Using the Holy Sword's Light to... Huh, It's Not Turning On? (1)

The cold winter moonlight slipped through the window frame as Clotilde Briand, the fallen duke’s daughter, and I—a mere fourth-class secretary in the Ministry of Finance—clasped hands firmly. Her fingertips were cool, yet the venom and razor-sharp intellect burning within her felt hotter and deadlier than the entire crumbling empire combined. It was a historic moment: the official signing of our intelligent, empire-doom-mortgaged eat-and-run business partnership.

Clotilde withdrew her hand with elegant grace and tapped the empire bankruptcy forecast report lying on the table. “So. In this idiotic, bloated empire, what ‘prime asset’ do you plan for us to siphon off first? The imperial secret gold bars supposedly piled mountain-high in the palace basement? Or the legendary elixirs and rare reagents locked away in the Magic Tower’s vault?”

I shook my head. “The gold bars are too bulky and heavy. Moving them now without a major merchant caravan would be dangerous. The Magic Tower’s reagents have strict storage requirements and expiration dates, so liquidating them would take time. No need to overextend ourselves right from the start.”

“Then?”

I pulled out another document I had prepared in advance and set it before her. Across the top, written in bold red ink, was the grandiose title: 1st-Class Confidential and Imperial National Treasure Export Approval Form (Draft).

Clotilde’s gaze landed on the name written in the center of the page. Her cool, arrogant eyes widened dramatically.

“……Holy Sword Solaria of Radiance?” She sucked in a breath, half-laughing in disbelief. “Ilario. You spend all day buried in ledgers like some dusty bureaucrat, so perhaps you don’t know much about imperial armaments. The holy sword is the symbol of the Imperial Holy Knight Order and an absolute national treasure kept under lock and key in the underground Holy Relic Chamber since the empire’s founding. It is normally sealed beneath multiple layers of divine barriers placed by successive popes. Any thief who so much as approaches it would be burned to the bone. And you want to steal that first?”

“It used to be that way,” I said with a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠grin, flicking the document with my finger. “Back when the country still functioned like a normal state.”

“But last night, a truly critical national disaster occurred. The noble Lady Fiora—our commoner-born saintess—was taking a nighttime stroll through the Imperial Palace Central Garden. The lighting was poor, so she tripped on a protruding stone and fell. She scraped her knee by a whole three millimeters, I’m told.”

“……And?” Clotilde’s expression twisted strangely. She had already sensed where this was going; deep wrinkles creased her brow.

“And so, upon hearing the tragic news, His Highness the Crown Prince and Holy Knight Commander Cael flew into a rage. They tore through the palace interior affairs department and our own finance ministry, demanding a light that would ‘never go out and forever guard the saintess’s night path.’ The problem arose when they demonstrated the highest-grade magic stone lanterns on the market. Lady Fiora sobbed that the light was ‘too cold and artificial—it hurts my eyes.’”

Clotilde pressed a hand to her forehead. As a genius who had completed the imperial heir’s education with perfect marks, she had already predicted my next words ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and was visibly cringing.

“……You are not about to suggest using the great sun god’s holy sword as a garden lamppost just so the saintess’s eyes won’t sting, are you?”

“That is exactly the proposal I intend to make, my lady.” I spread my arms theatrically and smiled. “Tomorrow morning, at the emergency finance ministry meeting, I will personally suggest to the Holy Knight Commander that we repurpose the holy sword—which emits sacred, warm light—into an exclusive lamppost for Lady Fiora. Those love-brained lunatics will undoubtedly hail it as a stroke of genius. And I will be able to legally and openly extract the holy sword from storage with an official document bearing the crown prince’s seal. All barriers conveniently disabled, of course.”

“Insane……” Clotilde let out a stunned laugh, but the corners of her crimson lips curved upward in a sharp smile. “Whether it’s you suggesting we turn a national treasure into a lamppost or the idiots who will approve it—both are breathtaking. Still…… it’s perfect. In a country this rotten, exporting a national treasure is nothing but a free pass once you have the right justification.”

She rose and folded her arms. Her eyes now gleamed like the seasoned leader of a criminal syndicate. “The true value of the holy sword lies not in the blade but in the power source embedded in the pommel—the ‘Heart of the Sun,’ or divine core. The sword itself is merely a shell that amplifies the core’s power. Good. I control the genius dwarf artisans drowning in gambling debt who desperately need new identities, along with an untraceable black-market distribution network. Your job is to safely deliver that so-called holy sword—or lamppost—to me by tomorrow night.”

“Leave it to me. I’ll polish it until it sparkles like new.”

The next morning, in the Lumiere Empire Ministry of Finance conference room.

BANG—!!!

An ear-splitting crash split the thick, high-end oak conference table cleanly in two. The broken halves clattered to the floor.

“You useless vermin!! Our noble Lady Fiora was injured in the darkness, and you finance ministry worms who supposedly manage the nation’s budget still haven’t produced a single solution after an entire day?!”

The blond man who had kicked the door into splinters and stormed in wore gleaming silver armor. He was the empire’s youngest Swordmaster, the undefeated Holy Knight Commander, and the most loyal oversized guard dog in the female lead’s personal harem—Cael.

The murderous sword aura rolling off him made Vice Minister Hopkins and the other senior officials shake like leaves. They dropped flat to the floor in terror.

“C-Commander! P-Please calm yourself! We have gathered every first-grade luminous magic stone in circulation, but Lady Fiora disliked them all, so there was nothing more we could—”

“I don’t want excuses! How dare you defile Lady Fiora’s noble eyes with cheap artificial mana?! You will not escape execution!”

Cael’s eyes had completely lost all reason. He half-drew the knight’s sword at his waist. “Before the sun sets today, find and deliver the most sacred, flawless light that will perfectly envelop Lady Fiora! If you fail, I will cut off your heads and hang them in the garden as torches instead!”

What a lunatic. Threatening to behead the highest officials in charge of the national budget and use their skulls as garden lights—was that really something the empire’s greatest swordsman should say?

Still, now was the time to exploit that very madness.

I took a quick internal breath, straightened the collar of my rumpled secretary uniform, stepped over the broken table fragments, and strode forward boldly.

“Commander!! Please lower your sword! I have an excellent plan to protect Lady Fiora’s night path!”

My resounding voice cut through the silent, fear-frozen conference room. The moment the low-ranking secretary wearing the green armband made his insolent entrance, Cael’s cold, violent gaze locked onto me.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Ilario Bern, fourth-class secretary of the Ministry of Finance! Commander, presenting mere marketplace trash to someone as noble as the saintess was entirely the finance ministry’s grave error. To guard Lady Fiora’s night path, we require an object as warm and sacred as your own blind devotion, sir.”

“……A sacred object? What is it?”

With a solemn expression, I stared straight into Cael’s eyes as though delivering a holy revelation. “It is the empire’s national treasure, resting within the imperial underground Holy Relic Chamber. The Holy Sword Solaria of Radiance.”

“Gasp……!”

“That crazy bastard is saying what?!”

The vice minister and directors lying on the floor sucked in horrified breaths. Cael’s brows twisted savagely. In an instant he was in front of me, seizing my collar with a hand the size of a pot lid and hoisting me into the air.

Crack.

“You bastard!! You dare suggest using the sun god’s sacred blade—protected for three hundred years—as a mere garden decoration to light the path?! I’ll rip out your tongue for blasphemy and burn it right now!”

“Commander!” Even with my collar choking me, I refused to yield. I poured even more conviction into my voice. The opening momentum was everything in gaslighting. “Why has the holy sword remained undrawn and neglected in the relic chamber for three hundred years?! Was it because the demon king awakened? Because demonic beasts overran the land? No! It has been ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠patiently waiting all this time for today—to protect the night path of the agent of light who has descended upon us in this era, Lady Fiora!”

“……What?”

“Just imagine it, Commander! If you personally retrieve the holy sword and place it in the center of the palace garden, its pure, dazzling light will embrace Lady Fiora all night long. Picture her smiling beneath that sacred radiance, saying, ‘Ah, Sir Cael. To give me such a warm light…’ while gazing at you with eyes full of wonder! That is the holy sword’s true purpose!”

My carefully targeted, utterly insane sophistry filled the conference room.

“……”

The effect was spectacular. The murderous glare on Cael’s face began to crack. In his eyes, the holy sword’s original role as the empire’s core defensive weapon had already flown off to Andromeda. All that remained was the vision of Fiora blushing beneath its glow and praising him. That fantasy now ruled his empty skull completely.

“……Lady Fiora would truly be pleased?”

“Of course! The light carries the sun god’s blessing, so it will never sting her eyes. It is the one and only warmth that can gently soothe her scraped knee!”

Cael’s grip slowly loosened. The moment my feet touched the ground I coughed, straightening my clothes. Cael rubbed his chin, adopting a deliberately solemn expression, and nodded.

“Ahem. Now that you put it that way, there is logic to your words. It would surely please the sun god more for the blade to illuminate Lady Fiora’s path than to gather dust in that ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠gloomy relic chamber. Very well! I will go to His Highness at once and obtain permission to remove the holy sword!”

Hook, line, and sinker. I cheered inwardly while bowing deeply like a loyal subject overcome with emotion. “Please grant me the honor of overseeing the practical execution and budget for this magnificent landscaping project!”

“Good. It is fortunate indeed that the finance ministry employs a secretary with such deep faith and insight. I hereby grant you full authority over the imperial workshops and unrestricted access to the Holy Relic Chamber. Deliver a perfect ‘holy sword lamppost’ before sunset!”

Cael whirled away, silver cloak flapping like a storm as he stormed out of the conference room. The moment he vanished, Vice Minister Hopkins crawled over and desperately clutched my trouser leg, face pale with horror.

“I-Ilario…… Have you lost your mind? Welding a national treasure to an iron pipe to make a lamppost?! If the imperial council or the temple ever learns of this, the entire finance ministry will be dragged to the heresy tribunal and burned alive!”

I pushed my slipping glasses back up and gave the trembling old man the most reliable, gentle smile in the world. “Do not worry, Vice Minister. When the boss says jump, we jump—that’s the fate of every office worker. I will handle everything so cleanly that no one will ever suspect a thing.”

And exactly two hours later, the massive doors of the Holy Relic Chamber at the empire’s heart swung open. Faced with an official free-pass document bearing the crown prince’s personal seal and the knight commander’s signature, even the arrogant priests silently dismantled every sealing barrier without protest.

Before me rested a sword in an ornate golden scabbard, radiating elegant, majestic solar mana. A single blade capable of defending a major city with ease.

“Thank you for your service. The garden renovation is rather urgent, so I’ll be taking this.”