The VTuber World Is Far Too Cruel to Someone with a Communication Disorder
Before I knew it, August had begun, and ten days had already slipped past. Through all of them I had been rolling around the house with perfect dedication, savoring a thoroughly authentic loner-loser life.
Going out?
Aside from the trip to Akihabara to buy Nanase merch, the only time I had left the house was a walk to the convenience store out front for cola. Thanks to that, the sum total of human contact in my life was Mom, Miss Tateyama, and the clerk behind the counter.
As expected. The world was simply too fragile to accept someone like me.
Still, if anything had changed, it was that streaming meant I was actually talking on a regular basis. Up through last year, once vacation started there was truly no one to hold a conversation with, and I had gone more than two weeks without opening my mouth. Mom was busy with business trips, so even she only reached me by text. When the break ended and I finally spoke again, the thought struck me — Ah. So this was what my voice sounded like. It was pathetic, and so absurd that I laughed.
Well, the past was only the past. What mattered was now, wasn't it?
A loner loser in real life — and on the internet, a popular virtual ontuber?!
…Of course, I hadn't collabed even once since Miss Koga. Even so, the person I was now was Kaino Izumi, a virtual ontuber standing alongside countless Iztomo. The only things left to fear were a sudden collab offer, or Manager walking in with a collab proposal. Nothing else.
Ding!
And the instant that thought finished, my phone chimed.
"…Huh?"
A bad feeling crept over me. My intuition had a nasty habit of being right often enough to raise goosebumps, and a bead of cold sweat slid down my back all on its own.
The sender was Manager. The moment I confirmed that name, my heart started to pound. No way. It couldn't be. Even as I told myself that, my head was already drawing up the worst possible scenario.
And the message read:
"…Huh?"
Fortunately, it was only the news that my channel's monetization had been approved.
"It finally went through."
Manager had told me it would happen before long, but hearing that it had actually passed didn't feel real at all. …In that case, I needed to adjust today's schedule a little. I had been planning a gacha stream for a mobile game, but before that I would put on a short celebration stream for the monetization. While I was rearranging it all in my head — ding — the phone lit up again. This time, too, the sender was Manager, as if that were only natural.
"…Was that a delayed attack?!"
"Ko, Konzumi~. Affiliated with Stars Flow, the atmosphere maker who dreams of a world where everyone can smile — Kaino Izumi."
I let the greeting I had grown almost perfectly used to, and the viewers' reactions with it, slide right past, and got straight to the point.
"T-today, to c-celebrate finally being the l-last of the 2nd Generation to get monetization unlocked…."
"Eh?"
A fifty-thousand-yen Hyperchat, right from the opening. For a second my mind nearly went pure white.
"U-um, uh, that. W-Water Avatar Mei-chan, th-thank you? I-I'll try my b-best?"
Another fifty-thousand-yen Hyperchat flew in and painted the screen red. It didn't even say anything.
"Ah?! Blank? I-I don't think wasting money like this is a g-good idea?!"
…Back when I was only a viewer, a Hyperchat like that had struck me as a wonderfully creative way to spend money. Being the one who received it was terrifying. Not that I disliked the money, of course. As our black cat had said, there isn't a person alive who hates money! But a message with nothing in it was a little scary, so I would much rather they sent insults, or a good scolding. My tolerance in that department was nice and high. I would be fine!
"I-I'm not self-proclaimed, okay? It's universally acknowledged, okay?! I'm insanely popular, okay?! A-anyway, th-thanks!"
"Shut up! If I s-say that's how it is, then that's how it is!"
Why did these people scold me for breaking RP, and then, the moment I actually tried to keep it, do everything they could to tear it down? Did they want to watch me set off a Calamity that badly? I had been streaming properly for over two weeks now. A little mercy would have been nice.
At the Hyperchat question that followed, I frowned and opened my mouth.
"…Right. Th-there's one thing you all sometimes misunderstand."
This particular misunderstanding, I ought to correct before I moved on.
"Being a loner and being a shut-in are completely different things, okay?!"
The chat flooded with question marks, as if none of them could understand. But I couldn't back down here. I had a certain pride — pride? — in the loner life I lived.
"I-I just d-don't have any friends, and I have a communication disorder! I'm n-not some sh-shut-in who stays perfectly sealed in her room and n-never comes out!"
"Be quiet! If you're w-watching my stream, then empathize with me! Y-you and I are both f-friendless loner otakus!"
"Ugh…."
When I looked at my genmates, my seniors, or Nanase's viewers, every one of them was kind. My streams were always like this. So this was what people meant when they said the first button decided the rest. I had started out as a VTuber expecting the gentle headpats that showed up in TS Internet Broadcast web novels, and that dream was now beyond my reach.
Goodbye, Raye Penber.
Before I knew it, thirty minutes had passed. The Hyperchats that came in over that stretch were so frightening I couldn't even bring myself to total them. Which meant it was about time to end the stream.
"I-in a little while, when I pull on Fate's Battle, I'll t-turn the stream back on, so I'll see you then…."
"Yesterday, th-thanks for the red Hyperchat. …Huh?"
Wait. It was already up on the official Nater?
Unable to believe it, I turned my phone on at once and opened Nater — and just as everyone had said, there was a post on Stars Flow's official account.
"…It's real."
I wished someone would tell me it was a prank. A lie. Because asking me to stream with four people I had never even held a proper conversation with was the same thing as telling me to drop dead, wasn't it?
Of course I had become friends with Miss Koga, but it wasn't as if we had talked much since then. It had turned into me listening, one-sided, while Miss Koga did the talking. That doesn't count as being friends? What would you know. To me, Miss Koga was a precious friend.
"This… I can't just not show up, can I?"
I knew. I was a virtual ontuber under Stars Flow, the one underneath, the one who had to carry out whatever the higher-ups brought me. But just imagining tomorrow's group collab made me sick to my stomach. What was I supposed to do?
"A-as I thought, I r-really w-wish someone would teach me how to run away?!"
"I-if you know that, then h-help me a little?!"
Of course that was true! But right now I didn't want to hear that. I wanted comfort!
The world was far too cruel to me.
"F-for now, should I a-ask if I can s-skip it?"
"Y-you — you guys! If you're Iztomo, take my side!"
Why was this my stream, and yet nobody was on my side? If you were watching a beautiful girl like me, the normal reaction was wanting to protect her, wasn't it? Of course you couldn't see my face, since I was behind an avatar!
"That's too mean!"
"I-if you found out ahead of time that you were going to die tomorrow, c-could you a-accept it…?"
"D-did you know? M-most of the bad accidents that happen on Earth… i-if there were no people, most of them would just disappear…."
"…I-I don't know! Today's stream ends h-here! See you — see you next time!"
I'm not doing it.
You made me like this, so I'm not in the wrong.
Shut up!