time. I didn’t feel any jealousy or impatience. I’d never feel something as petty as jealousy toward a mere chick, and besides, I’d already retired from being a magical girl. I really had retired. But the part that bothered me was something else.
“I might be in worse shape than I thought.”
I’d figured time would eventually fix things, but today’s incident had made the danger feel real. Losing my memory because I got sleepy? What kind of nonsense was that? Just that alone was dizzying enough—had I really done something even crazier while half-asleep? This couldn’t go on. If I kept falling asleep like this, I might completely lose myself. But how long would this resolve last? By tomorrow, once I got tired again, I’d probably forget all about it. It was… a little terrifying.
“…Mom, Dad. I know I’m over thirty, so saying this is a bit much, but…”
Thud. The back of my head touched the wall. My cherry-blossom pink hair scattered across the blanket. That was my hair color now—the color you both loved most. You once said you liked how it resembled cherry blossoms, that being surrounded by pink made all pain and suffering disappear, as if even wounds could heal. “Will I… be okay?” If even I, with hair like cherry blossoms, could heal my wounds and forget all that pain… The answer, of course, never came.